Chapter 18

2 years ago

varshaoforange

@varshaoforange

Aryan just stood there. He just stood still in the doorway to his office, staring at Aditya. Imlie may not have been yelling, but Aryan heard every word. He’d almost intervened when Aditya tried to take Imlie’s hand, but he hadn’t needed to. And now, Aryan just stood there. He was shocked at himself for not relishing in Aditya Kumar Tripathi’s pain that was evident at this moment. All he was thinking about was Imlie. All he could do was try to comprehend how this woman, who was just about to turn twenty years old, could be this strong.

Tum kis mitti ke bani ho, Imlie? Aryan asked himself, How did you manage to take everything, every crappy moment and problem that life has thrown you the past year, and turn it into your strength? (What soil are you made of, Imlie? [it’s an idiom, meaning: What are you made of?])

Aryan obviously couldn’t figure it out in that moment, and he doubted if he’d ever be able to learn where Imlie got her strength. Someone in the office dropped a folder and the noise jolted Aryan out of his thoughts. He realized Imlie had left the office five minutes ago. He looked out the window of his office.

Shit! he thought, It’s raining. That jungli didn’t bring an umbrella or a coat today.

He grabbed his things and his car keys and almost flew out of the office and towards the elevator. He didn’t look back at Aditya Kumar Tripathi as he made his way to Imlie.

Aryan tapped his foot as the elevator doors opened, he should have taken the damn stairs. In the lobby he saw the building watchman smiling at something outside. Aryan’s eyes followed the guard’s gaze and saw a figure dancing in the rain. It was Imlie.

He flung open the door and almost tripped over one of the handles of Imlie’s bag, which was placed carefully against the wall. It was dry, but Aryan silently called Imlie a jungli for letting her laptop and bag sit on the ground. He looked at Imlie again and wanted to yell at her to stop, to come back under the awning and dry off, to run to the car so he could take her home. But after looking at her dancing for a second time, he was finally really seeing her. She looked absolutely joyous. Nothing like when she was dancing and jumping on her bed. This was more joy on her face than he’d seen when she would do her morning aarti, even more than when she talked about her mother.

Aryan walked towards her and when he was less than a couple feet away Imlie finally noticed him.

“Don’t ask me if I’m fine,” Imlie said, still dancing. She was completely drenched, her salwar kameez sticking to her body.

Aryan wanted to stop her, he wanted to wrap his jacket around her and take her home. Instead, he asked, “Gaana laga dun?” (Shall I put on a song?)

Imlie laughed, “Kyun nahin?” (Why not?)

Aryan pulled out his phone and put on a song, one of his favorite angsty songs that still had a beat.

Imlie laughed harder at Aryan’s song choice and began dancing to the beat. Aryan joined in.

The phone blasted as loud as it could, and magically the lyrics cut through the rain.

Sach keh raha hai deewana dil // My crazy heart is saying the truth
Dil na kisi se lagana // Don't fall in love with someone
Sach keh raha hai deewana dil // My crazy heart is saying the truth
Dil na kisi se lagana // Don't fall in love with someone
Jhoothe hai yaar ke vaade saare // The promises of the beloved are all lies
Jhoothi hai pyar ki kasmein // The promises of love are all lies
Maine har lamha jise chaha, jise puja // The one whom I loved and worshipped
Us hi ne yaaron mera dil toda toda // That person broke my heart my friends
Tanha tanha chhoda // And left me alone
Sach keh raha hai deewana dil // My crazy heart is saying the truth
Dil na kisi se lagana // Don't fall in love with someone
Jhoothe hai yaar ke vaade saare // The promises of the beloved are all lies
Jhoothi hai pyar ki kasmein // The promises of love are all lies
Maine har lamha jise chaha, jise puja // The one whom I loved and worshipped
Us hi ne yaaron mera dil toda toda // That person broke my heart my friends
Tanha tanha chhoda // And left me alone
Sundar sundar woh haseena badi // She is a very beautiful lady
Sundar sundar main toh khone laga // I started to lose myself in her beauty
Uske nashe mein bin peeye behaka // I was intoxicated without even dinking
Sundar sundar woh haseena badi // She is a very beautiful lady
Sundar sundar main toh khone laga // I started to lose myself in her beauty
Uske nashe mein bin peeye behaka // I was intoxicated without even dinking
Ek din usse bhula doonga main // One day I'll forget her
Uske nishaan mita doonga main // I'll erase all her symbols
Chahoonga na main us patthar ko // I won't love that stone hearted person
Ja usse bata de // Go and tell her that
Mausam mausam tha suhaana bada // The weather was very beautiful
Mausam mausam maine dekha usse // I saw her in that weather
Hua main pagal bas pal bhar mein // I became crazy in just one moment
Mausam mausam tha suhaana bada // The weather was very beautiful
Mausam mausam maine dekha usse // I saw her in that weather
Hua main pagal bas pal bhar mein // I became crazy in just one moment
Aake basi hai woh mere mann mein // Now she is settled in my heart
Uski kami hai ab jeevan mein // Now she is missing in my life
Woh door hai meri nazron se // She is far away from my eyes
Kyun usse main chahoon // Why do I love her
Maine har lamha jise chaha, jise puja // The one whom I loved and worshipped
Us hi ne yaaron mera dil toda toda // That person broke my heart my friends
Tanha tanha chhoda // And left me alone

Aryan and Imlie danced. They danced until the song was over. Then for another one, and yet another one.

Finally, Imlie stopped. Aryan’s heart was pumping fast.

“Imlie,” Aryan started. He wanted to take her in his arms so badly it hurt not to.

Imlie interrupted him before he could say anymore, “Ghar chalte hain.” (Let’s go home).

She walked, almost skipping, to get her bag, and then ran over to the passenger side door of Aryan’s car.

Aryan clicked the remote in his pocket to unlock the car and walked over to the driver’s seat himself.

They drove back home in silence. As every new minute passed by, Aryan could sense the energy and joy from Imlie draining. He could see that ecstasy, that peace, her very energy, leaving her eyes when he glanced in her direction at intersections.

He parked the car in front of the house and wanted to say something to her before they went inside. He wanted to say anything. Anything to reassure her. To distract her. To save her from more tears.

He couldn’t say anything, he just watched as she took off her seatbelt, opened the door, and walked towards the front door of the house.

Aryan followed her in, he needed to warn Didi and Maa. Well, they were clearly smarter than him in understanding Imlie’s feelings, but Maa sometimes said things without really thinking about the consequences.

They both walked through the doors and Aryan heard Maa approaching them, Didi wasn’t far behind. As soon as he caught both their gazes, he shook his head slightly. Didi and Maa took one look at Imlie and seemed to understand, probably better than Aryan did himself.

“Imlie,” Narmada tried her best to sound as calming and soothing as possible, “You should change.”

Arpita looked at Aryan and added, brightly, trying to make it seem to Imlie that neither her nor her mother had noticed her mood, “Imlie, I told this UNB to bring an umbrella this morning, but this gadha never listens to me. Both of you guys change, I’ll make sure dinner is hot and ready for you when you come down.”

Imlie smiled at the two of them. These two women were the strongest women she’d ever met except for Amma. She sensed from the first moment she’d met Arpita Didi, and then later when she’d met Kaki Maa — that these two women had immense pain they’d been fighting with for years. Imlie looked back at Aryan. Aryan was dealing with that same pain.

“Didi, humhe bhookh nahi hain. Main apne kaide badal doongi.” Imlie said and walked up the stairs to her room without another word. (Didi, I’m not hungry. I’ll go and change my clothes.)

Imlie thanked the Rathores, even ABP, in her mind, for not trying to ask if she was okay. She wasn’t completely okay, but finally, after the most painful days in her life, she felt like she knew how to be okay.

When Imlie was out of earshot, Narmada asked Aryan, “What happened to Imlie?”

Aryan put his car keys and wallet on a side table, and took off his sopping wet jacket, “She finally said everything she was feeling. And then she got drenched in the rain.”

Narmada wanted to ask more, so did Arpita. But they looked at each other and they both knew that Aryan was talking about Aditya Kumar Tripathi. The two of them had been through it all with Imlie the past month. Though the two of them had found out later on that Imlie was married to Aditya, they had seen every horrible thing Aditya had said about or to Imlie this past month. They knew every secret about Imlie’s life the past year, they knew about how Malini, Imlie’s older step-sister, had tried everything, including trying to kill Imlie, to keep Aditya. They knew about Imlie’s father’s betrayal. Most importantly, however, they knew that even though Aparna and the other Tripathis loved Imlie now, that family hadn’t always been welcoming. The two of them didn’t pry further, because it wasn’t as if Aryan would be willing to share his feelings, let alone someone else’s. Arpita told herself she’d try to talk to Imlie tomorrow. Narmada planned out a whole weekend of tasks and errands she could do with Imlie that would take her mind off her pain.

Aryan cut the silence, “Didi, can you tell me how to make that kaada, the one that Imlie made you?”

Arpita smiled at Aryan knowingly, “Why Aru?”

Narmada looked at her son, “Are you feeling sick?”

Arpita gasped dramatically, “Nahin Maa, yah gadha, pahalee baar, apane parivaar ke alaava kisee aur ke baare mein soch raha hai.” (No Maa, this donkey, for the first time, is thinking about someone else other than his family.)

Aryan stiffened, his ears reddened, “Didi, please. Bas karo. Kya? Kya aap chaahate hain ki main aur Imlie beemaar paden?” (Stop. What? Do you want Imlie and I to fall sick?)

Naramda smiled, finally understanding, “I have the recipe Aru, I wrote it down and put it in the kitchen. I’ll make some for you and Imlie.”

Arpita nodded sagely, “Of course, how can we let Imlie get sick? Also Maa, don’t make the kaada, clearly Aru wants to make it himself.” She laughed as Aryan shuffled off to change quickly. He would, of course, come back down to the kitchen right after to make the kaada.

Half an hour later, Aryan had changed into a grey sweatshirt and joggers. He had two glasses of the kaada ready, and enough for two more glasses in the pot. Maa and Didi watched him make it, giving helpful and unhelpful comments as he did. Ignoring Arpita’s giggles, he carefully took both glasses upstairs and knocked on Imlie’s door with his foot.

“Imlie,” Aryan called through the door, “Darvaaza kholo. I made—I mean, I have kaada. Maa says you should drink it, so you don’t get too sick. You spent nearly half an hour in the cold rain. Just drink this, you don’t have to eat—” (Open the door.)

Before he could finish the sentence, he heard a sob. She was finally crying.

He pushed the door open with his hip and ran inside the room. He placed the glasses on the side table and ran to Imlie. She was on the floor, her back against the far corner of the bed, facing the wall. Her head was down, enveloped in her arms, and she was weeping. Weeping as he’d never seen her do so before.

Without thinking he collapsed next to her and removed her arms from around her face and lifted her face up. She tried to push him away, the tears unending. Aryan gripped her arms tight, not letting her break free.

“Imlie.” Aryan whispered. “God damn it, Imlie.”

“Don’t tell” Imlie gasped in between her cries, “me to stop. I don’t know how. I can’t stop.”

Aryan shook his head, “No. Don’t stop.”

He pulled her up and sat her onto the bed, sitting down next to her, Aryan pulled her close to him. She buried her head into his chest and continued crying. Aryan stroked her head, steadying her breathing and calming her down. But he didn’t ask her to stop crying. He didn’t try to pacify her into silence.

Imlie grabbed onto his sweatshirt and sobbed harder. She didn’t know why or how Aryan was keeping quiet through this, she didn’t care. As the minutes wore on, her tears didn’t stop, and she found that she couldn’t let go of Aryan. Not just yet. Just a few more tears, just a minute longer. She could stop, any minute now. She took deep heavy breaths, trying to trick her body into stopping, it didn’t work.

“Don’t force it. Let it all out,” Aryan whispered, with more care and and calm than Imlie had ever heard him express.

She didn’t stop. Not for a long time.