Chapter 18

ananya.2

@ananya.2

Part 18

When Raavi got up the next morning, Shiva was already gone. She rushed down, hoping to catch up to him and talk him out of this divorce idea but he was already gone. Dhara told her he left early. Raavi went to her room and started crying. Without Shiva, this room didn’t feel like her own room. Everything there reminded her of Shiva, the swing, the lights which he had put up, the cupboard which he wasn’t ready to give up, the bed, the pillows, the blanket… Without Shiva, this was just a storeroom. 

She touched his side of the bed which was now cold. Hugging their blanket, she cried. It was their marital bed. How could she sleep here alone? She realised she couldn’t sleep without Shiva. She’d gotten used to him sleeping next to her. That time when she slept in his arms at the hotel, she’d gotten the best sleep ever. Now she couldn’t go back to sleeping alone. 

Raavi opened the cupboard to take out her clothes, but it seemed so empty without Shiva’s clothes. He fought with her since day one to keep his share in the cupboard, but yesterday, he just removed with clothes without saying anything to her. She liked to see his clothes hanging with her clothes. Every time, Shiva discarded his clothes for the day, Raavi would smell it for that wonderful fragrance of tel and masale, which she once hated. Now, she couldn’t live without that smell. 

Their marriage picture which she’d selected, she touched the frame. Only now she got the perfect explanation as to why she loved it so much. It was Shiva’s eyes and his arms tying the mangalsutra around her neck. Everything about him was so protective. That’s why she felt so happy and calm whenever she saw this picture. It would always make her feel protected and cared for. It didn’t matter she was crying in the picture. Shiva was there with her. As usual.     

Everything in this room reminded her of Shiva. How dare he shift out of their room then? She couldn’t stay in this room without him. She bought the swing for him, because she saw how much he wanted it. It was clearly written in his eyes. She sat on the swing. It was where he sat whenever he was in a playful mood. She had ruined everything and she had no idea how to fix it. 

Then she got an idea. She could call Sanjana. That girl had answers for everything, and she clearly knew what marriage meant, even more than she knew. Raavi picked up her phone and dialled Sanjana’s number. 

“Hello?” Sanjana picked up. 

Raavi couldn’t help but cry. She had no idea where to start the conversation or what to say. 

“Raavi tu thik hai? Kya hua?” Sanjana asked. 

“Shiva… woh mujhe divorce dena chahta hai.” She sobbed. “Main…main kya karu?”

“Divorce? Par kyu? Kuch hua hai na tum dono ke beech? Aise nikal gaye the mujhe doubt tha. Shiva ne kuch kiya kya?” Sanjana asked.

“Nahi.. no galti meri thi. Maine bohot galat bol diya use. Sanjana divorce kaise roku? Uske bina nahi reh sakti. Sab kuch uski yaad dilata hai. Main Shiva ke bina nahi jee paungi. Bohot takleef ho rahi hai mujhe.” Raavi cried. 

“Yeh jo tu mujhe keh rahi hai Shiva ko keh.” Sanjana said. 

“Shiva bohot gussa hai. Aur hurt hai. Sab meri wajah se aur ab meri baat bhi nahi sun raha. Woh divorce lawyer ke paas jayega aaj. Kaise roku main use?”

“Raavi, tu Shiva se baat kar. Samjha use ki tu usse bohot pyaar karti hai. Woh jhat se maan jayega. I know because I know he loves you. Maine uski aankhon mein dekha hai tere liye pyaar.” 

“Pyaar? Main usse pyaar nahi…” Raavi couldn’t finish the sentence because reality hit her hard. Over these few days she had fallen in love with her husband. 

“Gadheri mat ban. Karti hai tu usse pyaar. Warna aise roti nahi. Agar bina pyaar ki shaadi hoti toh tujhe itni takleef nahi hoti.” Sanjana said. 

“Main pyaar karti hu Shiva se?” Raavi felt faint and she held the chain of the swing tightly. “Main Shiva se pyaar… main itni stupid kaise ho sakti hu Sanjana? Humari shaadi mein pyaar hai aur main samajh hi nahi payi. Roti rahi ki mujhe kabhi woh pyaar nahi milega, jabki pyaar mere aankhon ke saamne tha.”

“Toh yeh baat mujhe na bolke Shiva ko bol. Woh rok dega yeh divorce.” Sanjana said. 

Raavi cut the call and stared at the wall blankly for some minutes. She loved Shiva. How did she not realise it before? He confessed his feelings and she, like the stupidest person, literally told him that him that she couldn’t love him. Ever. How dumb did she have to be to say that? Not only that, she told him she tolerated his touch. What was wrong with her? She loved his touch. She loved how he made her feel with his single touch. 

There was no way she would give him a divorce now. She would fight him if she had to. They loved each other, and turns out she became the villain of her own love story. Shiva loved her! He told her he loved her, and she completely dismissed him. How dumb could she be? She got the love she’d always dreamed of, and she hurt him. She was afraid of getting hurt, not realising that Shiva would never hurt her. 

Raavi quickly took a shower and changed. Now she was looking forward to him coming back. She would tell him that she loved him, and accept whatever punishment he would dish out to her. Even if he forgave her, she couldn’t forgive herself. Not for the things she said to him. Tonight she would have to make things right with Shiva and tell him how sorry she was. 

She went about her day normally. They’d decided not to fight in front of the family, and she didn’t want anyone to know what was happening between her and Shiva. Raavi helped Dhara make lunch then had lunch with the family. For the first time she felt no animosity towards Dev and Rishita. It was as if she never loved Dev. Now it was all Shiva for her.  

The afternoon felt really long. She paced around her room, watched a movie, tried to fall asleep but nothing worked. Every time she tried to close her eyes, she would picture Shiva handing her the divorce papers. It terrified her. She decided she would tear off those papers if he handed those to her. 

In the evening, she kept pacing the aangan. Shiva didn’t come. Raavi was beginning to get worried. She called him multiple times but he kept cutting her calls. Then she wept. What if he never came back? It was a stupid thought, but her mind kept going back to those kind of things. 

“Shiva aa jayega Raavi. Tu fikr mat kar.”  Dhara said looking at Raavi. 

Raavi nodded. Shiva eventually came, but very late and was confused to see worried expressions on  everyone’s faces. Then came the flood of questions asking him where had he been. 

“Main Surat gaya tha.” Shiva said. “Gaumbi aapne ek deal ki baat ki thi jo finalise nahi hui, woh finalise karne gaya tha. Woh maan gaya hai bas thode se extra paise lega.”

Raavi let out a sigh. He was fine. Dhara asked him to have dinner first before going to his room. So he had his dinner. Raavi knew this was her chance to talk to him and sort everything out. She also knew he would straight go to the terrace without talking to him, so she came up with a plan. With the whole family in front of them, he wouldn’t be able to say no. 

“Shiva woh room mein ek bada sa cockroach hai.. Tu chal mere saath aur use hata.” Raavi said. 

Shiva looked around and saw his whole family there. He couldn’t say no so he followed her to the room. Raavi quickly closed the door behind them. She hugged him tightly. 

“Yeh kya bachpana hai Raavi?” Shiva asked. 

“Tu baat nahi kar raha mujhse par aaj main baat kiye bina tujhe jaane nahi dungi.” Raavi said. She moved back. He could very well overpower her and leave, so she added quickly, “Aur tune yaha se jaane ki koshish ki toh main chillake sabko yaha bula lungi.”

“Baat karne ke liye ab kuch raha nahi hai Raavi.” Shiva said. 

“Hain Shiva. Main tujhe divorce nahi dungi. Chahe kuch bhi ho jaye.” Raavi said. 

“Aur main nahi chahta tu aise loveless rishte mein bandhi rahe.” Shiva said. “Teri bhalai ka soch raha hu.”

“Mere bhalai tere saath hai Shiva.” Raavi said. “Galti ho gayi thi mujhse. Maine jo bhi bola, I didn’t mean that. Woh bas aise hi muh se nikal gaya Shiva.”

“Raavi mujhe baat nahi karni iss baare mein. Saari zindagi tera compromise wala taunt nahi sunn paunga.” Shiva said. “Saari zindagi yeh sochke nikal jayegi ki tu mere saath khush nahi hai. Tu kisi aise insaan ko deserve karti hai jisse tu pyaar kar paye, jiske saath tujhe compromise na karna pare, jiska touch tujhe bardaasht na karna pare.”

Raavi felt her tears coming down. She wanted to tell him how wrong he was, and that she loved him, but hearing him say that was totally heartbreaking. He was this hurt because of her. She extended her hand to touch him, but he moved back and glared at her. 

“No, don’t touch me.” Shiva said. “Humara rishta aaj se, abhi se yahi khatam. Kal tujhe divorce papers mil jayenge.”