Chapter 1

Ananya Banerjee

@ananya269

Trigger Warning: Suicide, depression 

Prologue

When Raavi opened her eyes, her mind was in a haze, completely unfocused. Someone holding her back, trying to get her to sit up. A glass of water was pressed to her lips. Good, her throat was parched. Now that she sensed it, her throat hurt. She almost spit out the water she was drinking. It was hard for her to even carry her own weight. She held the hand of the person holding her and shifted some of her weight onto him. Her focus cleared and she saw Shiva in front of her. He looked worried, and that look of worry was directed towards her. Their eyes met and her consciousness returned. She finally remembered everything. When he saw everything was fine, he left. Then she heard all the noises around her. 

Dhara, Anita, Mausapa, and Maasi were all asking her if she was alright. Anita examined her neck. The noose left a bruise on her neck. Raavi noticed the tears in her eyes, but she barely had any in her own eyes. She felt far removed from everyone else. They kept looking at her for some reaction but she was too broken to react. She lied down and closed her eyes, hoping everyone would leave her alone. Dhara once again asked if she was okay, but Raavi just closed her eyes, and blocked them all out. A single tear rolled down from her eye. After some time, she heard her bedroom door open and heard everyone leaving. Someone stayed behind to make sure she wouldn’t repeat it. Raavi didn’t open her eyes to see who it was. That person came and ran her fingers through her hair, and Raavi could tell it was her Maasi through the touch. She let her mind wander to the events that occurred that evening. 

Maasi had agreed to Dev and Raavi’s wedding. It was the best day of her life. Now her only hurdle was Shiva, who she knew she would eventually win over after her marriage. Raavi couldn’t stop her tears remembering how happy she was in the morning. Her pleas and her love had won over her Maasi and she went and spoke to Suman to get them both married. Suman agreed and Raavi felt like the happiest woman on this planet. Of course, Dev would be the happiest man when he came to know of their wedding. Raavi couldn’t wait to tell him, but she decided to let the family surprise him with the news. After Dev, she would personally go and deliver the news to Shiva that she was going to become his bhabhi. His expression would be worth watching. Her mind was busy daydreaming and she didn’t even notice Dev walking into the living room. 

Dev was surprised to see Maami or Mausapa there. They hadn’t come to Pandya house in years. Dev went and stood beside his bhabhi protectively. He thought maami had come to insult her again after the godhbharai ceremony. One look from Dhara and he understood that wasn’t the case. Everyone was so happy and Raavi was in seventh heaven. It was everything she ever dreamt of since her childhood. Dhara and Suman told they had fixed his marriage with Raavi, and the marriage was about to take place in a week. Raavi wanted to see the smile and the excitement which would come over Dev’s face when he heard the news. Her gaze was fixed upon his face, but there was no happiness and no excitement there. There was only confusion and fear. Raavi felt disappointed, but perhaps he was like very other guy, who got cold feet before marriage. She wished they were alone so she could assure him that she would never become a typical, nagging wife. 

“Bhabhi main yeh shaadi nahi kar sakta.” Dev said. “Main kisi aur se pyaar karta hu.”

Raavi’s entire world came crashing down right that second. Her heart shattered into pieces and she hoped that Dev was making a joke. He was her whole world, so how could he have a place for another girl in his? Raavi tried very hard to stop those tears which were trying to give their way out of her eye. He waited for him to laugh and say this was a joke. She waited for what seemed like an eternity in her mind. Why was Dev playing such a cruel joke with her? 

“Dev, kya bol raha hai? Maine tere phone mein Raavi ke messages dekhe the.” Dhara said.

“Bhabhi woh R Raavi nahi Rishita hai jisse main pyaar karta hu. Main aapko batane wala tha.” Dev said. 

Raavi took a step back. She clutched her own kurti tightly. Her heart was pounding wildly and she was trembling. She took another step back and slammed into someone else. He held her trembling shoulders to hold her balance. She turned around and saw Shiva. He glared at her as usual, but as their eyes met, Raavi saw his anger melting. She clutched his hand for a second, almost as a way to calm her down, but her tears were threatening to escape. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Dev. Raavi looked into Shiva’s eyes and saw only concern and pity for her. That was her breaking point. She rushed out of Pandya house and ran to her own house. 

The pain was overbearing and she couldn’t live with it. As soon as she reached her own room, she took a dupatta and tied it as a noose with the fan. Raavi finally let her tears come and she cried loudly. She couldn’t live without Dev. With a lot of determination, she stood on the chair and tied it around herself. Raavi didn’t remember what happened next.

The next thing she woke up on her bed with Shiva holding her. Why did he have to save her? Didn’t he understand she had nothing to live for anymore? Raavi sobbed silently as she remembered this. Prafulla must have fallen asleep beside her because she didn’t hear it. Without Dev, her life was empty. What use was it living now?