Chapter 20

He half heartedly looked at his phone, recalling the conversation he just had with a family lawyer, and then looked up again at Khushi. 'Should I do this?'  he thought. Things were progressing nicely between them and he did not want to use his shrewdness for once in his life, in this one matter. He wanted to be accepted for himself, wanted to be loved for what he is, without strings attached. 'Is it too much to expect?' he asked himself. Maybe this once he could let go of his all encompassing urge to control everything in his life. Maybe life will surprise him pleasantly this time. But the stakes are VERY VERY HIGH. He could not afford to loose her, and a decision has to be made at the earliest.  'You should stick to what you know the best. Something you know will yield results you want'  his mind cautioned.

 

What if she does not think about him in THAT light? What if she has other ideas about her life?... ARGGHH ... Of all the female population available, he had to go and fall in love with the one girl who just keeps everything inside her, not giving one single clue as to what was going inside her head. Had this emotion called LOVE not come knocking on his door, he would have gladly made a decision for her, and would have pressed her to follow it to the end as well. But somewhere in their journey together, Khushi's feelings, her acceptance of his feelings have become important for him. And truthfully speaking, he did NOT like that. Life was so easy before. He knew who he loved and who all loved him in his small personal world . And he was sort of happy with that before Khushi came and rippled it all, well sort of. The shades of gray she brought in his black and white life confounded him. Everything looks messed up. She has become the center of his existence, but has no frea**** clue about it. They were a family and yet he can not make that claim on her. Her feelings for himself were still a big question mark. All these unknowns always put him on the defensive side regarding 'them'.  And his deeply ingrained insecurities of past were not helping the matter at all, no matter how hard he tries to reason things out in his mind.

His chain of thoughts was broken with loud shrill of Khushi's phone ringing. It was Akash on the line. From what he could make out by listening to Khushi's side of conversation, it looked like he was in constant touch with her, knew of her ill-health and was trying to cut short his trip for her, much to Khushi's astonishment.

'Its okay Akash, I am perfectly fine now'  she assured him.

'No, there is no need, seriously. You should finish your work and then come'  she again said.

'Why would you think so? I am not at all alone. Arnavji took very good care of me'  she replied into the phone.

'Yes. I am sure'  she reassured him.

'Please don't be worried Akash. I am not a kid baba'  she laughed.

'Fine. Okay. Yeah. Shall look forward to it'  she said smilingly before disconnecting the phone.

Instead of getting angry or charged up today at this phone call, Arnav just got sucked into the vortex of his thoughts even more,  staring at the Khushi all this while, 

THAT smile of hers just now, was for some other man. THOSE reassurances were meant for that other man too. A man who had a FAMILY, family that could become hers. A man who most probably does not have a rotten past. A man with an uncomplicated life unlike him. A man who would not have qualms at professing his love for her. But Khushi would be just another feather in Akash's happy life, won't she? In all fairness, Khushi was needed with him and his kids more than being an extension to Akash Roy's blissful life. She was their only hope of a sane normal future, and he should not let anything sway him from his goal, right? He has a family to preserve. He may not be the best man around for Khushi, but he had his advantages. Adit-Adya being HIS family being the best one. Then he loved the girl with all what he has got, he was the most eligible bachelor around and last but not the least, she considered HIM her best friend, not Akash.  He closed his eyes with a sigh and muttered 'There are just no two ways about it'.

As he got up to leave from Khushi's room, a voice in his heart chided him 'Why all this? Why don't you just tell her about how you feel? Won't that be better?'. 'Yeah, right. I'll go and tell her that I love her and she'll fall into my arms'  he scoffed.  Arnav Singh Raizada was nothing if not a realist. In his world situations don't present themselves, you create them to your advantage. That's how he has been living his life, and right now that was his best bet too. Giving Khushi 'time' to process her feelings will bring Akash back into the picture, and he cannot risk her confusion. Complexities that will come along with this so-called simple approach cannot be entertained right now. And this plan will make Khushi legally committed to him. No scope for change of mind for her, and plenty of time for him to win her heart later. 

On the other hand coming clean with his feelings will render him vulnerable in front of a girl who loves him or not is something he cannot fathom. And he had long back stopping doing the emotion called vulnerability. He loathed it to the core. It is better being called stone-hearted than being a soft target.  So as of now, Khushi can look at it as an arranged marriage setup, arranged by him of course, but quite acceptable and very prevalent in the society. You make an informed decision about your life partner and later on learn to love your spouse. He can wait for her all his life, but losing her to someone else was not an option.

But personal happiness has been ever elusive in his life, so he had steeled himself for the outcome that Khushi might reject his plan. 'But she's HAS to say yes' every fiber of his being screamed in unison. 'And she will'  his eyes glinted with an unknown hope.

Khushi made her way to Arnavji's room, contemplating as to what could be so urgent that he wanted to discuss with her, remembering the odd text message he sent her  'Want to discuss an urgent matter with you. Can you come up?'.  She found him sitting near the poolside, deep in his thoughts.

'Arnavji, you wanted to talk?'  she said softly.

'Hmmm'  he replied without taking his eyes off the pool.

'Tell me'  she sat on the chair beside his.

Arnav looked at her face, trying to decide weather to start with a preamble or directly the proposal.

'I don't know if you are aware or not, but Adit and Adya stay here with me under some Hindu law. I am not their legal guardian. Yet'  he started with the proposal, cutting the extra build up out.

'But you are their only living blood relative. Who else will they stay with?'  she asked confused.

'Well technically since di and jiju did not give me their legal custody, and I haven't applied for it as yet either, they are wards of the state'  he explained.

'WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? As in government can take them away? How is that possible? You have so many contacts, can't you do something about it'  Khushi got hyper, exactly like Arnav had hoped.

'I can. I can apply for their legal custody'  he smiled.

'THEN? What is the problem? Arnavji please do that ASAP. You can't let the babies get stuck into all these goverment hassels'  she urged.

'Problem is Adya'  he stated as a matter of fact.

'WHAT? How is she a problem?'  she stared at him incredulously.

'You should know. Didn't it happen with you and jiju too? Her being a female child and me being single, I can't apply for her custody'  he reminded.

'But Shyam bhai was not my blood relative. Situation here is different, isn't it?'  she couldn't help but recall her disappointment all those years back.

'Not really'  he shrugged thinking that it wasn't entirely a lie. Law was still the same. The catch was that he was not a big fan of high morals and principles like his jiju and was more than able to bend legal system to get his way any day. Only that right now he did not want to.

'Then what do you plan to do?'  she questioned, bringing the conversation to its most crucial junction.

'Marry. What else? I need a wife and her signed consent, if I want Adit-Adya's legal custody'  he replied looking intently at her. 

'You'll marry just to keep the kids with you?'  her head shot up.

Arnav nodded.

'But you don't believe in marriage'  she retorted.

'Who told you that?' he asked amused.

'Ummm ... No one. But thats the general idea. Even Naniji believed so'  she defended her statement.

'People change Khushi'  he replied lovingly.

Khushi could not explain the reason of unexpected congestion in her heart suddenly. He is going to marry. Like everything good in her life, this has come to an end too. Her eyes started tearing up. She won't be required anymore, by kids ... by HIM. This was the only family in her life, and now it'll belong to some other woman. Some beautiful, accomplished, high society woman that he must already have singled out to be his life partner. WHY GOD? Just this evening life was so good, and now ... now it has become suddenly so empty.

'Khushi, are you okay?'  she heard Arnavji's  voice. 

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak at the moment. After a few seconds, she gathered her wits and put on the best smile she could manage in the turn of events.

'Marriage is a good idea then Arnavji'  she spoke in defeated tone. Good idea for him and the babies .. for her, not so much.

'This is the ONLY way Khushi. There is NO other choice'  he stressed the inevitablility of the option.

'So, what do you plan? Who are you marrying?'  she asked genuinely.

'Someone who can love Adit Adya like a mother and can be my companion as in true sense as well'  he spoke, liking the direction of her question.

She could only manage a HMMM at that. He has everything figured out, hasn't he? 'Then he must have thought of my moving out date as well'  she thought dryly.

'Can I still visit the kids?'  she looked pleadingly into his eyes.

'Visit? Why would you VISIT? Who said anything about you moving out of here?'  he replied shocked.

'But your wife might not like my staying here. And it would be only proper if I leave'  she answered with a breaking heart.

'GREAT ... Just great. On what BLASTED TANGENT is she thinking? Can she for once not pick on the obvious like normal girls? How slow can she be? Why the hell would I call her to talk about MY marriage with SOMEONE ELSE and label it as an URGENT matter to be discussed WITH HER?' he thought exasperated. 

'I myself would have liked to stay but ...'  she was continuing.

'Then stay'  Arnav cut in. If she needs stuff to be spelled out for her, then he was precisely going to do just that. Good he did not think on the lines of romantic proposal, else she would have made a mushy event planner out of him before getting a single hint.

'Khushi ... Will YOU marry me?'  he came to the point.

'Jii? ME?'  she gasped.

'Yeah. Why else am I discussing all this with you?'  he questioned her with a raised eyebrow.

'Because ... ummm ... actually ... I don't know. You want ME to marry you?'  she was shocked and confused as hell. Here she was thinking that she'll have to leave all of them and now the conversation went on to entirely different track.

'If I am asking you than that's what is implied, isn't it?'  his patience has started running low now.

'Why me?'  came the question Arnav has been wanting to answer himself since so many days.

'Because you are the best mother Adit and Adya can have, and you are the best friend I can ever hope for'  he replied with utter honesty. He left out the LOVE part, not trusting her reaction to that. 

'Hmmm'  she replied dazed and fell silent.

'Believe me Khushi when I say that we can make this work'  he persuaded after a few minutes of silence.

'Work as in? Like pull off the legalities?'  she put in words the query nagging her mind.

'No. The Marriage'  he replied in a curt sincere tone.

'But you are marrying so that you can get legal custody, right?'  she retorted.

'That reason does not make the marriage any less real. I don't want a facade in the name of marriage. Of all the people, I would know how much that sucks. I would not even dream of using you like this. You know that right?'  he explained her.  'If only she knew that all of it was the other way round'  he wistfully thought.

'I know Arnavji. I trust you'  she muttered a little ashamed.

'Then?'  he questioned

'I don't know. Its all very sudden. I mean, I never thought of marriage'  she replied with her head bowed down.

Had Arnav been more communicative, he would have persuaded her more. But since that was not the case, they just sat there for long in heavy silence. And the beauty of their unnamed relationship was that Khushi did not expect more explanations from him, knowing his nature. Arnav had said all he wanted to convey and the ball was in Khushi's court now. Years of experience in dealing with people told him that she was sincerely thinking about his proposal, and he was glad that she did not outright reject the idea.

'Arnavji, I need some time to think'  she finally spoke. Arnav had not expected an instant answer either. 

'How much time?'  he questioned.

'I don't know. It's a big decision'  she replied.

'And I am here to clear your doubts. Ask me'  he offered.

'Can I sleep over it? Can I ask my doubts in a day or two?'  she requested earnestly.

'Sure. But I want you to remember two things. First, I am and will stay your friend. You're not moving out in ANY case. Second, if we marry, the marriage will be real in ALL senses'  he concluded and saw Khushi nod with a slight smile at this.

And hence started a very long night for two restless souls, waiting to find life altering answers, from their loved one and from within themselves.