Chapter 4
Chapter 3.
Their gazes gel for a second longer than necessary before the hazel is ruthlessly wrenched away.
"See you around", she says and walks past him.
She is a few footsteps away before she exhales out the air that was burning her chest.
"You're still a coward", his voice hits her back like a physical force.
She turns around slowly. Her eyes are green and smoky with pain and suppressed anger. Wind whips her long chestnut hair wildly as she glares at him.
"You don't want to come with me", he says slowly leaning against his motorbike, "because you're afraid...you're terrified...of falling in love with me again".
"Falling in love?, Khushi thinks, her mind going back in time.
"See you around", she says and walks past him.
She is a few footsteps away before she exhales out the air that was burning her chest.
"You're still a coward", his voice hits her back like a physical force.
She turns around slowly. Her eyes are green and smoky with pain and suppressed anger. Wind whips her long chestnut hair wildly as she glares at him.
"You don't want to come with me", he says slowly leaning against his motorbike, "because you're afraid...you're terrified...of falling in love with me again".
"Falling in love?, Khushi thinks, her mind going back in time.
She hadn't really wanted to say yes to him that night, just as she hadn't wanted to do a million other things in the days that had followed. What had made her say yes to him that night? What had made her say yes to that little repressed part that she knew had always resided deep inside of her.
"Her human part", her mother used to call it with a voice that suggested it was something she needed to be ashamed of, something she needed to keep unexpressed and hidden. And what reason did she have to not believe when she'd witnessed first hand, as a child, the havoc those tiny spiral DNA molecules she carried in her mud colored blood, mixture of green and red, were capable of wreaking?
The first ten years of her life were imprinted with the footprints of a life, her father's, tragically wasted and ended...on alcohol and drugs...on unrealized dreams...on emotional storms...on expectations out of sync with reality.
Yes, that night, she had hesitated without any rhyme or reason, looking deep into those eyes, going against her carefully reared instincts, to say yes to him.
"I will analyze my mind later", she had told herself, riding pillion as his HM zipped through campus by-lanes to reach Manhattan, a virtual reality nightclub that was extremely popular with all Starfleet cadets in general but especially with Earthlings.
Arnav's mind joined hers in the past. That night was crystal clear with all it's details.
It was surreally beautiful. A meticulous simulation of Earth's urban nightlife during it's last peaceful years of existence; before the Great War had catapulted it into a never ending cataclysm of destruction.
They appeared to be on the roof of a skyscraper, about four human centuries back in time, surrounded by similar tall sparkling structures from all sides. A strange sky covered them, crystals on black velvet, a crescent moon holding a court of stars.
It was bursting to the seams with Starfleet cadets. It took them a while to find an empty table for two. Settling, they turned toward music wafting from an elevated stage, which gave the illusion of being suspended amidst stars. A befitting location since a holographic banner arching over it announced, "Anybody Can Be A Star Night", alluding to it's state of art voice synthesizer which enabled even terrible singers, majority of cadets, to sound like seasoned musicians.
A couple 'sang' a romantic duet at that moment, basking in artificially synthesized glory, and they watched in silence, their eyes indulgent, their lips curved in amusement.
After a while, he stole a glance across the small table.
Advertisements on ancient looking billboards, imitative of life in the 2300s, flickered around them, reflecting off of her skin. There was something magical, something childlike, about her enraptured expression before, becoming aware of his perusal, she schooled it back into impassivity. It made his throat clog up for no understandable reason.
"Welcome to our homeland", he said softly, clearing his throat, resting his arms on the table to lean close to her. What's with this mad urge to make her embrace her humanness?, he thought even before finishing the question..
He could almost hear the sound of a spell breaking as she blinked and corrected him, "Your homeland you mean"
"Our", he urged, his eyes serious as he studied the expression in hers.
She averted her eyes. "I have just one home and that is Vulcan".
Before he could reply, his friends stopped by noisily to unnecessarily backslap and ask bunch of irrelevant questions with dancing eyes and straight faces. Firmly stemming their thinly veiled ribbing, an embarrassing exhibition of human immaturity in front of a dignified Vulcan he thought, he introduced them to Khushi and then excused himself to get drinks with them.
He made good use of the walk to the bar counter to tell them to quit being assholes. This was uttered amidst a spate of other goodnatured but vulgar anatomical-physiological references, which they not only didn't pay any attention to, but also countered with a mix of laughter and equally goodnatured but crass human-Vulcan mating jokes.
It was all in good fun but as he ambled back to their table, two beer bottles in hand, his mouth grimaced with distaste. Despite some wrong choices he'd made and subsequently regretted and learnt from in the past, he had never really believed in casual hook ups. All his adult dating life, or whatever little there was to it, he'd actually spent searching for something he'd never been able to define or find. And tonight...his heart wanted to validate the existence of that unnamed something he'd searched for so long.
Her eyes, their fleeting expressions, had succeeding in unearthing half forgotten dreams of early youth, those laughable aspirations of being a chivalrous knight, of saving a special maidens from dragons, demons, ivory towers or whatever she needed to be saved from, those embarrassingly romantic dreams he would rather die than admit to anyone.
Reaching their table, he drew his chair closer. Even as he sank into it, his mind was abuzz with a euphoria that hit him out of nowhere. He sighed. It was a mix of the ambience, the music, and most importantly, the company. In between swigs of beer, he turned his head and asked, "So tell me about yourself?
She turned to face him, her face flushed from guilty enjoyment, her eyes hesitant as she said, "I don't want to bore you".
"You do have a point", he replied seriously, "But I promise to stop you as soon as you begin to do that". Much to his amusement, she took his dead pan humor at face value and nodded in agreement.
"Her human part", her mother used to call it with a voice that suggested it was something she needed to be ashamed of, something she needed to keep unexpressed and hidden. And what reason did she have to not believe when she'd witnessed first hand, as a child, the havoc those tiny spiral DNA molecules she carried in her mud colored blood, mixture of green and red, were capable of wreaking?
The first ten years of her life were imprinted with the footprints of a life, her father's, tragically wasted and ended...on alcohol and drugs...on unrealized dreams...on emotional storms...on expectations out of sync with reality.
Yes, that night, she had hesitated without any rhyme or reason, looking deep into those eyes, going against her carefully reared instincts, to say yes to him.
"I will analyze my mind later", she had told herself, riding pillion as his HM zipped through campus by-lanes to reach Manhattan, a virtual reality nightclub that was extremely popular with all Starfleet cadets in general but especially with Earthlings.
Arnav's mind joined hers in the past. That night was crystal clear with all it's details.
It was surreally beautiful. A meticulous simulation of Earth's urban nightlife during it's last peaceful years of existence; before the Great War had catapulted it into a never ending cataclysm of destruction.
They appeared to be on the roof of a skyscraper, about four human centuries back in time, surrounded by similar tall sparkling structures from all sides. A strange sky covered them, crystals on black velvet, a crescent moon holding a court of stars.
It was bursting to the seams with Starfleet cadets. It took them a while to find an empty table for two. Settling, they turned toward music wafting from an elevated stage, which gave the illusion of being suspended amidst stars. A befitting location since a holographic banner arching over it announced, "Anybody Can Be A Star Night", alluding to it's state of art voice synthesizer which enabled even terrible singers, majority of cadets, to sound like seasoned musicians.
A couple 'sang' a romantic duet at that moment, basking in artificially synthesized glory, and they watched in silence, their eyes indulgent, their lips curved in amusement.
After a while, he stole a glance across the small table.
Advertisements on ancient looking billboards, imitative of life in the 2300s, flickered around them, reflecting off of her skin. There was something magical, something childlike, about her enraptured expression before, becoming aware of his perusal, she schooled it back into impassivity. It made his throat clog up for no understandable reason.
"Welcome to our homeland", he said softly, clearing his throat, resting his arms on the table to lean close to her. What's with this mad urge to make her embrace her humanness?, he thought even before finishing the question..
He could almost hear the sound of a spell breaking as she blinked and corrected him, "Your homeland you mean"
"Our", he urged, his eyes serious as he studied the expression in hers.
She averted her eyes. "I have just one home and that is Vulcan".
Before he could reply, his friends stopped by noisily to unnecessarily backslap and ask bunch of irrelevant questions with dancing eyes and straight faces. Firmly stemming their thinly veiled ribbing, an embarrassing exhibition of human immaturity in front of a dignified Vulcan he thought, he introduced them to Khushi and then excused himself to get drinks with them.
He made good use of the walk to the bar counter to tell them to quit being assholes. This was uttered amidst a spate of other goodnatured but vulgar anatomical-physiological references, which they not only didn't pay any attention to, but also countered with a mix of laughter and equally goodnatured but crass human-Vulcan mating jokes.
It was all in good fun but as he ambled back to their table, two beer bottles in hand, his mouth grimaced with distaste. Despite some wrong choices he'd made and subsequently regretted and learnt from in the past, he had never really believed in casual hook ups. All his adult dating life, or whatever little there was to it, he'd actually spent searching for something he'd never been able to define or find. And tonight...his heart wanted to validate the existence of that unnamed something he'd searched for so long.
Her eyes, their fleeting expressions, had succeeding in unearthing half forgotten dreams of early youth, those laughable aspirations of being a chivalrous knight, of saving a special maidens from dragons, demons, ivory towers or whatever she needed to be saved from, those embarrassingly romantic dreams he would rather die than admit to anyone.
Reaching their table, he drew his chair closer. Even as he sank into it, his mind was abuzz with a euphoria that hit him out of nowhere. He sighed. It was a mix of the ambience, the music, and most importantly, the company. In between swigs of beer, he turned his head and asked, "So tell me about yourself?
She turned to face him, her face flushed from guilty enjoyment, her eyes hesitant as she said, "I don't want to bore you".
"You do have a point", he replied seriously, "But I promise to stop you as soon as you begin to do that". Much to his amusement, she took his dead pan humor at face value and nodded in agreement.
"Yes, please do that", she said briskly before going over some key events of her childhood and adult life in a typically Vulcan matter of fact manner. She talked little, noticeably little, of her father, he noted, smoothly evading all questions pertaining to him.
"It's my turn now", he said with a smile after she was done, going on to regale her with a humorous, voluble and highly embellished account of his formative years and family; his eyes flickered contentedly each time he was able to make her laugh.
A famous singer, more like a phenomenon, secretly invited to the festival was teleported onto a dimming stage with a sleek digital guitar strapped onto an even sleeker body, and Manhattan, caught by surprise, erupted into a hysterical mass of excitement, applause, shrieks and near fainting episodes.
"This is wicked awesome", Arnav exclaimed, standing up with everyone else too, visibly enmeshed in the energy of the moment and even forgetting about his date for a moment.
And when he turned to look at her, he stared. She was surprised into momentarily shedding her Vulcan reserve, her face animated as an introductory guitar riff rose and scorched the air around the stage.
Feeling his eyes on her, she smiled in a self conscious manner he found endearing. With a grin, he brought his lips close to her ear, a very enticing ear it was too, with the faintest suggestion of a Vulcan peak and shaped like the most perfect shell ever found on the beaches of Lamar. His heart skipped a beat as her scent hit his nostrils.. "Don't worry", he whispered conspiratorially, "You can have all the fun you want. I won't tell your Mama".
Hearing her chuckle in response, he hesitated for a split second, seized by a strong urge to nip her ear but luckily thinking better of it.
He straightened and their smiling eyes melded in a silent understanding, which, given a lifetime is sometimes insufficient to understand a person, was beyond the duration of their acquaintance, beyond the realm of logic.
All around them, people were drifting toward the stage in drove. On an impulse, Arnav caught her hand and joined them, his hand gripping hers in a tight grip, determinedly weaving through the crowd to reach it's front. The decibel level was deafening and the excitement out of control there. Arnav threw a protective arm around her, drawing her close. Music and laser beams washed over them in a rhythmic tsunami of light and sound.
"You are so hot", she upturned her face and shouted over the music.
Taken aback, he blinked in surprise. He had never been complimented in this direct manner before, or so he assumed. Flushing slightly, he was clueless as to how to handle it at first. Khushi watched him struggling to come up with a cool comeback with her lips twitching. "I was talking about your body temperature, it's relative heat when compared to mine", she said seriously...breaking into helpless laughter the very next moment.
Arnav joined her too...their mingled voices drowned by music and when they finally sobered and looked at each other, the awareness that crackled between them was like a living force.
And later that night, just before dawn, as they bade goodnights in front of the towering Academy Residential Complex, they found it unbelievable that they'd just met.
They'd gotten off of the HM and looked at each other in that night that was brighter and cooler than daytime. He had stepped forward as he said goodnight, his eyes reflecting a to kiss or not to kiss dilemma for a moment. And just as he decided against it and stepped back, Khushi surprised him by leaning in and pressing a light peck on his cheek. It's tenderness took his breath away. It felt like a cool pearl dropping on hot sand. And Arnav knew if he stayed any longer he would embarrass himself by either spouting poetry or kissing her senseless.
"Thank you", she said somberly, "For such a wonderful time". There was a finality in her tone and a conflict in her eyes as she said so.
"The first of many?", Arnav inclined his head and smiled a little.
Khushi shook her head. "No Arnav", she said in a voice steady with reason, thick with sadness, "Here's the deal. Neither of us are looking for a meaningless dalliance here and there is no point in starting something that can have no future".
"Future is not something that drops in our laps", countered Arnav, his eyes showing his unwillingness to let go of something...something precious...he'd just found, "We are the ones to move toward it, one step at a time. We are the ones to build it in a way".
"It's unwise to choose a path, while we still have a choice, that history, statistics...personal experience...have shown to lead to pain and failure most of the time. It's illogical".
Groaning in frustration, he said, "Can we set all this logic aside for a while? Can you just tell me, plain and simple, right here right now, what you really want to do?
As her tortured green eyes swirled and spelled an answer, his lips curved into a smile.
"It's foolish to let wants and desires to dictate out life", she said weakly, her breath hitching as he cupped her cheek.
"It's wise to be foolish sometimes", he said with his lips quirking, her skin cool silk beneath the roughness of his palm.
"It's my turn now", he said with a smile after she was done, going on to regale her with a humorous, voluble and highly embellished account of his formative years and family; his eyes flickered contentedly each time he was able to make her laugh.
A famous singer, more like a phenomenon, secretly invited to the festival was teleported onto a dimming stage with a sleek digital guitar strapped onto an even sleeker body, and Manhattan, caught by surprise, erupted into a hysterical mass of excitement, applause, shrieks and near fainting episodes.
"This is wicked awesome", Arnav exclaimed, standing up with everyone else too, visibly enmeshed in the energy of the moment and even forgetting about his date for a moment.
And when he turned to look at her, he stared. She was surprised into momentarily shedding her Vulcan reserve, her face animated as an introductory guitar riff rose and scorched the air around the stage.
Feeling his eyes on her, she smiled in a self conscious manner he found endearing. With a grin, he brought his lips close to her ear, a very enticing ear it was too, with the faintest suggestion of a Vulcan peak and shaped like the most perfect shell ever found on the beaches of Lamar. His heart skipped a beat as her scent hit his nostrils.. "Don't worry", he whispered conspiratorially, "You can have all the fun you want. I won't tell your Mama".
Hearing her chuckle in response, he hesitated for a split second, seized by a strong urge to nip her ear but luckily thinking better of it.
He straightened and their smiling eyes melded in a silent understanding, which, given a lifetime is sometimes insufficient to understand a person, was beyond the duration of their acquaintance, beyond the realm of logic.
All around them, people were drifting toward the stage in drove. On an impulse, Arnav caught her hand and joined them, his hand gripping hers in a tight grip, determinedly weaving through the crowd to reach it's front. The decibel level was deafening and the excitement out of control there. Arnav threw a protective arm around her, drawing her close. Music and laser beams washed over them in a rhythmic tsunami of light and sound.
"You are so hot", she upturned her face and shouted over the music.
Taken aback, he blinked in surprise. He had never been complimented in this direct manner before, or so he assumed. Flushing slightly, he was clueless as to how to handle it at first. Khushi watched him struggling to come up with a cool comeback with her lips twitching. "I was talking about your body temperature, it's relative heat when compared to mine", she said seriously...breaking into helpless laughter the very next moment.
Arnav joined her too...their mingled voices drowned by music and when they finally sobered and looked at each other, the awareness that crackled between them was like a living force.
And later that night, just before dawn, as they bade goodnights in front of the towering Academy Residential Complex, they found it unbelievable that they'd just met.
They'd gotten off of the HM and looked at each other in that night that was brighter and cooler than daytime. He had stepped forward as he said goodnight, his eyes reflecting a to kiss or not to kiss dilemma for a moment. And just as he decided against it and stepped back, Khushi surprised him by leaning in and pressing a light peck on his cheek. It's tenderness took his breath away. It felt like a cool pearl dropping on hot sand. And Arnav knew if he stayed any longer he would embarrass himself by either spouting poetry or kissing her senseless.
"Thank you", she said somberly, "For such a wonderful time". There was a finality in her tone and a conflict in her eyes as she said so.
"The first of many?", Arnav inclined his head and smiled a little.
Khushi shook her head. "No Arnav", she said in a voice steady with reason, thick with sadness, "Here's the deal. Neither of us are looking for a meaningless dalliance here and there is no point in starting something that can have no future".
"Future is not something that drops in our laps", countered Arnav, his eyes showing his unwillingness to let go of something...something precious...he'd just found, "We are the ones to move toward it, one step at a time. We are the ones to build it in a way".
"It's unwise to choose a path, while we still have a choice, that history, statistics...personal experience...have shown to lead to pain and failure most of the time. It's illogical".
Groaning in frustration, he said, "Can we set all this logic aside for a while? Can you just tell me, plain and simple, right here right now, what you really want to do?
As her tortured green eyes swirled and spelled an answer, his lips curved into a smile.
"It's foolish to let wants and desires to dictate out life", she said weakly, her breath hitching as he cupped her cheek.
"It's wise to be foolish sometimes", he said with his lips quirking, her skin cool silk beneath the roughness of his palm.
"I know myself...I don't want you to get hurt", she said, her eyes gleaming with a hint of moisture, "I don't want to make any promises...".
"Deal", he said softly with an enigmatic expression, "No promises. Just one day at a time".
Arnav was determined to take it slow. He was determined to prove how serious he was about her, how much she meant to him and how much they were meant to be.
He initially tried to change himself - talking about things she liked, taking her to places he thought she would find interesting, pushing through boundaries, trying to bridge that invisible racial gulf between them. Even if it meant sitting through hours of Vulcan classical music or having meaningful conversations about Surak and his philosophy or accompanying her to her meditation classes among various other things. Of course, being fellow Starfleet cadets they were never short of topics both were genuinely interested in..
This continued for a while until Khushi turned all his careful planning on it's head by beginning to express an increasingly vocal desire to be a part of his world instead.
Arnav was more than willing to oblige and even more to indulge. To his amused eyes, she was like a kid in a candy shop, a guilty albeit deprived one, greedily wanting to collect as many experiences as possible. Arnav found it incredibly touching and incredibly fulfilling to indulge her. If only she would have allowed it, he would have gladly tried to bring the entire universe on the palms of her hands.
They went to games and concerts. They rode his HM on long roads. They danced. They sang. They laughed. They paid countless visits to nearby space themed Thrill Park she had loved the first time he took her there.
It was in the same park, one windy night, that they kissed for the first time. They were on the top of a giant Ferris wheel, the tallest in the universe, their cabin swaying in breeze. They sat in silence, their eyes desultorily sweeping across a rolling landscape of light, their faces dimly lit by it's reflection. Sitting close, they barely touched each other yet sexual tension thrummed between them like a powerful being forced into dormancy.
"This is lame", he said with a laugh, trying to defuse it with humor and small talk as usual, "We should have gone on Gravity again instead".
"I think the view is worth it", Khushi said slowly, sounding a little breathless even as she self consciously tucked a strand of hair beneath her ear.
Her eyes gravitated towards his and with a muttered oath, Arnav hauled her close, slamming his lips against hers, groaning as she parted her lips to let their tongues meet, tasting of cotton candy and mint.
They didn't realize when their ride ended and had to be initiated if the same by a half impatient, half amused rap on the roof of their cabin.
After an understanding was exchanged under the stars with half bashful eyes, the long ride to Arnav's residence seemed even longer and the serpentine self illuminating highway never ending.
They peeled each other's clothes with fingers, tender and impatient, their forms silhouetted against a night framed by a tall lean window, their breaths singed with earliest passion known to man.
They collapsed on his unmade crumpled bed with their lips drinking off of each other's essence, their hands exploring skin and flesh, their hearts ablaze with an emotional-physical firestorm.
They reached climax, fireworks exploding over a tempestuous ocean, in unison, swallowing each other's cries, holding onto the other's body for leverage.
In the aftermath, not many words were spoken but eyes stung, fingers burrowed in hair, and palms, both soft and rough, ran gently over damp skin. With her small body nestled in his warmth and strength, he drifted off to sleep, dreaming of things he imagined he'd wake up to in disjointed fragments. Laughter and promises. Slow smiles and an ever slower day. Breakfast in bed and missed classes...and...
He was awakened by silence and the earliest sun-rays filtering through his eye lids. He stretched, his body half covered by a thin white sheet, his lips curving in a smile as he turned and reached for her.
She had left him a voice message that his brain accessed though Brain Computer Interface as soon as he thought about her.
"Deal", he said softly with an enigmatic expression, "No promises. Just one day at a time".
Arnav was determined to take it slow. He was determined to prove how serious he was about her, how much she meant to him and how much they were meant to be.
He initially tried to change himself - talking about things she liked, taking her to places he thought she would find interesting, pushing through boundaries, trying to bridge that invisible racial gulf between them. Even if it meant sitting through hours of Vulcan classical music or having meaningful conversations about Surak and his philosophy or accompanying her to her meditation classes among various other things. Of course, being fellow Starfleet cadets they were never short of topics both were genuinely interested in..
This continued for a while until Khushi turned all his careful planning on it's head by beginning to express an increasingly vocal desire to be a part of his world instead.
Arnav was more than willing to oblige and even more to indulge. To his amused eyes, she was like a kid in a candy shop, a guilty albeit deprived one, greedily wanting to collect as many experiences as possible. Arnav found it incredibly touching and incredibly fulfilling to indulge her. If only she would have allowed it, he would have gladly tried to bring the entire universe on the palms of her hands.
They went to games and concerts. They rode his HM on long roads. They danced. They sang. They laughed. They paid countless visits to nearby space themed Thrill Park she had loved the first time he took her there.
It was in the same park, one windy night, that they kissed for the first time. They were on the top of a giant Ferris wheel, the tallest in the universe, their cabin swaying in breeze. They sat in silence, their eyes desultorily sweeping across a rolling landscape of light, their faces dimly lit by it's reflection. Sitting close, they barely touched each other yet sexual tension thrummed between them like a powerful being forced into dormancy.
"This is lame", he said with a laugh, trying to defuse it with humor and small talk as usual, "We should have gone on Gravity again instead".
"I think the view is worth it", Khushi said slowly, sounding a little breathless even as she self consciously tucked a strand of hair beneath her ear.
Her eyes gravitated towards his and with a muttered oath, Arnav hauled her close, slamming his lips against hers, groaning as she parted her lips to let their tongues meet, tasting of cotton candy and mint.
They didn't realize when their ride ended and had to be initiated if the same by a half impatient, half amused rap on the roof of their cabin.
After an understanding was exchanged under the stars with half bashful eyes, the long ride to Arnav's residence seemed even longer and the serpentine self illuminating highway never ending.
They peeled each other's clothes with fingers, tender and impatient, their forms silhouetted against a night framed by a tall lean window, their breaths singed with earliest passion known to man.
They collapsed on his unmade crumpled bed with their lips drinking off of each other's essence, their hands exploring skin and flesh, their hearts ablaze with an emotional-physical firestorm.
They reached climax, fireworks exploding over a tempestuous ocean, in unison, swallowing each other's cries, holding onto the other's body for leverage.
In the aftermath, not many words were spoken but eyes stung, fingers burrowed in hair, and palms, both soft and rough, ran gently over damp skin. With her small body nestled in his warmth and strength, he drifted off to sleep, dreaming of things he imagined he'd wake up to in disjointed fragments. Laughter and promises. Slow smiles and an ever slower day. Breakfast in bed and missed classes...and...
He was awakened by silence and the earliest sun-rays filtering through his eye lids. He stretched, his body half covered by a thin white sheet, his lips curving in a smile as he turned and reached for her.
She had left him a voice message that his brain accessed though Brain Computer Interface as soon as he thought about her.
"Dear Arnav.
I can never thank you enough. I can never thank you enough for what I know will be the best moments of my life. By allowing me to be a part of your world, by allowing me to express what is only a small part of who I am, you gave me a chance to live a dream. A beautiful dream we sometimes wish would go on forever... However, at the end of the day, when reality sinks in, dreams are just that...dreams. They won't change who I am and who you are...They won't change the cold facts of our existence, our reality.
I didn't mean to leave like this but if I stayed any longer it would just ended up hurting more.
You are a wonderful person, Arnav, and...I wish with all my heart that you have all the happiness, all the best, in life. Please forgive me if I hurt you in any way.
Khushi
I can never thank you enough. I can never thank you enough for what I know will be the best moments of my life. By allowing me to be a part of your world, by allowing me to express what is only a small part of who I am, you gave me a chance to live a dream. A beautiful dream we sometimes wish would go on forever... However, at the end of the day, when reality sinks in, dreams are just that...dreams. They won't change who I am and who you are...They won't change the cold facts of our existence, our reality.
I didn't mean to leave like this but if I stayed any longer it would just ended up hurting more.
You are a wonderful person, Arnav, and...I wish with all my heart that you have all the happiness, all the best, in life. Please forgive me if I hurt you in any way.
Khushi
Hurt, angry, bewildered - Arnav listened to her message again and again, missing classes and meals, not going out for days on ends. He tried convincing himself it was really over, that all emotional investment had been from his side only, that despite his wishful overconfident imaginings, he hadn't been able to make her fall in love with him.
And just as he was beginning to sink into despair, his pride came to rescue. Pride, which can be a bitch but also a source of perverse strength when wounded.
He couldn't bring herself to reply to her mail but whenever they ran into each other on the campus, which wasn't much, he met her with casual friendliness, faking nonchalance with aplomb. A little more swagger in his gait. A little more gaiety in his voice. A little more steel in his hurting heart.
And when he did break down some months later at Manhattan, it was in a rather spectacular fashion. It caused a stir, caused scores of girls to become hysterical, and he blamed it all on alcohol.
It was a 'Anybody Can A Star' Night and his friends, who somehow knew everything without being told anything at all, had dragged him there. He had just sat and glared at the stage with bored, bloodshot eyes, not even drinking much at first. It was when he overheard someone talking about Khushi and his fiance's presence at the club that he stirred into life, unable to stop himself from glancing over shoulder to confirm.
Their yearning eyes met and held for a while.The ever present conflict in her eyes confused and enraged him. He proceeded toward the bar counter, stationing himself on a stool, and proceeding to get himself thoroughly drunk.
This didn't bother his friends much at first. They stuck to his side and even though they felt sorry for him, they allowed themselves to be secretly entertained by his never ending rant on the fickleness of Vulcan girls.
"They think they're smart. They think they know everything about life. They think they know it all", he said to his friend, wiping his lips with the back of his wrist, his speech slightly slurred, "But they don't".
"They f**king don't ", he said, banging his fist on the counter for emphasis and causing the bartending robot to still and direct his reddish laser gaze at him.
"Sorry", he apologized to the robot with a boyish grin, raising both his hands up. Turning to his friend again, he continued his rant in a conversational tone. "They don't know nothing", he shook his head, "Nothing at all".
His friend, who was a compulsive grammar-nazi, absentmindedly corrected him, "They don't know anything".
It was a mistake. It made him furious.
"You asshole", he said angrily, rising from his stool after a couple of attempts, "f**k you and f**k your grammar"
His friends sighed collectively, wisely deciding it was time they took him home. Arnav had other plans however and his hurting drunken self was hellbent on carrying it out.
"I'm going to sing", he announced, tilting his head back to finish off his shot, spilling some drops on his gray, fitted shirt.
"I'm going to sing a song for her", he repeated, a wave of raw pain flitting across his features, "I'm going to tell her exactly how I feel".
His friends tried their best to dissuade him but he was mulishly adamant. Short of physically restraining him they had no other option but to weakly sit on their stools and watch him take angry but confident strides to the stage. Like a boss.
Taking place in front of the synthesizer with misplaced confidence, a still sober part of his brain found Khushi in the audience and perverse pleasure in the naked exhibition of his humanness, his foolishness, his weakness, he was about to display in front of her.
With his face intense, his eyes blood shot and his hair rumpled, he brought his lips close to the synthesizer.
And he let his heart bleed and eyes leak.
"Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong
Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?
Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry..
And just as he was beginning to sink into despair, his pride came to rescue. Pride, which can be a bitch but also a source of perverse strength when wounded.
He couldn't bring herself to reply to her mail but whenever they ran into each other on the campus, which wasn't much, he met her with casual friendliness, faking nonchalance with aplomb. A little more swagger in his gait. A little more gaiety in his voice. A little more steel in his hurting heart.
And when he did break down some months later at Manhattan, it was in a rather spectacular fashion. It caused a stir, caused scores of girls to become hysterical, and he blamed it all on alcohol.
It was a 'Anybody Can A Star' Night and his friends, who somehow knew everything without being told anything at all, had dragged him there. He had just sat and glared at the stage with bored, bloodshot eyes, not even drinking much at first. It was when he overheard someone talking about Khushi and his fiance's presence at the club that he stirred into life, unable to stop himself from glancing over shoulder to confirm.
Their yearning eyes met and held for a while.The ever present conflict in her eyes confused and enraged him. He proceeded toward the bar counter, stationing himself on a stool, and proceeding to get himself thoroughly drunk.
This didn't bother his friends much at first. They stuck to his side and even though they felt sorry for him, they allowed themselves to be secretly entertained by his never ending rant on the fickleness of Vulcan girls.
"They think they're smart. They think they know everything about life. They think they know it all", he said to his friend, wiping his lips with the back of his wrist, his speech slightly slurred, "But they don't".
"They f**king don't ", he said, banging his fist on the counter for emphasis and causing the bartending robot to still and direct his reddish laser gaze at him.
"Sorry", he apologized to the robot with a boyish grin, raising both his hands up. Turning to his friend again, he continued his rant in a conversational tone. "They don't know nothing", he shook his head, "Nothing at all".
His friend, who was a compulsive grammar-nazi, absentmindedly corrected him, "They don't know anything".
It was a mistake. It made him furious.
"You asshole", he said angrily, rising from his stool after a couple of attempts, "f**k you and f**k your grammar"
His friends sighed collectively, wisely deciding it was time they took him home. Arnav had other plans however and his hurting drunken self was hellbent on carrying it out.
"I'm going to sing", he announced, tilting his head back to finish off his shot, spilling some drops on his gray, fitted shirt.
"I'm going to sing a song for her", he repeated, a wave of raw pain flitting across his features, "I'm going to tell her exactly how I feel".
His friends tried their best to dissuade him but he was mulishly adamant. Short of physically restraining him they had no other option but to weakly sit on their stools and watch him take angry but confident strides to the stage. Like a boss.
Taking place in front of the synthesizer with misplaced confidence, a still sober part of his brain found Khushi in the audience and perverse pleasure in the naked exhibition of his humanness, his foolishness, his weakness, he was about to display in front of her.
With his face intense, his eyes blood shot and his hair rumpled, he brought his lips close to the synthesizer.
And he let his heart bleed and eyes leak.
"Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong
Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?
Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry..
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyKgU-iAHkM[/YOUTUBE]
A/N: Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts
I hope you liked this chapter...please feel free to share your honest feedback with me :) I'm really touched that so many of you are reading and enjoying this love story despite not being familiar/ fond of Star Trek. Lots of love,
Jenny :)
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