TAKE 39.2 – WHY IS THAT LIGHT TO COURAGE..SO FREAKING FAR???

2 years ago

mysticaltales11111

@mysticltales111

Hellooooo Guysssssssss....

So Here I go – posting this bit – tonight – with the aim to keep the flow of the scenes going – back to back!

Word Count – Short in length – 3.9K Words.✍✍

Taking some hours off to just Write this Out finally has truly been my Respite in taking my Mind Off – Everything Covid! And I truly hope – that you are able to experience some distraction and entertainment through the Story Too🤗❤🙏

Will be Eager to know your feedback on the Same!

Thank you so very much guys* Infinity for all your Support to my Work till now! It truly means so much to me!🤗🤗🤗🤗✍✍✍👩‍💻👩‍💻👩‍💻👩‍💻

Also, yes this is the First Draft. Please definitely ignore editing/common repition of words errors etc – since I have not proofread.

I shall now let you all dive in without Further Delay.

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Disclaimer:

This Story/ Written Series is a work of Fiction.All characters are fictitious.Any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental. The depiction off fictitious characters through their cross - cultural backgrounds is also a work of pure fiction. I respect all faiths, cultures, communities with its rich diversities, equally.I mean no offence or hurt to anyone's sentiments through my work in any way whatsoever.

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TAKE 39.2 – WHY IS THAT LIGHT TO COURAGE..SO FREAKING FAR???

On the Private Charter Plane – Mid Air

Azlaan continues to feel as conflicted as he had been feeling for the last one hour. Why? Because in the last one hour – ever since their private charter had taken off from Lahore airport towards their destination – he'd been wanting to reach out to Khushi across off him and offer support and comfort – because she was zoned into a ghostly wrecked statue across off him – looking outta the window of the plane – as if she were just gazing into nowhere in a stunned solemn silence. And yet – he hadn't done the very same yet – for everything in her vibe still continued to scream the words back to him – No. Do not talk to me.I just wana be left alone with myself.

Just like it had been that way all through out the ride to the airport in his car. She'd not said out a word but her subtle pleading nod at him as she'd gotten into the car had conveyed everything that she didn't want to say in words. He'd given her what she'd needed in the moment – obviously for one look at her at that point – kind of scared him that if he asked her even a single thing – she'd shatter in the composure she was trying to hold onto. And so he'd let her be. Infact the only two words she'd said to him in the couple of hours until now – had been – a tearful – Thank You – once they'd finally entered into the departures at the private charter terminal – acknowledging the support he'd extended to her – through that volatile group of media reporters on the pathway to the departure terminal after getting down the car. And then post that – she'd just gone into a stunned mute shaken shell again – all lost in her headspace – and that hadn't changed until this very point.

And Azlaan also felt like – he couldn't really blame her for wanting to cocoon herself in – because of everything that had been happening since morning/or had happened at that brief couple of minutes at the airport with the reporters around. Because he was in the moment – live – next to her - he understood – that even just five-seven minutes of being at a center attack of a hounding media – could be enough to drain anyone off all their mental strength.

He still wanted to let her be and not make her feel like he was intruding her space but now as he just observes her silently wiping two ghostly tears outta the corners of each of her eyes – continuing to look out the window of the plane – he also feels like – he does need to step in to help her with something to drink/eat/snack on – or else it surely seemed like she'd faint in the process of standing up from the seat. Infact at the moment – her frame looked so timid and lost all sunk into the huge recliner in the air cabin.

He presses the call button for the flight attendant to come on in. Given that this was a private international chartered flight and only had the two of them as passengers – they did have about three crew members apart from the two pilots – who were succeeding excellently at flying the plane to their planned destination.( This same flight was scheduled to drop them off at the destination and then head back to Lahore and fly back tomorrow again with Raahil+Noor+ Rehaan on it)

Azlaan spots one of the air hosts come on in as he asks – " what can I help you with Sir??"

Azlaan answers politely – "some water for the two of us please? and after that some English breakfast tea with some cookies to begin with and we will take the meal in an hours time..."

The crew member nods at him politely and takes his leave and Azlaan observes on Khushi's frame for some reaction.

Nope.

There was none.

He takes a deep breathe and leans forward in his recliner from across of her and placing his forearms on the table in between of them, and he asks – " Khushi...the English breakfast tea..works for you right? I reckoned that's what you probably have back in England all the time??"

He waits for her to answer.

He gets none – again and watches her stiffen in her frame as she continues to look out the window.

Azlaan takes a deep breathe again and he says softly – " I am sorry..Khushi...I know you want to just be left alone...and I respect that...I do not wish to intrude your space at the moment...but it really looks like you could drink and eat and fuel your system at the least...the flight's still going to take us over 2hrs 30 minutes to land...at our destination...."

To his momentary disappointment – he does not get any reply – again.

He bites back his sigh and it is right then he spots the crew member come in to serve them with the water and he nods at him politely and watches him do the same and once he leaves – Azlaan picks up the glass of water from in front of Khushi in his hand and gestures it closer to her as he insists softly – " please...help yourself...with some water at the least...I understand that the morning has been chaotic and heart breaking for you on several tangents...but you really need to hydrate yourself at the moment...please??"

He finally watches Khushi's hand take the glass of water from his hand – but she does not look at him and holds it tighter in her hand as she lets out in a soft whisper still looking out of the window– " I am sor..r..y...Az..laan...I just realised...that yo..u...probably haven't had anything to eat or drink too...you didn't during the time you'v been around me...probably because I haven't...and I guess...you probably didn't as well in the morning..given the way Noor rushed you over...thank you....you are ri..ght...I don't necessarily have the appetite to eat or drink anything...but I guess...I also know I must do it...nonetheless...."

Azlaan nods at that and admits – " exactly..well...why punish your body..right??so tell me..does the English breakfast tea works?? Or you want something else to drink??"

He finally sees Khushi look at him as she finishes sipping on half the glass of water and she asks softly her eyes and self coming across as way too deplted and exhausted– " do you think they'd be equipped to serve me with some hot chocolate at the moment??"

Azlaan nods at that as he says – " we could surely check..,"and goes on to request the same for Khushi and watches her fall into silence again and a couple of minutes later as the crew finally serves him with tea and cookies and Khushi with her hot chocolate and cookies – he spots Khushi reach out to touch the warm cup for comfort almost instantly as if the warmth of the cup was what her heart seeked for like a lost child. The moment was so subtle but heartbreakingly tender – that it almost tears him up in his eyes.

Whatever the truth be – he believed in his head and heart that she surely was subjected to all the stigma, wrath for no fault of her's in it all - directly.

He watches her pick on the hot chocolate but she doesn't sip it yet but leans back into the recliner closing her eyes again as her hands continue to cradle and play with the warm cup and he ends up asking her on reflex – " Khushi...is there anything else you need??"

And he hears her answer in a soft broken whisper – " No...just the cup off this hot cocoa is enough for now...it's Mum and my thing...y..ou...know...a cup...of hot chocolate...it..'s...bee..n...our comfort...drink...for ages...she's away right now in NZ and I asked her to stay put there...until she finishes with her duties in the middle of the test match..but this just makes...me...feel...like as...if...she's with..me...right ..now..."

Azlaan feels his heart go out to her at that and he nods continuing to take in her heartbreaking frame and sight off Khushi caressing the warm cup like a little lost child in the woods on a cold wintery night.

He takes a sip off his tea now as his resolves strengthens – he just couldn't let her zone back into that stunned silence again. He felt like it would do her no good – and only harm and so he asks softly now as he finally watches her sip her hot cocoa – " did you...know?? always???? About ??"

He hears her sigh at that as she leans back gulping down the first sip keeping her eyes closed still as she whispers – " you mean?? about my connection with Abbu?? nah..not always...I only found out when I was 18...and ever since...for a long long time...I just spent so many years...looking him up online.....didn't even have the courage for a long long time to even talk to Mum about him in context...fearing that it would hurt/reopen her wounds...but then perhaps it was the biological longing that won in the end..as I gave in to the ache off wanting to atleast see him from afar...once..just once...to just for once also see the other parent who also brought me to life...that was what that trip earlier last year was about...when...we bumped into you all..at Gadaffi..."

Azlaan takes that in now and he felt like this little window was good.Atleast she was now – conversing.He did want to ask her further but then he didn't want to bombard her with too much and so he insists politely instead – " go on...sip on that cocoa...again...please??"

She still doesn't open her eyes to him but thankfully she takes another sip as he spots a trail of tear fall down her cheeks – afresh as she whispers again after – " always feared this day...in my imagination..always...knew it in my gut...that the day it would come out...it would do exactly what its doing to Mum and Abbu right now.....that reporter at the departure terminal was right wasn't he? I brought doom upon my Abbu...but well...not just him...Mum too...I technically did bring doom upon the very those who brought me to life?? Did I?????I brought doom to my parents..so why consider humanity grounds in my context??and I didn't just bring the doom to just them...but to... Raahil too..and Noor...as well...on your family...as well...it isn't like I am unaware about the tense dynamics at your place at the moment...Azlaan... and it just hurts so much..so much..for..I never wanted this...like ever....for them...for you all...for any of you...one perhaps even for myself??perhaps... A part of me..deep..down... always feared the extent to which the eye lens of people out there in the public (who don't know me at all) - would change/get biased in a go to- hate/outcast mode - when they finally looked at me with the tag of an illegitimate child...and now...to finally see people..look at me with that look as if...in their eyes both my parents...were better off without me ever being born...to hear being called the child of sin...its so freaking heartbreaking/soul shattering...and then....on one side there is that and on the other....its for me to know... deep down....in my heart that...I was born out of nothing but pure shades off love...my paren..ts...wer..e..so...uch...in love...so much...in...love...when...they conceived me...I know that...they know that...but ironically...the worldly ways are still what it is though..right??"

That from her in that heartbreaking underlying tone makes Azlaan send out a momentary curse at the reporter who even voiced this doom bit loud back enough for Khushi to hear and he says softly – " hey...no...khushi...please....look...don't give any heed to that nonsensical reporter....whatever the mess...do not blame yourself..for any off this..this...isn't your fault..."And he thinks to himself silently – It's crazy that sometimes people completely forget the impact their hurtful words can have.For he could clearly see that how that one sentence out of the zillion statements of wrath hauled at Khushi – imprinted itself in her mind and heart.

And he finally sees Khushi open her bloodshot eyes to him now as she states sinking in further in her frame into a distraught ball of lost child – " but he was right..wasn't he???nonetheless?? however hurtful that was ..it was the truth.."

Azlaan looks at Khushi straight as he says – " do not..let your mind wander there please...Khushi..no..don't do that to yourself..,"to which he hears her answer dejected after taking another sip of her cocoa – " I don't want it to...but my minds seemed to gone astray...there's so much darkness within..so much...so much of that dark vaccum pulling me in....and I want to help myself...I want to control these self esteem sabotaging thoughts...and I want to find that courage within to be able to do so...but...to be honest...right..now...I just don't know how??? I just don't know...h..ow...?? its like so much of me is still in a shock...as my mind is just in the middle of processing the crazy volatile tangents this has escalated too..."

Azlaan nods at that in an instant understanding – " only fair...Khushi...you are only human at the end..its okay to feel shocked and lost...for a bit..it is...,"and he spots her sigh now at that as she states brushing her trembling hands over her face – "anyways... go on..then...Azlaan...I am sure...you have questions...I am sure...you wana know..since when does Noor know...and why is it that she didn't tell you all...not even you...given that...the two of you are so thick in your equation...I know you want to know the backstory..."

Azlaan nods at that in silence for a second and then asks – " only if you wana tell me about it..."

He sees her nod and sigh as she says – " I think I owe Noor that...I need to explain on her behalf to atleast one of her family members who is across of me at that moment..so yes...I will tell you about it..."

And Azlaan nods at her in gratitude for that and feels the words leave his mouth on reflex – "And why did you say that you only found out about your connection with Rehaan uncle when you were 18? So was this kept a secret from you? your Mum surely had reasons??"

He sees Khushi sigh at that as she admits – " oh yes she did...have her reasons...,"and in the minutes that follow after - he listens to Khushi give him significant highlights of her backstory from the Top. The breakup scenario with her parents. Her Mum finding out about her pregnancy when Rehaan uncle was already married. Her reasons etc. And as he hears her explain all of that – he continues to feel his heart go out to not just her but her Mum too – and then about ten minutes later as he hears Khushi now explain to him everything that happened after the Asia Cup – the personal developments on all ends that led to the moment today – he feels the picture get a lot more clarified in his head. All the dots continued to connect and by the end off it all – as he finally spots Khushi place the empty cup of Hot Cocoa on the table upfront looking all drained in her face again as she says – " there you go...now...you know..what was...and well what is...happening...now...is for everyone...to see...."

He nods at that sincerely taking it all in and asks after a couple of minutes of absorbing silence – "thank you for telling me Khushi..the picture now gets clearer in my head...so do you want another cup of hot cocoa..??"

And to his momentary surprise this time around he hears her say with a shake of her head in a No – pressing a call button herself – " nah...I'd like a cup of piping hot black coffee this time around..with no sugar...just super strong and like boiling hot...."

And he watches her request the crew for the same for herself as she falls into another solemn silence for next seven minutes of silence again and Azlaan continues to observe on and once the coffee is served to her – he watches her cradle and seek comfort from the warmth of the coffee cup as signs of further heartbreak consume her frame and she closes her eyes at that and continues to caress the cup as if the warmth of the same was reminding her – off a memory of someone very special in her life- again.And his gut thinks he knows who could this be about.

Azlaan asks now softly – "well I am aware...that Rehaan uncle/raahil/noor all prefer the good old chai. Your Mum loves the hot chocolate. So does this remind you off...your....special one??( He obviously knew from Noor(from prior in time) that she was deeply in love with the man she was with.)

He sees her nod at that brokenly as she takes a sip with her eyes closed – as a fresh line of tears make their way down her face as she says softly – " yes...this is his go to drink...I often tease him that how about I rather serve him his coffee straight off the kettle? Why even bother pouring it in the cup...he likes it that freaking h..o...t," and he sees her facial expressions crumble into a massive onslaught of heartbreaking pain again and Azlaan ends up asking softly now – " so...did he know?? from prior about??"

He sees her nod at that four times over as her eyes remain closed with the same heartbreaking pain etched all over her face – " oh yes..he did...he knew everything..so did his family....but I promised myself...just like I promised his family...that I'd let no harm come on him..because off me on this angle...and that is why...I'v decided to cut contact with him for a couple of days or maybe five days/or a week ..as long as it takes for the heat to settle around me...for I know the minute he finds out what happened...he surely must have by now given that he was travelling and was yet to land..when the news broke.....but I know...in my heart...now that he knows and has probably seen it all....he'd want to come to me...and I cannot risk him...not now...like....I cant have him being seen with me...at the moment..he's the only one left for me to protect...and the fact that I did this...on the instruction of my mind..kills/butchers my heart too...just like I know it has already butchered his...he's probably hating me for this right now..for I obviously left him a text with the same...like...I also hate myself for this right now so so much...and christ..perhaps..that is why...it freaking hurting me within so much more??that I gotta do this for him...that I gotta keep myself away from him...for his sake.....for now..."

Oh – the display of love,devotion, sincerity and heartbreaking pain on Khushi's face right now – touches a chord within Azlaan further as he asks observing her caressing the hot cup of black coffee over and over – " I understand...but you look so heartbroken at the mere thought off him...which means...a part of you doesn't want this..at all..then why do this? To him and yourself? You surely look like its killing you immense to do this?and from where I see it...I think this is not the right time to do this...I think this is the right time for you to talk to him instead...for perhaps...it would help you gather that mental strength to refocus on finding the courage...within...."

And he sees Khushi finally open her bloodshot eyes to him as she admits sincerely – " ofcourse no part of my freaking heart wants this...Azlaan...but at the same time...no...this is exactly...the right...time...to..do..this...I have to guard him..protect him ...with all I have...because...because...,"and he hears her pause heartbroken.

Azlaan ends up asking on reflex – " because?????,"and hears Khushi admit with a broken sigh looking at him straight – " because...he's from India...okay?and sort of like a public celebrated figure in India...what do you think will happen to him right now..if he's spotted with me haan?given that the entire world news is going around flashing my pictures with tags like – PCB's Head's Child of Sin/Bas**** Child/Illigetimate Child..etc etc...he's an Indian..Azlaan...and I have just become a centerstage of a public stigma in Pakistan...how do you think the society around him in India is going to react to him – if he is seen with me now?????????? I'd die...in my heart...to bring doom to him..now...in anyway..whatsoever...no this is the best for him...like I said...until atleast the heat settles...I must make no contact with him...because I just know him...if I text him...or switch on my freaking phone on for a second..he'll surely have it tracked for location...in the next ten seconds...and be on his way to me....thats also the reason why I haven't texted any of my closest friends back in UK about where is it that I am headed...for I know they will tell him...plus...on that note.... Abbu/Raahil/Noor don't know yet that the man I am with is an Indian and not a Britisher...I wanted them to know..eventually...was thinking to talk to them on the remainder of my trip..but then...,"and he hears her voice trail off as she buries her head in the coffee cup and begins to dunk the coffee down.

That shocks and surprises Azlaan quite a bit. Not just the former but every bit off it and the sensitive dynamics of it all – does ring a bell in his head and so he just nods at her sincerely and voices – " hmmmm...I understand...I get where you are coming from now...the whole situation around him...does seem a lot more sensitive now...given the unfortunate cross-conflict media + worldly dynamics of our respective countries...and if you say...he is kind off like a public figure in India...then probably this is the time to lie low...also don't worry...Noor/Raahil/rehaan uncle wont hear about him being an Indian...from me...your secret is safe with me...k?"

He sees Khushi nod at him in gratitude at that as she whispers – " thanks...Azlaan...for everything..."

Azlaan nods – " no worries..,"and asks next leaning back into his recliner as she places the empty cup off coffee on the table – " so what now??? are you going to eat something or not?"

And he sees her shake her head in a No – sadly as she whispers – " for now...I'd just like to alternate in between drinking hot cocoa and black coffee...one more time...before we land...because when we do...I am sure your phone will give me all the updates...about the reaction back in England as the day begins there...and what is that Abbu says live in his public statement....it's going to crumble me to watch the media lynch him live and talk about Mum as his other woman etc etc or bring up theories about their relationship then/or now...so perhaps...its better I just simply accept that I am going to feel all crumbled and shattered this way for a bit...before I see myself looking out for that light to courage within...because right now....to be honest....that light to courage...just seems....so...so...far....just...why does it seem so far?? So so so....godammit far?? Just ..how...am I going to get there???? just how do I get there?????????????,"and with that Azlaan watches her excuse herself standing up wiping her tears – rushing to the washroom.

Azlaan knew – she was going to succumb to a painful breakdown in there and he couldn't help but send out the curse at the developments around understanding her situation now wholly - wondering to himself – That why is it that at times – that Light to Courage really DOES seem so so so so godammit Far????????????????????????????????????

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TADAAAAAAAA!

How was That Guysssssssss ?????????? I teared up quite a bit while writing this yaa...especially when I imagined Khushi clinging onto the cup of hot choclate/coffee – remembering Alice+ Arnav....

Next Update : Will be aiming to give one Tuesday night!! Stay tuned guys. Hint : The next update straight begins from a scene at Arnav's home!!!!!!!!!

Until Then – Please take care 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Thanks, Guys, for all the Support and your Precious Time to my Work!

Much Love

Always

❤

Prachi

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