TAKE 15 - Whirlwind
Hellooooo Guysssssssss....
Hope you and your family all are Safe and Sound amidst the rising Covid Tsunami in India. Stay in and Stay Safe – Guysss!!🙏🙏🙏🙏
So Yup here I am on Tuesday with the next update off HW3.0...and the first update off the week... Please Note – we are a week forward in the story! And This bit totally had to stand out on its Own.
Word Count – Medium–Long - 8K Words.✍✍👩💻👩💻
Taking some hours off to just Write this Out finally has truly been my Respite in taking my Mind Off – Everything Covid! And I truly hope – that you are able to experience some distraction and entertainment through the Story Too🤗❤🙏💻
Also, yes this is the First Draft. Please definitely ignore editing/common repition of words errors etc – since I have not proofread.
And I shall now let you all dive in without Further Delay.
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TAKE 15 – Whirlwind
One week Later – 29th March, 2019
Manchester, UK
8:00 PM
On the Team Bus on the Way Back to the Hotel
Khushi's POV
Celebrations have begun around me in full swing. They began the very second, we all stepped on the team bus – two minutes ago. The bus is now beginning to depart on its wheels as our ride back to the Hotel begins. My Hearts really not in it though. I can say with great conviction that it just isn't. Mostly for Mum's sake – I have just been in the middle of a pretend mode – just pretending to be as stoked and excited as the rest of our Unit(for a while).
But in my head and heart – all of my energies are tuned in with Arnav's. We did get on a little chat about five minutes ago too – but I just feel like I need to be with him – right now. I want to be with him right now.
I gesture to Mum(who is in the middle of the crazy celebration – hooting and cheering – along with the rest of the support unit too) that I am going to sit by the end of the bus for a bit – given that I still got some work to finish on – which is also true. She nods at me excited and I make my way back through shooting pretended smiles and grins to everyone on the way.
Once I am alone on the last row by the seat next to the window – I switch on my Tablet to resume work and I also dish out my phone again to text Arnav.
Me : Arnav..please tell me again...that you are okay? Everyone's celebrating around me but my I just don't feel like it. Are you feeling bummed out in your gaming emotions - still? Also are you on your team bus now? I did spot your bus pulling in behind ours as we were just leaving.I can't help but feel this worried for you still...even though you said ..you are okay..prior...please just reconfirm the same to me again?
I tap send and wait for his reply hoping desperately it comes soon.My eyes take momentary refuge in basking at the sight of the rain on the outside.
Hmmmm.
So – while I wait for Arnav's text – I think it's only fair that I give in a little context to the situation – game wise- first.
So.
We'v just won the ODI series against India. 2- 1.(Now you know why the crazy hooting and cheering continues around me).All three ODI games – had been a close competition of the bat and ball yet again though.India had won the first ODI game on the 25th of March in Southampton by 10 runs.We all travelled to Cardiff the next day for the second ODI was scheduled to be held there on the 27th of March. Our England team won the second ODI by 2 wickets in the last over of that game. Once again it was all going down to the last game of the series to decide the series winner.The very next day we all travelled to Manchester – where in the 3rd ODI was scheduled to be played at the Old Trafford Cricket Stadium - today.( It's been hectic with all the travel too)
And today - England had won the toss and chose to bat first and they managed to score about 335 runs for 9 wickets by the end of their 50 overs. But the weather kind of decided to play spoilt sport after - which resulted in the bit that the second innings of the game could not be completed fully. India could only bat until 35 overs until the play was halted due to the sudden rain shower. They were 200-4 until that point. Eventually the play could not be resumed until the reserve time which basically led to the bit that on account of D/L method coming in to decide the result of this decider match of the series – We won the match by 10 runs leading us to win the series by 2-1. Because the D/L cut off score for India was 210 keeping in mind the 35 overs they had played. And they fell ten runs short – eventually. The post series presentation was held indoors eventually and ofcourse the Indian unit was bummed out because of the rain interruption and D/L coming in to play to decide the winner.Skipper Dev did mention in his talk with the presenter that on moments like these– all they can do is just take it in the stride of chance and keep their focus on the positives they had to pick out off the series as a unit and look ahead to the next that's lined up.
But now within just about 30 minutes of these developments – as the celebrations continue at our end – The entire Men in Blue squad and all the playing 11 players especially the top order batsmen – are being bashed online by the cricketing fans left,right, and centre(yet again) . I think their strategy was that they wanted to keep their wickets in hand and play the middle overs slow and steady then accelerate their run rate towards the end which might have worked in their favour if the game had gone on to be played till the end. But given that D/L came into place to decide the result eventually – that very strategy backfired.So now - their top order batsmen along with Skipper Dev are being bashed so bad back in the online world in India for the decision to play the middle overs slowly. And their bowling unit is being bashed – because all the main bowlers combined gave about a couple of wides/extras each adding another 10 runs to our total with those extras. So everyone up online is now like – if only our bowlers hadn't leaked away those cheeky extra's.
Ughhh. It's crazy.
So ofcourse its only obvious that my heart is caught up in all this worry for Arnav – right now.He's being bashed so bad too – along with everyone else. On an individual level though – personally the ODI series went well for him nonetheless. He took 3 wickets every match taking his wicket tally upto 9 this ODI series and also bowled at a decent economy never leaking away too many runs. He also scored 45 runs and 40 runs in the first two ODI's and went not out. Today he didn't get to bat.
Wait.
My Whtsapp lights up.
Him : hey you...my fiore...just got on the bus...texting you the minute I took the seat. And yes...my darling...please know that I am totally biting back my grin picking on the essence of all your worry for me yet again.(Wink emoticon)
I bite back my worry.I totally can imagine him smiling to himself as he wrote that.
Me : Arnav..please..don't joke about this. I am serious. I am so worried because of the way you and your entire unit is being bashed online right now too...please talk to me about your headspace...I need to know..if you..okay..again..k?? please just answer me first..k?
Him : okay...okay...alrighty....I will answer you first...I am okay darling..yes like I said prior we were all a tad bit disappointed momentarily given that we couldn't complete the game obviously. But it's okay. Such things happen. At times the gaming strategy doesn't work in our favour and yes even though it feels disappointing for a bit to gulp that down – we as a unit know that – that's also where our learning lies. So we are just going to learn from this - pick on the positives and move on to the T20's determined – nonetheless. And once again – please do not worry about the online bashing bit again – you know it's a part and parcel of our lives.We are all used to it.It isn't bothering me at all...k? You know me baby...I am all about controlling my inputs within. Smile..please? a little...at the least..for my sake??
I sigh in part relief.
Me : Thank god – you are okay...that's all I really care about actually. Plus...I think I am the one who is supposed to cheer you up Arnav..given the situation and not the other way round..k? but look...to be honest...I just think it's going to take me a while to get used to the feeling of you getting bashed up online. I don't like it. I can't take it. Just makes me wana make another disguised profile on Instagram only so that I can give it back to these bashers too. I want to give it back to them Arnav.To each and every one of them. I told you prior a freaking zillion times already – even when you all were being bashed after the loss in the second ODI. You won't just let me.
Him : my baby...I love the sound of that – okay? I told you prior.I love the very essence of your worry for me but no – I do not want you to get into this getting back at my bashers bit - because..it's going to be such a waste of your time and your precious emotional energy sweetheart. It isn't freaking worth it.Ok? you got so much going on anyway – this is the last thing I want you to be bothered with.K? infact trust me ...I am a little worried for you myself right now...given that you'v been prepping yourself for this all week and the moments now closer...you are going to be talking your Mum tonight...finally..so cmon...now...you tell me first... are you okay? All set? I mean all ready...to have the talk tonight? Any last minute jitters..talk to me about it darling...I am right here...
Godaammit.
This Man.
How can I not fall madly in love with him freaking over and over – guys? I mean - here I am going bonkers in worry for him and he is thinking about my last-minute jitters with regard to my talk with Mum – which I have planned to execute later tonight.
Me : I am okay...Arnav...how could I not be? When you made sure...that I got all prepped for this in my head...in the whole of last week? You'v literally been my guiding star with regards to this.
Him : oh please darling..its been all You. From where I see it - youv just taken leaps for yourself by prepping up on this emotionally.
Me : oh please...Arnav..we both know..I wouldn't have been able to find my way to this point..if it wasn't for you...k? PLUS Even Maya, Sarah, Brian and Jack agree on that. They are now of the conclusion that everytime they can't get me to see a point – they are surely going to route it through you. They believe that the way you can handle me through my stuff – is working like a jackpot for them too.Also on that note – they were all a little worried for you too. I will text them that you are okay and all sorted. Its just the crazy me whose feeling all worked up still with regards to all your bashers.
I tap send to that.
Him : I do love the sound of the prior bit..baby..and yes..please...do that...assure that I am okay and tell them I can't wait to meet them once we are back in London.K?
I smile as I read that.
Me : Yes...they are so excited about the same too. Maya is planning something for us all on the night after the 2nd T20...so that we can all catch up at her place...given that the last two matches are in London.At Lords on the 3rd and then the final at Oval on the 5th April. Know what??I am so excited for you to meet them too...
And just as I tap send to that – my excited grin vanishes on its own accord. Because once again it hits me that 5th April is just 7 days away from now. Arnav is scheduled to leave in 8 days from now on the 6th.
Just Eight More Days.
My gut wrenches in fast countless spins like a washing machine. I still have so many memories to store!! Dammit! I havent even gotten around to making love to him yet in its traditional sense. Given that on the other night we didnt have protection on us and the very next day my always on time lasting six days menstrual cycle arrived and disrupted our Intimate plans for the rest of the week.A part of me was so glad that- it finally finished today morning!But yes..I have been sneaking out to meet him every night though..nonetheless..only returning back by dawn. We'v even slept off cuddling in each other's arms after spending some quality time together until my alarm buzzes on us.
Before he can send me his reply now – I type quick.
Me : Arnav...I..I.....
Him : no...please...don't....I know what's on your mind..its what engulfed me too..momentarily which is why I was silent for a bit...please just don't..dont even think off the bit about my leaving right now and please don't freaking remind me of that yet Khushi. Can we not talk about me leaving? Please?
Yeah I could do that.
Me : okay...it's crazy how you sense me..though...
Him : okay...I am changing the topic. I do not even want to think about this. So – tell me how's the celebrations going in the bus? Also are you done with all those victory posts that you were supposed to get ready for Englands social media handles?? And what about your behind the scenes bytes with the medical/support/admin team? Given that the way all of those have been going viral amidst England cricket fans – I think I wana tell you once more – that the fact that you came up with this idea was so amazing in the first place...my fiore.....so tell me... all ready with regards to work??
I smile a little as I read that. I love it when he calls me that. Obviously. His Fiore. His Darling. His Baby. I love the sound of any sort of endearment in his voice for me. I am His – anyway.
I look up to take in the celebrations upfront in the bus.
Me : thank you for the latter again Arnav..and I think I wana co-operate with you on the bit of changing the topic so I will answer you..the celebrations full on in the bus..for sure...Arnav..and to be honest – I still got some work to finish given with regards to the posts...my tabs all set next to me – given that we still have twenty minutes left until we reach back...I just wanted to check on you and chat with you a little first...and yes... I do plan to take on some more bytes from everyone over the celebratory dinner get together planned...I have to go because of Mum and work..but ...but...
Him : but what?
Me : you really wana know?
Him : ofcourse...I wana know...darling...
Me : but...my heart won't be in it completely....just like my heart isn't in the celebrations right now...
Him : I love the sound of that...my darling..
Me : I gotta honour my commitment to my work and Mum's love for her unit – but that's what it is – Arnav.You know that..don't you?? also what are all of your plan now? I mean dinner and stuff??also did you talk to everyone back home..?
Him : yes...I know my fiore...so..we are all just planning to lounge and chill in Skip's suite for a bit and order in – Room Service – its his thing. Especially when we lose a series. He makes sure we all dine in – in his suite – over dinner – together – in a huge group. He treats us all to dinner ..I think he does so to lift all our spirits up as a group? so yup – that's what the plan is after which I am just going to chill and relax with the boys or in my room after – while I wait for you.and yes I will be getting into a call with everyone once I reach the hotel..it's around 1230Pm for them...anyways... So you tell me – are you going to talk to your Mum during the celebratory dinner? Or after when you are in the room??
Me : I think I will ask her to leave early with me so that I can talk to her prior in our room so that we have all the privacy. Because I do wana see you after – as early as I can – for sure. I am fighting the urge to hug you so tight – given that I couldn't when I spotted that little gaming disappointment over your face – prior.
Him : and I am fighting the same urge too Khushi..and I know that you know that – anyways – I am right here baby..not going anywhere...you address this with your Mum all calmly – k? don't rush it because of me...it's a talk that's been a long time coming...you can do this okay? Youv come so far in your head..now all you gotta do is take that leap of faith..everything will be okay...
My heart swells with Love.
I love you Mi Amor.So much. So Bad.So deep.
Me : yeah...I will take it all calmly..you are right..all I need is to take that leap of faith now..so....yeah..I will see you after – K? also I don't really wana get off text right now – but I think I will have too given I do need to finish up on that work. Ill be able to much quicker now – now that I am feeling all at peace knowing you are okay...all this worry in my head other was making me so restless – otherwise...
Him : alrightyy baby...you carry on with your work – K? but please do chill around the reception for a bit as our buses reach so that I can steal a couple of glances at you before I head up – okay? Exactly what I need to keep myself going until I see you alone – later tonight..(Wink emoticon)
I grin as I read that.
Me : ofcourse I will...for that's exactly what will keep me going too...
And with that – I finally get back to my work on hand. I also take in a look at Mum upfront still in the middle of her happy celebrations.
I smile to myself determined.
Mum – I am ready! I am ready to talk to you about what I have been dying too – for six long years.
Finally.
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10:00 PM
Khushi and Her Mum's Room
Alice Jones steps into her room biting back her smile. Finally. She thought. Finally – her baby – her daughter was going to talk to her. She'd been observing her closely for a while and especially in this last week – she could easily sense that her baby was smiling and blooming in happiness in the ways she had never really seen before. She was even smiling in her sleep.The happy – serene – peaceful look that she caught on her daughters face every morning as she turned to wake her up – did not miss her eye. Obviously.
Just like the bit that she'd also been sneaking out the room for the last eight days at night only coming back around the break of dawn – did not miss her eye too. She bites back her chuckle thinking My Hun..you probably thought that I am deep sleeper so I wouldn't catch onto this bit. But I did. I'v just been waiting for you to talk to me about this yourself because I respect your privacy.
But at the same time – that usual cloud of confusion returns to claw her mind. The clouds that had been dancing around her Mommy's head for a while – ever since Birmingham. Were her daughters steps up this flight off happiness – because of Rob?
Why was she confused? Because - personally - back in time when Khushi was dating Rob – she'd never seen Khushi this Happy. Plus after her break up with Rob – Khushi had made it clear to her that she was never going to give him another chance even if he asked – given the reason and how's of the ways he ended things.
But then given that she'd spotted her daughter sneaking out in the middle of the night - she thought – maybe he'd realised his mistake and seeked genuine apology – and these two were in the middle of thinking off giving each another chance? Under cover? And that Khushi was probably waiting for the right time to talk to her about it as in when she was sure about the step she wanted to take? She didn't know yet. But the way – Khushi had asked her to head to their room – in the middle of the extended ongoing victory celebrations after dinner in the team room – she sensed and assumed that this was what she probably wanted to talk about.
She walks up to the two seater sofa in their room and gestures Khushi to come sit opposite to her and she asks puzzled, taking in the nervous expressions on Khushi's face – " hun...why do you look so nervous right now? I have seen you so nervous ...while...getting set to talk to me..."
Khushi smiles nervously walking up to sit next to her Mum as she hugs her sideways – " I know..Mum...yhats because I have never been this nervous..ever..."
Alice kisses her head lovingly and asks hugging her back – "you, okay? Hun? Your vibe's vulnerable...talk to me..please...look there's no conversation in the whole wide world that we can't have...ok??"
Khushi nods and she says hugging her Mum tighter – " I know...Mum..I know...I am just so nervous because..,"and she pauses and just hugs her Mum tight. She'd planned this all in her head. But now that she was seconds away from having the talk with her Mum – she was feeling extremely vulnerable.
Alice feels confused.She instantly holds Khushi up by her arms and kisses her head– " Hun...look...if this is you being worried about my reaction to you getting back with Rob again – then I'll just say it outright first – that I respect the decisions you wana take for yourself in your personal life honey...as long as you know what you are doing and it feels right to you in your head...I am all cool..."
That surprises Khushi instantly and she asks shocked – " wait..what? Mum? No..wait..why do you think that?? that I am getting back with Rob again?? "
Alice catches the shock on her daughters face and she asks puzzlement taking over her tone – " wait...so the reason for all this Happiness and serenity - I can feel around you for the last one week or so especially - isn't Rob?? As in the one you are sneaking out to meet on all these nights only coming back at the break of dawn – isn't Rob???????is that not what you wana talk to me about??"
Khushi shoots her mother a sheepish smile at that – "so ..you totally caught onto the bit of me sneaking out Mum? And here I thought I was being uber discreet..."
They share an instant chuckle at that on reflex and Alice winks at her playfully – " well not discreet enough to miss a mommy's eye...honey..ofcourse I can sense it when you leave the room ..."
Khushi sighs as she leans back into the cushions and she admits holding onto her mother's hand – "and no..Mum...it could never be Rob...again...K? I am not in the middle of getting back with him..k? I am just seeing someone else...actually...and the reason for all my happiness – is Him. Only Him.He makes me really happy Mum. I am the happiest I have ever been...."
Alice grins at that happily as she leans forward to kiss Khushi's head – " okay...now you are talking honey....this sounds great..okay..so it isn't Rob...then..who is it???c'mon do not keep the suspense on me longer – I am feeling really puzzled in my head.."
Khushi smiles at that warmly as she says – " I want to tell you all about him obviously Mum and I will. But can we get to that later? I have something else I want to begin talking with you prior.."
Alice nods – " oh..okay...alrighty...lets talk about this other bit you wana talk about first.."
Khushi holds onto her Mum's hand and she says sincerely and softly – " Mum...please know first thing out...that my intention is not to hurt you with this – okay? I wouldn't wana hurt you ever. So please...do not misunderstand me...k?"
Alice clutches on Khushi's hand back lovingly – " hun...I would never misunderstand you...you are my baby...why would you even think that??"
Khushi says in an instant next taking that leap of faith gathering all her strength – " Mum..I wana talk about Dad..and You...can I? can we??? I know we never do – but..I really want to...I..I..wana know...how you feel..with regards to him...still...the reason why you never moved...on...or if...do you still feel like are you in love with him?? What's your take on Love...say now?? after everything that you'v been through personally on the matters of the heart??,"and she pauses searching her Mum's surprised + stunned face for any signs of hurt and asks softly – " Mum...are you mad??"
Alice was surprised + stunned.But she wasn't mad. More so relieved. She nods and clutches on her daughters hand back and she whispers honestly – " I am not mad at you hun...why would I be mad at you for wanting to talk about your Dad?ofcourse we can talk about your Dad...... I just thought...you don't wana talk about him...which is why you never brought him up after I told you the truth...,"and she sighs and admits further – " I thought I'd be hurting you by talking about him over and over...which is why I just never did...after..."
And just as she hears her Mum say that – Khushi's eyes well up on their own accord as she asks nervously – " wait..Mum..is that what you thought? That you'd be hurting me if you talked about Dad to me??"
Alice nods and sighs and her eyes well up a little on their own accord too as she says honestly – " yeah..."
Khushi leaps into her Mums arms at that as she tears up – " and Mum...the reason why I never talked about Dad to you after was because I didn't wana hurt you...I thought...what if you feel like I'm disrespecting you or something by talking about him...you'v been both my parents to me Mum..always..and I just didn't want you to ever think that me wanting to know about Dad..had anything to do with anything like I feel a vacuum within because you haven't been a good parent...or something..oh Mum...I'v been so worried...I would hurt you with this...which is why I never...which is why...I just...never...there's so much I wana talk...I just never could...until now....I can't believe we were both so afraid of hurting the other...,"and she pauses and begins to sob in her arms – feeling tons of weight lifting off her heart almost immediately in relief.
Alice hugs Khushi hard as her own eyes well up and tears begin to roll down – " oh....no...honey...no...I would never doubt the love and respect you have in your heart for me...never...,"and she whispers kissing Khushi's head and pulling her up – " go on...ask me whatever you want? K? let's talk about your Dad...what do you wana know? I know you did start with a list of questions that took me by surprise...let's get to them one by one...k??"
Khushi pulls back first and she asks instantly nodding – "first thing out – I want to know – do you like think about him still???"
Alice smiles sadly through her tears as she asks Khushi – " hun..is it okay if I help myself with some water first..."
Khushi nods and she instantly helps her Mum with a couple of glasses of water first and once she is done dunking it down – Khushi asks taking in the angst that had clouded her Mum's vibe – "Mum..is it going to be hard for you to talk about Dad though? I don't want to make this difficult for you..as in personally...emotionally... I know...everything with regards to him is a deep personal wound..."
Alice holds onto Khushi's hand and admits – " No..don't worry about it...I wana talk to you about this..Hun...I think..I just realised...I am beginning to feel lighter at the mere thought off opening up to you about my feelings with regards to him....so yes..your first question is..."
Khushi sits next to her immediately and she pulls Alice in a warm hug as she asks softly – "so...do you think about him...often??"
Alice admits in a soft whisper holding onto her daughter – " yes I do...very often..,"and she pauses and pulls back from the hug and walks back to pick up her tablet and walks back to Khushi and hands it to her – " if you were to ever browse my search history on my tab – you'd often find him in those search pages...I'v always wished him well in my head and heart - Khushi – just silently though....it's a good thing he was/is a public figure..."
Khushi holds onto her mother's tablet as she asks tears pouring down her eyes on reflex – " you look him up on Google too??"
Alice narrows her eyes at Khushi surprised and dazed emotionally taking in her expressions– " wait..does that mean...you look him up too hun??"
Khushi nods and she admits honestly her voice quivering– " yes Mum...I do...so too...just to know how he's doing in life etc...also...I have some pics of him...printed out...in my secret scrapbook...and I also have some of the two of you stuck to one another...because it felt like that was the only way I'd ever get to see the two of you together...in one...frame...,"and she pauses burrying her head in her hands, feeling as light as a feather at finally saying all of that loud to her Mum.
Alice sits next to Khushi instantly her heart going out to her and she pulls her in a warm embrace – tearing up too – " oh honey..why didn't you ever tell me....please...tell me...everything...every ache that you have been holding within..all these years??with regards to this...??first...my baby...I am so sorry..for you to be the one suffering in the middle of all of this...this way...this was never your fault...never...talk to me...please...I wana know...everything....I will answer all your questions after..but first...I wana everything you'v been going through...."
And Khushi does exactly that.She hugs her mother hard and she begins to tells her everything.Bit by Bit.
She was crying.Her Mum was crying through it too. But it wasn't hurting. It felt like they were – just being there for one another - as each other soothing balms in the process.
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Twenty minutes later – Khushi continues to hold onto her mother tight. She had just finished venting out everything to her with regards to the pent up ache.And her Mum had lovingly heard her out and comforted her too.Finally – after all this aching while – Khushi had that Heart to Heart with her. No words could explain how light she was feeling. Super Light and Sorted.
Alice whispers kissing Khushi's head now hoping that she had addressed and comforted her vulnerabilities and she says again in a sigh – "I cannot believe this Hun...that you'v been harbouring so much ache with regards to this – but I am so glad we talked about this...now...better late than never....for now you know right hun?? that the fact that I never moved on was out of personal choice....it had nothing to do with you ever...hun...ever..don't you ever think that okay.....You are my whole wide world....hun...I thank god for you everyday...you are the living memory of my love that was..."
Khushi hugs her Mum tighter again as she asks softly – "what's your take on Love Mum...I wana know what are your thoughts on the same..say today...in the present...after everything you'v been through...all these years...did you ever regret falling in love with Dad in the ways you did??"
Alice pulls Khushi up and kisses her forhead and admits with a sad smile – " Love...is a beautiful emotion – Khushi...extremely beautiful and no...I do not for a second regret falling in love with your Dad in the ways I did. I would never exchange the experience of what I felt with him – for anything in the whole wide world..."
Khushi eyes tear up at that for she feels like she understands where her mother was coming from in the magnitude of emotion and she asks softly – " even despite the ache..right??"
Alice nods sadly with a sad smile – "yes...even despite the ache...Love is glorious – Khushi – it's got many shades and stages to it. I realised it all much later in life though – that while falling in love is that initial stage – seeing it through together – is another vital stage too. It is usually us – people – who give up on one another in those latter stages and in order to feel better about it in our heads and ego's we end up blaming the emotion of Love – for existing...,"and she sighs and admits – " the fact that your Dad and I couldn't bridge through our differences then was each of ours fault at our respective ends Khushi – we just gave up on one another - we were not willing to go that extra mile to see our love through even though we both knew what we felt for one another was intense – but from where I see it now – that's our fault - how can that be fault of the precious emotion of Love??"
Khushi nods and she asks softly – "you still love him don't you? You love Dad...even today...twenty-five years later – he's the only one – you'v ever loved and will probably love right??just talk to me Mum...take it all out...."
Alice answers honestly – " yes...I do...a part off me probably always did love him...always will just love him...one of my biggest personal flaws honey is this I guess? that I could never move on from the love that had once gripped my heart so deep.....but I couldn't help it Khushi..the minute I would try to even think of going on a blind date your grandparents would set me up with over the years – my heart would just revolt...it didn't want to forget...or let go..I tried to fight it for bit for sure...but then that would just make me more miserable...so instead I worked on coming to terms with accepting what I feel – and then ofcourse – I always had you – you are a part of him – that's exactly what's kept me going...all these years...that in some way or the other – he is still here...with me...through you....,"and she pauses for a second and lets on further taking it all out exactly like her daughter had asked her too holding on a fresh bout of tears – " there are only three reasons why I'v always kept you a secret from him...Khushi...first being the ways in which I have always loved him – I mean by the time I found out I was expecting you he was already two/three weeks married....I didn't wana disrupt the life he was trying to build for himself then and even after all these years that reason remained – things were and are different for him now aren't they? He had another family. His wife, son etc.Who knows how would they react to his past? Why disrupt the current of his life just because I couldn't have it in my heart to move on? The fact that I was frozen here in my heart in those moments with him was my problem, right? not his at all....in a way somewhere deep down a part of me is glad..that he moved on..over the years..seeing his grin around his family in media pics has helped me feel good knowing that he is happy...out there...yeah it aches too..but I still feel good in the thought too..its a bitterswert mix of two intense emotions..."
Khushi wipes a trail of her tears as she hugs her Mum – " oh...Mum..come here..,"and she holds her snug as she whispers kissing her head – " I understand....I do...go on Mum...take it out..."
Alice goes on – " the second reason being the bit that – I have always feared the ache we both will feel – if say he refuses to acknowledge your existence due to the society pressures around him...I'v always wanted to protect you from that ache Hun..."
Khushi hugs her tight – " I sensed this...I think I knew this in my gut...Mum..."
Alice lets out next pulling up from Khushi's hug – "and the third reason – is something that I have never acknowledged to anyone else in person ever not even to Mum and Dad – but I wana confess it to you....today...Khushi...given that we are finally having this talk..."
Khushi nods and kisses on her Mum's hand in support – " go on..Mum...tell me...please..."
Alice adds now fresh tears leaving her eyes – " say...you'll forgive me first though? once you hear it... for this is a selfish reason...Khushi...I have been selfish as a Mum...for you were all I had..."
Khushi wipes her mother's tears achingly – " Mum...please...there's nothing I'd be mad at you for in the first place...please tell me...without worrying..."
Alice admits kissing Khushi's head – " your Dad. He always wanted a daughter. In our vulnerable moments he would often tell me – Alice if we ever have a daughter – I'd like to name her Khushi...which is why...I...named....you...Khushi....hun...,"and she pulls Khushi close into a tight hug as she whispers – "and this is the bit I have never acknowledged out loud....a part of me had always been also scared of the possibility that what if he ever took you away from me?? if he found out about you?? he's a powerful person Khushi...I didn't want to lose you...I couldn't lose you....hun...also a part reason why I only told you the truth after you turned 18 – you were an adult by then – old enough to take your own decisions... "
Khushi feels her heart burst with so much love for her Mum and overwhelming emotions at the same time as she asked her voice quivering holding onto her Mum tight – " you named me Khushi – because..of Dad's wish??you were scared of losing me for all those years ...Mum??"
Alice admits pulling up from the hug – " yes I was...are you mad at me hun??"
Khushi shakes her head in a No – " no Mum...I am not mad..I am just overwhelmed because I think I understand...where you are coming from...,"and she pauses and fights back a sigh not knowing how to talk about Lahore to her Mum now after hearing this.
But Alice caught onto that look on her face and she asks instantly – " what is it that you wana say Hun??"
Khushi gulps down her nervousness – " I don't know how to say this to you now Mum...given everything you just said..."
Alice holds her hand – " say it...please..."
Khushi sighs – " it took me so long to gather all this strength to talk to you about this Mum...as in think of this bit as being the trigger...,"and she begins to tell her Mum about Sarah's work assignment in Lahore and everything that has been going in her head ever since and once she is done five-seven minutes later and is searching her Mum's face for any hurt – she hears her Mum ask softly – " do you wana go Hun? To Lahore?? Do you really feel like you wana see and feel the place where he grew up and take the chance on off seeing him from afar at the least? Will it really make you feel more sorted and at peace in your head...?? Will it make you happy??"
Khushi nods locking her emotional gaze with her Mum and she whispers – " yes I wana go...I really wana go Mum...it will help me within....if only I can see him once...even if it's just from afar...I won't tell him who I am ofcourse...I mean – I don't think I'd have it in me to face the bit of him never acknowledging my existence due to the society pressures at his end too even today – but only if you say..you are okay with this....I do not want you to think that me taking a step closer into feeling close to him within my head is like me taking a step away from you Mum...please...don't ever think that...okay??,"and she pauses to ask – " are you mad??"
Alice shakes her head in a No and she kisses Khushi's hand – " go...go hun...if its going to bring you any solace in your head...then go...at the end...you are my baby...your happiness matters to me...I do not want you to feel like I want you to pick sides Hun in the present today...yes I have been scared of losing you to him earlier..but that was when you were younger...you are an adult now...old enough to take your own decisions and if this is what you wana do for yourself in your being – then do it please....you have both my consent and my unconditional support...."
Khushi hugs her Mum hard at that as she exclaims all relieved – " thank you Mum...thank you so much for this....you have no idea how great its feeling to hear you say this to me right now...,"and in her head – she begins to thank Arnav silently over and over for guiding her to this. He had been right all along. She had just been caught up in her very own web of ambiguous assumptions letting it affect the vision of her truth – until this point.
Alice holds Khushi close and she whispers softly, almost sadly – " click a lot of pictures..for me though..okay? khushi?? Back in the day – your dad would always talk to fondly about his home..his country..their beautiful culture...but sadly – I could never garner the strength to visit there – ever – you...go...baby...you go...I am sorry that I cannot go with you though...you understand why..don't you?? I mean – he probably doesn't even remember me now – so much changed for him – right???"
Khushi whispers softly her heart breaking for her Mum – " yes...I understand...Mum...I do...I am sorry Mum...I know this must ache..."
Alice whispers softly – " it aches..yes...but don't be sorry..hun...I am not...I'v taken refuge in the happy memories of what was...Khushi...and I am just so glad that there were so many of them..."
Khushi gulps her own emotions at the sound of that and she asks softly – " what was Dad like...Mum? As in when you fell in love with him?? You never talked about your story to me prior ??? you had briefed me with the general premise.... Do you wana talk about it?? with the highlights at least??"
Alice asks kissing Khushi's head – " do you wana know hun??"
Khushi nods – " yes..Mum...I wana..know.."
Alice pulls up from the hug and she whispers fondly her heart getting all nostalgic – " your Dad..was amazing..Khushi..I think the major reason why I could also never move on was this ..you know the fact that he was so amazing...,"she finishes with a fond nostalgic wink.
Khushi chuckles at that on reflex – " really? that amazing??"
Alice nods happily nostalgic – " yes...totally amazing plus...yes...I think I could aptly say that....he was like a Whirwind in my Life......he came into my life just like that one fine day...swept me off my feet in a jiffy – having me swirl and swirl fast in so much emotion that it was crazyyy..do you know until him..I'd always thought I was immune to Love...but then – he arrived and everything changed after – ill tell you all about it.But wait...how about I get us both some wine..while we talk about this though??we have some in the mini bar.."
Khushi nods wiping her bittersweet tears – " yeah..Mum..lets get that wine...,"and she watches her Mum act on the same. Why bittersweet tears in her eyes? Because in this moment off time – even after all this while – the happy glint in her Mum's eye at just the thought of reliving her story as she narrated her story to her – did not miss her eye.And also – because she exactly understood what her Mum was talking about. Given that everything about Arnav was like that exact Whirwind too – right?
.....................................
One Hour Later
Alice brushes Khushi's hair lovingly as she kept their wine glasses aside now and lied down with her head rested in her lap. Khushi says softly now – " wow...Mum...I don't know what to say except for the bit that I am so glad you talked to me about this....it feels so great to know that the two of you were so happy together – I mean even if it was once upon a time – in my head always...I'd just always thought maybe it was more about the angst and the ache after the break up..."
Alice brushes her daughters hair lovingly.She had just finished giving her the major highlights of her love story. Both Happy and Sad.It had felt so light. So much lighter to finally talk this out loud with her baby.She whispers now reliving it all in her head – " the fact that we were so happy once upon a time – was what made the angst later on so heavy and bittersweet baby...but yeah...it was what it was...like I said...he was like that Whirlwind...everything about our romance was like a Whirwind Romance too – was probably just destined too last a shortwhile – given that's the nature of Whirlwind's right...they eventually disappear back into the weather phenomenon they stem from – but leaving you so affected – that nothing feels the same again. It's sad but its true...even though he disappeared in the reality of my life baby...in my head...in my heart...in my memories...I am still swirling in the Whirwind – your Dad triggered in my being twenty five years ago...and once again..I want to make it clear to you...that.. I chose to stay swirled up in this baby...it isn't anyones fault...its my wish...I just never wanted to be touched by another man ever again...I just never even wanted to be kissed by another man ever again....which was why I could never move on..."
Khushi gulps down her emotions at that as she admits holding onto her tears locking her gaze with her Mum's – " I understand...Mum...I know what you mean...because I feel exactly the same now...for everything about him...the one I am seeing now...is like a Whirlwind too – and at the moment I feel like – even if he disappears – I'd just stay all swirled in this maasive emotional phenomenon he's caused in my being. I could never undo what I have been feeling...never..I don't have it in me too...I just don't..."
That worries Alice momentarily as she spots the intense emotion on her daughters face that she surely recognised. She asks to confirm – " you are in love..hun?? you are in love with this person you are seeing??"
Khushi nods as she wipes a trail of her tear – " yes...Mum..I am in love with him. So bad.So deep....the mere thought of him leaving in eight days from now is butchering me....I am so scared..of him walking away from me like Rob did when I talked to him about..about...you know what I mean...which is why...all these days...I just feel like I need memories..to stock up on...now while he is still here and until I tell him the truth...you know just incase he walks away....which is why I am just spending so much time with him...,"and she pauses as she just turns around in her Mum's lap and hugs her close – letting out her vulnerable sobs.
Alice hugs her and holds her close. Her heart breaking.She whispers – " oh hun...what are you saying? Are you sure about what you feel?? this is what you feel? who is he?? And what do you mean leaving..,"and her head connects the dots – " wait....you said..leaving in eight days from now...he is here too...given that youv been meeting him undercover...hun...is he someone from the Indian Cricket team??"
Khushi admits sitting up straight now and locking her gaze with her Mum's – " yes..he is...Mum.."
Alice asks – " who is it??".
Khushi admits taking deep breathes – " it's Arnav. I mean – ASR....,"and she watches her Mum's expressions range in sheer surprise – " wait...come again? It's that boy – their bowling all rounder...their gamechanger..the one whose been giving such a hard time to our unit especially Rob on the pitch.. with his lethal mix of medium pace and spin...and if not that with his stampings and run outs..or else his all round performance....oh wait.. he's been giving a hard time to Rob on pitch for years...does he know about you two? And wait.. are you for real? Is it him.. ?"
Khushi nods at that biting back a natural find smile – " yeah...its him...the very same...Him...and yes he knows about Rob and me...and you won't believe this Mum..I met him in the least expected off the places...k? but he really gets me Mum...like really...he's so amazing...cool...and sorted...and he's the one who actually helped me through all this emotional battle within to finally gear up to talk to you tonight...just.....wait..till you hear..about him...I'v never met a man like him Mum..this is it for me..he is it..for me..Mum..."
Alice hugs her daughter as she says fighting back her sigh as she asks surprised – " really? He helped you sort your eaybthrough this?? Look...I wana know...about him...give me details..please..how did this even start hun??"
Khushi nods and she hugs her Mum tight again and whispers moving her head to her lap – " can I lie down here this way in your lap... you as I tell you about him Mum..I think I really wana talk to you...about him..now..."
Alice nods and as she kisses Khushi's forhead and Khushi begins to tell her about it all. Alice could easily read the happy glint in her daughters' eye as she talked about Arnav to her. A happy serene glint that she easily recognised given that she often saw it in her very own eyes in the mirror when she reminisced about her love that was in privacy. And just like that she knew – that her daughter was in Love. Deep in Love.
And so, she could only hope and pray in her mother's heart – that The Whirwind of Love wouldn't vanish from her daughter's life – like it did from her's.
Because even though Alice Jones had eventually learnt to take solace and refuge in her memories happily – no one better than her to know – the magnitude of the ache off the vaccum that's left behind initially – when the Whirlwind of Love and the One who gave it all the meaning – disappears.
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TADAAAAAA!!
How was That Guysssssssss?? Did you all enjoy reading this update on the theme of Whirwind????
Next Update: Thursday Night.
I'll see you soon guys.
Until Then – Please take care and Stay Indoors and Safe guys!!!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thanks, Guys, for all the Support and your Precious Time to my Work!
Much Love
Always
❤
Prachi
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