Chapter 2 - Slipping Away
Uday knew something was amiss the minute Vashma refused to meet his eye. His brows furrowed in confusion when she discreetly wiped a tear off her cheek, wondering what had hurt her all of a sudden. They were only playing a game, and he hadn’t said anything wrong by interrupting Rajat, right? Vashma was like a sister to him, no matter how much his heart refused to accept. Yes, they hung out more often than not. Yes, he shared every secret with her. Yes, he cared about her and it made a difference to him whether she was happy or not. But good friends felt that way too; it didn’t insinuate love. He shuddered at the possibility. She was eight years younger than him. The differences between them were far and few in between, but they were enough to raise eyebrows. Friendship was a familiar territory, a safe zone. And it was friendship that he sensed was in danger.
She had randomly disappeared into thin air. But he knew where he’d find her. And so he ran up to the terrace.
He found her peering beyond the parapet, her arms outstretched, her hair flying with the wind. She kept her hair loose; just the front of it tied up around her head in complicated braids. She wore a peach colored tee and paired it with denims. She had her back faced to him and yet he couldn’t help himself from admiring. Vashma was the strongest girl he knew. She wasn’t as girly as those wannabe girls, all hungry for attention. She didn’t bother about keeping up with the latest fashion trends; her traditional nose ring remained a constant with every outfit she donned. She stood for what she deemed right, like a fierce lioness. He had seldom seen her cry; so watching her weaken today made his heart ache in some uncanny way.
Uday slowly walked up to her and stood beside Vashma. She seemed lost in thought, and yet he could trace the faint marks of her tears. His hands begged to caress her face, to provide whatever solace he could, but his mind stopped him. It wouldn’t be appropriate. And so he settled for clearing his throat in an attempt to make himself known to her.
She immediately straightened and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, “Uday! I didn’t realize you were here.”
He calmly shrugged in understanding, “That’s ‘cause you were busy thinking about something else.”
“How’d you know I was here?” She asked with a frown.
He grinned mischievously before tugging her at the shoulder, “It’s our escape place. When I couldn’t find you at the bonfire, I knew you’d be here.”
She only nodded, shifting her gaze to the open sky above her.
“You’re upset.” He couldn’t help himself from asking.
“I’m fine.” She negated instantly.
She wasn’t fine, he could tell from the coldness in her tone. And so he asked, “Are you offended by what Rajat said? It was a silly, stupid question and he shouldn’t have--”
“Uday.” She interrupted his rant with a hand on his arm, “I’m not upset about Rajat.”
“But you are upset.” He noted. She sighed in response, slowly turning to him. Vashma had never been able to lie to Uday for some unknown reason. Today, it felt like a curse.
“I am, but it’s nothing to worry about.” She tried deflecting.
He gently rested his hands on her shoulders, “You were crying, Vashma. Something is troubling you and I want to know what it is.”
“Why?”
“Because I hate seeing you hurt. You deserve happiness and nothing less.” His words tugged at her heart, making her swallow a lump in her throat.
Why was he like this, all soft and gentle and loving when he considered her nothing more than a friend? Why did he make it so difficult for her to get over him, Vashma thought to herself.
She knew he wasn’t going to relent until he got answers, so she formed a story in her head.
“It’s my friend, actually.” Her voice had already started to quiver. Vashma cursed herself and took a deep breath.
“Amrit?” He questioned.
“No, another friend of mine. You don’t know her.” Vashma turned to clutch the ledge of the parapet.
“If she’s hurt you, I don’t even want to know her.” He chastised with emotion, startling her. But then his tone turned snarky, “But if she hasn’t and she’s single, you can give me her number.”
She rolled her eyes at the comment. Uday Sahani was the ultimate flirt; something she found both adoring and annoying about him. It hurt her right now, for the man standing in front of him, who found every woman attractive, looked at her as only a sister.
How pathetic was that?!
“Look, if you’re going to be annoying about it, I don’t even wanna talk.” She turned to leave when she felt a hand wrap around her wrist. She stuttered in her breath as he apologized with decency, “Oye, I’m sorry Vashma. I’ll behave, I promise.”
He spoke with so much innocence, her heart melted. She tried to remain indifferent as she walked up to the edge of the terrace again.
“So this girl, your friend…” He resumed.
Vashma heaved a sigh before continuing, “She likes this guy she knows. She really likes this guy. She’s probably in love with him.” Her voice cracked at the end and she hoped Uday hadn’t taken notice.
“Does the guy know?” He asked, perching his elbows on the ledge.
She shook her head, still not meeting his eye, “Before she could tell him about her feelings, she found out that he doesn’t feel that way. He’s never seen her more than a friend.” A tear slipped past the corner of her eye and then another. Her voice wavered and her resolve crumbled as Vashma tried so hard to stay strong.
Stupid emotions, always getting in the way.
He instantly straightened and without thought took her in his arms, “Hey. It’s okay…” He didn’t know why or how a strong-willed girl like Vashma had gotten so affected by a friend’s heartbreak. But he knew how loyal she was to her friends, how much they mattered to her. Perhaps this was what she needed right now; some consolation from a friend. And he would give it to her, no question.
Vashma wrapped her arms around his waist, soaking in the comfort and warmth he always gave. She spoke between tears, “And now my friend wants advice on what to do and I’ve got no clue on what to say to her.”
She buried her face in his chest, indirectly confessing her feelings to the one person she was no longer allowed to. He didn’t feel that way towards her, Vashma had realized tonight. And she didn’t want to burden him with guilt or make him uncomfortable by telling him.
She felt his hands caress her back, soothing her insides. And so she closed her eyes in peace, feeling every sensation of being close in his proximity that she wouldn’t be able to after this day. He started humming a tune of a song she absolutely disliked, and swayed her in a childlike motion, bringing a smile to her face. She gently punched him in the chest, evoking a lighthearted chuckle from him. When Vashma quietened and slowly tried to retreat, he kept his arms locked around her waist. She raised her head to meet his eye, her arms still in place around his torso as well.
She quietly sniffed as he began to speak, “You wanna hear my advice?”
How ironic was the fact that she was seeking advice from the one person who unknowingly broke her heart. Regardless, she nodded in affirmation, eager to hear his thoughts.
“I feel sorry for your friend.” He started.
“Sorry?” Vashma grew irked by his sympathy. It wasn’t like falling in love was a disease.
“I’m sorry that she fell in love with a guy who doesn’t love her back. It shouldn’t be that way. Love should be complete; like the way they show in movies.” He explained.
She marveled at his interpretation of love, and grimaced at its grim reality.
“Well, such is life.” She breathed with a dejected sigh.
“Which is why I don’t like indulging in complicated emotions like love.” He spoke with distaste, and her heart fell deeper into the pit of her stomach.
“My friend didn’t think of that.” Vashma reminded him.
He bent his head once more, meeting her eye, “It’s not her fault she fell in love.”
“It isn’t?”
He only shook his head, pushing a strand of her behind her ear. Her earlobe tingled with sensation as she flinched nervously. Uday instantly retreated, wondering whether he had breached their friendship territory. He settled for holding her hands as he spoke, “I think she should move on. She should try to find her happiness elsewhere.”
“It’s not easy, y’know?”
“You say it as if you know. Oye Vashma, have you fallen in love before?” His brows furrowed in attention.
She giggled mirthlessly, “Nope. I haven’t been that fortunate.”
“You’ll find love soon.” Uday promised with a determined smile.
Vashma tilted her head to one side, “Oh yeah? And how are you so sure?”
“Because you’re made for love. No one can resist loving someone as beautiful and warm hearted as you.” Her breath hitched at his words while his orbs bored into hers. The intensity was too strong, too much to handle.
Her mind reminded her of their topic of discussion. “And my friend?” She barely whispered.
“There’s so much more to life than a one-sided love story. She can’t bind the guy in love when he doesn’t love her back, it won’t be fair. She’ll have to move on.” He suggested.
“It’s not that easy.” Her knees wobbled and vision blurred.
“I know. But it’s the right thing to do. It’s time to move on.” He resolved. She nodded, absorbing all that information.
It was then that she whispered, “I know.”
Biting back tears, Vashma turned to leave; leave Uday and the future she had hoped to live behind. But she wavered in her step, unable to distance herself from him. She had to tell him, there was no other option.
Vashma turned on her heel where Uday stood, a few steps away but eyes stagnant in her direction.
“Uday…” She began softly, her hands trembling and heart clenching, “You’re one in a million.”
His eyes softened, basking in the warmth as he replied, “Wouldn’t have been without you, Vashma!”
“Uday! You’re one in a million!” His boss praised his recent reports on the Delhi investigation, breaking his reverie.
From the corner of his eye, he watched Vashma’s eyes sparkle with pride as the entire team clapped for him in the office conference room. She stood only meters across him, but he hadn’t felt farther apart from her. The second his eyes met hers, the sparkle turned austere. Uday drew out a frustrated breath, desperate in need of the reason behind her peculiar behavior today.
“Thank you, Sir. Wouldn’t have been without your guidance.” He politely thanked, remembering similar words being said to Vashma two months ago.
His boss began to pass out new instructions to everyone and Uday zoned out yet again. He absentmindedly nodded at whatever his superior was saying; too involved with thoughts of Vashma to focus on the task at hand.
Randheer caught notice of that and frowned in confusion. Uday seemed distraught and aloof; similar to Vashma. His eyes shifted to the other end of the room, where he found Vashma staring at nothing in particular, her arms crossed over her chest. Randheer wondered if they had gotten into a fight again. Fights weren’t a problem between Uday and Vashma, because they normally patched up minutes after their argument. They were never able to stay upset at one another for longer than a few minutes. Something about their odd behavior towards one another told Randheer that this wasn’t a normal fight. That this was going to go on for a while now and that it would probably result in something neither of them would’ve wanted.
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Uday walked up to Vashma’s office desk, determined to make things work. Today had been exceptionally horrible, solely because Vashma refused to talk to him. After their heated dispute in the car, she effectively ignored him every minute of the three hours spent at work. It was a little after eight in the evening and everyone had nearly cleared out of the office for the day. Vashma had been pushing binders and files into her work bag when he spotted her.
She was the first to notice this time, “Uday.”
He tried to keep his emotions in control, “Yeah, it’s me.”
Vashma could sense the tension in his voice but remained cool, “What brings you here?”
Uday wanted to rant at her for pretending as if nothing happened between them. “Our argument.”
She brushed off the matter with a wave of hand, resuming her work at clearing her desk, “It was just a silly fight, Uday. I’ve forgotten about it, I think you should too.”
He would have, had he not sensed something off this time. “You never answered my question. You never gave me the truth, Vashma.”
“And I have my reasons, Uday. Stop going after something that doesn’t concern you!” She burst out in annoyance.
“Anything to do with you concerns me, Vashma!” He slammed with equal fervor.
“Why, Uday?! It’s not like I’m your girlfriend!” She flailed her arms in exasperation, wanting to get out more than anything else.
Uday immediately quietened at her question, not knowing how to respond. It was as if all his senses had gone numb, like his brain had frozen while his heart pounded loudly in his chest. Vashma saw all signs of color drain from his face and realization settled deep within her. She hadn’t meant to scream at him like that, she hadn’t wanted to bare open her heart in front of him. It’s why she wanted to keep her distance, to keep things professional between them. Because Vashma did not like regretting, and this was something she knew she’d regret.
Before Uday could compose himself and say something to her, he heard a familiar sound emanate from her phone and grew alarmed. His eyes widened and something crushed within him when he recognized the source of the notification.
“You’re on Tinder?!” He hadn’t meant for his question to come out as more of an accusation, but Uday couldn’t be bothered right now.
Vashma stiffened at his words and forced herself to relax. She hadn’t committed a sin. She could handle this, as well as his series of questions.
So she picked up her phone and casually giggled, “Yeah, Amrit installed it on my phone today.”
“Why?” His next question was instant.
Vashma met his eye, watching them darken with an emotion she had rarely seen before. “I told her I wanted to try dating. She said this was the perfect way.”
She felt his hand grip her arm as he pulled her to him, “You can’t date.” He strictly commanded.
Vashma freed herself from his clutch with equal force as she bit back, “You can’t tell me what to do!”
Uday’s heart deflated and he stuttered, “Why are you doing this to me?”
Her gaze softened at his vulnerability and she took a deep breath before turning indifferent to him. “Not everything I do revolves around you, Uday. I’m doing this for myself.”
She couldn’t hide herself from his burning gaze, no matter how much she fiddled with her files and belongings. “You were never too keen on dating, Vashma. You wanted to establish your career first.”
She shut her eyes and cursed herself for sharing every single thing with him. Over the course of their friendship, she had shared her career aspirations with him. She wanted to strengthen herself as a reporter and earn sufficient money for her family and her dreams. She wanted to open her own dance studio. She didn’t have time for dating, she’d told him. And now, Vashma hated that he knew her better than herself.
“Yeah well, priorities change.” She shrugged nonchalantly.
“I didn’t know two months would change you so much, Vashma.”
She rolled her eyes,“Stop being so dramatic, Uday.”
“Stop pretending, Vashma.” He lashed back.
“I’m not pretending! But it would be nice of you to at least be a little supportive!” She finally raised her head to meet her eye.
“Support what?! This stupid dating mission you’re on?!”
“If I finally want to spend some time and share my life with someone, you should be happy.”
“But you already have someone to do all of that with, Vashma. I’m here for you.”
“No. You’ve found someone else, Uday. You’ve found Trisha.” Her voice cracked at the mention of his girlfriend.
His face dawned in realization, his next allegation prepared to hit her with full force, “Is this what this is about? Me and Trisha? Are you jealous, Vashma?!”
The ache was no less than a punch in the face. Vashma stared at him in bewilderment, absolutely shocked beyond words. Jealousy, that’s what the burning sensation was when she saw his girlfriend in Uday’s arms. But he couldn’t have known, it wasn’t possible. Because if Uday could’ve identified her feelings today, he definitely wouldn’t have been oblivious to her feelings for him all along.
This was just a way to provoke her, she knew.
And so she took a deep breath, “Like I’ve said before, Uday. The world doesn’t revolve around you. My decisions do not revolve around you. I want to date for my happiness. I want someone I can share my days with, someone I can go home to.”
“You think that’s what guys look for when they join Tinder?” He scoffed.
“I know what I’m looking for. And I know how to differentiate between people, Uday.” With that she prepared to leave, slipping her work bag over her right shoulder.
His hands balled into fists as he looked for ways to stop her and to stop the feeling that had started to create havoc within him.
“Most of them are only after a physical relationship, Vashma.”
She turned at her words and watched his gaze turn lethal, “I’m not naive, Uday. And I never objected to a physical relationship.”
All signs of color left his face as he forced himself away from the suggestions her words carried. “I thought you wanted love.”
Two months ago, she believed in it. Her heart jittered at the thought of experiencing this feeling, her eyes anticipated the presence of the man who made her feel this way. But now, she didn’t care. Vashma didn’t blame Uday for not reciprocating the feeling, but only herself for feeling this way. It was time she moved on from the overrated emotion that gave her nothing but sorrow.
“Love is only a deception that ends with heartbreak. I’d rather stay away from that than get ruined by it.”
And with that she left, leaving him with more questions than answers.
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