Chapter 17

BitterBerry

@BitterBerry

But then everyone are afraid to lose something or someone so dear.

Riya

Curiosity? Huh! Since when he started taking an interest in your love life Riya? This shouldn’t bother him. And did Mohit really call me his girlfriend? That to near ACP arjun Rawte?

Certain things should be left unexplored, lay forgotten. That’s what Mohit was for me. I don’t remember that last time we even met. Maybe it was the reunion we had at the school. Six years ago to be precise. When I got his call in the middle of a case. When he desperately wanted to meet me because he claimed he can’t stay away from me. Or because he couldn’t anymore take the separation. It didn’t affect him when he ended things right after our school was finished. It didn’t matter how when he didn’t even ask me before ending things. Then suddenly it made him vulnerable, to vulnerable that his existence started revolving around me. So I had to say something. I had to do something for my own sanity. So I said, I said that I don’t love him anymore. I said that, when he left he took away everything with him that I thought was once mine. But he said I was lying. He didn’t believe I actually could move on. He didn’t believe I have stopped loving him. He didn’t believe people could ever fall out of love. But the hard hitting realization wasn’t that, it was the realization that I never really loved him maybe. That maybe hurts… and he said he wont give up. I see, he is sticking to his statement till now. The wildflowers on my doorstep is the living example of that.

Maybe I was thinking too hard, when I didn’t realize someone is actually calling me. I found Rathod Sir with a mug of coffee, standing right in front of me. He looked tired too, the lines of worry etched right over face and who’s now taking shelter in caffeine. This morning is too chaotic to make people high on ccaffeine.

There was now judgement, no mortification from his side for what has happened last night. Yet, I felt the guilt. “Why don’t you ask her to take some rest?” I said, distantly looking at Aisha who was still suppressing her yawns. A soft smile tugged his lips when he followed my eyes. His eyes lingered over the lady for quite a moment and then he turned to me.

“first she won’t listen. Second, she’ll have her way with me by reasoning.” I smiled at his helplessness with his lady.

“I am really sorry.” I said, whatever has happened last night shouldn’t have happened. Even though we made it out alive, the fact remains that was the worst laid plans I have ever given myself to.

“That’s okay Riya. I believe there must be some reason why you couldn’t inform. Aisha said so!” he reasoned.

“Still, are you not afraid to lose her”? I asked him the dreaded question.

“Who isn’t afraid to lose someone he loves Riya. We all are afraid to lose something or someone we love. It would have been different you know… in some other line, in some other profession. I know the dangers that we face and I am very much aware of the consequences. But that’s a part of our job. To tell you honestly, I was scared. But she was brave. That’s something you wouldn’t ignore. When the other is so strong that you can find a shade for your insecurities in their strength and you would just have to let it go. I do that every time she puts herself in the dingy dirt of this evil world Riya. And then she comes out clean too…”

“she’s lucky to have you…”! I said. I truly understand the depth of his words. But then is it that easy? To put down insecurities that defines nothing but your deepest fear, that give a way to the screams you choke over night? It isn’t. And if ACP Sameer Rathod has achieved it, I must say he’s the lucky one too. It felt nice, that he didn’t put slightest effort to hide the fact that they are together. He still smiled seeing the woman inside the conference room trying too hard to suppress her yawns. But the next thing he said, got my breath hitch in my throat.

“There will be a meeting in here, with the commissioner sir”! He noticed my transformation and placed a hand over my shoulder reassuring me. “I hope that’s fine with you.” He asked me cautiously. “I don’t think its important for me to stay.” I said without blinking. He just cast a  a look and asked me to go back to the conference room to do the announcement about the meeting.

This is the very reason I didn’t want to come back. To have it resurface again. To meet all these people I didn’t want to keep any memory of. To try with a friend who don’t want me in his life. To meet the same man I fell in love with and who doesn’t know where he stand with his feelings. The whole scenario felt like a badly crafted drama of fate leaving me with no choice but to play my role. And in my sense I am choosing defiance.

I followed Rathod sir to the conference room and took a seat beside Aisha.

The reporter woman came inside too and placed her phone on the conference table. 

“Guys, there’s a news. The board of directors have decided to close the clinic.” She said.

“Why all of a sudden? Even though it was a privately run clinic it still had potential doctors and record breaking news for best treatment. Why didn’t they just let the government take over?” ACP Arjun was furious with the news.

It was true the hospital had potential, but I don’t think without Dr. Rao, they can manage anything at all. And if all the board members are agreeing to it. There is no point of breaking an argument over that.

“What about Dr. Purnima?” ACP Arjun asked.

“She’s leaving the city earliest tomorrow.” Sakshi said.

“Where to?” Rathod sir asked.

“Himachal. She said she got an offer as a resident doctor in her hometown.” Sakshi replied.

“Shree. Confirm this”! I asked Shree. He typed into his laptop and some time later he said, “Sakshi is right. Dr. Purnimas’ flight is at 8.40 am.” And we are left with another dead end.

“We should go and check with these board of members”, I suggested pondering over the probable interaction they might have with the doctor that turned pretty furious.

“What’s the point? We need to find Azim Hussain. Bhadra was his man. He threatened the doctor. What more proof do we need to link it with Hussain”? Aisha said. Her theory isn’t completely wrong.

“let’s get this guy who took those antiseptic. And do we have a footage for what happened outside then chemist store?”

“My informer will get it. I am sure its Azim Husain he was looking at constantly”! Kashyap said without a hint of doubt in his voice.

“Your assurance doesn’t prove anything boss, we need to see it”! I said blandly. All eyes turned to me with shocked expressions except Anshuman. Maybe they didn’t expect me to use that tone with him. But he is practically used to it. NIA doesn’t take that seniority bullshit. If it’s right it’s right. If it’s wrong, its wrong. Who is saying it doesn’t really matter.

“let’s just wait for the footage then”! Shree said, looking too tired as he closed the laptop in frustration. He took off his specs and pinched the bridge of his nose. None of these people slept through the entire night.

“Well team, I have an announcement to make. Commissioner sir is coming for a meeting. Aisha and Riya, I want you to stay here. Arjun you too. Rest of you can go and take some rest. All of you are looking like zombies.” Rathod sir stated.

“sir, is it important for Riya to stay? I mean ACP Kashyap can handle it if its officially that important.” That’s the first ever thing Shree has said in my favour after I came back. Rathod sir understood the awkwardness but like the last time he was bound to his duty.

I didn’t want to stay in this whatever meeting. But I was sure it would be about last night. I knew it would be coming. I just stared at both my ex senior officers and sighed in frustration. My eyes darted to the only person who was in the centre of all things that happened.

I placed an assuring palm over Shree and he gazed at my side with the same horror his eyes clouded the last time.

“time has changed Shree. I am not a mere research specialist anymore.” I eyed Chotu who looked very unsettled with the arrangements. I assured him too blinking my eyes.

I saw another figure turn stuff beside me. The glass of cutting chai hung over his chin as he was about to take a sip. the sassiness he had for me this morning was gone and he looked like he’s brooding over something. Looked like he’s not happy with his godfathers coming.

“I will stay in the meeting”! I declared. The women of ETF really had no idea why the men of ETF are making a fuss over such a simple meeting. They will never know. They should never know.

The horrors of the day has made a permanent mark in my life that, as much I try I couldn’t get over it. How do people forget humiliation without any fault of theirs? How do people get over it?

I was pushed back to the past again with the mention of commissioner Sir.

I woke up in the hospital with a worried Shree and confused Chotu sitting beside me.

You are a failure.

You failed everyone.

“Stop these”! I screamed on top of my voice. I just wanted these voices to stop screaming at me. My consciousness faded again as I felt a twitch of pain on my left arm.

The next time I woke up, I was still in the hospital. This time I didn’t find Shree or Chotu but it was Rathod Sir. He was sitting by the bed with a file in his hand. I didn’t know for how long I was out of my senses. This was a huge trauma for me to handle. I just counted on the doses of sedatives they must have used to calm me.

All I could remember was Dr. Shukla and his words. Why Arjun Sir, didn’t trust me enough to tackle Dr. Shukla. I didn’t really want to shoot him but I had to stop him anyway. And that was the only way I found. I totally had him on the ground. I did manage to disarm Dr. Shukla. I repeatedly told Arjun Sir that his life is important. Why didn’t he listen to me? My thoughts were turning into a bad headache.

I tried to keep my eyes focused on the person sitting beside me. His face clouded in an inexplicable gloominess that was difficult for me to decipher. It was as if he was struggling from within.

“are you feeling better Riya?” he asked. His voice missed the concern he always had for me or may be I am not seeing it right.

“I still have the headache.” I said feeling the heaviness weighing me.

“Sir where are others?” I just wanted to see Shree and Chotu. I wasn’t expecting Arjun Sir after the way he behaved with me. I am sure he knows nothing about those recordings. I couldn’t see any reason as to why he suddenly turned this cold? I didn’t want to see him either. I shot him! How could I do that to him Riya?

“You will meet them later, but uh.. there is something else about which I want to talk to you”. His voice had layers of hesitation.

“Yes Sir?” I said.

“did you shoot Rawte”? He asked in grimace. When did he come? When did he see that?

“Yes sir.” I said without any regret. I forgot to ask about him. How’s he? And where is he? Did he came here to visit me for once? Don’t expect too much Riya. Remember you shoot him? A voice inside me silently convinced me.

“Why would you do that?” the sharpness in his voice was unmistakable.

“sir, the doctors life was important.” I said.

“Do you realize he was about to contaminate the whole water body. And you were trying save him. For what reason Riya?”

“Do you realize you almost endangered everyone’s life in the entire City. You shot at one of your senior officer, and compromised the case for us?” there was no stopping in the accuswholes that were being thrown at me. And none of which I was responsible. My attempt to shoot Arjun Sir was instinctive. But I have already told him twice not to shoot the doctor. He didn’t listen to me.

“Why Riya? Why would you do that? Do you know what you will have to face now? There will be actions against you. They will question your morals. You don’t know the crisis you have put me through Riya?” right then Rathod sir felt like a disappointed father

who expected better things from his kids. Or a mentor who is now duty bound and too helpless to act in anyone’s favour but the department.

“Sir the only reason why I shoot Arjun Sir was to stop him from killing Dr. Shukla”.

“Why do you think he was important?” finally he asked something I wanted to say since a long time.

“Sir, Dr. Shukla was immune to XoraII. And the vial he had wasn’t the bacteria but the antibodies he took with himself. He wasn’t there to contaminate the water. He was there to end his life”.

“What are you saying? The doctors already said that XoraII has no cure. And how did you know this?”

“Sir, I saw in the video that Dr. Shukla was the one who infected the guard first with the water that was from his own bottle. His bottle was half empty when he handed it to the guard. The water in the bottle affected only the guard, not Dr. Shukla. It’s only possible when you are immune.” Rathod sir was still not convinced with my reply.

“how his being immune could have helped us with treatment”?

“That’s because he was successful in engineering that antibody to treat XoraII infection. I remember checking a list of things Dr. Shukla took from the lab. A batch of antibody was also in that list. He did huge optimization to develop this antibody Sir. Those data must have been his laptop and without Dr. Shukla nobody can even get close to replicate his work”.

“But the doctors said there is no cure.”

“Maybe Dr. Shukla kept this information only to himself.”

“May be? Maybe Riya? How will you prove this Riya???” He sounded hopeless.

“I can’t sir. He have destroyed all his research theories and now he’s dead.” I sighed. Dr. Shukla left me a situation where both my emotions and professionalism were compromised.

“I don’t think I can help you with this Riya.” There was a sadness in his voice. I wanted to ask him the most daring question. “why didn’t you wait for me to wake up before progressing with actions against me. You could have stopped it sir.” I remembered when Arjun Sir was detained for attacking Pathan. I remembered how Rathod sir stood beside him and claimed him to be an asset for our team. I shouldn’t be expecting this professionally but I had a little hope.

“ You shot Rawte, in front of our eyes. The whole police force have witnessed this.” He said.

“And you couldn’t reason with them? Or just like Arjun Sir you also didn’t trust me.” I said. His silence gave me my reply.

“You have to prove this Riya!”

“Or else?” I asked the most dreaded question. I couldn’t think of anything.

He didn’t say anything except asking me to take rest.

After two days of constant panic attacks and horrible nightmares finally the day came. The legal papers were brought in where I was in trial. The whole city saw me as a culprit, all thanks to traitors in the department who leaked this news. I couldn’t anymore listen to the outrageous attention I was exposed to due one single decision of my life. The single decision I didn’t know was capable of changing my entire life.

The trial was scheduled to be at the commissioner’s office with heavy security as the commissioners car zoomed in to view. I stood at the corridor of the second floor. The hungry media already lurching in front of the car, even before the commissioners door open. The NSG commando came out securing the place along with

his head commands. And then the commissioner came out with Raghu sir. I don’t see the point of him being here. But of course ACP Rawte is involved in this case. So Raghu sir was supposed to be here.

Rathod sir stood beside me and watched the commotion as he placed a hand over my shoulder.

“You could discuss it with him Riya, about the statements you were going to make.” He said looking at Arjun Sir who was watching outside with a blunt face and sipping his cutting chai.

“what’s there to discuss with him Sir? He doesn’t even want to talk to me. If it was possible for him, he would have understand the gravity of the situation and should have listen to me. I know and understand that he is my senior and I shouldn’t have interrupted him but so many lives were at stake.”

“I just hope you can convince them and I just hope Riya, that I wont have to take any decision that we both wouldn’t like”! I could only nod to him in silence. The commissioner sir entered the conference room.

The jury had three members, the commissioner, a chairperson from CPA and Raghu Sir. The preliminary hearing was already done when I was unconscious owing to the constant demand of actions by media. This has not only stirred a media outrage but also a public revolt. Someone must have leaked the news about this. What appeared to be a mere trust issue has become a case of inefficiency and misconduct now of which I has no evidence to prove.

“Miss Riya Mukherjee , The charges filed against you are that you shoot one of your fellow officer.

Jeopardize a planned operation when the situation was fully under control.

Tried to save a criminal who had managed to kill of the half of the population of Mumbai.

Is what stated in this file is correct?”

“Yes sir.” I said, without any trace of fear in my voice. “Its true that I shoot I ACP Arjun Rawte. And it was true that I wanted to save Dr. Shukla. The situation wouldn’t have jeopardized, had ACP Arjun Rawte listened to me once.” I added later.

“Do you have any statement to justify your actions?” Commissioner sir asked.

“I did it because I believed that Dr. Shukla had a solution for the deliberate outbreak he caused. He was trying to kill himself and I wanted to save him. I tried to tell this to my senior office ACP Arjun Rawte, but he didn’t listen and so I shot him.”

“On which basis you presumed all those things. The court won’t believe your presumption.”

“I am aware of it sir.”

“Do you have any evidence to clarify?”

I nodded at Shree.

Shree came forward playing a video. It was a video of Dr. Shukla and a security guard. Dr. Shukla handed him a bottle of water and the security guard gulped down some before handing the bottle back to Dr. Shukla. After some minutes the security guard crumpled on the floor with pain and Dr. Shukla helped him outside.

“What is this video about?” asked Raghu Sir.

“Sir in this video the security guard had water from the bottle Dr. Shukla had given him while it was only the security guard who showed the symptoms of infection while Dr. Shukla was clean. I believe it happened because he was immune to the bacteria.”

“This video doesn’t prove that Miss. Mukherjee. It only says that Dr. Shukla is the culprit.

“He was successful in engineering an antibody against that bacteria.”

“Do you have any evidence to prove that?”

“He has burned all his theories. No sir, I don’t have any proof.”

“ACP Rawte, she said she tried to convince you but you didn’t listen? Any reason behind that escalated such a situation?”

“I couldn’t understand how she saw a hero out of that doctor.”

“Was is true that the doctor was about to kill himself?”

“I saw him with a vial of something that looked like a serum. He had already caused many troubles, I didn’t want to take any chance. When I saw him he was adding something into the water. So I aimed my gun to stop him. But miss Mukherjee interrupted us. After that Miss Mukherjee shot at me. I fell down but when stood up I saw both of them in a fight so I shot at Dr. Shukla to stop him. As far as I was aware, no. The doctor didn’t intend to kill himself. Rather he threatened me to contaminate the water.” The stony face ACP Arjun Rawte made during that statement frightened me. This man would never have any feeling for you Riya. He never had. Never will.

“Miss Mukherjee, your behaviour raised questions not only in a single case. We went past the pervious cases which reflected your inefficiency to act properly in the filed. What do you have to say about that?” So there was a full fledged enquiry happened in the department about me. I froze at the statement made against. I have come far ahead with the fear of my shooting anyone. Irony was that, the same is now working against me. All because I shoot at my senior officer.

“I accept that I was rather hesitant in the beginning but I have always tried perform best.”

“Your past record says you had some medical issues.” Raghu sir exclaimed. From where my medical issues became a centre of this trial now? I stared hard at Rathod Sir as he hung his head down.

Arjun Sir looked as if he is not affected by whatever the thing is going on during the trial.

Colour drained from my face upon hearing. Shree looked outraged with the statements the jury was making. It was Chotu who held him under control. All this while I took all the accusations thrown at me but this is too personal to disclose.

“My medical issues has nothing to do with the accusations filed against me Sir.” I almost knew where this trial is going. Now my lack of emotional quotient will be indulged with my inefficiency to perform in the field.

“It is a matter of concern when your condition was psychological. We have Dr. Mehra to summon.” The ground beneath my feet cracked upon hearing that. How could they bring him in?

It took all my willpower to turn and see the fatherly figure I always had as my life support. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I didn’t want him to think that I failed him too. Like those thousand dying people. Like I failed them. Like I failed their families. His gaze was constant upon mine as he stood beside me.

“Dr. Mehra can you elaborate about Miss. Mukherjees condition.” Commissioner asked.

“I would again say Sir, her being my patient has nothing to do with the charges filed against her. She is perfectly fine. Yes, she was depressed over the years but she is out of that phase. If you want to check you can check all you want but she will come clean.”

“We are not raising any personal issues here Miss. Mukherjee, but your actions in the field is questionable. You have no evidence to support your statement. On what basis will we release you?” commissioner sir asked.

“Sir I would like to ask some more time so that we can collect some evidence”! Rathod sir said.

“I hope Rathod you have some solid evidence. And I hope you not dragging it to save your teammate”. I received despicable looks from Raghu sir as he made his way out with the commissioner Sir.

I didn’t understand his undertone. I desperately wanted to stay in that situation I was stuck in but they will come to take me. Everywhere I saw the same nightmares clouding my vision. I felt breathless. Everything about this room suffocated me. I was almost ready to accept whatever the decision the panel takes and be okay with it. What happened today was beyond my tolerating capacity. Shree came forward shaking me out of my trance and dragged me outside before I could spare any look at any of them.

“you said this was over?” he pressed too hard that it pained in my arm.

“Its over Shree. I am out of that phase. I qualified all the testes during the recruitment Shree. Do you think I will hide anything like this? I don’t understand who initiated enquiry.”

“they wouldn’t have done it without…”! He stopped himself from saying because he too was shocked.

“Rathod sir.” I whispered.

It shocked me.

I couldn’t believe what came out of my own mouth.

I was too blank to understand any logic about the situation. And I guess I just failed to understand, how the responsibility of being the ETF chief must have weighed upon him.

“Sir, he is here.” Some Neha from the desk spoke through the intercom.

Through the glass door I could see the reporter woman talking to Chotu and Shree animatedly but they were far away from listening

to her as their gazes fixated upon the conference room. I have never seen them this defensive before. I waved at them and asked them to focus on work or just take rest. But none of them were in a mood to listen to me.

Five minutes later, the commissioner Sir appeared close to the conference in his casuals. Ageing was prominent over his face and I noticed lines of wrinkles masked his face. The previous charisma was gone as he look tired. I don’t think I would hold anything against him. He was the one who chose me to be the research specialist of ETF. And again he was the one who decided against it during my trial. How could I blame anyone for that situation while all of them were just doing their job?

Commissioner Dustin Coelho remembers people who leaves a mark in his life and over his decision like ACP Arjun Rawte. What did I do? I left a black spot. Other than that who the hell does care whether a research specialist stays in the field or in the desk? I was everything, but like he wanted wasn’t an asset for the team. This is what pinched me the most.

Rathod sir and ACP Arjun greeted him while Aisha saluted him. I held my ground and stood still until he noticed. The smile from his face faded when his eyes finally landed upon mine. Of course nobody should remember a simple research specialist who was a part of the special team he made six years ago. But owing to the paparazzi I was involved in, I guess I was pretty hard to forget.

“Sir, this is ACP Riya Mukherjee, second in command from NIA. We have collaborated with NIA Hyderabad for some investigation regarding the current case”! Rathod sir briefed him about the little settlement ETF Mumbai and NIA Hyderabad had.

“If it was between NIA and ETF then how on earth Coast guards and Navy got involved in this Rathod.” The old bat wasn’t in for a friendly conversation.

“Navy happened to be there as back up sir.” Rathod sir said.

“Even though it was the Navy who should be aware of such commotion”! I said in a formal tone. “looks like DIA is too much occupied with external affairs that its forgetting its regulation for internal affairs”! I commented later.

The commissioner Sir didn’t take any interest in that jibe, rather he brushed it off saying, “that’s not for you to question.”

“I have every rights to question Sir. As a lawful resident of the country”! In return he glared only. He turned to Rathod sir.

“I want a written report of what has happened last night Rathod. And one more thing no one from your side should talk to the media about it. Navy wants its name off the charts.” The commissioner sir said.

I tried hard to control my laughter. “What’s the point of avoiding the media when you already have your personalized reporter?” my eyes travelled to the reporter who was flippantly chirping into her phone with wide smiles. In quest of resourceful information, I suppose.

“Aisha will make the report after the coast guard officer regains his consciousness Sir.” ACP Arjun said for the first time after the commissioner has entered the ETF office. The commissioner made his exit after that.

“Damn it !!”Rathod sir banged his hand over the conference table in frustration.

“I thought at least now, ETF is free from the puppet show of the commissioner.” I said adding more to his frustration. Aisha was fuming with anger.

“it’s not our fault that the Navy is failing in its monitoring.” She said with greeted teeth.

A phone call interrupted everyone and Rathod sir finally took a look at the caller.

“Yes, lieutenant”! He said.

“That’s great news.” He talked to him for sometime.

“Yes, both of them are fine.”

“who Riya? I think I should ask her before deciding that”! He finished his call.

“It was Lieutenant Srivastav. He said that the coast guard has gained his consciousness. And he wants Riya to go and take his statements.” Rathod sir asked. I was kind of expecting that Mohit will do something like that.

“Do you know him Riya”? Rathod sir asked.

“Yes. Mohit Srivastav. A friend from school”. I said plainly.

“then can you convince him to stop this puppet show with the commissioner. After all he is your boyfriend”! ACP Arjun said out of nowhere, his voice sharp with a tinge of arrogance.

“well I could make him agree to many things ACP, but this one I don’t think counts in his authority. Sometimes people are just bound to their protocol and duty. Aren’t they?” I said staring into his eyes for a long time. Who does he think he is to make such comments regarding my personal life? When I turned, I saw Rathod sir glaring at him too.

“Rawte, drop Riya at the coast guard office and clear all the formalities of her discharge.” Rathod sir said in a dismissive voice without giving the cold tiger a chance to protest.