The Journey to Self

oh nakhrewaali

@oh_nakhrewaali

Maya looked at the girl in her jeans and blue shirt and sighed. She wasn't ready for this, not now, not ever!

"Hi, I am Ananya. I can't express how happy to finally meet you," She said excitedly.

"Congratulations, I am pleased to meet you too," She faked a smile, but Ananya's smile dropped, seeing her reaction.

"You aren't happy about this meet and greet?" She asked like a kicked puppy. Maya immediately felt regret and the need to explain herself.

"Oh no, it is just that usually, the fan meetups have been at some library, where I could answer a few questions and leave, you see, I am not a fan of being around people,"

"I don't see, I mean, I love being around people," Ananya let out a chuckle, making Maya roll her eyes, such a typical extrovert! 

"But I can leave, if you want, I promise, I won't tell anyone that I spent just 5 minutes with you instead of a whole hour, just a picture for me to post on Instagram, and we should be good,"

"I don't break my promises, and I promised you an hour, so you stay,"

"Technically, your publication house made the promise, that too without your complete consent,"

"How do you know that?"

"Your demeanor, you glared at Rashmik when he accompanied me here, you are stiff and checking the time again and again," Maya looked up from her watch at her in surprise.

"I am a film-making student, and before that, I took psychology as an optional in Arts stream, so I tend to notice such things. Also, I review movies for a YouTube channel," Ananya smiled as she pulled a chair for herself.

"I just wanted to win this contest because I wanted to meet you and thank you personally. Your books have been so amazing; they have always helped me feel empowered and get rid of my self-hate; or of my sexuality, so thank you so much."

Maya raised her eyebrow at the last statement.

"I am a lesbian, so when I read your book, the Journey to Self, I realized that being closeted is okay, but I needed to get out of it and speak to my parents. I wasn't sure of how they'd feel about it and was almost in the minds of packing my bags when they looked at each other after I grunted "I like girls, not boys," to them, but instead they have been supportive, and now they pair me up with every girl they see, it's silly but cute at the same time,"

"You have read the Journey to Self?" She asked in surprise. The book was drawn from the market two days after the book's release; because of the political unrest regarding section 377.

"But it was taken down?"

"Oh yes, but the book shop owner knows how much crazy I am for your books, so he had kept a book out for me, even after its withdrawal,"

Maya raised her eyebrow again, making Ananya blush.

"It's wrong, I know, but I paid for the book," She explained. Maya sighed and shook her head.

The Journey to Self was her personal favorite work. It was a story of a girl born in the brothel and forced to work as a prostitute till the day she was hired by a rich lady. This helped her realize that she preferred women over men. From there, began her journey to fight her way out of the brothel and to find her place in the world while dealing with police, henchmen, and everything else. It was dark and gritty and made the publishers uncomfortable, but they had published it, anyway, only because they knew the popularity of Maya's books.

She looked at Ananya, who was talking to her, "I hate reviewing those movies, I mean a man spanking a woman, and she is okay with it? That's bull crap; I was an inch away from suing the whole production house,"

She threw her hands in the air and sighed.

 "I am sorry, I have been talking continuously like crazy. Can I have a picture with you at least, please?"

"I don't do pictures," Ananya slipped her phone back in her bag and sighed.

"It's ok, but how did you like my gift?"

"Gift?"

"Oh, didn't you get the goldfish? I sent it through your manager a week back when I got to know that I won the contest,"

"It was you? I love it," Maya smiled genuinely, thinking of Dobby.

"I knew you would like him, he was just what I imagined you to be, broken, but a fighter," Dobby had an underdeveloped fin which was why Dobby was never bought and now was old. The sender (Ananya) had mentioned this in the letter that came along with the fishbowl, and Maya knew that she would lose him someday, but was growing fond of him, anyway. She knew she had to prepare herself to him go.

"Why do you think I am broken?" She asked, trying to hide away the surprise in her voice.

"Don't get me wrong," Ananya said defensively, "I mean broken as in beautifully broken, like the Japanese vases that are broken and then joined together using tree sap and powdered gold, so that you see the cracks and yet appreciate it, with the cracks, that type of broken,"

Maya was surprised to hear this analogy. She wasn't broken. But after she came out to her father, who hated her for being bisexual, he had forced her to get married to Rishi. The marriage not lasting a year after the two mutually decided that the relationship was not working. So, she somehow felt broken to a certain extent, betrayed by her father. She still had Rishi, her best friend. But after that, Maya lost the strength to come out to anyone.

"Are you ok? You keep zoning out,"

"I am so sorry, I am just feeling a bit off,"

"Oh, OK, then I should leave you alone," She smiled and shook hands with her and she walked to the door. Something snapped in Maya, and she blurted out,

"Ananya, there is a gay parade in Mumbai; next week. You want to join me there?"

Ananya turned to look at her in surprise, and her brown eyes flickered in the overhead lamp's light in delight.

"I'd love to; is it a date?" She said in a flirting tone, and her heart almost jumped out of her rib cage when Maya smiled and nodded.

"It is a date; I'll tell Rashmik to send you the details."