Author's note: Yet another episode which was extremely disturbing to watch. To some extent, Vidya's anger is justified but she crossed a line with her words. Knowing her, she might regret them some time soon but it's time someone calls out the constant emotional abuse that Abhira is subjected to. I loved the way Madhav took a stand for Abhira, however I had hoped he wouldn't try to bring her back, knowing well enough they would only treat her worse. So I had to pen down and OS on the lines on that. I hope you all will enjoy reading.
Under the scorching heat of the afternoon sun, Vidya walked into the temple, the heat emanating from the stone searing through her soles. Beneath the azure sky's endless gleam, she stood at the threshold, each step forward a dance in embrace of her own sins. Her heart was plagued with a dilemma, that has weighed her ever since Abhira left the mansion one month ago.
Vidya has been hurt by the lies and the secrets, she was agonized by the betrayal of her own children but she couldn't deny that there haven't been moments when she contemplated the gravity of her actions. She did have her doubts about her reactions being out of proportion, of her being obtuse to Abhira's situation but then her anger had outgrown her rationality. However, a part of her knew she missed Abhira, her mischief and her innocent eyes, looking at her with disbelief at Vidya's support for her and a yearning, a prayer for that support to stay. And that was a memory that haunted her, Abhira's eyes, a beacon in the dark, begging for solace, pleading for respite. Abhira's silence echoes in her mind. Vidya knew their anger was justified but was it fair to push Abhira like a rag doll, question her character, when it was Armaan who brought her home, curse her dead mother who died saving her son, or throw her out when Armaan was subjected to no exile?
So here she was in front of Mata Rani, standing at the percipice of introspection, torn between conviction of her actions and the ache of uncertainty. Did she weild her hurt as a weapon to stab an innocent's heart? While she was lost in her spiral of thoughts, a sudden gust of wind, tugs the folds of the chunri in her thaali, unfolding in a graceful arc that descends upon the head of a girl, kneeling in the temple of the mighty goddess.
Vidya's hands move quickly to gather the fabric, her heart quickening with an apologetic murmur poised at her lips, yet her words falter caught in the gaze of eyes that mirror the tumult of emotions. In those eyes Vidya glimpses a kaleidoscope of feelings, raw and fleeting, swirling like leaves caught in tempest, shifting hues of vulnerability, loneliness, pain and fear.
"Abhira...", Vidya whispered.
However Abhira was quick to stand up. "I...I didn't know you would be here...I'm sorry, I will take my leave", Abhira blabbered in haste, rubbing the tears flowing down her cheeks, her balance swaying a little.
Admist the whispering prayers and silent echoes of devotion, Vidya found herself shook by the veil of apprehension shrouding Abhira's countenance. "Abhira...I.." Vidya spoke again, her hand extending towards her tear stained cheeks. But the slight moment made Abhira flinch. Vidya tried to move forward but Abhira took a step back, almost losing her balance and falling down the temple stairs, when a man caught her.
Madhav had not expected to be greeted at the temple by her daughter almost falling unconscious in his arms. He dabbed her cheek, calling her name in concern, only to realise she was burning with high fever. He quickly scooped her up and ran towards his car, his wife following him.
"Maybe we should take her home..", Vidya suggested.
"No! My daughter won't be stepping into that house ever again. She won't enter a place where she was made to feel like a burden."
Something about Madhav's conviction, his unfaltering ease around Abhira, and the genuine concern that he wore on his face, told Vidya they had a connection she didn't know about.
"Where will we take her Madhav. We don't even know where she lives," Vidya asked.
"I do Vidya...I know where she lives. And you don't have to act like you care about her, I will manage", Madhav replied sternly.
Throughout the car ride towards Abhira's small flat, Madhav knew Vidya's questioning eyes were following him. He knew she seeked answers, if he had stayed in touch with her all this while and if yes why did he not speak to her about it or why did he not tell Armaan about it when he has been drowing in guilt?
In about ten minutes they reached the building where Abhira resided. Her room was a shade of light blue as if someone had cut a square of an empty sky and painted the walls of he abode. Madhave gently lay Abhira on the bed, and covered her in a blanket. He was searching through her the drawer for a thermometer and the required medicines, only to realise she probably didn't have any.
"She just won't listen to me. I knew she would catch a fever and I told her to get the medicines or remind me to get them for her. Stupid little girl has a reminder set for all my medicines but won't remember to take care of herself. What do I do with this child of mine?", Madhav murmured to himself forgetting about his wife's unflinching gaze following him.
Vidya's eyes fell on a napkin kept on the bedside table. A napkin she remembers packing with Madhav's lunch. And it all made sense. Madhav has been asking them to pack a little extra portion of lunch everyday. She remembers him telling them about this stubborn child who works near the police station, and often forgets to have lunch.
"So this is where all the extra lunch is delivered everyday? If you knew where Abhira was and if you were in touch with her, why wouldn't you tell us, why wouldn't you tell Armaan?"
Madhav was partly aghast at the audacity of his wife to ask such a question, especially after the events that have led to Abhira's departure from the mansion. "Tell you what Vidya? And what makes you think any of you, including Armaan is entitled to know where she is or what she is doing after all that has happened?"
"She is Armaan's wife..."
"No she is not!" Madhav interrupted even before she could complete the sentence. "Her only relation with our name, is that of being my daughter. None of you has any relation with her. None of you deserve to have any."
Vidya sighed. "I know you are attached to her. So was I, but this girl deceived us Madhav. Her marriage was a sham."
"This girl Vidya...is the reason your mahaan son is alive. Her mother took a bullet to save your ungrateful son, who still hasn't grown a spine strong enough to take a stand for the woman who died protecting him, or for the woman who lost her mother because of him or his own wife, who has time and again put herself in line of danger to protect our family, including you Vidya. It's funny how you all seem to have conviently forgotten about all that to justify your own failures. Their marriage was a sham...true! But this girl right here, has done everything in her power to do all that she could for us. Because despite the contract she valued the relationships. But none of you would ever acknowledge that."
Vidya attempted to justify herself, "How much do we really know her Madhav. What if this was all truly all a trap? Her mother literally put Armaan in a spot, forced him to marry without his choice.
"Your son...is a freaking adult Vidya", Madhav screamed. "This girl on the other hand, is merely 22, who has only ever had her mother, the mother who was snatched from her in a matter of seconds. She was left behind with absolutely no one to look after her. Put yourself in that mother's spot Vidya? This world, is a dangerous place for women, this world is full of wolves who would trample the spirit of a young left on her own. How was her mother wrong, in wanting her daughter's security?"
"It's a shame that as a woman yourself you fail to understand that. Her mother was a warrior, who fought against all odds to raise a daughter as strong and brave as her, who despite her value for independence, carries kindness for all. Our society would have made her life a living hell, had she been in Armaan's vicinity without a tag to define their relationship. Her mother was scared. Tell me, how was that wrong?"
Vidya didn't have an answer. All her resilience regarding the righteousness of her decisions seemed to waver. She was pulled out of her stupor by a soft whimper that escaped from an unconscious Abhira, "Mumma...mumma..."
Madhav was by her side in a second. He gently patted her forehead, assuring her of her safety. "Her...her temperature doesn't seem good. I will have to get the medicines...but I can't leave her alone", Madhav was again murmuring to himself, when Vidya carefully took a spot beside him. "I will stay here Madhav, you can go get the medicines. She is not alone..."
"No...no,I do not trust you with her."
"I am not stone hearted. I do care for her, she is my daughter too", Vidya whispered, hurt by her husband's lack of faith in her.
Madhav snorted in response, "Yeah sure... convince yourself of that. I will be back in fifteen minutes, try not to hate her for merely existing and try not to utter a word unless it's an apology. And I am making it clear to you, Abhira has nothing to do with any of you, she is NOT your daughter, a mother would never do to her child what you have done to her."
With a lot of hesitance, Vidya caressed Abhira's cheek only to realise that there was an urgent requirement to bring down her temperature. She grabbed the napkin from the bedside, and a emptied a cold bottle of water, from the mini fridge at the corner of the room, into a bowl. She dipped the cloth in the water, and gently dabbed Abhira's face.
As soon as the cold water droplets touched her face, Abhira flinched and shivered. "Shhh... it's alright Abhira, you will be alright I am right here." Unknowingly a teardrop fell down Vidya's eye.
She looked around in the room and found a few pictures of a carefree, happy Abhira with her mother. This was probably the first time Vidya was carefully looking at her mother's face but it didn't take her a moment to realise the stark resemblance of the kindness that reflected in both their eyes. A deep sense of loss, but so full of life and love. What had they made of her?
"Kitni giri huyi hogi tumhari maa" "Mujhe Maa matt bulao"
The harshness of her own words reverberated in her head, the ghost of her cruelty weighing her with a guilt that threatened to consume her. Vidya broke down into tears as the gravity of her mistakes dawned upon her. She couldn't bring herself to look at Abhira's face. Her face, so innocent, yet always painted in a shade of utter loss and grief, yet so determined and so beautiful. It struck her like lightening, she had subjected this young girl to an emotional abuse that has probably left her with damage for a life time.
Madhav's words haunted her in the wake of her own consuming guilt. A part of her had regretted the instant the words had left her mouth but she was too blinded by her rage. Abhira was too young to have experienced the amount of loss and trauma that she had. And instead of providing her with some solace, Vidya had only broken her spirit, damaged her perception of family and love. And in this moment of realisation, she hated herself, for she knew she hasn't only failed as a mother, but also as a woman, and as a human and there was no penance for her mistakes, for the damage her words had caused cannot be undone. She had certainly snatched mother's love from this starving orphan for the second time and the grief of this loss has clearly taken a toll on Abhira.
"I am so sorry Abhira. I...I don't know how I will ever make it upto you. Your mother saved my son and look at me, I...I couldn't even save from myself. I am indeed a monster, and you are better off without our family's poison Abhira. I am so sorry..."
Madhav who had just returned from the pharmacy, knelt beside his weeping wife and gently placed a hand on her shoulder but she couldn't bring herself to look into his eyes.
"You know the first day, I came here to visit her, she refused to open the door for me. I begged and begged, but she wouldn't budge, so I sat outside and refused to move. That she yelled at me for being careless for sitting in the heat for so long. The next day when I brought her food, she refused to eat, I blackmailed her saying I wouldn't eat unless she does, but she told me she was more stubborn than I was, she was DNO "dheeth number one". But I bet her own game. My sugar level went down and she scolded me again, but I refused to eat. So she had to back out. I will never forget the look in her eyes, when I fed her the first bite, she looked like a child, starved of love and care. Ever since, I would feed her everyday and trust me, I see that look in her eyes everyday...and it pains me. It pains me to know that a girl as selfless and innocent as hers is orphaned and detached from any sense of belongingness and home."
Madhav didn't realise but he himself had began to cry. "This stupid little girl, would everyday write something in her diary after having lunch with me and wouldn't tell me what she wrote. And one day I accidentally saw it...she wrote the approximate price of every chapati I fed her, of every little portion of food that she ate with me. I couldn't bring myself to confront her about this because imagine how deprived of love and how damaged one has to be to believe that every act of kindness and love didn't come without a price."
He fetched a five hundred rupees note from his pocket and showed it to Vidya. "She had very carefully slipped this note in my coat pocket after the end of two weeks. And I carry around this with me as a constant reminder of my family's cruelty, of my own failure, to protect this child of God. She is merely 22 Vidya, she is my enthusiastic, funny, adorable and loving Abhira, she should be enjoying life but look at her crumbled under the weight of our abuses. Imagine the grief that carries around, the pain she would have felt when you, Maasa, Sanjay took jabs at her dead mother. This...this is not how her life should have been. She should be smiling, she should be jumping around like the childish fool that she used to be."
This was probably the first time in all their years of marriage that Vidya had seen her husband weep. Alas, how horrendous a crime scene has to be bring a grown man on his knees.
Sound of a small whimper from the girl lying on the bed and Madhav was quick to wipe his tears and direct his entire attention towards Abhira, who was regaining consciousness.
Madhav sighed in relief, "You scared me there child. Don't you ever...ever dare to pull a stunt like that ever again."
"I am alright uncle...you don't have to worry."
"Oh I can see how fine you are. You are not leaving this room until and unless you are totally fine. And don't you dare object my care. I am your father and you ought to listen to me."
It didn't go unnoticed for Vidya, how despite Madhav's strong claim on her as a father, Abhira refused to address him so. Perhaps, the fear of this relation being snatched away from her with another gust of wind. She silently walked out of the room, leaving the father and daughter in each other's comforting vicinity but she couldn't control the sobs that continued to wrack her body. She didn't know what to do with this guilt. Perhaps she would have to live under the weight of it. She could try to make amends, she would but deep down she knew, it would be safer if Abhira did not belong there, caged in the regressive and unfair shackles of their rather empty mansion. Perhaps...just perhaps she could apologize to Abhira but she knew that her words had given Abhira a scar that might take an eternity to entirely heal. She might never get the love and respect that Abhira once gave her, she might never assume that position again, because she did not deserve to. She did not deserve to call herself the mother of the daughter she had wronged. There certainly was no respite for a monster like herself but she would pray to god, for Abhira and her flight. She would pray for her to belong only to herself, she would pray for her to have a home, a home that wouldn't feel like grief, a home where she is loved. A home...unlike their very own, where a mother doesn't kill her own child. A home...where Abhira could again find her light.
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