Posted:
I hope this serious topic does not get you down. It is very important that we discuss this even under the banner of a soap opera because the problem of abuse is not one to be taken lightly. I am pretty sure Shlok will turn out good in the end in all the cliched ways that we like to see it, but today I want to offer a defense of why it is right to show him as bad.
He is a product of his environment. Raised in a dysfunctional family where there is an abusive father. In real life, children are almost always aware and hypersensitive to abuse happening. Whether it happens with them or their parents, children live with that curse and it seeps very deeply into their personality. Abused children because abusive adults very often. It is not something to be taken lightly. Shlok is manipulative because his father is manipulative. He does not have to see his father directly being evil to morph into his father.
I am saying this today because I had the special privilege of meeting a very famous person today who survived an abusive father (beating mother). This person on the surface is very successful, but the pain I saw inside them today really touched me deep. This person had the goodness to get out of that situation and break off relations with the abusive father. But a father is a father and you always crave a good relationship. So did he/she. I saw the pain in him/her today. Inside they are still helpless. They never married probably because they are so burdened by their pain. It is not something people come out of easily, even with therapy. Seeing or sensing abuse hurts more than any relationship breakup or cheating spouse ever can. These kinds of kids want the lover to make up for all that they lost, they want unconditional love, the type they should have gotten from their parent. So that lover is put in a very difficult position of having a demanding, often needy lover. Astha will find herself in the tough position of being everything to him, friend, lover, mother, caretaker, etc.
When there is also a lost sibling, it is that much harder. Especially if things are compounded by gender preference in the house, as in the Agnihotri household where the sons are special. Imagine growing up as a daughter in such a house. You will turn out very deeply cut, deprived, low in self-esteem (like Swati). So maybe we should try and understand more where these Agnihotri kids are coming from rather than criticizing them. Because they were not all born evil, or manipulative or weak. They became this way. They are victims. Hurt victims who won't easily come out of their pasts. The CVs need to deal with this issue very sensitively. One bubbly Astha won't be enough to cheer them all up. Changing things from the roots (parents) is the hardest thing to do. Most therapists fail at it.
I am over analyzing the soap, I know. Intentionally. I am giving is a lot of credit for giving us a very sensitive issue. If they deal with it well, you will see why the Agnihotris are all sympathetic characters.
Varad: Tries desperately to please his parents by doing everything they might want. But does it matter? No. He is still the looser to Shlok. He can do everything right and lose in the sibling rivalry because he is not the favorite child. This is a deeply hurt character who cannot stop pleasing, even though he hates it. That's why he's so quiet. He suffers. He has made every sacrifice possible, including not marrying for love and living a life of bondage to please his parents. NA never even looks his way. It is Varad's goodness the he keeps a good relationship with Shlok because the human reaction is actually jealousy/resentment.
Shlok: Special child no matter how many things he does wrong. He is the favorite, the youngest, the most adored by both parents. He is as much a pawn for NA's plans as the rest but he does not know it. He worships his father and misunderstands his mother. While he doesn't know NA is the abuser, he does know Anjali as the abuser (or Swati and Pooja). The result is the same. He saw abuse. He delivers abuse to Astha because he doesn't know how else to express his feelings. There is no excuse for the slap he gave her, I am not making one either. I am just trying to see where he's coming from. Varad and Jyoti are unnaturally not jealous of him. Shlok is actually the most human of all his siblings because he does have resentments against his mother for example for putting away Pooja (really his father). Imagine that turmoil when he finds out the real abuser. His roots (parents) are rotten. How can you expect a healthy tree? I am not saying he's misogynist, but the chauvinist comes naturally to him because of his roots and bad experiences. He goes for what he wants, now it is Astha. He will eventually want Astha to make up for all the lost love and that's when it will get difficult because he will do little to deserve it.
Jyoti: Burden. The girl child to be rid of through marriage from this misogynistic family. She may be from a rich household but she is poor and with no options. She cannot leave the abusive family she probably never chose because she has no where to go. She was probably very ignored as a girl in the family. In real life, this would harbor real resentment but she is shown as kind for the soap's benefit.
Pooja: Such a burden that she was put away. Need I say more?
What do you think? Have you never seen these kinds of family biases?
He is a product of his environment. Raised in a dysfunctional family where there is an abusive father. In real life, children are almost always aware and hypersensitive to abuse happening. Whether it happens with them or their parents, children live with that curse and it seeps very deeply into their personality. Abused children because abusive adults very often. It is not something to be taken lightly. Shlok is manipulative because his father is manipulative. He does not have to see his father directly being evil to morph into his father.
I am saying this today because I had the special privilege of meeting a very famous person today who survived an abusive father (beating mother). This person on the surface is very successful, but the pain I saw inside them today really touched me deep. This person had the goodness to get out of that situation and break off relations with the abusive father. But a father is a father and you always crave a good relationship. So did he/she. I saw the pain in him/her today. Inside they are still helpless. They never married probably because they are so burdened by their pain. It is not something people come out of easily, even with therapy. Seeing or sensing abuse hurts more than any relationship breakup or cheating spouse ever can. These kinds of kids want the lover to make up for all that they lost, they want unconditional love, the type they should have gotten from their parent. So that lover is put in a very difficult position of having a demanding, often needy lover. Astha will find herself in the tough position of being everything to him, friend, lover, mother, caretaker, etc.
When there is also a lost sibling, it is that much harder. Especially if things are compounded by gender preference in the house, as in the Agnihotri household where the sons are special. Imagine growing up as a daughter in such a house. You will turn out very deeply cut, deprived, low in self-esteem (like Swati). So maybe we should try and understand more where these Agnihotri kids are coming from rather than criticizing them. Because they were not all born evil, or manipulative or weak. They became this way. They are victims. Hurt victims who won't easily come out of their pasts. The CVs need to deal with this issue very sensitively. One bubbly Astha won't be enough to cheer them all up. Changing things from the roots (parents) is the hardest thing to do. Most therapists fail at it.
I am over analyzing the soap, I know. Intentionally. I am giving is a lot of credit for giving us a very sensitive issue. If they deal with it well, you will see why the Agnihotris are all sympathetic characters.
Varad: Tries desperately to please his parents by doing everything they might want. But does it matter? No. He is still the looser to Shlok. He can do everything right and lose in the sibling rivalry because he is not the favorite child. This is a deeply hurt character who cannot stop pleasing, even though he hates it. That's why he's so quiet. He suffers. He has made every sacrifice possible, including not marrying for love and living a life of bondage to please his parents. NA never even looks his way. It is Varad's goodness the he keeps a good relationship with Shlok because the human reaction is actually jealousy/resentment.
Shlok: Special child no matter how many things he does wrong. He is the favorite, the youngest, the most adored by both parents. He is as much a pawn for NA's plans as the rest but he does not know it. He worships his father and misunderstands his mother. While he doesn't know NA is the abuser, he does know Anjali as the abuser (or Swati and Pooja). The result is the same. He saw abuse. He delivers abuse to Astha because he doesn't know how else to express his feelings. There is no excuse for the slap he gave her, I am not making one either. I am just trying to see where he's coming from. Varad and Jyoti are unnaturally not jealous of him. Shlok is actually the most human of all his siblings because he does have resentments against his mother for example for putting away Pooja (really his father). Imagine that turmoil when he finds out the real abuser. His roots (parents) are rotten. How can you expect a healthy tree? I am not saying he's misogynist, but the chauvinist comes naturally to him because of his roots and bad experiences. He goes for what he wants, now it is Astha. He will eventually want Astha to make up for all the lost love and that's when it will get difficult because he will do little to deserve it.
Jyoti: Burden. The girl child to be rid of through marriage from this misogynistic family. She may be from a rich household but she is poor and with no options. She cannot leave the abusive family she probably never chose because she has no where to go. She was probably very ignored as a girl in the family. In real life, this would harbor real resentment but she is shown as kind for the soap's benefit.
Pooja: Such a burden that she was put away. Need I say more?
What do you think? Have you never seen these kinds of family biases?
Seher Hone Ko Hai
