Chapter 4
"I keep doing this, don't I? Waking you up?"
Maanvi tried to focus as Virat's voice floated into her ear, her eyes flicking towards the clock that hung across the room. It was 7 am.
"That's okay." She managed to mumble. He had called her after four days of complete silence and even in that half drugged state she couldn't help but feel a sense of relief.
"I want to see you."
"Why don't you come over for lunch?" She said, rubbing her eyes as she pushed herself up in a sitting position.
"No. I.. I want to see you right now."
"Now?" She asked, more than just a little surprised.
"Yes. Can you come?"
"Where are you?"
*******************************
He looked out to the water as he waited for her. He didn't know why he had called her. Why today, after four days of avoiding almost everybody? He didn't even look presentable, he realized. His hair was a mess, and he was quite clearly in need of a shower and a shave.
All he knew was that he had grown tired of wandering aimlessly by himself with no one to talk to and she was the first person he had thought of.
He heard her now, as she made her way down and turned around a little. Her forehead creased almost at once as she took in his appearance and he managed a smile.
"I'm okay."
She nodded as if not trusting herself to speak and sat down on a boulder.
"I.. I'm sorry if it was inappropriate.. Calling you like that." He said, and she shook her head.
"I'm just glad you're okay."
He didn't say anything and simply bowed his head as if contemplating on what to say next.
She still hadn't asked him anything and he was grateful for her patience.
"It was good for a while." He finally spoke, waiting for a few seconds for her to say something. When she didn't he decided to continue.
"The first two years were great. It was like.. like being in a dream. I was doing what I had always wanted to do, what I loved. For as long as I can remember music has been the biggest part of my life and I was finally making a career out of it. I was.. I was happy." He lapsed into silence at that. Sometimes there are things in your life that you can never quite explain properly or even understand. This was one of those things.
"What changed?"She probed gently.
"Everything? Well perhaps not everything but something did.." He struggled for a few seconds before speaking again. "I only cared about the music but the people you work with don't think like that. They measure everything in terms of the profits they rake in and its okay... they.. they have their own bosses to answer, their own families to look after but creativity.. there is no measure for that. I wanted to.. I wanted to make something that would mean something to someone but I.. I couldn't. I don't know when it started..it was like a bad dream where you don't know how it all began until you're right in the middle of it and you wake up one day to realize that something that had the power to make you happy was the one thing you just.. You just don't want to do. Music had defined me for such a long time and when I couldn't identify with it anymore I got lost in the mechanical part of that world. I couldn't become like them, I couldn't be okay with all of it and that's where I failed."
She listened to him quietly, without interrupting. It all made sense. She remembered very well how she had loved his first two albums but how over time, his music had lost some of the soul it had possessed earlier. She had still bought them out of some odd sense of loyalty but some of his songs had been so thoroughly shallow they had made her cringe. They hadn't been terrible of course, just forgettable. Which was perhaps the saddest thing you can say about someone's work.
"I must sound thoroughly ungrateful right? People dream about the kind of chance I got and here I am sitting and complaining about it." He said, smiling ruefully.
"Not really. We all have our crosses to bear."
He didn't say anything, toying with a pebble as a muscle worked in his jaw.
"That's why you don't talk about it isn't it? Because you think you'll just sound ungrateful?"
"Yeah.." he said speaking slowly, "that's one reason."
"What's the other?"
"I.. I don't know."
"I think you do."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You're afraid Virat."
"Of what?"
"Of losing what you have. You don't like it, sometimes you even hate it but you're still scared of
losing it."
"I don't have a choice."
She took a deep breath before speaking again, fully aware that she was stepping on dangerous ground now, that perhaps what they shared was still too fragile to survive what she had to say. He had helped her once though and she would do the same for him today.
"But you do Virat. You always have a choice. You..you say that you couldn't be okay with it when
infact a part of you did manage to be okay with it."
"Did you even hear a word of what I just said?" He ground out, his eyes flashing dangerously.
"I did. I heard everything. But I also know that you let them take control of your life. You talk as if the pit you are stuck in is a permanent one. You're forgetting Virat that if you're down there, some of it at least is by choice."
"Are you saying I'm weak?!" He said, standing up in anger now.
"I'm saying that you didn't fight back."
"It wasn't that easy! You..you have no idea! You weren't even there!" He almost shouted now.
"You're right. I don't have any idea what it was like for you." She said calmly, getting up as well.
"But this isn't about me Virat," She continued, when he simply glared back silently.
"This is about you, your life. Think about what you really want and what you're actually afraid of Virat. How can you just give up? You talk as if your life is over but you know it and I know it that you still have the power to change this."
He looked the other way, glaring almost resentfully at the waves as if it were their fault that they were having this argument.
It did nothing to discourage her and she simply kept going, hoping somewhere that if not now, he'd think about this conversation later.
"You need to do what makes you happy. You can't sing when you're suffocating Virat and maybe a lot of people out there won't notice that, won't care but there are some who do care. Do it for them. Do it for the few who cared from the beginning, who understood your music and fell in love with you because of it. You keep this up and 50 years from now, nobody will remember you. And you know why? Because while your music did sell, it didn't speak to people, it never reached out.
It didn't mean something."
He said nothing, staring off into the distance as he tried to shut her out. His eyes were gleaming and she knew she had hurt him because the truth was like that.. it could not be dressed up. It was always painful and cruel and yet still essential.
She reached out and touched him by the shoulder before speaking again, her voice turning gentle,
"Sometimes.. All you need to do is take a step Virat. Somewhere, somehow..A path opens up and if you're brave enough, you follow that path and hope that somewhere down the road you'll attain fulfillment."
The kindness of those words perhaps broke him far more than her earlier approach and for a brief second he simply wanted to hold her close. He did nothing of that sort though and continued to listen in silence only reacting when she turned around and started to walk away,
"Where..Where are you going?" He called out.
She didn't stop but continued walking.
"I don't know where to start okay?" He shouted now, sounding almost afraid of being left alone.
"But you already have Virat." She said, finally looking back.
"I.. I don't understand."He said in confusion now, his anger and pain forgotten.
"You admitted you have a problem. You won't be able to live with it for very long now. Change is human Virat."
He seemed to be thinking about that and she couldn't help but smile.
"If you say so." He finally mumbled.
"I know so. Acceptance is always the first step. You taught me that."
He looked up and their eyes met, and for a second he wished he could believe in himself in the
way she clearly seemed to.
"Why do you believe in me so much Maanvi?" He said, making his way towards her.
"Because I've known you to be brave before." She said simply.
He blinked at that, not quite sure on how to respond.
"Sorry I yelled at you."He said finally.
"I would have been very surprised if you hadn't." She said, laughing a little now and he smiled sheepishly.
"I'm sorry but I have to go now." She said, turning around again.
"Do you really have to leave?" He asked as he followed her.
"I'm afraid so."
"Why?"
"I have a flight to catch."
"You're leaving? But the wedding.."
"It's just for a while. I have to go to New York to meet with my Editor."
"For how long?"
She wanted to ask him why he cared so much. He had looked so genuinely upset it had
surprised her.
"Two weeks." She said instead, as they finally reached her car.
"Oh. Okay." He wanted to tell her that he'd miss her but decided against it.
"I have something for you." She said, before opening the car door and reaching inside.
"For me?" He asked, clearly surprised.
"What's this?" He said, as she handed it to him.
"It's the draft of my book." She replied and he looked up.
"You don't have to look so surprised." She said, smiling at him. He didn't pay attention to her, his gaze reverting to what appeared to be a large sheaf of papers, his eyes carrying a look of slight wonder.
"Go home and read it." She said quietly, trying to ignore the fact that she found the respect he clearly held for her work incredibly touching.
"Why now?" He finally asked.
"Because there are things I can't say, things that you can only understand on your own if you want to get past.. This." She finished.
"How did you know I would tell you?"
"I didn't." She shrugged. "But you forget that I'm a writer Virat. There are only so many ways this could have gone down."
He couldn't help but grin at that.
"Thank you.. for coming. And for this." He said, gesturing towards the draft.
"I'll see you soon."
He saw the same look appear on her face, as though she was caught in a moment of indecision, but before he could ask her about it, she reached out and wrapped her arms around him.
"You'll be okay." She whispered, holding on for a little longer than necessary before finally letting go.
He was still standing in the same spot until he realized she was already in the car.
"Goodbye." He managed to get out. She smiled and nodded at him before starting the car.
"And Virat?" She said, looking ahead.
"Hmmm?"
"Take a shower."
He started to laugh at that and she grinned before driving away.
The laughter died from his face as he watched her car as it drove away. It had only been for a few seconds but he had felt strangely protected when she had hugged him. He hadn't felt like that in a long time and even now he wished the feeling to be a little easier to dismiss, yet it continued to linger.
Glancing down at the draft he was holding, he smiled a little.
Maybe there was some hope for him after all.
*******************************
Three weeks later.
Maanvi mumbled something about getting some sleep as she closed the door and turned around, only to yelp and fall backward in fright as her eyes fell upon someone trying to get in through her bedroom window.
Her eyes only widened as he looked up at the sound and placed a finger on his lips when her sister called out asking if she were okay.
"I'm.. I'm okay Di." She answered back, her eyes still fixed on Virat as he finally managed to enter the room.
"What are you doing?"
He looked at the window frame and then back at her, as though he did this every day.
"I wanted to see you." He shrugged.
She raised her eyebrows at that, before deciding it would be useless to press the matter.
"That's a very small window by the way." He commented.
"Yes well it wasn't exactly made for people to sneak through." She pointed out and he grinned.
"How was New York?"
"It was good. I like my Editor."
"Think it will work out?"
"I think so." She nodded. "How are you Virat?"
"Well I fired my manager. And that felt pretty good." He said casually as he leaned over to tug at
the corner of a cushion.
"What? When?" She asked and he looked up.
"Three days after I read a book.." He said, inching forwards as realization dawned on her face.
"What..what did you read in it?" She asked, suddenly nervous for some reason.
"I read about life, about the fragility of our dreams and how we are all so afraid to live and to love and most of the time we just give up.."
"But?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"But then sometimes, we meet someone and we are reminded of how more than anything else
we owe it to ourselves to take control of our lives and go and live our dreams, how if we simply choose to be brave enough then things have a habit of working out and how that person might never know about it but they had just gone ahead and changed the fate we had written for ourselves."
"I like your room by the way," He said offhandishly as he looked around but she barely took a notice.
"Did they?" She asked instead, as an odd lump rose in her throat and his eyes found hers again.
"I think so. I've been looking for a new manager and I think I finally found one."
"Is that where you have been?"
"I meant to call you."
"I did too."
"Then why didn't we?" He asked her, tilting his head to a side.
"I.. I don't know." She said, looking away, unsure of what to say as he continued to watch her.
"It's not going to happen again Maanvi." He said firmly as he took another step forward.
"What do you mean?"
"You won't be disappearing from my life again. I.. I won't allow it."
Her eyes widened a bit as she realized what he was referring to.
"I didn't mean to."
"I know you didn't. It just.."
"Didn't make a lot of sense." She finished.
"Yeah." He said, and she realized suddenly just how close he was.
They simply looked at each other as he raised a hand, his knuckles coming to rest against her cheek, caressing it softly.
Her heart stopped. She was sure of it. He continued to hold her gaze as though searching for something essential, and try as she might she couldn't look away.
She had never actually believed in the notion of getting lost in someone's eyes but right then, as absurd as it sounded she couldn't help but feel as though she was all but drowning in the intensity of that gaze. He had beautiful eyes. She remembered writing about their guarded nature but right now as she looked into them, it was as if someone had pulled the curtains apart so that his entire soul seemed to filter through; something that seemed to rid her of the simple ability to breath. Who was this man? And why did he always reduce her to behaving in a way that went against the basic grain of who she was? It was like discovering parts of her own self she never knew existed. He leaned in a tad bit closer, as though he was almost testing her but she didn't move. Something shifted in his eyes then and he smiled once. Perhaps he had finally found what he was looking for because he took a step back now, leaving her more confused than ever.
"What..what was that you were saying about your manager?" She managed to get out, her own voice registering dimly on her ears.
"I told him what I wanted. And he understood."
"That's it?" She asked, and he chuckled.
"Well it won't be that easy. The money won't be so much but I think I'll be happy."
"I'm glad." She said, more to herself than him.
He made to say something but his phone chose to ring at that precise moment.
It was his brother.
"What's up Bhai?"
He listened for a few seconds before replying,
"No, I'll be there."
"You're leaving?" She asked as he put his phone away, trying not to sound too disappointed.
"I have to. I'll see you at the wedding then?"
"Of course."
She wanted to say something, anything. Wanted to stop him.. She had no idea where they stood or where they were to go from here. Why had he really come tonight? What happened now? And why he had chosen to come so close only to back away at the last moment? There were just so many questions.. he had answered some of them of course but it seemed like one of those conversations where they had talked and yet said nothing in the end.
She knew it didn't make sense but it was how she felt right now. He was almost at window when he turned,
"Thank you Maanvi." He said, snapping her out of her thoughts.
"For what?"
"Everything?"
"You don't have to thank me."
"I know. But I want to. I meant what I said Maanvi.. it won't happen again."
He was smiling at her now, and she couldn't help but smile back. She had always believed so much in the power of words that she had perhaps forgotten about the strength that comes in the silence they shared now. She understood that now as she looked at him, his smile and the light in his eyes speaking more deeply of commitment and promise than any amount of words could match up to.
It wasn't something she was accustomed to and perhaps it came with being a writer but right then, it seemed good enough.
"I know."
His grin widened at that.
"We'll be seeing a lot more of each other Maanvi Chaudhary. I promise you that."
"I look forward to it then."
They looked at each other for a moment longer, until he finally turned around and climbed out of the window. She watched him as he swung over a branch before landing on the ground with a soft thud. He waved at her once and she simply smiled as he got in his car before turning away.
She had no idea what the future had in store for them but right then she wanted to believe that whatever it was, they would survive it and they would win. Because sometimes you're not the one writing the story, sometimes you don't know everything and sometimes you have to take that leap of faith and not merely live in the hope of simply finding something beautiful with someone but creating it.
He hesitated.
"I.. I can't."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I just can't. You should go."
She frowned at him and he avoided her gaze. She always saw far too much.
"Come with me Virat." She said softly.
He looked at her then, and was reminded of a particularly rainy day. He remembered how the sun had finally come up and embraced him in its warmth as the clouds of gloom finally shifted and everything seemed shiny and new.
He had sung all through the night that day.
It was a song he had long forgotten.
He searched her face before looking at her outstretched hand, and he could feel the remnants of
the same song come to life, making him smile.
"I'll race you to the door."
They laughed, looking at each other as they ran, the door bursting open almost magically before they escaped into the beautiful, breathtaking sunlight and became a part of it, became infinite.
"Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being." - Albert Schweitzer.
The End.
Okay I know this probably came as a surprise but honestly this is what I had in mind when I sat down to write this story. I actually had a one shot in mind but this one wrote itself as is the case with most stories.. I hope you all will like and understand what I tried to write about here. This OS isn't merely about love.. its a little more than that and that is what I wanted to capture. The idea is very close to me so I hope you guys enjoyed reading it.
Edited by ...Maham... - 12 years ago
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