FF:Ten things I hate about you[3]-**Completed** - Page 10

People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places, like secret roadmaps of their personal histories and diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of them heal, leaving behind nothing but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds, we carry with us everywhere... and though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers...

***

"Your father did not commit suicide Khushi. He was murdered."

Even before she could register his words, Khushi was acutely aware of the way the movement of his lips was reflecting his restlessness and tension. His mouth had closed several times before opening to attempt and say something. It was only after a few moments did she register his words and felt a heavy rock being dumped on her heart. She immediately felt crushed beneath its weight.

Even with Arnav around, this was unexpected.

Her heart felt constricted inside the walls of her chest and she was suddenly out of breath. She fisted her hands on his already crumpled shirt. Suddenly, it seemed to take way too much effort to stand steady on her two feet and as a result, she had stepped further into the circle of his arms and held on to him for support.

"This can't be true", she said, her eyes trained on the topmost navy blue button on his shirt. "Is this true, Arnav?" she looked into his eyes and could see the turmoil brewing in them. She was aware how he was trying to calm her by the pressure of his hands on her shoulders. But it was not helping. "You cannot stay quiet after dropping a bomb on me," she said and shook him with a slight jerk. When he did not say anything but only looked at her, his own eyes starting to mist, she started shaking a little. His silence said it all.

She did not ask him anything else that night. She didn't have it in her to ask him. She should have wanted to interrogate him at that moment, but Khushi did not feel the impulse to do it right there and then. And even though this thought worried her later when she thought about it, but she did not delve too much into it. She was having a hard time even absorbing that one piece of information that she just chose to stay quiet. She rested her head on his chest, her hands still fisting his shirt and her body pressed close to his. She wanted to hold on to him. She wanted to believe that this was enough, that Arnav's embrace was enough for the night.

"I don't know which emotion is stronger inside me right now," she detached herself from his hold and looked anywhere but him, "should I be feeling happy that he did not choose to leave me," her voice started breaking again, "or be sad at the possibility that I might have been a cause of his death?" Her face was crestfallen. Her eyes were naked and he could see the depth of the pain and the hurt she had gone through as a child. And he couldn't bear to look at her the way she was now. He wasn't aware of the urgent need that possessed him that moment, but he pulled her back in his arms, crushing her frame against her chest and hugged her fiercely, something that Arnav Singh Raizada seldom did. He needed to reassure her that he would be there with her at every step of the way but he was not good with words. Thus, he let his actions do the talking. His one hand was wound securely and tightly around her waist and the other one had automatically started caressing her hair.

"Everything's going to be fine Khushi," he whispered against her ear, "I'll make sure of that. I promised you, didn't I? Always remember that, okay?"

These words were a lot more than mere assurances for Khushi. She felt a strange sense of protection and warmth engulf her being and she involuntarily pushed herself a little deeper into him.

When she was with him, Khushi Kumari Gupta felt at home. She did not have one until today. Not until today had she heard such words. No one had ever promised to take care of her. No one had ever taken her responsibility. No one had loved her.

"You don't need to think anything today. We'll see to it in the morning, okay?" more than her, he was telling this to himself. "I promised you." He felt her nod feverishly against his chest. She then put her arms around him and they stayed like that for some more time before either of them came back to earth. Minutes later when he tried to disentangle her from himself, he felt a sense of abandonment, even before she parted. "We should get going, Khushi," he whispered.

"I don't want to go anywhere," she breathed against his chest and said after a pause, her own words surprising her, "I want to stay here with you." She pulled him back and held on to him.

Did he just feel his heart soar? Yes, that must be it. "But it's so cold out here," he said, reason didn't take long to take over Arnav, "you'll fall sick."

She shook her head in response and lifted her head to look at him. She pointed to a shed-like structure on the other end. "Your jacket will keep me warm," she said as she stepped back, hesitantly. They had already started walking towards their abode for the night. Surprisingly, he did not question her.

They were settled into an uncomfortable couch, and yet they were comfortable. As soon as they sat down, Khushi adjusted her frame against him. She pulled his jacket tighter over herself and folded her legs. Resting her head against his shoulder, she crossed her arms over her chest and took a deep breath to make the shivers go away. Even though the shed was relatively warmer than outside, but the winter chill was still present, giving the atmosphere a very unnerving yet a quiet quality.

She snuggled closer into him and his right arm went across her shoulder to accommodate her body. It felt as if she was in her cocoon. There would be no need for her to face anything tonight. She was safe. And she will go out a butterfly.

She closed her eyes and let the slight breeze wash over her. He was still against her- hardly moving an inch. It was only some time later that he felt him move. She did not open her eyes and pretended to be asleep. But sleep only invaded her senses after she felt his lips lightly touch her forehead to wish her a good night.

***

Much to her surprise and concealed discontent, she had woken up in her own bed, in the small suite she was now sharing with Sneha. She looked around, startled, but calmed down once she took in the interiors of her room. A sigh escaped her lips when she realized that he must have had carried her here, even though she had told him that she wanted to be with him. But no one could beat him when he was decided on something. He had protested at once when she had suggested staying up there all night and true to his protest, he had taken care of her, yet again. As she processed these thoughts, her heart filled with warmth and gratitude for the man who was turning out to be her angel in disguise. She was sure he had no idea about it.

But she was weighed down by the cruel reality when she tried to sit up in her bed, but instead just crashed back into the mattress. Her head felt heavy as her thoughts deviated from him towards the bomb of the new found information he had dropped on her last night.

She heard the door to the bathroom close with a soft thud and saw Sneha before her just seconds later. She came and sat beside her on the edge of the bed and started caressing her forehead.

"Are you okay?" she asked earnestly.

"I don't know, Sneha," she said and groaned loudly, as a she felt shooting pain in her head. "I have a splitting headache, for starters," she tried to put up a smile in front of her, but failed. It took too much effort to strain even her facial muscles. She started to move in her bed again, and even before she could ask Sneha to help her, she felt her hands on her shoulders, pulling her up. The smile came on now, effortlessly, even though it was nothing like what Sneha was used to.

"Here you go, take this," she said and handed her a tablet of paracetamol and a glass of water. Khushi took it unquestioningly. "Do you want to get out of this room today?" she continued after Khushi had taken the medicine.

"I don't want to, but I have to. I owe it to someone," she said after a long pause.

"You don't owe anything to anybody, Khushi..."

"Yes, I do, Sneha. I owe it to myself," she said. "As much as I want to stay hidden in this room all day, I know I have to get out and face it," her voice had toned down, "and there's really no need to worry about me, you know. I will be okay."

Sneha just nodded in response, not sure what to say to that. "Khushi, Arnav is waiting for us at the reception. I don't know why but he sounded very low. Do you want me to come with you?"

Khushi nodded.

***

Her mind was conjuring up all sorts of images of the past and the future but it was going around in circles. Nothing was coming out of it. Why did this happen to her? Who did this? Her legs were almost shaking beneath the weight of these questions as she walked towards her destination, but she did not stumble on the way. No, she wouldn't. She was past that phase now.

It felt as if she was standing beneath the blazing sun on a deserted road, looking ahead for where the road led. But she could see nothing. The road just disappeared a few miles ahead and she was already worn out. But would she just stand there and wait? No, it wasn't her. The sweat beads made their way from her forehead to underneath her shirt before getting soaked by the already wet fabric against her skin, but she took a step. She did not want to die with the knowledge that she didn't try. She didn't want to this to be her last thought and regret. No, she wouldn't let it be so.

She was broken out of her reverie when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked sideways and saw that Sneha was now beside her, matching her steps. She immediately held Sneha's hand in hers tightly as she walked towards the reception where Arnav was waiting for them.

***

Arnav's heart broke into a million pieces when he saw Khushi walking towards him with Sneha. She was wearing black trousers with a light mauve shirt. Her hair was tied in a French braid. He noticed how she had grasped Sneha's hand. She looked paler. It was as if someone had stolen her aura overnight and she had aged. She wasn't the lively person he was so used to seeing every day. Her eyes, darkened with kohl, were set hard. They, however, failed to conceal the storm raging within her. They had always been expressive.

He immediately regretted bringing her to Shimla. With a suffocating thought he realized that it was because of him that she was looking thus. Hasn't she seen too much already? Why does she have to go through this? These questions kept echoing in his head as he saw her walking towards him. He straightened as they neared.

"Good morning," he wished them, his eyes never leaving her face. But post that little wish, he had no idea what to say or do. He didn't have to think very long, though.

"Good morning, sir," came Khushi's curt reply. Without beating around the bush, she continued, "I want to go back. May I get this day off?"

It would not be wrong to say that Arnav was left a speechless and dumbstruck at the same time. "Khushi...," he said and took a step towards her but stopped when he saw her step back. "What's wrong?" he asked her, confused by her behaviour.

"I just need to find some answers and I would appreciate it if I can get this day off. I hope there is no major work today? If it helps, I will complete the report and submit it to you by tonight..." she started speaking, not really thinking about it.

"Khushi," he called out to her and she stopped, finally looking him in the eye, "of course you can take the day off. We'll go there..." but before he could complete his sentence, Khushi spoke up.

"No!" there was a sense of alarm in her voice as she spoke, "I will go there alone; no one comes with me."

Both Sneha and Arnav looked at her surprised. They were prepared for everything but this. "Why?" they asked her in unison.

"I just...," she stepped back from their glaring presence, "I just have to do this alone. I need to find some answers."

"But Khushi, I already have most of what you're looking for. You don't have to..."

"Sir, I don't really know the reason behind this, but I want to be the one to unravel the secrets of my past. Even if you hire the best private investigators and they serve me everything on a palate, I would want to see it with my own eyes. I have to try. If I am not able to, only then will I turn to your help. I don't mean to offend you, but this is just something that I have to do. I hope you're okay with this..." her eyes had softened while she spoke, careful not to hurt him.

He closed the distance between them and placed his hand on her shoulder before he spoke, "I won't stop you if this is what you want, but I won't let you go alone," he silenced her with a look before she could start to protest, "if you don't want me to come with you, at least let Sneha go," an expression of hurt flitted across his face for a brief moment but he was quick enough to cover it up.

"But sir..."

"No, Khushi. I promised you something, and I am going to keep it. I am not doing you a favour, but please don't go alone," he didn't wait for an answer and turned towards Sneha. "You'll go with her, won't you? Just don't let her out of your sight." Sneha nodded in earnest.

When it came to Khushi, Sneha and Arnav didn't disagree on a single thing, they were always in agreement. Even at that moment when Khushi was busy silently gaping at Arnav's behavior, a silent exchange between her best friend and her boss was going on, which she was not privy to.

Arnav turned away from them, but only the next instant he turned back towards Khushi. He placed his right hand on Khushi cheek and said, "Take care of yourself," he rubbed his thumb over her skin, "and call me if you need anything." He could not deny that he was feeling sad at being pushed away. But he chose not to give it a lot of thought because he knew that it was about her, not him. He was aware of such things about her life that pained him just knowing about them, that he couldn't even imagine her plight. He withdrew his hand and turned to walk away but felt an immediate tug at his hand. He looked back again, only to find her looking at him with pleading eyes, holding his hand in both of hers.

"Arnav," she addressed him, "please come with me."

***

The cat was finally let out of the bag and Manjit Sandhu was in for a shock of his life. It was visible how he was trying to rattle his brain to remember Khushi being there some years back and it was also visible when the realization dawned on him. How could he have forgotten her? There was only one girl in the whole of the orphanage that his mother detested with such degree. He immediately felt for the young woman who stood in front of him today. He did not know what she had done to deserve that fate at the hands of his mother, but he felt an alarming and urgent need to apologise to her that very instant. But naked pain in her eyes while she stood there, it just scared him.

He looked at the two people standing beside her and thought of ways to take her away from them to apologise. He had met Arnav just the day before, but today it seemed as if they were here on some personal vendetta, and not a business trip. The presence of the other lady explained that. They, however, seemed set to not leave her alone for a single second, and that made things difficult for him.

"Khushi," he started with hesitation clear in his voice, deterred by Arnav's presence, "I would like to speak to you in private if you..."

His sentence was left hanging in mid air with a simultaneous shout of a 'no' from both Arnav and Khushi's other friend. What surprised him more was the fact that they were both silenced with a single look from her as she assented to talk to him.

As he took her away to his office, he was acutely aware of the two pairs of eyes which were burning holes in his back. But this was something he had to do. He closed the door behind him and asked Khushi to settle into the modestly done office.

"Please skip the formalities Mr. Sandhu," she said, bitterness dripping from her voice. He just nodded in response.

"I will not say I understand what you went through, Khushi, because I have no idea," he started speaking, carefully measuring his words around her. "I have always been blinded by the love of my mother; I chose not to look into what went on in here, even though I had a fair idea. I don't know why she loathed you. And I can do nothing about it."

"What are you getting at?" she asked him sharply.

He took a deep breath before answering her, "I am sorry for what we did to you, Khushi. I am sorry on my dead mother's behalf that she treated you thus. I know that no amount of words can soothe those scars, but this is all that I have to offer. I am sorry, Khushi. I am sorry."

Manjit Sandhu had little idea that his small and heartfelt apology, although did nothing great, but stitched close one wound.

She felt a little light already, as if she had left something behind her. Until this day, she had underestimated the power of that small five letter word that seemed to have rejuvenated her. 'Sorry.' The man before her had acknowledged the misdeeds of his mother and although she had no means to judge if he was being sincere about his apology or not, but she chose to believe the good in him. It did not matter to him as much as it did to her. He did not require hearing that one word coming out of his perpetrator's mouth. It was her. And she was aware of the power it held for her and so she accepted his apology. If someone had tried to gauge the level of anger within her moments ago, they would have been aware of the high levels. But now it was not the same.

"Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim--letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor."

And unknown to him, his words did soothe some scars.

Her eyes started to well up, but she didn't want to cry in front of him. She got up, nodded in his direction and started to walk out. But before she exited, she turned back, and with misty eyes, mouthed a silent 'thank you' to him.

***

He had chosen to stand some feet away and instead had asked Sneha to go ahead to her. And when Khushi had come out of Manjit's office, she had immediately leaped up in Sneha's arms and just stayed like that for some time. He did not feel the need to go and interrupt them. He was contended just watching from a distance. And when she had smiled as she parted from Sneha, a smile had crept up on his face, mirroring hers, and at that moment, he felt a huge weight lifted off his chest. The regret about bringing her to Shimla vanished into thin air as he saw her smile.

Just as Khushi had underestimated the power of a simple 'sorry', Arnav had little idea of what a small curve on her face could do to him, until now.

He felt his fear knotting away and he knew that he had successfully kept his promise.

***

"Who is Payal, Khushi?" he could no longer abstain from asking this question. After Khushi had come out of Manjit's office, it was this 'Payal' that she was enquiring about. So much so, that her name was on her lips like chant. There was urgency in her that he had never seen, and it worried him.

"Someone I used to know..."

"Khushi," he chastised, "who was she?"

There was a moment of hesitation before she answered. "She was the only good person in my life Arnav, and I lost her. Now, I need to find her."

"Lost her?"

"Yes. She was taken away from here when I was eight years old. She was eleven then," she said. "I need to find her Arnav, I need to know that she's okay."

He could sense from her tone how important Payal must have been to her. He took hold of her hand and led her away to the backyard. He was itching to be alone with her for some time.

After walking and pulling her with him, they stopped behind a banyan tree. He positioned her against the trunk, effectively locking her there. He closed the distance between them, they were merely inches apart. She started to protest at the way they were standing, but was effectively shut in an instant when he leaned in. He pressed his lips firmly on her forehead and felt her shudder. Snaking an arm across her waist, he pulled her towards him.

"Arnav...," she started to speak. It was strange how she alternated between addressing him as 'sir' and by his first name.

"Shhh... I have to show you something," he silenced her protests and proceeded to take out something from his pocket. It was a small yellow smiley face squeeze ball. It was wrinkled all over, indicating that it was an old toy. "Do you remember this, Khushi?" he asked her, placing the ball in her vision. "You used to love this..."

He saw her eyes cloud with confusion.

"Do you remember me?"

***

This is the longest chapter I have ever written, so please show some love and leave long comments. Please? 😃 It's 4000 words, after all! :)

Oh, and the starting lines are Meredith Grey's from Grey's Anatomy, also the title. The quote in between is C. R. Strahan's. :)