I am to my kids what my father was to me
Shah Rukh Khan expounds on his unique style of parenting and why he leaves the TV on at nights when he is alone
Hours after he launched a kids' edutainment park, Mirror caught up with Shah Rukh Khan at the end of a seemingly long day. But the indefatigable star showed no signs of exhaustion as he spoke eloquently and candidly about what brings out the best in him — his children.
Excerpts from the interview:
• Why did you decide to send Aryan off to England? He is only 15 years old.
It was a difficult decision. But I want my kids to have a great education. I realised that in film households, we only talk about box office, casting, scripts and trailers.
And honestly, I did not want to tell Aryan, 'its summer vacation, why don't you assist Karan uncle?' because I knew even before I could utter the words, he would have been assisting him. My kids can get into films if they want to.
But they need to finish their education. I don't think they invited me to Yale University to be a speaker just because I am SRK the actor, but also because I am educated enough to talk on any subject.
• Even then, it must have been tough to send him off. Though it is said dads are closer to daughters, I'm close to Aryan too. When he went away, I was really restless. I wanted to get him back. But then I restrained myself — his education is more important than my selfish fatherly love.
• How often do you meet him now? On weekends, Gauri and I take turns to be in London with him. Somehow I feel I spend more quality time with Aryan over these three days.
• How would you describe your relationship with your children?
I don't have many friends. My kids are my closest allies, best friends. And I can share all my deep, dark secrets, my happiest or saddest moments with them.
And it's the same with them. (pauses) But they are closer to Gauri for all the right reasons. She is the one who is always there for them. I am busy because of work sometimes.
This makes me want to pamper my kids. I want to give them anything and everything possible in this world to make up for the time I cannot give them.
But you know what, I have realised they are the most content kids that I've come across. Both Aryan and Suhana are very well-mannered, sorted and courteous kids.
• So do you put in extra effort to be the perfect father?
You know, my dad used to call me Yaara, that's what a Pathan calls his pal. My parents were my friends. The rapport that they shared with me is what I share with my kids. I'm just the kind of dad that my father was to me. But Aryan and Suhana call me a monster! (laughs)
• Aryan is growing up to be quite a good-looking boy. He is quite tall! (Smiles, blushes) He is as tall as me.
• So, soon he will fit into your shoes, right?
(laughs) Soon? He already flicks my shoes.
• Do you flick his shoes as well? Nah! His father has the best shoes in the world.
• Looking back, do you regret the MCA incident? I have no regrets. (Gets visibly agitated) Forget a superstar, any father in my position would have reacted the way I did. Suhana is strong and capable enough to handle such situations.
But I had to intervene, as things were going overboard. But it broke my heart when after the episode Gauri told me that Suhana was scared. (Looks pensive, pauses)
At that moment, I was like… I need to just hold on to my feelings sometimes. But, (sits up) I'm not a window shopper, I either shop a lot or don't shop at all.
• What do you mean?
I either just let you say whatever and not care or just hit you. It's simple. I don't believe in any middle path.
• How do your kids respond to the negative media reports about you?
Most of the times, they understand because they know me very well and know the difference between right and wrong. But, sometimes they do get swayed.
• How? Give us an example. On Aishwarya's birthday, she and Abhishek dropped by around 4am. I called Aryan over to meet them. I had a drink in my hand — you know just as a courtesy, as Abhishek was resisting. And Aryan had this censuring look in his eyes and said — 'So is dad really turning into an alcoholic?' I was like… you don't have to talk like a TV reporter!
• Speaking of perceptions, you were never too social. Why is that? In the last 15 years, my kids have not seen me talking on the phone more than three or four times at home. I answer calls when I'm in my bathroom or when I am travelling in the car. Which is why people think I am unsocial or unavailable. That is the rule I live by. But it's okay if adults are upset over this rather than my kids feeling bad. I don't get to spend all my waking hours with them.
• Waking hours? We know you suffer from insomnia. Maybe it has something to do with losing my father so early in life. You know, I hate outdoor shoots. Because at night, everyone, including the cast and crew, go off to sleep, and I am left alone. I leave the TV on, but my mind wanders. So many times, I feel I am drifting into a very unhappy space.
People say I am a sad soul, despite the fact that I have everything. Recently I asked Suhana to get me a chain with my parents' pictures. And here it is (he puts a finger around his long gold chain and points to the locket).
• We saw Aryan with you at the hospital when Yash Chopra passed away. Was he close to him?
Yes. Aryan had just returned from London. He was very attached to Yashji. He grew up under his loving gaze. In fact, he wanted to get into the ambulance as well. But I did not want him to experience death so closely.
• Do Shah Rukh Khan's children have Bollywood aspirations? Aryan and Suhana can be great actors. But they learn the craft first. When we started out, we had theatre and people like Barry John. I have worked with a few actors who have studied acting and trust me they are very good at it because of their in-depth knowledge of the subject.
• Aryan is also into football, isn't he? He is a passionate Man U fan. And this was one of the reasons why he was okay with the idea of studying in London. He is a far better footballer than I was and I was pretty good.
• And Suhana? What are her interests? She loves to write and writes short stories very well. I just want them to have best education possible in whatever field they choose to be in.
? I either let you say whatever and not care, or just hit you
- Shah Rukh Khan
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