I can understand where it's coming from. More than you know. I've been there, too.
I'm going to concede that people have been divided into Lovers and Haters around here. I'd like to say, in my own defense, that I belong to neither. I'm no huge fan of Barun, nor Arnav, but I do understand his character - perhaps because his flawed persona, the play of good/bad, the wrong choices and consequences, the faraway road to redemption, this is much closer to my reality than the simple black-and-white type of characters.
Sometimes I love Arnav. Sometimes I hate him. But I never condemn him. For as long as he continues to show me remorse, to show me that he can change, has changed, and will continue to change - so long as he grows, learns from his mistakes, corrects them.
Now, there are characters who have developed into blacker personas. For instance, Shyam - he has shown us no redeeming qualities so far. But then he's also mentally imbalanced. His character is complex in a way that would take me too long to write about. I've looked into stalkers during a study, and let me say that he's far beyond that one by now.
Moving away from Shyam and back to my point.
To me, human nature is complex and can be inexplicably dark. But if a man shows signs of change, actual change in his mentality and demeanour, then I will give him the benefit of the doubt. Because to change who you have been all your life is a struggle - a constant battle that many fail. Even the smallest steps can be so hard to take that you feel as if you have run a mile. Look at the way Arnav practiced to say a simple word such as "sorry".
I remember thinking: "What's your problem? How hard can it be?" And then when I began to think about, consider his character, it occurred to me that what might come easy to me, what might seem natural to me, might not be easy or natural for someone such as Arnav. In order to make him feel his apology, you'd have to convince him that what he has done is wrong. It isn't easy to convince a man with a set/shaped mentality that his way of understanding/construing things isn't right, or that what he's done is wrong. Like I've said before, his mentality is a product of his own definition of right/wrong ever since his teens. It'll be a long and painful journey before you'll see permanent changes in his mentality, in his character.
There will be relapses during this journey. Times when he falls back into a certain habit or pattern for a while. The important part is that he manage to get out of it and move forward again.
I've learned to understand life much like running a marathon. You run, you keep running, your legs hurt, burn as if you've got acid in your veins instead of blood, but the balm is to keep running. Because if you stop, then it'll be harder - if not impossible - for you to start up again. The adrenaline will fade. Funny, isn't it? The cure is exactly what made you hurt in the first place.
I can understand all of your frustration with the episodes, Sudha. I really can. You've done a brilliant job at conveying it through your post.
I suppose that I believe [as much as I understand that people need to unleash their inner most deep emotions after an episode] they should do it moderately. It's a matter of writing a post with constructive critisism rather than posting threads and threads with, essentially, the same headlines, such as "ASR is a jerk" and "the CVs suck" and "domestic violence in IPKKND", etc.
It spreads so much negativity in a forum as active as ours. There's no room for discussing the episode from a healthy angle, but it's all emotional outbursts that condemn/hate on the show, characters, and even writers. Does it have to be so black and white? Can't we have some sensible posts where emotions are conveyed in a calm and respective manner? Regardless of whether they are dark or light.
The Lovers naturally react just as emotionally to aggressive posts. Their favorite show or character is being accused of domestic violence. They feel that they must defend it.
Personally, I believe in each to his own. We won't all have the same definition of domestic violence. But can we at least discuss it in a healthy and not destructive way? Those of us who want to discuss it, that is. Does the forum need to be spammed with Haters vs Lovers and vice versa posts? Can we not be open and take in what others say, form our own argument, and debate in a constructive way?
I think that both parties feel alienated by the other.
Brilliantly written post, though, Sudha. I hope that my response isn't too long and entirely senseless 😳 I just wanted to add my thoughts on some of the things that you have conveyed so wonderfully.
Also, you must excuse any errors made... it's half past one in the morning and I should be in bed, but I'd promised to respond as soon as I got back from my appointment. I couldn't sleep until I had.
Hui Ghum Yaadein
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
