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'Not Making It To Appease Indians' Ramayana Producer
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Chapter 5: Crabbing
Three days ago
"Come quickly Dev. It's Tara." The short call which had come when he was adjusting cuff links had made him broke into a thin sheen of sweat. It took him several moments to realize that the caller had already cut the call yet he was still holding the phone to his ears as if it would give him more information on the incident. Couple of other phone calls later, his car was speeding in the direction opposite of the cafe where engagement was supposedly scheduled. Of course only after reaching the hospital he had realized that he was terribly late for the engagement. After one look at the pale faced motionless woman lying on bed, he had placed a call to Maan and had simply asked him to deliver the message. It hadn't occurred to him that he was overreacting to the entire situation. He was only reacting.
"It's my fault." It was the first thought which crossed his mind. Nayantara was many things; weak, she wasn't. It wasn't her prerogative to end her life because of a man.
"But I am different", his pride jibed at his thought. The reasons for their breakup were evident in both of their actions. It wasn't as if it was a choice that was conclusion of a paramount event. It was much fundamental when they found that there was only so much they could share. She had frankly told him that he was too rooted for her taste. And then there were times when she had also told him that commitment was something foreign to her. Their break up had left him wondering whose fault was it anyway. Or was it a big case of misplaced interpretations? Or their expectations from the relationship were completely tangential to one another? He never found out about that. She hadn't bothered to tell him that she was already seeing someone else. When questioned, she had candidly affirmed his uncertain allegations.
It had appalled him when he breathed out a sigh of relief at her declaration. She merely raised her eyes at that. And that's how things between them had ended. They however still continued to meet for lunch and drinks whenever their current company bored them. She got bored of things easily and it seemed as if Dev was the only changing constant in her life. The inherent contradiction that Dev provided in her life is what made her seek him out time and again to pursue sort of semi-friendship with him. It was obvious that Dev still harbored a mild crush on her and she was affectionate towards him more than a friend normally would be. Neither did they bring it up nor did they address it. It was always there between them, this tension of sort which enveloped a massive amount of unrequited affection and the words behind the decision of their split up. Insinuations and careless whispers gravitated towards this tension which made the entire deal one messy ride.
When he and Geet were out on a date at a fancy restaurant, he had come face to face with Nayantara. She had sent an amused smile in his direction and had raised her glass in celebration. That had put him in unusually good mood which lasted for few days. It was then he told Geet about Nayantara, as the woman who was with him before and now a good friend. Geet hand cared much about that aspect of his life given the complex design of her past and the way it intertwined with her present.
Over the next couple of years, Dev had a relaxed relationship with Geet. When he was with her, he truly was with her completely. There were many things that he had attributed as first time only after he had met Geet. The things they did together as a couple wasn't very grand nor were they taken out of an everyday television drama where a poor girl and a rich guy go on a cheap date. She introduced him to a lifestyle which didn't involve him to be the ever attentive boyfriend or even the man that he always trying to be. There were several instances where the two of them ate meals together in complete silence reading whatever interested them. It was new to him to be that way where in one didn't have to be attentive of other's interest all the time. He enjoyed being that way.
But whenever he was with Nayantara, everything changed. He wanted to be someone who he wasn't and he was alright with that. It was taxing to be that way but in that claustrophobic suffocating bubble, his passion however remained unleashed. With her, nothing else existed and nothing else was important. The guilt trip he always took post Nayantara ate him away little by little.
It was as masochistic as it could get.
Thirty hours after the self inflicted pain, Nayantara opened her eyes to an empty room. She wasn't surprised at that but it pricked a little. She dismissed it as momentary lapse in judgment where her insecurities and emotions overtook her self-made personality. Once she realized where she was, events of past few days came gushing into her mind.
She had screwed up big time.
Dev came in to her room looking exhausted and five years older. The worry for her life and perhaps even her sanity was clearly etched in wrinkles on his face. She was suddenly glad for his presence in her life. Given the fact that it wasn't fair to him, but she had clung to him when she felt the necessity of a human touch or even one who can keep her grounded.
"Why did you do it?" The bitterness in his voice was obvious and evident.
"I am feeling better now Dev, thank you for asking", she replied her voice slightly tinged with contempt. Dev looked miffed at her comment but didn't respond to that.
"Answer me Tara. Do you have any idea what I had to go through because of this?" He mildly fumed.
"Why are you here Dev?" She pressed.
"I am here because I couldn't be anywhere else", he sighed and collapsed on her bed. He took her hands in his and softly squeezed it. Her throat constricted at his words. She never understood how or why his words at times managed to enhance her vulnerability.
"Thank you Dev. I know that you don't want to be in a position like this, especially with me, but still many thanks for being here", she responded her voice unnaturally soft.
"Why did you do something so rash Tara? I deserve to know the truth, don't you think so?" He gently asked her. Silence in the room stifled him and the way her pale face quickly reacted to his words made him uncomfortable. She didn't respond but looked away from him and watched monsoon clouds filled sky outside the window.
"Is it because you came to know that I was getting engaged yesterday?" He asked one thing that was running in his mind of a while now. Nayantara might not have been an obsessive woman but she sure had a way of claiming things as her own. There was a small trigger of hope which had fired off when he heard the news about her mishap. He sincerely believed that she loved him but her inconsistent fascinations had clouded her mind. Knowing her brashness he expected that her reaction would be intense tenfold and perhaps even more dangerous. Small pang of guilt ran through his spine when he thought about the seriousness of her act. But the soothing thought which followed the former almost instantaneously calmed him down with a counter argument which reinforced his belief that she had tried to take her own life when she heard the news about his engagement.
"You were getting engaged?" She looked at him in surprise. Dev stared at her not believing what he just heard.
"You didn't know?" His voice came out in a broken whisper.
"No. You never told me Dev. How will I?" She asked him quizzically.
"Then the reason for your state is…" He didn't complete what he started as if the answer scared him. Though the alternative was highly probable, the confidence what he had on himself and his relationship between them had clouded his reasoning.
"Not you", she replied flatly.
Dev could only look at her in mild shock.
"What have I done", he thought miserably.
To be continued.
Hui Ghum Yaadein
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
