Posted:
hey guys, its me again.
well, i had almost left the forum but then i cudn't keep away from writing. i am not yet back but this one is here for you.
this one specially dedicated to my frnds that i made here... some special ppl i met and would cherish forever...
this is for you my most devilish Devil(ak12), Jess di(-jess-), Sammy(-sam-), Aruna di(arunabehere), Mahak(mahaklovesmayur)..... LOVE YA ALL!
It happened... and i am glad it did!
Glancing one last time in the mirror of my scooter, I headed upstairs to his apartment.
Actually his apartment became 'his' this morning only. To be precise, he has just shifted to city again this morning only, that too after spending 3 years miles away in Bangalore.
Wait! Did I even tell you whom am I rambling about since the whole time? Oh! Introducing Mayank, my best friend, my worst friend and secret holder and blah blah blah! We had been together since the class 7th but then his father got transferred to Bangalore after our 12th. Until 12th we were just good friends like we all have some, its after 12th when he moved away and we started talking regularly on phones, through facebook or mails. We became best of friends. By the way, it's scientifically proved that women are more extroverts in virtual world, maybe that's the reason I was able to open up more on this long distance relationship.
Ok, now I stand on the threshold of his apartment after knocking for the third time, waiting for him to open the door. Man! He is so lazy, no doubts. But I guess it wasn't his mistake when I decided to drop at his doorstep when I know he'll be busy unpacking and setting up his place. Just when I was about to knock again he opened the door, with his one and only trade-mark frown on 22-year-old-grumpy face of his.
"Wonder when I'll be invited with a smile instead of this" I said easing the frown lines on his forehead.
He chuckled and pulled me into the world's warmest hug. "That's because I wasn't expecting anyone yet, but then you always have all the rights to be the exception."
"I missed you"
"Really? Sorry but feelings aren't mutual then because I had the best of my time in Bangalore without you hanging around my neck all the time" I hit him on his shoulder and pulled back from hug.
"When do I keep hanging on your neck?" I pushed him aside and walked past him into his 1 bedroom apartment, where all his stuff was still lay packed in brown boxes except few clothes that lie down here and there and some furniture like bed, couch, study and dressing. "Not bad. It's quite spacious. But just like you- very dull and lifeless type" I said checking out his place while he stood there near the door smiling at me.
"I still don't believe you are actually here in front of me after 3 years." he said somehow dreamily and I liked it too. "I had given up on hopes to ever see you again in near future... But then this is destiny"
I ran up to him and hugged him again, this time tighter than earlier. "I missed you too" he said in same dreamy voice I wonder if he has habit of talking in sleeps because he isn't this sweet always.
I broke the hug and started pacing the room helping him unpack and make the room look like actual room from a mess, as it was when I came. While emptying the box with his clothes I noticed most his clothes to be blue. I knew it was his favorite color but I didn't know he was so fond of it. After about 2-3 hours of cleaning, unpacking, setting, fighting, annoying and leg pulling we were done. The next glance around was a room with a bed in center, dressing and
study at left and a small balcony at right. It was a tough task but then every nice thing takes something to happen at first!
I prepared coffee for us and he did the other setting in the small kitchen along with talking and remembering the older times together.
We went to balcony to have coffee in some peace standing by the railing, watching the kids play in the opposite park.
"So how did you manage to sneak out from your home for this long?" he asked as he went inside to place his cup after finishing off his coffee.
I giggled remembering what I did to reach here "I asked Ruchi to call me at my home and ask my mom for permission to come to her house for 5-6 hours. She told my mom she has to discuss some concepts regarding 'the induction motor' working." I chuckled "Like I know how it actually works."
"Oh so you fooled aunty again! You won't ever give up your tactics, will you?" he said while he stood next to me in balcony fixing the branches of his favorite touch-me-not plant.
"Well, I can't until they themselves allow me to go wherever I want. They have no problems with the fact that you are my best friend but they still don't allow me to go and meet you. That's called double standards. Or maybe they don't trust me enough" I said while placing my cup aside on the table in balcony.
"Or maybe they don't trust me with you" he winked.
"You pathetic jerk" with this he received a blow on the back of his head, while we had the laugh of our life times.
The next half hour was passed in absolute silence while both the souls were busy watching the hustle-bustle in the opposite park where a pair of lovers was busy arguing, maybe on some good for nothing issue, but still that scene was quite intriguing. It was when I actually realized that beauty of love relationship is in these small fights when we can openly accuse our partner even if there's no fault of them. This is such an interesting fact.
Smiling wholeheartedly after a brief conversation with my heart I glanced sideways at my companion for the moment. He too was smiling maybe thinking about the same thing. After all we are best friends, frequency of our thinking matches too.
"Cute! Isn't it?"
He turned his gaze towards me still smiling the same way. "It surely is. Very cute." He pinched my cheek and added "just like you"
"Am I a teddy... teddies are cute?" I pouted while he grinned.
"Yes you are. My sweet little cutie pie teddy, with cuppy cake cheeks" he bent down and pecked my cheek.
I forced a smile until he disappeared in room to fix some work. I once again turned my attention towards the arguing couple; but this time I wasn't aware of what they were doing as all my brain machinery was coagulated with thoughts of my own apprehensions, my apprehensions towards a man's touch.
I would never mind hugging or even cuddling with my bestie but it was the first time he ever kissed me and somehow, unknowingly I did felt some tingling sensation with that temperate touch.
It doesn't mean I haven't ever been touched by anyone ever. I did have a boyfriend, back in 9th class, Nisheet. Initially he was a good friend of Mayank as well as me but after a small courtship of 4 months and 27 days we moved apart because his family decided to shift to another state and he possibly didn't believe in long-distance relationship, unlike me.
In whole of this almost 5 months of relation all we shared that could be categorized as physical touch was occasionally holding hands, twice a kiss on hand and once a kiss on cheek-that too when we met for the last time. I know I m not supposed to memorize things like that but I can't help, I always had issues regarding a man's touch. I just go numb whenever it's something like an intimate touch but with Mayank, somehow it WASN'T the numbness but something else, something new. Okay, I know I shouldn't feel like this about my best friend, I shouldn't mutilate the beauty of this exquisite relation with my confused feelings and damned 'tingling sensation'.
"I guess they have sorted out their differences by now" his voice snapped me out my reverie of deep thoughts. I traced the direction of his sight and caught the initially 'arguing couple' kissing shamelessly sitting in a seclude corner of the park. "And you were probably enjoying the free show. Eh?" he nudged me teasingly.
While I was floating deep inside my inner issues, I had been caught shamelessly gawking at an equally shameless kissing couple.
I turned around hastily, finding excuses to justify my mistake. "I-I wasn't looking at them. I was just'just'" I stammered while my cheeks felt hot due to blood rushing in them. God! This is so embarrassing.
"Ahh' you want me to believe that you were busy doing something else when you had censured scenes playing LIVE in front of you?" he raised his eye brows mischievously making me blush even harder. "Don't be embarrassed sweetheart, if we can watch them fight then we deserve all the rights to see them patching up too" his giggles sounded so teasing.
"Shut up you' I wasn't looking at them" I said all irritated by his continuous teasing eyes.
"And you think I'll believe?" he can be sooo annoying at times.
"Argh'I hate you! I hate you so much" I raised my fist to punch his chest but to my hard luck he caught my wrist in time.
"Awww' feeling is mutual sweetheart" he grinned and placed a quick kiss on my other cheek.
All my anger vanished at once as my apprehensions and insecurities came rushing again. This time yet again instead of numbness I felt different. Somewhat like butterflies in stomach, that fluttered every time he did this, twice so far. I felt color creeping over my neck towards my cheeks' yet again.
I looked up in his eyes but I couldn't see any of what I was feeling right now. He was still looking at me unperturbed by the turmoil I was feeling right now. Is it possible he felt nothing different about this gesture?
Watching him flash his genuine smile, I was reassured that there wasn't any need to worry. Suddenly everything seemed to fall in place, like a magic, it felt so natural and certain, like it was bound to happen at some point of time. It didn't felt as odd or inappropriate, just a bliss.
"Come on lets eat something, I am starving after moving so much of stuff. I don't know how mom manages all this!" he dragged me along with him towards the couch. There lay 2 bowls with steaming maggi in them.
"Wow! When did you cook this?" I rambled taking one bowl in my hands and sitting comfortably on couch with my legs pulled up.
"Well, when you were busy peeping into someone's private moments!" didn't I said he is super annoying at times.
"I.was.not" I said from clenched teeth.
"Don't tell me you missed out on such a golden opportunity!"
"Shut up! Will you? Let me enjoy my maggi in peace" and finally someone actually kept his mouth shut while I had my gala time with my mouth watering MAGGI! Yummy!
I was done polishing my bowl in 2 minutes. I don't care if maggi can be cooked in 2 minutes, as they claim in advertisement, or not; but I can always finish it off in 2 minutes or even less!
I placed my bowl back and looked at him who was unusually staring at me with lost expression. I hope he isn't sleeping with open eyes. I know my friend was a weirdo but if it's true it's going to be the limit! "What?" no response. I bet he is sleeping. I clicked my fingers in front of his eyes. God! He is smiling now. Crazy! "What are you looking at so intently?"
He took a deep breath, as if deciding something and then nodded. "Come here, I have to tell you something" I obediently obliged and sat next to him waiting for him to tell me 'something'. He placed his arm around me and leaned back on couch. The way he was taking time was frustrating and getting me more curious about that 'something'. "Okay, listen. First you have to promise that you won't ask any questions until I complete, I know it's quite difficult for a chatter box like you to stay quiet, but you can always try." He winked at me just to get a slap on his arm. "Ok sorry, serious now." I nodded in affirmation telling him to start.
"You remember the day back in 9th when you had told me that you and Nisheet were together now?" I nodded again, although I just remembered the bits of that day. "That day was a big milestone in my life and that all because of you." I raised my eye brows in confusion but he hushed me even before I could open my mouth to question. "No questions please. I am explaining. Since a long a time before that day I was going through a great confusion, a confusion regarding my feelings for you. Firstly I discarded it as attraction but then over the time instead of vanishing they grew; I started feeling strongly for you. It was definitely not just attraction, something else, something strong. After long discussions with my inner self I reached the conclusion of confessing it you, whatever it was. I was ready to face with honesty but then again I was worried about our friendship. What if you don't approve of my feeling? What if you walk away forever? Keeping all the doubts aside I finally gathered courage to tell u that I was falling for you, I was clueless of what was going on between you and Nisheet. That day, when you told me about you both being together, I had decided to confess it all to you the same day. It's fate. Even before I could approach you to tell you about all this I ran in into Nisheet and blurted out all of it in nervousness. If I had a bit clue about you both I would have never done that blunder, again my hard luck." He paused to take a deep breath while I gaped in space trying my best to let the huge amount of information sink in. It was damn difficult.
"After that when I reached unto you, before I could place my heart out you shot the news of you being with Nisheet. I felt nothing, not even pain, not even happiness for you. I was shattered; my first love had gone unreciprocated. That's it. After that I preferred being far from you, tried to indulge myself in studies and move on. I was successful in that too. But when in 10th I got to know that Nisheet has left the school I again felt all the feelings rushing back but yet again I suppressed it knowing you two must be together still, since distances don't affect love, that's what I believed and still do. Maybe it was my insecurities that kept me from coming to you and talk like earlier times." He sighed and continued. "After that I had to move to Bangalore; I used to have an urge to contact you once, that's when I searched you on facebook and luckily had a way out. All that followed is known to you. That's it"
I was too stunned to even react. It felt like whole world came crashing down on me. I continued gaping in space until he broke the silence again. "Are you going to run away or what?"
"I want to' but I am unable to move" I whispered back, that was all I could manage at the moment. How come I never questioned his sudden disappearance from my life? How come I never got to know he felt so strongly about me, maybe strongly then what I ever felt for Nisheet? He slid his arm on my waist and pulled me back towards him. I rested my head on his shoulder and lay back on couch still deep in my thoughts world. "Why did you decide tell me now?"
"I always wanted to tell you all this because deep in my heart I knew it was unfair on your part to not know about how someone feels for you. I felt like a thief to keep it to me but then I wanted to tell you all this face to face not through an electronic media."
Again maintaining my silence for about 2-3 minutes I asked what had been bothering me since I got to know the whole thing. "You said 'loved', 'felt'' is it all about the past or is there' anything yet?"
He took few seconds to answer "I don't know. After getting you back after so long time I was happy the way it was. I didn't give it thought. I was scared to lose the existing friendship we had. I was again insecure' I don't know." He shrugged and concluded the answer to the question that mattered most to me in confusion. I nodded to acknowledge his answer but turmoil inside only increased. "Forget it now. Let's talk about something else." He rubbed my arm but it wasn't able to soothe my confusion.
"Things could have been so different only if that day I would have let you talk first. Today I really repent on my excessive speaking habit."
"I don't think so. It's not like you would have accepted me the way you accepted Nisheet at that time."
"It is. It wasn't like I had some deep secret crush on him. It all just happened in the sequences of occurrences' a coincidence. All I wanted then was to feel loved cared' desired. I trusted you, why wouldn't I approve of it. I would have, surely and happily"
"I would just say, what ever happens, happens for the good. Maybe it was meant to be this way only"
"Hmmm' maybe" now things seemed much in place and right form. It somehow felt relaxed.
After a long stretched silence he spoke "What would be your answer if I tell you that I still feel the same way about you?" I raised my gaze and met his. Looking deep into his eyes I could feel the depths of honesty, purity and deep seated love. How could I have failed to see all that earlier? I have been such a loser, a big fool. "My feelings for you never changed, I was just afraid to tell you earlier but now I want to know. Will you accept me now the way I am'. And my feelings?" he whispered. All his words felt no less than a caress. 'Yes, I would' I wanted to say but my throat went dry leaving me helpless. I gulped the lump of final confusion and nodded meekly, answering the most important question of my life without any words.
His lips twitched into a small smile that was enough to fill my heart with warmth. For a few seconds we kept gazing into each other's eyes until his face started descending on me. I knew it was the moment, all of a sudden panic struck me. My breathing became uneven knowing what might follow now. I had my eyes shut holding his collar tightly in my fist. My apprehensions were still coming in the way but I knew it was the time to get over them. I felt his lingering breath on my face micro seconds before his lips brushed on mine. Giving me enough time to calm down, he ultimately covered my mouth with his, filling me with warm sensations in my stomach.
His kiss wasn't rushed or passionate or demanding but calm and promising. A promise to be there forever, a perfect way to seal the blissful moment. Freeing his collar from my hand he entwined his fingers with mine. The kiss lasted for about 15-20 seconds, which was enough to get me in daze. I hid my face in the curve of his neck, breathing heavily; then I realized I involuntarily have held my breath all along the beautiful moment. I couldn't look up at him, one, because I was suddenly too shy too face him, two, I knew my face was red by now because of the lack of breathe and shyness; and I certainly not wanted him to see me like this. I just had had the most beautiful moment of my life, my FIRST KISS; I almost felt flying in high raised sky. I parted from him but kept my eyes lowered. How was I supposed to face him after sharing an intimate moment with him just moments ago.
"Do I still need to say the words?" he asked in a mere whisper. To which I could only reply by shooking my head, while my heart was beating with the speed of a jet. "But I want to hear something from you" his grip on my waist tightened some more.
"I' I need to leave"
"Wow! How romantic! 'I need to leave' huh!" I smiled at his annoyed face and pinched his cheek affectionately. He looked so cute pouting.
"I really need to leave now. Mom must have been waiting, it's already 9." I tried to get out of his hold but in vain. He was no where near to be ready to leave me.
"No, you are staying here"
"What? No, I am not"
"Oh yes! You are. Don't you trust me enough or are you having doubts on my intentions?" he asked mischievously. I smacked him on his arm feeling embarrassed on his playful remarks. I knew him well enough to know his intentions; I couldn't ever imagine him disgracing me in any way ever, not even in my worst nightmare.
"I trust you, but how can I stay here? No, I can't"
"You can. Don't you go on sleepovers at your friend's places?"
"I did only once, at Ruchi's place. I am not allowed much"
"Okay. Call up your mom and tell her that you are staying at Ruchi's place tonight. You told her that you are there right now. So just tell her you going to stay."
"No. I won't lie again. And besides I don't have my night wear here. No, no way." I tried again only to try my luck.
"Come on. Please." He pleaded with cutest ever puppy face "please with a cheery on top. I swear I won't do anything and you can wear my t-shirt and pajamas for the night, I won't mind it"
I thought for a while before answering "okay, but what if my mom doesn't even allow me to stay at Ruchi's as per her information." I still tried for the last time.
"Tell Ruchi to ask for permission from your mom too, I am sure she'll agree" I called up Ruchi to do what he suggested and to his wish my mom agreed to let me stay at Ruchi, only if she knew where I was going to stay. Even Ruchi told me to think twice before staying with him, no matter she trusted him too but still she had her doubts, after all she too cared for me, pretty too much. But I cleared her doubts with my reassurance, or at least I tried to. Finally after half and a quarter hour we were done with convincing my mom and Ruchi.
"Finally!" he let out a long sigh slumping on the bed after putting the phone aside.
"Now, what I am supposed to do after all this?"
"What do you want to do?" he winked mischievously. God! He knows well how to embarrass me to peaks.
"Just shut up! Will you? Now give me some t-shirt of yours I want to change" nodding he got up and pulled out a t-shirt and a pajama from his cupboard. I took them from him and went into the bathroom.
After freshing up, when I re-entered the room I found him lying on the edge of bed reading a book, with his head resting on the head board. He looked up from the book, his eyes scanning me from toe to head; his eyes held the same mischief that I knew were used to make me self-conscious. "Must say, you look great in borrowed clothes!" I gave him a deathly stare, which he ignored and continued "come here, I have to show you something" shaking my head I obliged and went up to him.
"What?"
"How rude? Give me your hand. I won't show it until you behave fine with me" sighing I gave in into his childish tactics, but I loved it too, to say honestly. Once holding my hand his simple smile turned into a mysterious smirk and with a one pull by him I was lying flat on him. In another second he rolled on his side pulling me beneath him. I was so shocked on the sudden turn of events and' scared too.
"What are you doing?"
"What does it looks like?" still smirking he raised his eye brows teasingly. I knew him too well to fall for his tricks. I decided to play along, one, because I trusted him, two, even I wanted to know how it felt to be loved by the person I am used to fight with almost everyday. "I am trying to take advantage of a alone girl whom I have captured in my room for the whole night"
"Really! What if the poor girl shouts?"
"I can take care of that too"
"Okay and how will you 'take care' of it?"
"Just like this" saying so he pressed his lips on mine not even giving me time to breathe once. My hands gripped his shoulders tightly before moving towards his back, while his hands were busy caressing my waist giving me tickling sensations. He was pulling me in him with all his might. His one hand reached the back of my head pushing it into him, deepening the kiss even more. Unlike our first kiss this one was much much passionate and demanding. I pushed him a little to let him know that I was breathless! Even the most passionate kissers need air and it was my second experience only!
He parted his lips from mine breathing equally heavily as me. "Like'. This'" he said in between his gasps. I pushed on his chest trying to get him off me but he was quite heavy for me to move and besides I wasn't trying much. Finally, he voluntarily rolled off to other side still his breathe coming in loud gasps.
"I guess you were going to take advantage of some opportunity!" this time I thought of getting naughty, because I was well aware of his so-called 'evil intentions'.
"I bless you with my mercy for the night" he said in a boastful voice and then started laughing and I joined him too. We laughed hard on the romantic cum humorous moment we shared. "You sleep on right side and I'll sleep on left" he smiled before spreading the covers on me. "And don't worry, I won't cross my limits" he placed a kiss on my forehead and shifted to his side. I respect him for respecting the beauty for this new found relation. We kept a distance of 2 and half feet between us when we slept, but it wasn't same in the morning when I was awakened by the piercing sun rays through the balcony side.
Waking up with his arms wrapped around my stomach, his chest pressed on my back and his breathe fanning my neck and shoulder was the most eternal thing I ever felt. A perfect start of a perfect day. Just the way it should have been.
He is the most wonderful thing ever happened to me and I am so glad that it happened. For me love couldn't have happened more perfectly. And the best thing is it's just the start to the wonderful phase of life, full of love.
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NOTE: I know many of you will think its inappropriate to lie to our mothers for any reasons. believe me, i am too in the same category, i oppose the idea of lying to parents but its a fiction and i am taking some liberties being the author. hope you understand. i owed this explanation to all of you.
CID
Anupamaa
Haven For Her
