19. knock knock
Nothing
For the first time, in his life, Shiva had no anger within him, no rage, no stupid comments, no negativity and nothing but a light smile and a finally lighter heart, having nothing but an optimistic approach, no regrets, no more backing off.
No more hiding.
The entire Pandya House was surprised to see Shiva not only cancel his last minute trip, but also help in the farewell party for Raavi, whole-heartedly. The party was to be held in the ground near their house, and since noon, Shiva had been both helping the others, and adding his inputs in making this evening one of the best for Raavi, because she was going to leave the next day and for all these years, Somnath city was blessed to have her with them.
He was blessed to have her for these years.
"Arrey Dev, pink nahi," He shook his head, taking away the pink cartons of streamers from Dev's hands and passing him the green ones, "Raavi ko green pasand hai, aur ye lights nahi Kaka," He clicked his tongue, moving towards the neighbours who were helping them, "ye feeke hai, Somnath ki sabse khoobsurat ladki ke liye, sabse aache wale spotlights chahiye. We have an associate who has a store of lights and lamps, unse baat karke mera naam boldena." Dev looked at his brother, who was all over the place with his inputs and help.
"Dev?" Dhara broke his trance by a hand over his shoulder, and Dev greeted her. "Su thayu?"
Dev smiled, shaking his head and pointed towards Shiva through his gaze, "Bhabhi, main ek hafta bahar kya tha, mera bhai toh bilkul badal sa gaya." He said, sighing, "Ye mere Shiva ko pyaar kab hua, pata hi nahi chala."
"Dev, stop blaming yourself for whatever happened." Dhara held his arm, interlinking it, "and move on, and in a way whatever happened has been an eye-opener for all of us, especially for Shiva. Usse khud pata kaha tha ki woh Raavi se pyaar karta hai, hamesha se."
"Par kya Raavi karti hai?" Dev asked, meeting his bhabhi's soft gaze. He felt really disheartened on knowing that this was as one-sided as Raavi's love towards him was and really unfair on both of them, "main nahi chahta ki Shiva bhi Raavi ki tarah toot jaaye."
Dhara smiled at Dev, the salient and wise of the lot, "dekh tere bhai ko," they both looked at Shiva who was fixing streamers himself, "you think he looks like someone whose heart is broken?"
That was true, Dev and the entire family members had no idea what happened upstairs at noon, but after that, Shiva was not Shiva anymore. He was a different person, someone who looked like a free man, like a lost kid when they finally meet their parents, or like a depressed man, finding happiness again.
He looked so hopeful.
"Chal, woh Rishita snacks ki taiyarri kar rahi hai," Dhara pouted and Dev chuckled, "dekh leti hu warna..."
And while Dev resumed back to the party, Shiva smiled, looking around the preparations that were happening and slumped his shoulders in relief. Raavi was going to be surely surprised and happy, after all, Raavi deserved to take back all the happiness from here.
While Shiva was a man in love, Raavi was a woman completely shell-shocked.
She walked back to her house in a daze, her mind had stopped working and Shiva's words kept echoing in the back of her mind like a broken tape. She ignored everyone in her house who asked her what was wrong and moved upstairs to her room, locking it behind her.
What was happening to her?
Why?
Raavi sat down in the corner of her room, there was still so much to pack as her room lay messy but right now, she was messy herself with all these revelations and turmoil. She rested her head on the wall, eyes shut and heartbeats pacing, as she felt the emotions choking her. She gulped, wrapping her hands her knees and realised that she was in a soup.
She never intended to hurt anyone, that was not what she wanted to do, but Shiva loved her, Shiva, that chattan, bail-buddhi, gawaar and jugnli saand, that idiot, gadheda, doba, loved her! When? How? What? How did she not know? When did he? How was this? Why was this happening now?
Now when she ready to leave?
Was a heartbreak not enough already that this was now added to her list of being close to insanity?
She remembered his words, his intense gaze, his hold on her and his soft words, Raavi never had a proposal in her life. She was always so fixated at one person that she never had the chance to look around her, and all she wanted was to love and to be loved.
But Shiva?
That man had done so much for her this entire week. He had saved her, he had held her, he had gone out of his personal space and comfort zone to comfort her. He had done things he would never do only to help her out and for what?
She could not even give her back what he wanted.
'Hu tane bahu prem karu chu, Raavi,'
'Par tu nahi karti'
Raavi shut her eyes and tears dropped on her face, and she held her head. She was feeling restless and this heavy feeling in her chest because she felt she owed Shiva her life for being so kind with her, but the one thing he wanted was something she could not give him.
Love
For years, Raavi claimed to be in love with Dev, and she really was. And love does not stop by adding a full-stop, because that was not how it worked. And moving on was what she wanted to do by going to Jamnagar, find a purpose, be a little in her own zone and live life without any traces of love. She was really going to end her life because her love had married someone else, and how could she give this love another chance so soon?
Love only pains, it just hurts and does nothing but suck every joy and in exchange leave traces of pain.
Love was not good for her, it almost took her life once, it would not hesitate to pounce back to smother her again.
But Shiva!
Raavi opened her eyes, feeling choked with these feelings and she held her chest, Shiva did not deserve this, he did not deserve one sided love, and definitely not a fate like hers.
She shook her head, walking and shivering as she found a glass of water to comfort her parched throat. She drank the water, crying all the more as she sat on the bed.
Why did Shiva confess? She fisted her hands, she was finally doing a bit better and he had to drop this bomb on her before she was to leave.
She held her head, and pressed her temples, this was getting too much for her to handle. She felt breathlessness envelope her and her vision blurred as she kept breathing. She was trembling on all what happened that afternoon and she lay her back on the bed, panic smothering her and anxieties enveloping her and she held the bedsheet firmly, breathing.
She was getting a panic attack.
Raavi had read about all this when her college friend once suffered the same things she was going through and she tried recollecting on how to stop it, breathing heavily and aloud.
Think about happy moments, take deep breaths, and comfort yourself.
And all Raavi thought was Shiva, holding her when she had cried the first time at the hill, and hugged herself, imagining his firm hands holding him, his masala scent hugging her and his head on her hair and she calmed down.
Raavi shed another tear when it passed, and she wished that Shiva wouldn't have saved her that night, maybe this all would not have happened.
_
Shiva looked handsome in his white t-shirt over his blue jeans, and he had done his hair too this time, taking a bath and everything that followed to be ready for the party. Not just him, the Pandya Niwas and its members were all dressed up as they headed towards the ground, everyone invited were already present, ready to cheer and bid Raavi a goodbye.
"Wow, kaafi sundar lag raha hai," Dhara twirled her hands around Shiva, custom way of removing any evil eye, "Saras."
"Aapko ye sab kaise laga?" Shiva asked Dhara who was pleasantly surprised at how beautiful he had arranged the ground.
"Tu kuch dil se kare, aur woh accha na ho, aisa ho sakta hai kya?"
Shiva smiled, shaking his head, "kya bhabhi, itna pyaar karogi toh Krish phirse jalne lagega."
"Ek baat bol," She asked, facing him and holding his hands, "Raavi ke na karne par tujhe bura nahi laga?"
Shiva's smile widened, "actually bhabhi, honestly, I never wanted an answer from her. I just wanted to tell her what was going on with me." He shrugged, and Dhara smiled at him, "pyaar kare na kare, doesn't matter, atleast I was honest. Warna hamesha regret karta ki maine usse ye nahi kaha."
"Kab tu itna bada ho gaya?"
Shiva and Dhara side-hugged, smiling but that did not last long as Prafulla ran in the hall, frantically searching for Shiva and with her was Anita, both of them dressed for the party but worried and frightened. Prafulla found Shiva and rushed towards him, "ey Shiva," She managed to say, panting.
"Maami? Chori karke bhaag ke aayi hai kya?" He joked, handing her a glass of water, "hua kya? Aur Raavi kyu nahi aayi?"
Anita let Prafulla drink the water, and she looked at Shiva, worried, "Shiva, Raavi room mein hai, darwaza nahi khol rahi, aawaaz nahi de rahi. Kuch nahi. Bohot darr lag raha hai."
"Matlab?" Shiva's heartbeats dropped instantly, "Maami?"
"Shiva, dekh le na please. Hume darr hai ki woh phirse na..."
But Shiva shook his head, running to get his bike and the rest of the Pandya family behind, some pacifying Prafulla, Gaumbi readying an auto to leave but Shiva had zoomed his bike through the lanes and reached right outside her house. His Maama was still banging her door, but Raavi was not barging, not replying, nothing.
Shiva was scared, and he did what he always did.
He took out the ladder from the store room and placed it outside her balcony, climbing faster than a monkey as he landed up, and found the curtains pulled over the entrance, door closed.
"Raavi," He banged the door, "Ey Maami ki Behen ki Beti, darwaza khol."
No answer
"Raavi," He was getting angry and scared, worse scenarios in his head as he kept banging the door constantly, "Raavi! Dekh ya toh tu darwaza khol, warna main tod dunga, aur tu jaanti hai mere gusse ko... Raavi!"
Not getting any answer from her, he looked around in the balcony, anything that could help him break it. He found a small gardening shovel and those huge scissors, and with one big swing, planted a hole on that weak wooden door and shattered it with his leg, opening the lock through his hand and entered the room.
Raavi was nowhere, but the room was more messier than he thought it could get, he searched the small room and he felt air return to his lungs when he saw Raavi sit besides the huge cupboard, in the little corner, knees closer to her chest and disheveled more than the first time he had seen her post her wedding day.
Sighing, he controlled his anger, this was not the time. He told Maama from outside to relax as he was in and would help get Raavi out and approached the girl who had hidden her face in her knees, not wanting to face him or anyone. Shiva got on his knees, sitting on them as he placed himself in front of her, his heart aching in sheer pain on seeing her this way.
He did not want to tell her because of this. In all his selfishness, he failed to see how Raavi would have perceived it. He released his fisted his hand and reached out to her, knocking her head.
"Knock knock,"
Raavi ignored him at first, until he tapped her head again.
"Knock knock." He said, "you know what I do to people's doors when they do not open it..."
"Who is it?" She said softly, and he chuckled.
"I O,"
"I O who?"
"You owe me an explanation."
Raavi looked at him, teary eyed and very very broken, she met his eyes and cried. "I am sorry," She said, holding her ears, "I am sorry... that you love me, because I... I cannot return it back, I am sorry... that you had to love me, because... I know that... I... I do not deserve this, and I am sorry..."
"Ek aur baar tune sorry kaha na, toh dekhna thapad marunga. I won't care if you are a girl."
Shiva hugged her instead and she melted in his arms, wrapping around him and crying and he shed a few tears too. "Tu gadhedhi hai, aur hamesha rahegi." He said, amidst his soft tears, "aur main tujhse pyaar karta hu, ye meri problem hai, dobi, teri nahi. Main dekh lunga, Raavi, tu bas apne aap pe dhyaan de."
"But, is it not unfair? I mean you did so much for me and I..."
"And what?" He broke the hug, cupping her teary face, "I did everything for me, not for you. And the only way you can repay me is by being Raavi 1.0 again, that is it. Tujhse jaha jaana hai jaa, jaise jina hai jii, bas khush reh. Aur kabhi iss Shiva ki yaad aaye, toh Somnath aajaana, teri mirchi aur namak wali aam khayenge." He wiped her tears with his thumb.
She nodded, sniffing, "Mujhe Jamnagar milne aayega?"
"Pagal hai kya," He rolled his eyes and she smiled, "kitna busy hu main, tujh jaisi chipkali se peecha chut raha hai, abh kisi aur se chipkana."
She chuckled and they hugged again, Raavi relaxing in his arms, as her heart trying to tell her a little something, cheering up in his arms and Shiva sighed softly, trying to freeze this moment for him to last him a lifetime.
_
A/N
I love to make my stories as realistic as possible, so please, if you do not like the way it is now, I understand, but respect my decision and trust me. Please do understand my POV and if there is nothing positive to say, refrain from commenting.
Thank you.
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