KarMi/Moran Drabbles: Emotions Unsaid - Page 3

IZHAAR-E-ISHQ:

Kehte hai ki jab maut ko chhoote hain, toh un palon mein zindagi ek baar phir jee lete hain. Jaise un palon mein aap jaan ko gale lagaakar use hamesha ke liye alvida kehne ki taiyaari kar rahe ho. Kisi ke liye wo alvida hota hai, par jinke liye nahi hota, wo un palon mein wo cheezen realize kar lete hain, jo shayad zindagi mein kabhi naa kar paate.

Bhaiya kehte the ki soldiers ki zindagi desh ke liye kurbaan hoti hain, desh se shuru aur desh par hi khatam. Bas jo beech ke pal hain, un mein jitna jeena hai wo jee lo. Jo karna hai, kar lo. Jo bolna hai, bol do.

Toh maine bol diya. Un palon mein yeh ehsaas hua ki agar Monami naa rahi meri zindagi mein, us gufa ke andhere ki tarah, meri zindagi mein bhi andhera ho jayega. Khud ko uss gufa jaisi ek andheri duniya mein band kar leta jis mein auron ke liye koi jagah nahi. Agar mere dil ki dhadkan hi nahi rahi, toh iss dil ka kya faida.

Wo zinda mehsoos karaati hai mujhe, toh bata diya use maine yeh. Kya feel karta hoon uske liye, bata diya use yeh. Har wo cheez jo feel karta hoon main uske liye, yeh toh shabdon mein bayaan nahi kar sakta main, par jo baatein main nahi samajh paaya, wo samajh gayi thi, toh shayad iss baar bhi in thode se shabdon se hi har wo baat padh le jinhe bolne ke liye shabd nahi hai.

Jab use gale se lagaaya, toh shayad usse zyaada zinda aaj tak mehsoos nahi kiya. Nahi, Monami, majboori mein nahi hug kiya tumhe maine. Jo karna chahta tha, use bas iss tarah se kar paaya. Kabhi door nahi hona chahta hoon ab tumse. Kabhi chhodna nahi chahta hoon ab tumhe.

Wo sab keh diya, jo keh nahi paaya pehle, aur itna mehsoos kar liya, jo laga nahi tha kabhi kar sakta tha main.

Maut ke kareeb un palon mein zindagi dekh bhi li apni, aur un palon mein, uske kareeb, jee bhi li.

Zindagi ban chuki hai meri wo, aur ab yeh baat use bhi pata chal chuki hai...

EK KADWA SACH:

Jab main chhota tha, aur Papa the zindagi mein, toh kaha karte the ki jhooth bolna achha nahi hota. Jhooth nahi bolte. Bad boys jhooth bolte hain. Maan bhi leta tha main. Aur aise hi wo sab kuch bulwa lete the mujhse.

Jab thoda badha hua main, toh samajh aaya ki jhooth toh sab bolte hain. Military training mein toh jhooth kaise bole ki pakde naa jaaye, us tak par class hoti hai. Kabhi kabhi sach chhupaana hi behtar hota hai. Kadwi cheez kab, kahan aur kitni quantity mein leni hai, wo dekhna hota hai.

Baby ko Bhaiya ki shaheedi naa bataane ki wajah hai mere paas. Bhabhi ko bhi yahi sahi lagta hai. Par kya yeh baat chhupaana sirf easy hai, isliye sahi lagti hai, ya sach mein sahi hi hai?

Baby Bhaiya ki photo ko dekh rahi thi aaj. Yeh toh nahi jaanta ki exactly kya soch rahi thi par itna toh use main jaanta hoon ki Bhaiya ko yaad kar rahi thi wo. Jab Bhaiya ke baare mein poochti hai wo, toh guilt hota hai mujhe. Jab ise sacchai pata chalegi, toh kya wo yeh samjhegi ki yeh sab use pain se bachane ke liye kiya hai humne?

Jis pita ko wo ek mission par kaam karta hue samajhti thi, wo toh ab hain hi nahi. Aur uski mumma aur Chachu itne saalon tak use yeh kehte rahe ki wo theek hain, mission par hain. Jhooth tha sab kuch. Par iss jhoot ke peeche ki wajah ko wo samajh payegi?

Baby smart hai, Bhaiya ki tarah. Par jab apne hi itni badhi baatein chhupaaye, toh aankhon se nahi, dil se aanson nikalte hain, aur dimaag nahi, sirf dard sochta hai. Kya aaj ka dard kam karne ke liye, use kal aur dard dena sahi hai? Kya yahi uske liye best hai?

Kya hoga jab use pata chalega ki uske Chachu, uske Commando, jis par wo aankh band karke bharosa karti hai, jiski kaabiliyat ki baat aati hai toh uski dictionary mein 'doubt' word bhi nahi hota hai, wo uske Papa ko nahi bachaya? Jab yeh pata chalega ki uske Chachu itne kaabil hi nahi the?

Ek pal mein uske liye sab kuch badal jayega. Jis insaan ke liye wo wait kar rahi hai, wo kabhi nahi aayega. Jin enemies se wo believe karti hai ki wo ladh rahe hain, un enemies ne uske papa ko maar diya. Aur uske Chachu ne, jise yeh sab pata tha, jisne yeh sab hote hue dekha, jise wo itna trust karti hai, jise wo apna best friend maanti hai, usne usse jhooth bola.

Agar Bhaiya hote, toh kya karna hai, kab karna hai, kaise handle karna hai, wo sab jaante. Par agar Bhaiya hote, toh kuch handle karna hi nahi padta.

Meethe jhooth toh sabhi bolte hain. Par kadwi dawaaiyan bhi toh khaani padti hi hain...

AZAADI:

Monami ne mujhe azaad kiya, apne pyaar se. Yahi toh chahta tha main. Humaare beech kabhi kuch nahi ho sakta hai. Meri zindagi mein pyaar ki koi jagah nahi hai. Phir kyun uske jaane se bura lag raha hai mujhe?

Param Bhaiya ke baare mein bataaya use. Kitne saal ho gaye uss mission ke baad, par aaj pehli baar, uss raat ki feelings share kari hain kisi ke saath. Kyun Monami ke saath hi mann kiya yeh sab kuch share karne ka? Aisa kya hai us mein jo mujhe uski har baat se farak padta hai?

Kyun khush nahi hoon main uske jaane se? Ek cadet ke alaawa humaara kya hi rishta tha? Uske izhaar se pehle bhi cadet thi, aur ab bhi, toh kyun yeh azaadi achhi nahi lag rahi hai?

Jab usne mujhe hug kara aur maine use, toh kyun duniya maano ek minute ke liye tham gayi thi, aur sirf hum the us ek pal mein? Naa academy thi, naa yeh mission. Naa wo thi, naa main. Sirf hum the. Uss ek pal mein aisa laga jaise zindagi mil gayi ho, jeene ki wajah mil gayi ho. Kyun? Aisa kya hai Monami mein, jo mujhe uski taraf kheenchta hai?

Kal, hum bas ek cadet-trainer dobara ban jayenge. Yahi toh rishta hai, na, humaara? Trainer Karan Shergill, aur Cadet Monami Mahajan. Bas. Toh phir kyun yeh achha nahi lag raha hai mujhe? Jis raat usne apne pyaar ka izhaar kiya, wahi sab kyun sun raha hai mujhe? Kyun sirf wahi yaad aa raha hai?

Kya ho gaya hai mujhe? What's wrong with me?