Mitr
Loneliness isn't necessarily felt when you're alone. Sometimes you can be in the midst of a family event and feel lonely. Other times, you might be sitting alone in your bedroom and still feel like you are surrounded by the best support systems. While physical loneliness is a very much valid phenomenon, mental loneliness tends to have much bigger devastating consequences. Human beings after all are social animals. They thrive in company and connections.
Sai Joshi felt lonely. She lived in a house that felt more like a lodging house than a home, is constantly surrounded by cacophony of humans, has a husband that is more volatile than an active volcano, but is on a transfer, so that's one less headache, a mother-in-law that keeps jumping between the roles of her mother and an in-law and a newly found brother.
"Brother..hmm. Now that's a word that I can get used to", thought Sai, fondly reminding the warmth that her Samrat dada seemed to spread through his words and actions. She hasn't felt that protected ever since the death of her father.
But she felt lonely. Her social life, ever since her marriage has been reduced to little to none. A girl who once fearlessly roamed the streets of Gadchiroli with her rather young but loyal friends, has disappeared, and a girl who glumly walked down the halls of her college and home, took her place. Ever since she asked Usha Mausi to stay back in Gadchiroli, loneliness seems to have been her most loyal friend. Pulkit was more of mentor/teacher than a family member that she can have fun with. Devi Tai was well, Devi Tai. Absolutely adorable and loving. "She's an unexpected blessing in my life", thought Sai.
The books she once loved to read, turned into an obligation for her. While she still liked reading, the joy vanished .The friends she had in college seemed to remember her only for exams. She found a loyal friend in Aniket, but his artist schedule kept him busy. The less she thought of Ajinkya, the better. Virat sir didn't leave her any scope to face him.
"What a fool I was, to think that Virat sir could be my companion in loneliness. How did I let my guards down that much? How did I let him get through to me ?", Sai thought morosely as she walked down the corridors of her college. She wanted to go to the library and study. Library had turned into her safe space. She can leave all her worries and troubles behind and delve into a world where she's numb to everything except the words running in front of her. She couldn't help but be saddened about her inability to stay for as long as the library was open. And it usually stayed buzzing with activity until 2:00 am, when it's forcibly shut down after kicking out students. But Chavan Nivas' rules dictate her life.
"Rules..they've been handcuffs more than rules", she thought bitterly, scoffing to herself, " Sai, NO..concentrate. They waste your time directly, you don't need to give them a chance to waste it indirectly. Get back to the books" she chided herself.
"Sai !!!! Saii !!" SA-", she heard a person calling out to her, only to be shushed by the librarian. "Okay..why is this idiot with a familiar voice yelling in the library for her ?", she thought to herself and lifted her head, only to get pleasantly surprised. It was Aniket !!
A panting yet grinning-like-cheshire-cat Aniket stood in front of her. To say Sai was shocked, would be an understatement. She hasn't seem him in a month and half and here he was. No calls, no messages but he had the gall to stand in front of her with a grinning face. Sai quickly bent her down to the book, giving Aniket the silent treatment.
"Sai..Sai. Look who's back. I missed you so much. How are you? How's Virat sir? Are you still the same bookworm that you were, when I left ?", Aniket rambled on, being blind to the anger that was bubbling inside his friend.
"Aniket..oh hello !!!", Sai wished him with fake cheeriness "Oh no, Aniket, I though you forgot me given the radio silence I had from you. You remember me ?", she finished with sarcasm.
"Haha..I - I didn't do it voluntarily. I get into a zone if I go on concert tours. And I forget stuff. I'm soo sorry. See I even brought chocolates as a bribe. Forgive me friend, for I have sinned. If not you, then who will understand this poor soul", said Aniket, with all the drama in the world showing in his demeanour and face.
"Just because you brought chocolates. I wouldn't have forgiven you otherwise. So.. tell me. Details. How did you tour go? Did you meet anyone special? Give me all the deets", Sai questioned him enthusiastically. She suddenly felt lighter after seeing her friend.
"I knew you would forgive me. I will tell you all the details when we don't have a glaring librarian around. And NO, I didn't meet anyone special. Now, you tell me, how's everything with you ? How's your husband ?", Aniket whispered.
Sai felt a prick in her heart when he asked about Virat sir? She can't wait for these constant pricks to go away every time someone mentioned his name.
"Well..I've been here and there. Nothing special. Virat sir has been transferred. Nothing more about it", she answered, not wanting to stretch the topic.
"Shut up Sai, stop hiding things. I heard that you met with an accident. Is this how you fulfil sacred rules from the friendship rulebook? By hiding important things from your friend ?", Aniketh scolded her softly.
Sai felt a lump forming in her throat at the mention of her accident. How easily she lost a friend because of a misunderstanding that's not her own. She felt tears bubbling in her eyes and she blinked her eyes rapidly to shut them down.
"No- No. It's just a freak accident. I didn't mean to hide it from you. Please don't be angry with me. I'm sorry, I'm really really - ", Sai almost launched into endless apologies, only to be stopped Aniket.
"Sai..SAI. It's okay. I was just joking. Why are you getting so tensed? It's okay. Calm down", Aniket spoke to her, with concern and suspicion over what has happened to his friend, evident in her voice.
"HA..hahaa, I'm not tensed. Stop reading too much", Sai quickly started looking here and there to evade. What she saw on her right made her heart drop a few feet into her legs. It was Ajinkya walking towards her in a determined fashion.
"Good going Sai. There you go. Rock and Hard place, quick, RUN.", she thought to herself.
"Sai..Saiiiii. WAIT", yelled Ajinkya, "I'm soo sorry Mr Sharma, I know it's a library. Excuse me for today. Aniket !! Don't let her leave !!", he quickly ran towards her.
Sai quickly got up with her hand bag and began to run, only to be stalled by a grinning Aniketh holding her bag. She knew she'll have to confront both the rock and hard place today.
"HAH..Thank you Aniketh", panted Ajinkya, from all the running he did." And you madam, I've been waiting to talk to you ever since you came back from your medical leave and you keep running away from me. What do you think of yourself?", he whispered furiously to her.
"No- NO. I wasn't running. I've just been busy", Sai nervously answered, " you know, house chores and all.", she finished lamely, side eyeing a confused Aniketh all along.
Ajinkya noticed Sai looking at Aniketh. He realised if he needs to finish that conversation today, he should do it in private. Aniketh might be their friend, but it wasn't his story to tell.
"Aniketh, would you mind submitting these books and getting some new books issued. Here's my ID card. Scan it and it'll log in. My legs are crying from all the dance practice. Pretty please with a cherry on the top", Ajinkya requested with all his skills being put into the puppy face.
"Alright Drama Queen, I'll do it. Sai, give me your books and ID card as well. I'll get them issued". Aniketh left to the nearest counter to get the books issued.
"Soo..Sai. Tell me. Why have you been running away ? Don't you dare lie to me. I'm not a child to not understand a runner when I see one", Ajinkya slowly coaxed Sai.
Sai couldn't stop her tears this time. She couldn't understand why Ajinkya was being nice to her. He's supposed to hate her for God's sake.
"I - I'm soo sorry Ajinkya. I couldn't face you after everything that happened at my house. I apologise for it. I just can't seem to forgive myself for putting you int hat situation.", she told him, controlling the sobs, that were threatening break out.
"Sai. Sai, stop crying.Listen to me", Ajinkya waited until she cleared her eyes.
"Sai, did you hit me or punch me that day?", questioned her, to see her nod her head sideways. "Did you throw me out of your room ?", he prodded, for her to repeat the action. " Did you call me to your room? You didn't. You absolutely had no role in whatever happened in you house that day. It wasn't your mistake. You don't need to apologise to me. I don't need apologies at all. But I wouldn't mind if your husband apologised though. The bloody push hurt", Ajinkya finished, wincing at the reminder of the push.
Sai looked up at him surprised. She expected him to bad mouth her and blame her for everything that happened on that rather unfortunate day. Blaming her seems to be everyone's pattern these days.
Ajinkya looked at a surprised and couldn't help himself from sighing.
"You stupid girl. Was this the reason you've been running away all these days ? You know, you're an idiot. You might be the class topper. But you're an idiot. Dear God, why did you give me such an idiot of a friend? Why, I ask", Ajinkya dramatised to make Sai laugh. And it worked. He stared at a giggling Sai and felt proud of himself.
"Alright..stop it. Everyone's staring at us. I won't run away from you, alright?", Sai giggled at her friend. Such a specimen he was.
"Now that's the spirit girl. Stop worrying over stupid things. I'm a little upset that you thought so low of me. But I'll let it slide for now. Repeat it and I'm making you write all my assignments", Ajinkya warned her in good humor. All was well.
"Guys..guys. Here are your books", Aniketh said, sitting down next to Ajinkya, facing Sai.
"Sai..Oh my Godd. Did you cry ? What happened here ? What aren't you both telling me?", he questioned, concern pouring out of his voice.
"Aniketh !!", Ajinkya warned with his eyes. "It's okay. Nothing serious. And before you press for details, it's not my story to tell."
"Alright, Alright. Whenever you're comfortable", Aniket let it go," Now leave that aside. Before I forget, Guess what? Someone just texted me that they've orange Lays in the cafeteria. Now get up, they'll be over with otherwise.", he said pulling Ajinkya along with him, who in turn pulled Sai's bag and along with it, Sai.
The human chain of three persons, began to walk towards the cafeteria in the search of a golden, orangey treasure.
Sai walked between her friends with a small smile lingering on her face. She surprisingly felt less lonely and there was lightness spreading in her being. She quickly shook her head to stop overthinking. She wanted to enjoy this feeling. A delicacy was waiting for her after all, in the cafeteria. She couldn't stop a grin that was threatening to break out.
She didn't want to stop that grin. She deserved it.
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A/N
Hola...Here's a piece with lighter emotions. Ajinkya, Sai and Aniketh. I attempted to write normal students and friends. Sai faces enough drama at her house. I wanted her to have normal college life. So the rather light shot. I didn't give her any girl friends, simply because I couldn't find any one from the show. And I felt it was important to Virat-Sai dynamics for Sai to have all male friends. Virat lacked trust in the past and boiled with jealousy. If he want to sustain this relation, he needs to accept Sai as she is. Trust is hot. Not Jealousy. The library timings and logistics, I don't know how Med School libraries work. So, the details I gave are about my law school library.
And I have only two more shots to finish this series of OSs off. 'Brother', 'Healing', 'Final Decision' and 'Memento Mori'. All of them were heavy with dark emotions. One more than the other. But they were about moving on and that's the pattern I followed in all of them. That's the pattern I followed in this one as well. There'll be no finite end. I plan on leaving it open for interpretations. I just wanted to untangle some stuff and I did, the most of them. Please excuse any mistakes.
I also remembered that potterhead is not my name. Hi. I'm Manjeera.
Seher Hone Ko Hai
