Feeling very disheartened for Pallavi, DT Note pge 23 - Page 17

Haters gonna hate. The truth is, when you know someone is psychotic, it scares the shit out of you esp when you know what extent he can go to get you. Every third girl in this world has been through harassment and we all know how at that moment, you just freeze but quickly recover and try to tackle the problem. There’s hardly a Raghav in real life, every girl has to protect herself.

As for comparisons of how she could fight swapnil but not Mandar, the truth is, she feels no threat from Swapnil but she does feel threatened by Mandar. Plus she was caught unaware.

As for those saying it’s Karma, really?? Really?? When did Pallavi harass a guy? And if they mean that she’s been ignoring her husband so it’s natural that she’ll get harassed, then their logic is very twisted. It’s like saying that she deserves punishment. I got no words for those who think this.

But we all know that our current society is hell bent on victim shaming instead of addressing the real issue. Haven’t we all heard of the following?

- short clothes, of course he’ll do that.

- walking alone at night, what do you expect?

- having relationships then of course you’re easy

And all other nonsense. While it is true that if the present situation demands us to be careful at night and if wearing full clothes will protect you, then do it. But that is no solution because we all know that evil things transpire even during bright daylight and even to women who are dressed from top to bottom. So victim shaming needs to stop and who needs to stop this? Women. Men will follow.

Thank you for making this post... it was so needed. I have so many things to say about this that happened and the things that I have read in the forum...

Pallavi was putting her pleats in the living room, so? How does she invite a harassment for that? As a mantter of fact walking on Indian streets I have seen women at times trip on their sarees. Gracefully they hold themselves up, tuck in the saree and walk away. This can happen... Its not an invitation! Pallavi was CORNERED!

And in that context, Raghav was shirtless in D house, was he looking out for BWA's adulations? No na!

I also read someone saying why Pallavi took bath at that hour... everyone was up and ready... Matlab kaise react karu is baat par? The other day, when Pallavi went to Raghav's house, everyone in D house were all dressed. Yet when Pallavi reached RR mansion, Raghav was sleeping. We didn't question, why Raghav was sleeping in so late? Big deal... she can choose to take bath 4 times a day. How does that give Mandar a right to get touchy feely with her without her consent. In Raghav's language, Pallavi ka Marzi... Pallavi ka Bathroom... Pallavi ka body... usko jab shower lena hoga woh legi, koi bhi tokne ya peep karne wala kaun?

Now coming to why she didn't push him. Mandar is a psycho. You can't instigate him. If she would resist blatantly, he would force himself on her more. Thats how the creeps like him are. Whom can she go and complain in that house? The man she calls baba, who lost his brains a long while back? Aayi, who is helpless? Kaku, who is not even giving her an ear against an outsider? If at all they would have seen it too, they would pass it off and couple romance paying no heed to the terror on her face!

She froze.. yes, that was her reaction coz she was gripped by fear. Just yest, she had a life threat and today this. This is bound to slowly break down anyone mentally. She is a victim here, with no support... And unfortunately predators like Mandar feast on the fear psychosis of his victim. Pallavi is also scared coz she can't let her act slip yet you can see how terrified she was that even after he left, she ran away from disguised Raghav.

This scene triggered a lot of us I know. And even though, it didn't have the same impact on me... as looking for semblance of reality and connect in reel and real, this is what is actually happening to a lot of women around. They can't say anything because nothing so consequential might have taken place upfront for them to express or for anyone to understand. Usual questions are, kya kiya? haath hi lagaya na... kya badi baat ho gayi? They are left all by themselves to deal with the fear, the disgust and the anger.

If yelling, screaming or pushing was so easy, there wouldn't be so many victims of abuse who would seek therapy and need endless counseling sessions to just be convinced that it was not their fault! For years at end women don't speak up because they know they would be blamed. She shouldn't be out... she shouldn't wear that... she shouldn't do this... she might have instigated... Its fear of this that stops women from opening up. Victim blaming is so common that women keep finding flaw in what they might have done to bear this. And creep like Mandar take advantage of exactly this. This needs to stop!

Honestly for me, I wasn't that triggered. I would give the credit of trigger to the actors for their phenomenal performances. There has been worse on TV before this. We know the intentions and so it makes the bile rise. But in the larger scheme of things if I place what happened today, it served two purposes -

1. Raghav needed to see for himself the torment she is facing day in and day out. Its been his second day in the house and he witnessed second attack. Trigger for him to act.

2. Last couple of times, as Pallavi spoilt his plans I felt she was getting overconfident. Mandar is a criminal and he is not fooling around. She needs to understand that she can't outsmart Mandar all the time.

Originally posted by: Neha054

Since when does pleating saree outside bathroom an offence ? She didn't come out naked, she was just pleating her saree, what's so obscene in it that?

At my grandmothers place, our bathrooms were out side the house and I remember my mother, aunt and grandmother semi covering themselves with their saree and pleating it properly in our bedroom . It wasn't considered immodest even for village standards and here educated women think Pallu is wrong to do what she did 😭

True, pleating saree outside didn’t mean that she was inviting creep . And to be honest this is first time Mandaar has violated her personal space to this extent. If after this she pleats saree outside that would be foolish and careless (but even then - we must remember,she didn’t prefer it nor gave her consent )

People blame victim over smallest of things and then act like victim themselves when called out .😵

Originally posted by: inlieu

Reposting from other thread, as a general message to everyone, not just topic maker:

One more thing: as a woman I find it unbelievable that some people expect a woman (or even a man) to behave in a certain way when someone tries to abuse them mentally, physically, emotionally, or sexually. Human beings are different and react differently in various situations. Not everyone instinctively fights back and not everyone runs away. Being paralyzed by fear is a real thing. Many people here drool over the leads chemistry in the first pallu wiping scene but she was paralyzed by fear then too. She didn't fight back or run away. He could have done anything horrible to her on that deserted road but because we knew he'd be the hero we weren't worried, but she didn't. It goes to show that many times people are more at risk from someone they know than from outsiders. Mandaar is an example.

Don't complain about getting fed up of mahaan or superhero FL or MLs in EK or other shows if you are going to expect the same nature in our leads too. These two don't have all the answers and in times of stress people make mistakes or get confused about how to respond. So tired of the constant bashing of Pallavi or Raghav or both. Or even the CVS for that matter.

And for those who think what Mandaar did today was only about crossing limits/lust/sexual abuse, you really need to go and watch the scene properly to understand what was going on at a whole other level.

To Pallavi fans, I know you are upset about the victim shaming that's going on in general here. It happens in real life and it's happening here too, which is such a shame. I wish the same amount of energy would be spent on bashing the real culprits Mandaar, Sanki, Ved, and Sunny.

To everyone in general:

I wasn't on the forum in the early days but when Anjali drugged and abused Raghav, did people here victim shame him too instead of raging at her? Technically she deserves to be in jail just like Mandaar does.

And why is no one bashing Jaya for what she did and said today to Keerti? You don't see that as problematic?

@ bold : Good points. I remember being scared for Pallavi when Raghav had cornered her. She was scared and was anticipating something horrible abt to happen but she didnt not move. I remember thinking this is so wrong. He didnt do anything but he could hv done anything .

Thanks puts things into perspective why Pallavi didnt react today .

Though I wish she would hv escaped from the situation widout anyone's help. Would hv sent out such a positive msg and inspired many. But whatver it is....she isnt at fault here.

Originally posted by: joliefemme

Samreen, we've never spoken before but I'm so proud of this post you've put up.

I was tired seeing the posts of victim blaming since morning. The episode itself was triggering to watch and the comments made it more unpalatable.

I am taking this opportunity to address few things through your post:

1. Yes, she should have been careful to not tuck her pleats outside the common area when there are 2 creeps in the house but even if she was dressed in less clothes she didn't invite M to harass her. This is victim blaming

2. She was visibly uncomfortable and she even asked M to stop and said she wasn't ok till they were married. Even if she didn't say it and was silent, consent should be verbal. He didn't stop. She didn't ask for it and she wasn't happy it was happening to her. Stop victim blaming.

3. She froze and didn't retaliate. She may have retaliated in several other instances with M or others but she didn't do it this instant. Still it didn't give M the pass to invade her personal space.

Other points, I agree this was done to make R see the extent to which M can and so that he stops his childish games of whether my wife recognised me, let me rile her up she's cute etc. They need to get on with the track as this is getting out of hand quickly.

Secondly, the makers need not be so explicit in such scenes (this isn't the first time) as it leaves a very eerie feeling after watching.

Thirdly, the audience needs to stop victim blaming and blame the harassers instead (Mandar and to an extent even Swapnil - that heart action done by any stranger to me would have been anger inducing). In real life these situations lead to criminal consequences that we so casually brush off in ITV.

I felt this while watching the episode and now that you mentioned it , I would just like to add it here

Not just Mandar , Swapnil is harrassing Pallavi as well. And as a general rule one should always trust the victim. Swapnil is someone the whole house knows for what 2 days and they are not even doubting his intentions when Pallavi is blaming him for making her uncomfortable. This itself is disturbing.

I know story wise they think its funny but had this happened in real life.......people should be on high alert from a stranger working in their house when a girl in the house claims he is making gestures at her.

Originally posted by: Couch.Potato

True, pleating saree outside didn’t mean that she was inviting creep . And to be honest this is first time Mandaar has violated her personal space to this extent. If after this she pleats saree outside that would be foolish and careless (but even then - we must remember,she didn’t prefer it nor gave her consent )

People blame victim over smallest of things and then act like victim themselves when called out .😵

Yes!

You could be fully covered from head to toe and still be harassed! If not this he would find some other way to harass her, but blaming her for his creepiness is so sick

I hope some of these victim blaming people are more careful before they post.

Looks like it is working already.. Less toxic posts today 🤣

Originally posted by: DaffodilsNew

I felt this while watching the episode and now that you mentioned it , I would just like to add it here

Not just Mandar , Swapnil is harrassing Pallavi as well. And as a general rule one should always trust the victim. Swapnil is someone the whole house knows for what 2 days and they are not even doubting his intentions when Pallavi is blaming him for making her uncomfortable. This itself is disturbing.

I know story wise they think its funny but had this happened in real life.......people should be on high alert from a stranger working in their house when a girl in the house claims he is making gestures at her.

I missed the harassment of Swapnil point while watching (thought I didn't find it romantic) but Abi made me realise that she is getting harassed by Swapnil as well. I later acknowledged it.

You know what after the kitchen grab incident, she did go to Sulochana to tell her that this guy is acting fresh (this was before the heart gesture which she called out in the living room before everyone). But kisine uski nai suni...

You are absolutely right when you say we need to trust the victim here... and also this needs to be seen from her point of view. Raghav felt it was ok and cute to rile her up (she is his wife) but to Pallavi, he is a stranger and it was not ok (specially since she was already facing harassment from Mandar which was toying with her mind)

Originally posted by: joliefemme

I missed the harassment of Swapnil point while watching (thought I didn't find it romantic) but Abi made me realise that she is getting harassed by Swapnil as well. I later acknowledged it.

You know what after the kitchen grab incident, she did go to Sulochana to tell her that this guy is acting fresh (this was before the heart gesture which she called out in the living room before everyone). But kisine uski nai suni...

You are absolutely right when you say we need to trust the victim here... and also this needs to be seen from her point of view. Raghav felt it was ok and cute to rile her up (she is his wife) but to Pallavi, he is a stranger and it was not ok (specially since she was already facing harassment from Mandar which was toying with her mind)

Yes she complained twice and noone thought there might be some truth to it. Expected from Sulo but VD should hv reacted or amruta or Mansi for dt matter.

Big big post on something which makers have portrayed on screen. WHY Malers show such scene and why they treat women weak and object of all kinds of assault. Why to fight among themselves for fictional characters who have no control over script. If this would have happened in real life where we know the person is murderer and physco lover in that case focus is to look out for ways to stay away from that person as soon as possible. But this is serial where makers want all to live in same house why fans blaming Pallavi and some defending is not going to change script as actors act according to the script.

Originally posted by: DaffodilsNew

Yes she complained twice and noone thought there might be some truth to it. Expected from Sulo but VD should hv reacted or amruta or Mansi for dt matter.

You know I'm not surprised with this because in real life also no one pays attention to such things. Unfortunately the perpetrators are encouraged because no one believes the victim