Good evening sisterhood!!🌻🌻🌻
From yesterday's: Ye "Matlab" pe episode end karke, next day "Galat" se shuru karna kitna galat hai? The fear has come true. The lazy people behind this show got so tired with those back to back high powered dialogues that they are back to square one. Poore saal ki kasar wo do episode mein hi poori ho gayi inki
The last three days have been slow -- building towards the reason why Sai Joshi will 'consider' returning to no-more-'deal'-but-far-from-ideal-husband. What has stood out in the last two episodes is Sai's conflict between being Sai Joshi and Sau. Sai Virat Chavan -- the underlying, abstruse 'attachment' that has not yet been snapped.
The woman we are seeing for the last few episodes is Sai Joshi, as we know her -- fierce, brave and spirited like a phoenix. Something is breaking within her but she is trying to remind herself how she was never meant to be falling in love and how she was never meant to have the heart of that man, who she was, but, supposed to address as "husband". She is reminding herself that her heart is well preserved in the fortress that she has built around it. She has to pick up the pieces of her dignity and rebuild her life.
Frankly, I am not quite liking Pulkit's (and even Devyani's) push to Sai without even empathizing with her feeling... It is not going to be easy for her to accept Virat's apology in a day. Their intention, of course, comes from the right feeling -- they know Virat is a good man at heart and that both Sai and Virat do have a bond that goes beyond a mere 'attachment' due to familiarity, farz, zimmedari or even the facade of marriage. Virat's breakdown with Devyani and Pulkit was a view into Virat's feelings, which Sai has not yet seen. Pulkit is speaking as a man, who knows the value of lost time (how I wish he had more spine) and how you can come back together even years later and still love one another, but the lost time can never be brought back -- the moments gone un-lived can never be lived again. He means well and is pushing her because somewhere he knows that Sai is not someone, who will be convinced so easily to accepting the apology. But what is missing in this "advice" is empathy -- what Virat did to Sai was not just wrong but actually inhuman on all counts: not as a husband, but as a (hu)man and (Sorry, my Lord) a policeman. When advising someone who is hurt, empathizing with their feeling also plays an important role. It is not enough to say , "If he doesn't mean anything why are you affected?" The question is pertinent from the point of their relationship as husband and wife but Virat's action was a humiliation to the 'wife' that Sai is/was.
The day Sai forgave Virat for denying her a meal and questioning her right to use his money, I had written a post titled "The 'Knot' in the relationship" -- I almost felt an adrenaline rush when Virat used the word "knot" (Will come to that) -- and I still believe that the person who accepted his apology after that incident was not 'Sai Joshi' but Sai, his wife. That day, Sai Joshi spoke about the 'galti' that her Aaba would have never made-- never give her so much "takleef". Sai Joshi wanted corrective action-- which according to her was 'reform' so that the Galti is never repeated. Sai Joshi sought a promise from Virat that he will not deny "anybody" food or treat "anyone" against the values of 'insaaf and aadar'. The promise was made to Sai Joshi but the apology that day was definitely accepted by his 'wounded wife'.
But every "make up" between them has essentially remained incomplete -- because it has always brushed aside the action of examining the actual 'wounds' that have been inflicted on her -- be it humiliation from those who have no right to be interfering or the presence of the ghost of 'true love' between them. Even that day, like on the day he actually shut doors on her face, in his moment of madness Virat had pumped bullets into her pride and self-respect. But that day -- an overspill of the fight they had earlier -- it was the wife that was cross and the 'wife' was moved by his tears.
This time, not only has he broken the promise he made to Sai Joshi the last time, but also disowned the "wife" she was/is. So, now it is Sai Joshi who has accepted his decision to 'call off' their relationship and is taking charge of her life, with all the strength that she can summon from within her. The word "takleef" she used this time to describe what Virat Chavan has been to her.
"Mere Aaba kabhi mujhe itni takleef nahi dete"
vs
"Main Virat Chavan naam ki takleef se door rehna chahti hoon"
Both the sentences are spoken by Sai Joshi -- she had not doubted her Aaba's last words spoken to the man, who, her instinct also told her was worthy of her trust: that he would look out for her in the absence of Aaba. Wasn't it Aaba's complete faith in the goodness of this man that he handed over his most precious treasure to him before breathing his last? Her Aaba, even in the worst of her behaviour, would have never left her in the cold or turned his back to her. He would have rebuked her but not left her alone -- not just in the physical form but also emotionally. With Aaba, there was never a question of suffering -- a mother/father can never afflict 'takleef' on a child (then, there are 'parents' who cannot become mother or father; eg: Bhavani). And it is also true that there is no love as unconditional as the love of a mother/father for a child -- a child is seldom an "unwanted" one.
The "takleef" she is talking about does not mean "trouble". The word literally means "suffering" or "persistent pain". It is in the context of her feeling -- of having to constantly suppress her emotions, of wanting every part of the marriage and man to be hers yet knowing that she can't desire it. Her marriage to Virat definitely brought a sense of security from harm, financial support and a roof over her head -- the basics that he promised to provide. It also did bring a couple of more relationships that turned into deep attachments. But between 'husband' and 'wife', there has been a lot of distress, thanks to the uncleared baggage that exists.
The 'takleef' (anguish) she has faced as an 'unwanted wife' is not something that she wants to go over again. In her mind, the marriage in all its essence is still a 'deal' and she will continue to believe so until Virat clarifies explicitly what it means to him -- more so now, because it took him a moment to snap the chord. To Sai Joshi -- the decision to break the marriage was as unilateral from Virat as the decision to marry. He did not ask her before deciding to marry her, nor did he give in to her demand to not marry her. He did not ask her before breaking the ties, nor did he give in to her request to hear her. In a matter of hours, he disowned the 'wife', whose life he wished to fill with all the colours he could.
Since she ceased to be his 'wife' from that moment, his apology cannot be accepted by the "wife" and Sai Joshi by no means will accept it either. In her resolve to "make a fresh beginning" and her faith in Aaba's blessings being with her, she is attempting to re-establish her identity as Sai Joshi. Even though Virat and she had never fused to become one identity, there is no denying she had not been unimpacted by his being around her.
But even as Sai Joshi is fighting to silence Virat's 'wife' in her -- "Main Virat Chavan ki Patni nahi hoon", she told the (unrealistically) rude roommate today but she is yet to take that extreme step of believing that she is not his 'wife' anymore -- at present, she is still a wounded 'wife' covered in her "Sai Joshi" armour --but she has not yet done away with the mangalsutra and green bangles, the wedding ring, the nose pin, and the bindi -- symbolic trinkets of a wife's wish for the "wellbeing" of the husband. It couldn't have been that difficult to get rid of all these but no, there must be a reason why Sai Joshi is still sporting these (apart from being a TV bahu)... Of course, in a matter of minutes now, she will learn that Virat is in a dangerous encounter, and the 'wife' in her will be a bundle of nerves and return to the 'husband'. She will suddenly be faced with the actual feeling of "losing" him and realise that her little heart has long left the walls of her fortress.
To do that, Sai Joshi will have to set aside her pride because she will return only as a 'wife' -- it is a fact. For many of us, what sets Sai apart is that she is unlike the usual bahus, who pander to manipulative families and worst turn into "rakshaks" of their husbands from his own scheming relatives as most shows on TV churn out. Thank God she is not that and will never be.
But it has me think and I would love to hear your views: What is the pedestal that we would like to place Sai Joshi on? Would it be "unlike her" if she goes with her heart that is in love with an imperfect man, who has wronged her a number of times; but to her, he is still a knight who saved her on many occasions, who did not allow anyone to clip her wings but instead showed her the direction in which the wind was flowing... Would it be "unlike her" if she wants to reciprocate the overt gestures he's making towards her to let her know that his feelings have changed? Why would it be "unlike Sai" if she desires to be the 'wife' to a repentant 'husband' when we do not know what would be Sai like in love with a man-- The fact is that almost every marriage goes through a phase where spouses face each other's imperfections, often they are wounded by words and actions. It could be because of something small or a major betrayal and breakdown, where one's pride does not want to let go of the hurt. Many couples go through the cycles of hurt and makeup -- and in the end, they either emerge as better partners or they drift apart, realising that no number of chances can make it work... And yet, once they are in 'love', spouses can't give up on each other. Third persons might pass judgments but the ultimate decision of being together or not totally depends on the two people in a relationship.
Would it be "unlike Sai" to give her marriage a chance, so long as the two of them are willing partners in working their way out together through the maze that they have turned their relationship into?
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Coming to the "knot"... So, the day Sai had stayed back after Virat's apology, I had written how a "knot" in a relationship has two meanings.
(Copying from that post:) Tying a "knot" in English signifies the coming together of two people; in Hindi it's the 'gathbandhan'. Like when two ropes need to be joined together, you fasten a knot so that it appears like one. Whether the long rope thus created is strong enough to carry the weight it must or not depends on how well the knot is fastened -- if not done well, the knot can definitely come undone and the two pieces of the rope will appear disjointed again.
But do ropes with knots that are tied well never come undone? If they are left to dry in the heat of the son, without the constant care and recheck that they need with passing time, the best of the knots would definitely snap, leaving the two ropes dangling as single pieces. What's worse is that a dried rope cannot be joined again, even in a knot.
Now, coming to the exact translation of the 'knot' in Hindi- it is called the 'gaanth' most commonly- the point of obstacle in a smooth thread. A gathbandhan is desirable but a gaanth is not. But when a rope has snapped and you are left with two loose ends, the only available option is to find a knot than to let the rope slip from the hand. Yet, people are often reminded that a 'gaanth' in a family relationship is never easy to remove and the "gat-bandhan" is never easy to break. Ironical, isn't it.
Virat's mention of the "knot" came from his realisation of how half-hearted the 'Gatbandhan' with Sai had been. Two ropes were tied together but not fastened well enough -- maybe, they never paid attention to the fact that the knots could come undone because it did not matter initially. So, just as he was beginning to get a grip on the ropes to ascend the fort that he must cross -- the loose knot came undone and there was a 'fall' -- an unanticipated, sudden fall. Of course, "Zindagi mein bhi kuch knots khule reh jaate hain, waqt rehte unhe baandh lena chahiye... agar ye knot khula reh jaata toh main gir padta..." --the loose knots almost did in their union... "Kaash maine tumhe khud se alag na kiya hota.."
Virat is truly repentant. He has sought forgiveness. Sai, the wife, as we know, will forgive him. I am NOT talking about the feel-good, immediate, unconditional forgiveness. Repentance is an important ''condition'' for forgiveness but even still, does forgiving mean "unconditional pardon". Absolutely not. It may feel undeserved and even uncomfortable, but if REPENTANCE means that there is a complete turning from the behaviour that caused the damage and there are definitely new choices being made, the cycle of forgiveness completes over a period of time.
******
--Just wanted to add: Pulkit has lived up to the expectations of making Devyani and Harini's meeting as uncomplicated and smooth as he could have made it... All the unanswered questions have been answered. The answer is a big, fat "Zero". 😣🤯🙄😣🤯🙄
--Omkar has been "fully forgiven" and has been reinstated to his seat on the chai pe next-zillat-tamashe-ki-charcha. Will Virat's indifference towards the majority of them also vanish in thin air like it never happened? 😣
--Mohit Chavan is a man. He does not pander to the egos of the Makad Sena or their spokesperson. Mohit must be appointed as the 'opener' of Ved-lagleli-Vahini's beizzati sessions because he does it with no strings attached! The best part is: Mohit has the last word. ALWAYS. ❤️❤️❤️
--The setting of the encounter is totally filmy - regular cops from a mahila suraksha wing carrying service revolvers being asked to go and fight off Kalashnikov-armed terrorists is like sending live chickens into a mechanized slaughter machine-- led by an officer with less than half the armour he should be wearing. The bulletproof looks like a photographer's vest. The splendor of Reis Magos will come to rescue the scene, however.🙄🙄🙄
Hope you are all having a great evening. Stay safe and stay protected! 🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️
Lots of love
❤️J !
