Now, in caseof Family vs Bahu matches, there is one person, who is expected to become areferee, judge and cop, almost every single day: the son of the house and thehusband of this bahu. I do like the family scenes of this drama, watching theChakrams fight: because it is rare that you see on Indian TV such an"unworthy, badtameez" bahu is mostly getting the backing of thechaheeta beta until she over-steps the "pesh aana".
You are absright here, I do like these scenes because I love watching Sai give it back tothem – which is so rare for Indian TV. You have this bahu, who was encouragedby her own husband, to talk back to his family and not take insults. She didnot do this initially when she first came to the house, only started doing sowhen Virat, himself, encouraged her.
We fiercely love this girl. We also lovethe character of Virat but it is only because of what he does for Sai, let's behonest. Actually that’s one of the reason I fell in love with Virat, becausehe is and always has been there for Sai. And he does a good job at it mostof the times. But Sai -- why do most of us identify with her is because she isan extension of what we want to see-- a "marimacho" and not a demuredoormat like Ashwini . There will be a set of women, who will identify with herbecause she is a reflection of them, and there will be a set of women, who willidentify with her because she is someone they want to be (but can't). But let'snot forget, there is also a set of women, who may not fit into the category ofBhavani yet disapprove of Sai because "pesh aana" is a very bigfactor in a sasuraal (for that matter, even households) and not everyone wouldwant a loose-canon for a bahu. Bitter truth is that some oppressive personalitiesare often covered under the cloak of being 'orthodox-dil-ke-saaf' while eventhe most loving but brave bahu is expected to mind her tongue or calledbadtameez. The fact is that Sai does need to learn to pick battles where'tit-for-tat' is essential and also know where she shouldn't engage in verbalmatches. I do believe she lacks the tact when she is in a situation where shehas to react spontaenously. When she applies her mind, she uses it better thanVirat even.
She actuallyused tack when Pakhi came back home. She spoke up but to get the chai for Pakhi’sdad. She actually knows, like you said, if she applies her mind. Her lack ofusing tact is causing her to land into unwanted trouble. If Virat sits down andexplains his thought process to her, she can def work and use tact when exactlyrequired.
Iam not getting into the details of why Virat married her in the first place andof Virat not telling her about her 'kaafi traditional' family because we havediscussed so many times and I, myself, have also written in multiple posts thathe has internalised toxicity as "tradition" and it will take him timeto be able to see through it. He now has a fresh pair of eyes in Sai andalso because he is newly on the receiving end that he will eventually call outthe family for their toxicity in the name of 'puraane khayalat' -- which he didyesterday when he brought up the issue of the "talaqshuda" status ofhis aunt and also shut Patralekha up for her double standard on "bado kiizzat". Heck, isn't my bua also your "badi"?
Buthe did it in his style -- politely, with logical questions and not in'tit-fot-tat' style. We, as women audiences, want the man to indulge incounterstrike during a match between wife and family. But, in reality, that isnot how men deal with it. They can hardly call out their family's actionsbecause they cannot see it as "blatantly wrong". We all grow in anenvironment that is "our safe space" and so it is natural that anoutsider would take time to adjust. The outsider may feel it is an"unsafe/toxic" place, but we know that our family has always given us'love' and they will come around so it is natural to defend that 'safe space'and try to convince oneself that it is indeed safe. What I find beautiful about his show that they haveactually managed to write Virat in such a way, so far, where he has theconviction to fight for his wife but he is also wants to be 'just' by remindingher not to over-step her talking-back.
He has backedher up exactly when he felt just. What I do find is an issue is when he doesn’treact strongly when the family hurts Sai and enjoys it too. Sure he doesn’t seeit but he isn’t blind either right? If Sai was hurt, as a human and a person inthe family, anyone concerned for her will ask her to stop and help her out espwhen she’s bleeding. The fact that he had the guts to ask Sai to take hisfamily as challenge when he sees shes hurt and no one did anything about it, isquestionable. Sure, you weren’t part of that entire fight so you can’t takesides but you can see what’s going on right, he’s not blind. As a policeofficer, they need to use their instincts and understand matters when they dealw tough or even bigger situations.
It is hisnatural instinct to try to find a balance within the family.
I havenot absolved him of his 'challenge' of winning over merebaba and kaku and comparing it to the challenge she faced as a vicitm of sexualabuse 😑."Mujhe laga the great Sai Joshi ko aise challenges pasand hain?😐" This dialogue was soinsensitive. Yup! We echo each other’s thoughts. Super insesitive he was! How could he -- as an IPS officer,forget being a husband -- tell her that fighting his grudging family is equalto fighting a potential rapist and that he thought she "loves" suchchallenges. I never will absolve him of that slip up. And Virat, actually,vindicated my stand on that issue with his "Tum mere ghar nahi rehnachahti but main saath rehna chahta hoon". So speak up, man! Tell her that.That is exactly what she wants to hear. Just like him, she also wants to staybut she doesn't know if she can because it our man hasn't clarified. So whenshe asks "Lekin jo log mere liye mayne hi nahi rakhte, unke liye main itnimehenat kyun karu, itni takleef kyu sehen karu?" Virat needs to answer herquestion instead of repeating his "Main kaun hoon tumhara? Kya maintumhara parivaar nahi hoon? Kya main tumhara apna nahi hoon?"
Hisstatements: 1. Main Sai se shaadi karke, usse is ghar ki, aap ki bahu banakarlaaya hoon. 2. Ek din wo bhi "acchi bahu" bann jayegi. 3. Jab wotumhe kaam denge, tumhe pareshaan karne ke liye nahi balki isiliye kyun ki tumChavan khandaan ki bahuon me se ek ho.
Frankly,Sai does not know what he actually wants to say when he keeps talking about"pesh aana". She thinks he is teaching her "tameez" becausehe thinks she is an immature child. It irks her because he knows she is awoman. Also, she is acting her age in terms of being impulsive and rebelliousand because his family is really pressing her head into the water.
Shedoes not want to get drawn into a relationship with him when he has made itclear that it is a marriage of convenience and repeated again that his"pyaar-dosti" for one of her oppressors is something she won'tunderstand. But she is feeling the pull, naturally, because he is also pullingher towards him as much as he is himself feeling pulled towards her. Until theyaddress this feeling, she will not understand why she should worry about"pesh aana" with that undeserving family.
Heneeds to tell her that when he keeps saying "Chavan Khandaan kibahu", it is because he never meant the marriage to be as much a deal asit meant it to be a marriage without 'physical intimacy' just so that he couldlive up to the thoughtless vaada he made to a woman. His "tum shaadichhodh kar jaa sakti ho" was more thoughtless than that brahmachaar kavaada, if you ask me. Because if two days can make him vow celibacy, what willyears of being with this woman do? But do note he did not say "humye shaadi khatam kar denge... main tumhe chhodh dunga". Both Sai and Viratare people with the same set of basic values -- they only exhibit themdifferently. They know will never end this marriage because they actually havea bond that goes beyond the mere physical manifestation of 'love'.
Womendecide to put up with situations in their sasuraals or with in-laws for onemain reason: to stay together with the "husband". Now, in Sai's case,she doesn't yet have the commitment from this husband whether it is a 'foreverdeal' or not. So, it would really make a difference if, instead of making those"oh-the-bee-stung-me" faces when she talks about leaving and thencoming up with unintelligent challenges, he just tells her what she wants tohear. May be something as harmless as "You don't have to. You can stay ifyou want". She has been waiting to hear a response everytime she says shewill leave. I guess she will automatically do the "pesh aana". And let'sgive it to the girl - she tries. But the Chakrams are pro at provocations andscheming and throwing her into ice water. She will scream.
Thebig question is: Why does Virat want her to "pesh aana"?
You bring upsucha wonderful point here that I didnot think about. The reason people choose to stay in marriages even when theyare sometimes unhappy is, out of choice. The choice to choose each other and bewith each other, no matter what!
Inmy view, it is not only about the "respect" that she should be givingelders -- it is not just about lehja aur lihaaz. In the depths of his heart, hewants her to have the 'standing' in that house as his wife and thedaughter-in-law because he knows she won't be leaving. The promise he made tohimself: Jis maan ki tum haqdaar ho, main tumhe doonga. Why, within minutes ofthe dramatic gruh pravesh, did he want Sai to be accepted and be given therespect that is now rightfully hers. He is actually trying to get her to carveher individual space in that household for the long run -- tum sabse alag ho.But, he knows it will take a while for his family to accept her-- and even intheir relationship, they need that time. He doesn't want her to change but topreserve her identity and her ideals. He doesn't want her to suffer in silencebut try to find a different approach -- he loves it when she uses the carrotand stick policy and when she uses humour that almost reaches the point of'badtameezi' but still doesn't.
Hedid not mind her live reporter act where she addressed the Baba as "NinadChavan" but he reprimanded her for saying "Baba, Aap toh chupp hirahiye".
Unfortunately,in her impulsive motormouth firing sessions, she ends up dropping a few weaponsthat help her opponents fire back at her and completely take away the victorythat should have been hers. Not just backfire but launch a total assault at hergiven their sheer number and lack of compassion. It actually hurts him --anyone thinking that their attack at Sai is only at Sai is wrong. He is livingthrough her and it affects him as much. In addition, there are direct tauntsabout him allowing the wife to go on this uncontrolled verbal assault, which hecannot mostly defend with "Sai dil ki acchi hai..mana woh gusse methi.."
Itwas so revealing and direct yesterday when he questioned the family about whythey were blaming Sai for actually protecting the family's izzat. Because, theyshould have ideally been celebrating and appreciating her valour. But he needsto verbalise it to her without making jalebis with his ghuma-fira huapravachans and tell her how she's expending her (and his) energy onunnecessarily allowing the opponents to drag to a war that she/they may havealready won before she shot off a wrong word and allowed penalty cross-fires. "Taalmel" banana includes refusing to indulge in every fight. She was justbeginning to get it right in everyday interactions but then one drama and shegoes back to square one.
Nowcoming to his reactions:
THIS!! Youare such a wonderful writer, just said everything that was in my heart 😊
Hedoes appear to have "tepid" reactions to his family's all-out attacksat Sai. It almost appears as if he takes a neutral stand in most issues--warning Sai to watch her words and requesting the elders to understand whySai is losing her temper. We find it irritating. But that is reality.Unfortunately, he is in an unenviable position as the 'referee'. And no matter,how many times anyone asks him to, he will not become the "referee"or declare the result of the match because he is well aware that his views willonly be seen as "biased" to either of the two sides. Doesn't he knowwhat she is going through? He does. He doesn't hear the dialogues verbatim allthe time but he is very aware now --"Thank you, mere liye ye sab sehenkarne ke liye". I said earlier, this "Sehen" is not tolerance.It is "endurance"- where you put up a fight.
Heis the shravan kumar and unlike many other (rare) men in real, who may actuallyengage in a verbal match, Virat doesn't. Shravan kumar is also a trained IPSofficer -- trained in tactical retreat and in using firearms only to disarm andnot to attack. There is a basic difference when you fire to attack and when youfire to neutralise the opponent.
Who is ShravanKumar?! It is not just a theoretical training but these men actuallyimbibe it in everyday interactions.
Iactually admire how Virat doesn't reason too much with people who he thinkswill not understand-- it's a fact that he knows his family will not changeovernight or begin to understand what he wants to say. Thoughts change overtime and after going through a lot of situations that occur in the course. Ifthey don't have answers to his logical questions, he just gives his perspectiveabout the issue and goes ahead and does what he decided -- even if it meansbreaking the shackles of traditions of the family.
Butthen, there are times when he doesn't have the full picture of what hastranspired and he just goes by his preconceived notion about his 'Jhagdachampion'. He still does not know that some his "respected elders"deliberately schemed to torture Sai with the grinding show (it's alsonoteworthy that Ninad was not part of the planning) and it was not somespur-of-the-moment skirmish as Virat feels. So, while he's being the ShravanKumar that he is by respecting the line with his 'elders' even when he mightactually want to attack, he is now actually also expecting Sai to fall in thatline to complement him to be able to "carve" that space for herselfin the family. "Tareeka badal ke dekho" -- Danda maaro but aawaaz matkaro. I fiercely love Sai but I do admit that she lacks etiquette at times anddefinitely doesn't believe in diplomacy.
Whyis it that there are countless judgements from real courts (available ongoogle) that actually have ruled that wives pressing husbands to separate fromfamilies is "cruelty". So although recent judgements have also madethe sons-in-law responsible for upkeep of wife's parents, men are not"expected" to stay with the in-laws. Unfortunately, it is a woman whomust become the integral part of the family of the husband and normally withoutany justifiable strong reason, she would never insist that her husband shouldget separated from the family and live only with her.
Incase of this drama, the "uncertainty" about the future of theirrelationship is what ails Sai's 'pesh aana', honestly. Virat, for all practicalpurposes, seems to have conveniently moved on from the 'yogawala true love' andalso the 'deal wali shaadi' towards the actual "husband-wife"relationship but in the bargain he has missed clarifying it unequivocally tothe 'wife' and also the 'ex-lover'. That is his fault. If Sai is made awarethat he too wants her to stay, she will automatically begin to find reasons tochange her approach -- not for herself but for him. She will still notcompromise but she will be able to see that her abrasive approach toconfrontations ends up adding more pressure on the man who is trying to giveher the cover to be herself. Virat has a lot of thinking and plain talking todo to himself before he launches another pravachan at Sai.
Chavansaheb knows he has acquired and brought home the best AK-series assault riflein his personal collection 😂. In fact,I feel he 'picked it Up' on purpose 😉. Obviously, he's feeling edgy that if left on the 'fullyautomatic' mode, it will end up causing a lot of irreparable damage in thesurrounding apart from wearing itself out due to excessive firing. But Chavansaheb, ab le hi aaye ho to shastra ki puja karo aur semi-automatic mode koaccomplish kar lo 😅😅
I actually think Virat is also proud of who Sai is,shes not afraid to be herself and speak her mind. We see him beeming at her feelingproud when she sometimes shows aiina to the family and also during defendingShivani bua scene. He seems like he always had wanted someone like Sai who speakshis heart out bc he doesn’t share much of what’s in his heart w people. Duringthe wedding scene, when she told him she wont ever come in between him and Pakhi,he was surprised to hear what she said. Not just now, even in other scenes, hewas surprised to know that Sai also knows what’s in his heart. I feel likeVirakhi is more about what’s said and not said. But w Sai, it’s aboutdil-to-dil connection. Sai understand’s what Virat doesn’t say (for the mostpart) and I cant help but compare w Pakhi, who doesn’t understand Virat butwants him to say what she wants to hear but not what he wants to say or what’sin his heart. I don’t know if that made sense hehe 😊
As always, love you posts Janki. Thank you so muchfor helping us on Sunday!! It was almost unbearable to wait for the Mondayepisodes haha
Edited by prs_725 - 5 years ago
Fan Fictions
Anupamaa
