Originally posted by: jankiraghav
Want to write a long one and I will come back later this evening if I can but just want to say: both their approach mechanisms are flawed. They can only be perfect when they deal with it together. I have a problem with Virat's conditioning to escape from confrontation so much that he pushes her to say sorry when it is not needed , as you pointed out. And it kind of totally contradicts his own stand about issues. So if you think you will flip, then don't take a stand. But when he is convinced about something, he won't budge for anything -- for example Kaku walking away this morning or even during the day of the medical college admission.
Sai, on the other hand, is impulsive, brash and does not give a damn about how she sounds. She will introspect but not change her stand. However, it is a fact that she is a public relations disaster. We all have one person in our family who will be like that and one person trying to balance. And this PR disaster person can actually make the one supporting her/him sweat because they are such loose canons that can turn and fire at their own team when left uncontrolled. I don't think Sai is perfect. Her ideals are in the right place and they essentially match with Virat's but they have to be on the same team to win. When she says he doesn't call out his family for saying hasty things to her I agree but very often he enters the scene when she has already started reacting and he doesn't know the complete picture and begins chastising her for her words. Similarly, Sai, she knows he doesn't want her to bear everything silently but she does cross the line very often. He was very clear when he armed her that you don't need to reply in the same tone as the elders speak to you. But Sai has this compulsion for tit-for-tat. It doesn't work aways because she fails to see how the so-called instigators turn the tables on her because of the sheer number and 'position' they enjoy. Also, it is not as easy as we feel to be in a situation like that from both ends. A family that is disapproving of your marriage is difficult to live with and the best option is to move out but if there is a compulsion to live together, then somewhere you have to sign ceasefire agreement. And it has to be both ways.
Why did Sai and Virat nail it when they returned from their outing after the medical college admission? Because Sai gave it in a way that was decent. It did not cross the line of manners. Even when the family pointed out about 'badtameezi', Virat said he cannot see any. Kaku told him to 'biwi ko samjhao'. He didn't say anything to her except joining her in a laughing about how she ended up bursting all the balloons they had bought. That is the tact he wants her to use.
Basically, they need to do some energy transfusion -- Sai needs one part of his calmness and he needs two parts of her grit in calling out people in their faces.
And again, despite all this -- they can be wrong on bad days. All couples go through ugly fights. It's what they do after a fight that makes a difference.
