Chap 61, 62 update on Pg 53 Entrapment : An Extremely Dark Advni FF - Page 38

The soft warm rays of the early morning Sun filtered into the room through the soft blue curtains.

Spooning Chandini from behind like he had been since the night of their wedding, Advay watched her hair and her skin glow in the soft golden rays of the early morning Sun. She looked exhausted yet peaceful. Her chest rising and falling softly in sync with his heartbeat.

Early mornings had recently become his favourite time of the day. And watching her lying peacefully in his arms, revelling in the warmth of his chest, had to be the best part of it.

"Chandini,' He sighed to himself, the only fleck of light in his dark heart.

He kissed her again on her cheek, losing count of how many times he had kissed her through the night, of how many times he had apologised, for what he had done to her the previous night and for everything else too.

He pinched his brows. Sleep had evaded him again, as he had watched her all night like a hawk. Thankfully she had slept through the night without the need of a painkiller to help her deal with the pain. Her endurance both impressed him and surpised him. She was no longer the Chandini of his childhood, who would bawl her eyes out for every little prick and prod.

He glanced at the clock again, it was a little over eight, he could take a quick nap for an hour and get in late for work. He rested his cheek against hers again and closed his eyes.

Chandini whimpered softly to herself and shifted ever so slightly in the bed. Something heavy and hot weighed her down as always. She squinted her eyes to the window and closed it immediately. The sharps blinding light of the late morning sun bothered her eyes.

Exhaustion hit her first, followed by a tug in her belly. She whimpered again.

"Chandini,' A smile kissed her lips at the warm whisper in her ears. "Wake up my beautiful.'

She whimpered again in response to the warmth in the voice that only cooed her back to sleep.

"Chandini.'

She blinked her heavy lids and squinted her eyes. Advay held his hand over her eyes, shielding her from the piercing rays of the Sun. She whimpered and leaned back in his chest.

"Chandini,' He whispered, "wake up my beautiful. It's almost ten. I need to go to work.'

Ten. Really? In the morning. She shot her eyes open in a snap. This had to be the latest she had ever woken up in her life. This was shameful. Embarrassing. Thank goodness, she didn't have a mother-in-law. She sighed to herself with a weak smile.

"Why that pretty smile?' He asked, brushing his lips against her mouth.

Her reply was a mumbled whisper, her mind still unable to form coherent words.

"What?' He said, nipping softly at her lip.

She sighed weakly.

"Wake up,' He said, helping her lean back on the cushions he had propped up behind her, "I need to ensure you are fine before I leave.'

"I am fine,' She breathed heavily. Only that she wasn't. She felt weak. She felt low. She leaned into him.

He held a glass of water first to her lips, followed by orange juice and a painkiller. Chandini gulped everything down without a protest. Her body felt sore and raw. But it was the wave of emptiness that hit her hard.

Finally, he handed her a cup of tea. But she found it impossible to life her hands. Like they were made of jelly and would flop back as soon as she lifted them. She let them rest at her sides and rested her head on Advay's chest instead.

Advay held her tea to her lips, helping her sip one it while he himself sipped on his third cup of coffee. Chandini sighed, his perfume blended with the strong bitter coffee on his lips was enough to send her head spinning. Her body hurt everywhere like it did every day, but something was different today. The void in her belly was growing by the minute.

"Don't go,' She breathed.

"Hmm.'

"Don't leave me.'

Hot tears trickled down the corners of her eyes and into his crisp white cotton shirt. She still felt empty and hollow.

"I feel hollow. Empty.'

"I see.' His voice was grim, "You need to eat. Get something into your system, so you feel better.'

"Please stay. Hold me.'

He wrapped her arms tighter around her and fed her a piece of chocolate.

Chandini nibbled silently as hot streams of tears rolled down her cheek. The pain was bearable but the emptiness was gnawing her insides.

"Stay,'

"I am here,' He tightened his grip around her and took her mouth into his for a soft tender kiss.

Gazing into his eyes, and caressing his forehead, she blushed to herself as the memories of the previous night flashed before her. Memories of losing herself into his dark chocolate eyes. She knew she had long fallen for him, but last night was the first time she felt losing a part of herself to him forever.

"What?'

"Last night.' She breathed.

Advay closed his eyes for a brief moment. Last night...the word pricked like a painful thorn. One he would have to weed out before it hurt her further.

"I am sorry about last night, Chandini.' He finally opened his eyes and held her gaze.

"Why?'

"Sorry, I was rough. Unspeakably rough, he wanted to add.

"Last night was perfect.'

"What? He blinked slowly, allowing her words to sink in.

"I saw it in your eyes last night.

"Saw what?' The beast within me, he wanted to ask. Or the true face of the monster you are married to.

"My pain does excite you. She smiled, despite tears glistening in her eyes, "and it felt good.

"What felt good? Surprise or shock or guilt, he wasn't sure what his him first. But he did feel a punch somewhere below his belt.

"Felt good to know I could please you.'

"Chandini.'

Her fingers caressed his forehead again, as though smoothing out the creases forming on them.

"You look different today, She smiled in adoration, "you looked relaxed, younger.'

Advay closed his eyes and sighed. He did feel better after their intense session. Did feel like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder.

"Are you relaxed?'

"Hmm.'

"Was it because of last night?'

"Yes.'

"How?'

"I haven't done that in a very long time,' He sighed, regretting that he hadn't stopped himself from going all the way through, "I have been holding on to a lot. I needed a release.'

"How long?'

"Almost a year now.' Or maybe more. Ever since he had seen her picture he had refrained himself from playing with others. He hadn't been able to get her out of his head. And now that she was here, he didn't know if he could hold on to himself anymore.

"Hence why it feels good.' She whispred, "Feels good to know I could help you relax.'

He smiled.

A sigh escaped her lips as soon as his smile reached his eyes. It had been long time since he had smiled at her like this. She could do anything to have him smile like this forever.

She stroked her fingers on his lips, tracing a line of his mouth and frowned to herself.

"What? He kissed the palm of her hand, "why that crease on your pretty face?'

"Your smile.'

"Hmm.'

"It reminds me of someone,' A tear slid down her cheek, "it touches me somewhere deep.'

Advay nodded to himself wryly. Hence why he always hid his smile behind his beard. So, she wouldn't realise who it reminded her of. Although who would it remind her of? His mother or Dev, he wasn't sure.

"Must you go to work today.' She almost pleaded him to stay.

"Hmm...No...not really,'

"Please stay. Please don't leave me.'

"Okay,' He picked his phone and dialled a number, "I'll tell them I won't be coming in.'

Chandini rested her head on his chest while Advay informed his team telling them where to find him if they needed him.

"What's wrong with me?' She whispered, once he put the phone down, "Why do I feel this low?'

"It happens after an intense session,' He said, "You ride very high sensations and then you drop. This is a drop you are experiencing. It's quite common. But I am here for you. Holding you tight. Go back to sleep if you need to.'

But she didn't need sleep. She needed his kisses. Lifting her gaze up from where she rested her head on his shoulder, she watched his tantalising mouth that was just a kiss away. All she had to do was tilt her face and brush her lips to his.

Her eyes flickered from his mouth to his eyes. Her hunger evident in her gaze. She wanted his mouth on hers. But no sooner had the thought crossed her mind his lips crushed onto hers for a long deep passionate kiss. She breathed a sigh.

A blissful start to yet another perfect day.

Finally, after having eaten two bars of chocolate, three slices of buttered toast with jam, three glasses of orange juice and two cups of tea, she could move her limbs without the need to lean on him.

"Feeling better?' He asked, helping her to her feet.

She nodded. The pain wasn't so bad and the emptiness too seemed to have lessened. But she needed him beside her, nevertheless.

"Will you shower by yourself or do you need me to help you?'

"I'll be fine,' She smiled, although the idea of having him shower her sent ripples of current between her legs. But her insides were sore and her heart was too exhausted to handle standing naked under a hot shower as well as his intense lusty gaze.

Picking the bag, she had packed the previous day, she fidgeted and frowned to herself.

"What's wrong?'

"I can't find my tooth brush.'

"Hmm'

"I must have forgotten to pack it. It should be in the bathroom,' She said, "I'll go get it.'

"Now wait,' He said urgently, "the builders are working in your room, right now.'

Deliberating for a moment, he said, "Let me go get it for you.'

Once inside his bathroom, Chandini washed her face and scanned the room while she waited for him to get her brush. It had been a while since she had been here. It was a decent sized bathroom, not as big as hers. But the full-length mirror in front of the shower had always intrigued her. She giggled at her reflection in the mirror.

Why had Dev needed a full-length mirror in his bathroom, totally defeated her logic. This room had been his den, his study, the one place he hid from everyone. But the full-length mirror clearly made no sense. Would he admire himself while having a shower, she giggled at the thought? He was a strange boy though.

While she stood admiring herself in the mirror, a thought flashed her mind. Carefully lifting her towel up her thy, she turned around to assess herself and gasped. His mark on her bottom was beautiful. It was a deep shade of red and didn't hurt anymore, unless she brushed her fingers against them. But his name burned beautifully against the pale of her skin. Tears welled her eyes. His brand on her was deeply emotional. Like had he owned her, claimed her, marked her as his own. She stroked her finger gently on his name.

From the corner of her eye, she saw his tooth brush and a strange desire tugged at her heart. A desire to touch and taste him.

Taking his brush in his hand, she brushed her thumb against the soft bristles and smiled. It was wet. He had used it.

Without giving a thought, she layered it with the paste and stuck it in her mouth. The feeling was exhilarating. It felt wrong and dirty, yet it felt exciting. She squealed while brushing her teeth quickly before he returned. Strange electric sensations flooded her belly. Advay's brush was in her mouth. Brushing had never felt this exciting.

"What the f**k.' A chill ran down her spine to find his reflection glaring down at her in the mirror. She quickly washed her mouth with plain water and fidgeted around with the brush in her hand, thinking of ways to hide it. But he had seen her and there was no running now. It was what it was. She had brushed with his tooth brush and that was a fact. She ran her thumb over the bristles and waited from him his unleash his outrage.

"What was that?' His voice as gritty, "Why did you do that?'

"I wasn't planning on leaving it behind,' She shrugged, stunned she could talk despite her trembling self, "you can get yourself a new one.'

"That was not my question.

A dark lust seethed through his eyes.

Watching her with his brush in her mouth had been one of the most erotic moments of his life. One that made him want to rip her towel and f**k her raw against the bathroom wall. But she was still sore from the previous night, he reminded himself. And then they had the events of the night to discuss, events he hadn't been proud of. But the image had left him at a loss for words while making him incredibly aroused. But more than that it made him well with love. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her.

"Chandini,' His voice cracked as he took a step towards and held her face in his hand, "Why did you do that?'

She continued fidgeting with the brush in her hand.

"Tell me Jaan.' His voice ached with anguish.

"I wanted to.' She breathed lifting her gaze to his.

"Why?'

She shrugged. Though the answer was obvious.

"You have barely known me a month, meri Jaan,' He struggled to contain his tears, "We have barely been married a week. You hardly know me. Don't do this to yourself.'

"We have seven lives to get to know each other.'

"Chandini,' He clenched his eyes shut, stopping himself from crushing his lips to hers, "Six months,' He said instead, "we only get six months with each other Jaan... nothing more.'

"Haan, six months in this life,' She smiled, despite his words slicing through her heart, "that's fine. We can get to know each other when we meet again in another life.'

"Chandini stop,' He crushed her to his chest. She was falling for him, he knew it, could see it in her doe eyed gaze. The hopeless fool that she was.

But instead of worrying or moping about his words, she hummed to herself and played with the buttons on his chest.

"Have your shower, I am waiting for you outside.'

Stepping aside and taking in a deep breath, he finally let go of her. But couldn't help but notice the brush she had hidden behind her back.

"Put it back.'

"Huh?'

"I said, put it back from wherever you nicked it from.' He nodded at the brush in her hand.

Her shoulders drooped in defeat. She had been hoping to keep it in her bathroom leaning against her brush, deluding herself to believe that he shared the room with her. But his hawk like eyes never missed anything.

"But,' She whispered, "I have used it now. What use is it for you?

"I need it.'

"I need it.' She pouted. "I have used it.'

He narrowed his gaze. It was his brush and now that she had used it, it was all the more precious. He was going to have to get it back.

"It's my brush which you used without my permission.'

"Haan toh...but.'

"Don't argue, I need my brush back.'

"Why?'

"Because I need to use it.'

"Are you going to use it? A smile played at the corners of her lips.

"Put it back,' He growled struggling to keep a straight face.

"Hmm... How long have you known me?' Giggling to herself, she put the tooth brush back in the container and tightened the knot on her towel, "how long have you been married to me? Don't do this to yourself, JEE.'

It was a taunt, she was hurling his words back at his face. He pursed his lips, not that he cared.

"But the rules are different for you, aren't they JEE?'

"Stop taunting me.'

"Or what?' She licked her lips and tilted her face up to his.

Breathing heavily, he shifted on the balls of his feet. The room was small, wrapped in his towel, she was missing her clothes and he was losing his mind. His pinched his brows and calmed his heart. He had to control himself somehow.

"Why did you use it,' He took a step forward and placed his hands on either side of the wall behind her, "tell me honestly. I need to know.'

Her eyes glistened with tears. The answer was obvious, she had fallen deeply in love with him, deeper than she had been before.

"I wanted to feel the taste of your mouth inside mine.'

Advay crushed his lips onto hers even before she had finished the sentence.

It was almost eleven. Advay paced up and down his room, while he waited for Chadnini to emerge from the bathroom. The events of the previous night had relaxed him considerably, yet he was wound tight. Chandini and her innocent ways were only adding to the torment, and it wasn't even a week. How was he meant to last the training without wanting to push her boundaries? Thinking of his whip, he knew what he ached for, but she was not ready for that yet.

But she did have a high pain threshold, there was no question there. And it bothered him all the more. The Chandini he knew as a delicate girl, whom he had pampered and cared for.

Sixteen years ago, hurting Chandini was a thought he wouldn't have entertained even in his wildest dreams, yet here he was, a sadist who desired to watch her writhe and wince under him. When had it all changed? Or had it always been a dormant need within him? He wasn't sure. Whatever it was, he was a man who enjoyed inflicting pain. That was a fact that he had come to terms with a long while ago. And now that was something Chandini too would have to embrace.

Finally, the door to the bathroom opened and Chandini stepped out wrapped in his black towel. The gold in her skin glowing in contrast to the black in the towel sent blood gushing down towards his groin. He groaned in despair. This was a torture, a sweet torture. Hence why he preferred a room of his own so he didn't kill her with his insatiable hunger for her. Perhaps he should have gone to work after all.

And to make matters worse, Chandini flicked her damp hair behind her and stood before the mirror wiping her hair with her towel. She picked his paddle lying on the table again and giggled to herself running her fingers through the groove of his name.

Advay stood behind her and admired her beautiful form. Watching her admiring his name on the paddle was enough to drive him over the brink of sanity again. But instead, he focussed on the itch in his hand to rake his fingers through her damp hair. He finally relented and turned her around and slipped his fingers through her hair, letting the soft silky damp tresses slip through his fingers. This was one of the most therapeutic things he had ever done.

"Your hair,' He closed his eyes and sighed, touching them to his lips, taking in a lungful of the sandalwood and rose of her shampoo, "so beautiful.'

He found her gazing at him when he opened his eyes again. Her hunger evident in her eyes. Would they ever tire of each other? Probably never. But it didn't bother him. Just that she was still sore from the previous night kept haunting his mind. He took a step forward and slipped his hand from under her towel to rest on her bottom.

"Does his hurt?' His voice was coarse.

She shook her head softly, wanting him to continue with whatever he had on mind.

"Turn around. Bend down. Show me my name.'

Bunching her towel up to her waist, Advay gasped at the bruises glistening on the cream of her ass. They were beautiful. Perfect. Just like he liked it. His own arousal stood stiff in his trousers driving all thoughts of sanity through the roof. But he had to control himself.

He stroked her bottom gently and rubbed in some more of the soothing cream, while revelling in the beauty of the mess he had made of her skin.

"Do you like it?'

"Hmm.' Chandini moaned at the grit in his voice, "it's perfect.'

"It is perfect.'

He knelt on one knee and kissed the name shimmering in red.

"Chandini?' It was a question. She knew he was asking. Asking for what was his to take.

"Chandini?' He stood up to his feet and brushed his lips to hers. His mind at war with his body. And her soft moans only adding to his agony.

"Yes.'

"What?' His narrowed gaze locked with her lusty eyes.

"Yes.'

"No,' He stepped back.

"Yes,' She clasped on the paddle and stepped forward.

"No, no, no, no,' He groaned raking his hair in despair. She had lost her ability to reason a long while ago. But he was responsible between the two of them. Responsible for his actions and responsible for her.

"We need to talk,' He said finally. "There are things we need to discuss.'

Her knees trembled at the desire that coursed through her viens. The events of the previous night had unleashed a primal hunger within her. Her gaze flickered from his eyes to his mouth untill it finally settled on the bulge in his trousers.

"Don't f**king look at me like that, dammit,' He snapped, "I can't hurt you anymore than I already have.'

"I am fine,' Her voice was thin despite the desire that coursed thick through her veins.

"No, you are not.'

"Last night wa...'

"Last night,' He interrupted, choking on the tears he was holding on to with his dear life, "I am sorry about last night, Chandini. I am truly sorry. I lost control. Let my demons get the better of me. I hurt you.'

"It's fine.' She gave him a half smile, "I love the marks. I wanted it. I wanted your name on me.'

Advay closed his eyes, anguished at what he had done. At why she was smiling at despite everything. He could never let control slip through his fingers like it had. Could never let her call the shots. He was the master here and this was his show. Anger now surged in his veins again. At her. At himself.

"What you did last night was not acceptable.' He said, reining back his emotions under his control.

A shiver ran down her spine when he opened his eyes and held her gaze in his cold stare.

"So...Sorry.'

"Sorry never works in my world pet,' He said with a smirk, "when a pet steps her line, I intend to teach her a lesson. There will consequences for what you did last night.'

"Bu..'

"Don't ever,' He clenched his jaw, "Don't ever f**king argue with me.'

He raked his hair in despair, it was his fault, he should have never waited this long to train her.

"You are doing that again now,' He snapped, "forcing me to lose control.'

"But...I.'

"Now you see why you need training,' He spat, "When a master says no, a slave knows not to push his boundaries. A trained slave never tops her master from the bottom, never ever dares snatch his control from him, because there are dire consequences then, if that was to happen.'

She studied him with widened eyes, clueless to whatever he was telling her.

"But...' She breathed.

"What do you think is going to happen if a man like me loses his control?' He snapped, "is all this a joke for you?'

She shook her head trapped in his dark gaze. He had lost his cool at the snap of finger again. She clutched the paddle to her heart, hoping his name would protect her from his furious gaze searing into her bones.

"Last night...I could have seriously hurt you, you fool.' He snapped. Taking the paddle from her hand he broke it into half and threw it on the floor, "I could have killed you.'

"No,' She shrieked at the snap of the leather, "No... Why?'

Tears pooled in her eyes at the sight of her favourite paddle snapped in half lying on the floor. She knelt to pick it and studied it with glistening eyes. It was broken beyond repair, just like her heart. Why was he so cruel? Always.

"I should have never given it to you,' He said with a hiss, "it's my fault. I didn't realise you have a f**king fetish for my name.'

She stood trembling while her tears trickled at first and then streamed down like a river.

"Stop,' He groaned. What had he landed himself into? "Why are you crying? It's only just a paddle. You didn't cry this much last night when I hurt you bad.'

"That hurt,' She held the broken paddle to her heart and finally sobbed, "it hurt a hundred times worse than last night... and it hurt here.'

Advay clenched his eyes shut as soon as she pointed to her heart.

"This one was my favourite.'

"Don't cry,' He groaned to himself. Where had he trapped himself? He hadn't expected her to like kink in the first place. And now she had left him speechless with her strange fetishes. A fetish for his name that was heart wrenching yet endearing. One that drove him wild with the need to fulfil her demand.

"Come here,' Finally calming himself, he drew her in his arms and kissed her on her forehead, "Don't cry. I'll get you another one of those. Okay.'

"Promise,' She held her pinky to him, sniffling to herself.

"Hmm. He wiped her tears and kissed her moist face.

"You are meant to hook your pinky into mine and make a promise.'

"What... How old are you?

"Eight.

"Chandini.' He wrapped her tighter in his arms. This was the worst torture of his life, holding the girl he loved while hurting her so deeply.

"Will you really get me another one of those?' She lifted her hopeful gaze to him and sniffled.

"I will.

"With your name on it?

"Hmm.

"Thanks. And just like that she was smiling again.

Agony and guilt washed all over him again. This was the worst chapter of his life. Even worse than watching his mother burn, would have to be burning the girl he loved with his own hands. Could he watch her burn? He didn't know for sure. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. But all he knew was that he would burn with her.

"We need to talk,' He finally sat her on the pillow he had placed on the chair, so the harsh tough wood didn't hurt her.

"Does it hurt?' He asked as soon as she winced slightly.

"Just a little.'

Putting her file on the table and grabbing some more empty sheets and a pen he sat before her.

"I am thirsty,' She whined. He got up to his feet and handed her a glass of water.

"For a cup of tea,' She said gulping down the water.

Advay sighed. Getting her to sit down for two minutes had always been a challenge. Her attention span was that of an eight-year-old, worse a five-year-old perhaps. He dialled Murli's number and asked him to get them both a drink.

"So,' He picked the empty sheet and looked up to find her neatly braiding her hair.

"What are you doing?' He clenched his jaw, "we are talking serious shit here.'

"Can't we wait for the tea.' She smiled broadly, "I can't think clear without tea. Besides it is fun to chat and gossip over a cup of tea.'

"What?'

"Haan...Pata hai,' She pressed one knee to her chest and sat comfortably, "Kamla chachi who lives down the road. Her daughter has just had twin girls.'

"Has she?'

"Haan, and apparently they are too cute,' She giggled, "Shikha was telling me last night. And her daughter, she had a lot of complications during child birth apparently.'

"I see,' His continued clenching his jaw.

"And Gomti, Gomti too gave birth two nights ago.'

"Gomti who?'

"Gomti the cow.' Advay wanted to pull his hair, "the same cow that will soon give us milk for our tea. Anyways, she had a calf. A white one. I love white calves. They look so innocent. The new born ones...I love all new borns.'

"And you are telling me this because...'

"It's good to know your neighbours.'

"I don't have any neighbours, and definitely not cows,' He hissed, "and I don't want to know even if I do.'

"It's good to have friends.'

"I don't do friends.'

"I don't do friends. I don't do neighbours. I don't do wives. I only do slaves,' She murmured under her breath.

"What was that?'

"I was mumbling, like I always do.'

Advay closed his eyes and took another deep breath. He didn't want to indulge her in one of her chats. She could talk for all of Allahabad if he let her open her mouth. He looked down at the empty sheet of paper and decided to jot down everything he wanted to discuss before they carried on with their training.

Thankfully, Murli walked in with their drink.

"No biscuit?' Chandini pouted at him.

"Of course, there is,' Advay shook his head in despair as he watched Murli place a pack of biscuits before her.

Sipping on his coffee, he watched her carefully open the pack and dunk a biscuit in her tea. She wasn't the Chandini he had met when he had moved into the Haveli. The Chandini of the Maha Aarti was a sensible woman who carried the burdens of her family and her sisters upon her shoulders. Yet the girl dunking her biscuit before him was his eight-year-old friend. Had she gone back to acting like a kid just with him or had she been like this all the while. He asked himself with a frown.

"Yuk, this is not nice,' She scrunched her face as soon as she sipped on her tea.

"What's wrong?'

"Murli never gets it right,' She said with a pout, "just the first cup of tea he makes in the morning tastes perfect. The tea he makes the rest of the day is not up to my liking. This is too milky.'

"You don't like the tea?'

"No, it's not like the tea I have with you in bed.' She frowned, "Perhaps bed tea tastes good. Or perhaps Murli can't be bothered to make me a proper cup of tea throughout the day, given how many times I trouble him to make me one.'

Advay had already gotten up to his feet and taken her cup.

Handing her his peacock feather duster, he said, "I'll get you another cup. Play with this while I am away. Don't move. Don't touch anything.'

She nodded, tickling her chin with the feathers. He sighed to himself as he finally strode out of the room.

Finally, after having had two more cups of tea, she sighed and poured herself a third cup.

"This is perfect,' She smiled, "I guess he only makes good tea under your supervision.'

"Are you ready now,' His voice was stern, "can we begin? Pay attention please.'

Crossing her legs on the chair, she propped her chin on her hand and fluttered her eyelidsw. Advay chuckled, she was dressed in a saree with a Sindoor and a mangalsutra and was sitting before him like a woman but the twinkle in her eye belonged to that of the child he remembered. He took her hand into his and placed a kiss on her palm.

"Right, before we start. What did you think of last night?'

Her cheeks flushed and she lowered her gaze.

"I take it that you liked it.'

She nodded softly while still keeping her head down.

"On a serious note though,' He said, "last night was a glimpse into what lies ahead. The man you saw last night. That is a fraction of who I am.'

A shiver ran down her spine at the memory of the darkness she has seen in his eyes. He had seemed like a different man. A maniac almost.

"Will you be able to handle this side to me?' He finally voiced what had been ringing in his head all night, "I need to know before we continue.'

Chandini frowned to herself. She didn't have an answer to his question, but she didn't mind anything he had done. His features were so relaxed, she noticed. He looked younger by at least a few years.

"How old are you?'

"Huh?'

"How old are you?'

"Eight years older than you.'

"You look older on most days.'

"Hmm,' He sighed, "I know.'

"But not today.'

He locked his gaze with her at her earnest words.

"Today you look young, very young.'

"Do I?'

"Hmm...is it because of last night?'She asked.

"Probably.'

Nodding to herself, she had an answer for his earlier question. Could she handle his need to inflict pain upon her? She would. She would do anything to have him smiling and happy. Anything for his happiness.

"Do you prefer me looking older or younger?'

"Smiling,' She replied, without giving a thought, "I prefer you smiling. I just want your happy and smiling.'

Advay nodded to himself as he studied her with intent. The girl who had snatched his happiness was willing to do anything to have him smile. This was the irony of his life. To force himself to hurt the girl he loved.

"Yes,' She said firmly.

"Yes, to what?'

"Yes, to your question.'

"Which question?'

"Could I handle that side to you, the last night wala? Yes.'

"Are you sure?'

"Hundred percent. I can handle it. I liked it.'

Advay pressed his lips stopping himself from grinning like a Cheshire cat. That was the biggest weight was off his chest. They could move on now.

"Thanks,' He said, locking his gaze with her, making her blush and squirm.

"Do you have any other questions about last night?' He finally asked.

Chandini rolled her eyes around the room scanning her head for any doubts she had. Yes, there was one.

"Why was I feeling so low. So empty,' She said, "I haven't felt anything like that since..'

Since Dev left, she wanted to say, but let her voice trail off instead.

"Like I said, it is very common in this world,' He said, "it will get worse as the sessions get intense. Pain and pleasure draw out intense sensations. But once the high passes, it tends to leave you feeling empty. It is called a drop. A sub drop. But you will feel better when you eat and laugh and' He sighed, "And when you spend time with me. Or better have sex with me.'

A shiver ran down her spine at his suggestions while she felt heat flash across her cheeks. His gaze was too suggestive, she lowered her eyes in an instant. Advay chuckled to himself softly and watched her blush and squirm.

"Do you also feel the same?' She finally asked, hoping to steer the conversation.

"Hmm I do.'

"Do you?'

"It happens both ways,' He said, "although it is different for a master. Yet it happens.'

"Do you want me to hold you,' She asked, putting her hand into his and giving it a firm squeeze. "do you feel low? I am here to hold you if you need me.'

"No,' He smiled finally, amazed at the ease with which she loved, "I wasn't low last night. I was high. I may feel low tonight or perhaps in two nights. You will know it when it hits me.'

"How?'

"I get snappy,' He sighed, "angry. Irritable. You will see.'

Was was new there, she thought. He was always snappy, angry, irritable.

"Will you let me hold you then?' She asked again.

Sighing to himself, Advay made concentric squares on the sheet of paper. He didn't need anyone holding him. He was strong, at the worse he could get drunk and ride the low, which he did all the time.

"Are you nervous?'

"Huh?'

"You are drawing those squares,' She pointed to the paper, "Either you are nervous or you are bored with me.'

"I can never be bored with you Jaan.' She scanned his eyes, was it love she saw in them. But it was gone in the flash of an eye.

"You are so annoying all the time,' He continued with a chuckle, "There is no time to get bored. I have my hands full with you. It feels like I am managing a kid on a full-time basis.'

He was mocking her again. She crossed her arms across her chest and sat with a pout.

"So, you are nervous in that case.' She said, steering back the conversation.

"I don't know,' He sighed, "I doodle all the time.'

"Is that what they are called? Doodle.'

"Hmm.'

"So, do I?'

"Do you?' He raised his brow, "What do you doodle?'

"A house usually,' She smiled, taking his pen from his hand and making an image of a pretty house with a door and a window, a river beside it and littered with flowers around it.

"I also love drawing stars.' She said, finally making little stars around the house.

"I read somewhere they are meant to mean something,' She said, finally handing him his pen back.

"A house means the need for security, safety, family,' He said with a sigh, "flowers and stars are signs of a hopeless romantic.'

She giggled, brushing her fingers on the perfect house she had drawn. A recurrent image she always made every time she found a spare minute. Family and love. The image of a mirage that would never become a reality.

"What do squares mean?' She asked clearing her throat and blinking the tears swelling in her eyes, "do you only draw squares, or do you draw other things too.'

"Squares, arrows, Squares made of arrows like this one,' She frowned only just noticing that they were arrows forming a square, "I also make criss-cross lines. Just anything really.'

"Do they mean anything?'

"Squares stand for a need to control,' He chuckled softly, "Arrows, ambition and focus.'

"Criss-cross lines?'

Misplaced identity, rage, a simmering inferno, he wanted to say, "I don't know,' He shrugged instead.

"What about concentric squares?' She pointed towards his doodles on the left top of the page.

He held her gaze, pondering over her question. He knew what they meant, but he wasn't going to reveal it to her. It was obvious he had been doodling these with her sat opposite her.

"What does that mean?'

"Don't know, never done that before,' He shrugged, although he wanted to say that's because I am hiding a secret from you and that I feel nostalgic when I am with you.

"Let's move on,' He said instead much to her dismay. This training stuff bored her to death. The paperwork that went with it was lethargic and he wanted her to learn everything to the cue.

Scanning her head and the room, she raked her brains to discuss something interesting, something other than the training.

"Could you have killed me last night? Was all that came to her mind for some strange reason.

"No, He chuckled, "No I wouldn't have.'

"But you said...'

"I know what I am doing Chandini,' He said with a smirk, "I am not a master for no reason. I have years of experience behind me. More than ten to be precise. So, don't worry you are in safe hands. I will hurt you but never harm you.

Have you done this to a lot of women?

"Hmm.'

"Whatever we did last night, you have done that to a lot of women?' A lump burned in her throat, but she knew the answer to her question. Perhaps it was best she had never asked him anything.

"Worse, He said with a sigh, "I have done a lot worse. I have done terrible things. God awful things. This is not even a fraction of what I am capable of.

Her breath hitched in her throat. Envy burned inside her heart. So, he had been with women who could take a lot more than that. The memory of the video flashed before her eyes. The violence he had unleashed was unspeakable. Could she ever take that much pain? Suddenly her stomach sank. She wasn't good enough for him. She could never give him what he sought. Hence why he didn't want her forever. Now she understood why?

"Hence why you must never fall in love with me, He said with a sigh. Her ears twitched up at the word love, "I am not a good man, Chandini. Trust me. No one deserves a man like me.'

Staring into the depths of her deep black eyes, he was back to the days when he was a sixteen-year-old Dev. A good boy. Who never spoke back. Never raised his voice and never ever hurt anyone, especially his Chandini.

"I used to be very good,' He sighed, mourning in silence over the loss of himself, over the loss of his love, "But not anymore. You don't want a man a like me.'

He held her gaze again, reassuring himself of his decision and of his choices...for her. She deserved a life. She deserved better. He wasn't good enough for her. Not anymore. A deep sense of sadness took over his heart again. But he had the now and he would make the most of it. And right now, she was with him as his wife. He kissed the back of her hand again.

They sat before each other, trapped in the awkward silence that hung between them like a thick curtain. Both pondering on each other's words.

"What happened last night cannot happen again,' He was the first to break the silence, "we need to discuss safe words.'

She was back to brushing her hand on the grooves of the broken paddle, still mourning her loss.

"Chandini get serious please,' his voice was stern, "Pay attention.'

She nodded assessing the damage to the paddle in her hand.

"Chandini,' She shot her eyes to him at the grit in his voice, "Pay attention or you are going to get hurt. I intend to hurt you. I will hurt you.'

Shifting slightly on her chair, she went back to running her fingers through the groove of the paddle.

Advay narrowed his eyes and watched her incredulously. What was he meant to do with her? But her resilience and her lack of fear awed him.

"Does it not bother you?'

"Huh?'

"I intend to hurt you,' He said with a rueful chuckle, "does it not bother you. Are you not worried?'

She shook her head and shrugged.

"Why?' Advay narrowed his eyes and studied her, reminding himself of how delicate and fragile she was as a child. How she would bawl her eyes out at the prick of a thorn and yet here she was sitting before him calmly, despite how he had treated her the previous night. What had changed and why? What was he missing?

"I asked why, Chandini,' He repeated with a sigh, "I expect an answer when I ask a question.'

"Perhaps because I am used to it.' Her voice was quiet.

"Used to what?'

"Being hurt.'

He felt the wind knocked out of his lungs. Tears instantly pricked his eyes. What was she talking about?

"Has someone hurt you?' His voice cracked while he blinked the tears. "Like this. Before.'

"Hmm.'

"Who?'

Her fingers kept brushing his name on the paddle. But the crease on her forehead was telling a differnet story. She didn't want to speak about it. But he wasn't going to let it go, she knew.

"Don't make me repeat myself Chandini, please.' There was a hint of anger to his voice.

"Maa,' She breathed.

Advay studied her with intent. How had Indrani hurt his beautiful girl? What had she done that the girl who had wept over a scrape of a finger nail was now willing to take hard blows at the hand of a sadistic man like him?

"Has your Maa hurt you?'

She nodded.

"Since when?'

"Since I was eight.'

Advay watched her at a loss for words. Indrani had hurt her, ever since he had left her exposed. He took another deep breath calming the rage cousing through his viens.

"Come here.' He took her hand into his and pulled her on his lap. She rested her head on his chest while still cuddling her paddle.

"How did she hurt you my beautiful?'

She shrugged, it was just the usual. Nothing out of order. Parents punished their children in her part of the world. It was a norm. It was for her good.

"Just the usual,' She whispered, "caning, spanking and...'

Her voice trailed off.

"Did she cane you?' He choked. Fire coursed through his viens. How dare she touch his girl?

"Where did she cane you?'

"On my arms, my hands,' She showed him her palm, "legs, my back too sometimes.'

Advay tightened his grasp around her and stroked her hair. He seemed calm, yet his heart drummed in his chest. Indrani had many crimes to pay for. But this wasn't one he had prepared himself for.

"Did it hurt?' He cupped her face in his hand, tilting it up to him, "Did it hurt when she hurt you?'

"Hmm.' She nodded, struggling to hide the tears, "it did at first. A lot. But then I got used to it. And if it got too much to bear I got good at distracting my mind.'

"Distracting your mind How?'

She bit her lip, unsure of whether she wanted to let him into her little secrets.

"Tell me, I need to know.'

"I would think of Dev and it wouldn't hurt,' She said quietly.

"Dev?' He sighed softly.

"Dev was always my saviour,' She smiled, "I would start imagining, slip away into a fantasy. Sometimes I would imagine he would come and shield me taking the blows upon himself, other times he would beg my Maa to stop and some other times,' She chuckled, "some other times he would break the cane in anger and warn her not to touch me. He had a temper. A nasty one. Just like you. Not everyone knew he did, except me.'

Tears rolled down Advay's cheeks as he tucked her closer under his chin and held her tighter in his arms. Where was he when all this had happened? Living his nightmares. Chasing his own demons. While Indrani had hurt and tormented his precious girl.

"But despite what the fantasies were,' She giggled softly, "the one recurrent one was he always tended to my wounds. Always wiped my tears and kissed me here.'

She touched her forehead, but Advay's lips had already found them, kissing her along the length of her forehead.

"Did you think of him last night?' He finally asked, wiping her tears. "did he shield you from me. Care for you?'

"No,' She whispered.

"Why not?'

"Because it felt good with you. I feel safe with you,' She said, "And I wanted it. I wanted your mark on my skin.'

Advay nodded. They were a strange pair. Two halves that fit perfectly.

"Perhaps also because no one can look after me like you do.'

"What do you mean?' He chuckled.

"I love getting hurt with you,' She confided, "because then you comfort me and care for me and I feel looked after.'

He sighed softly. That was his favourite part too. To look after her. He picked a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear while admiring her pretty smile.

"I have always cared for everyone else,' She said, "And I love doing it. But it feels good to be looked after. And I love the way you care for me.'

He nodded.

"You are better than Dev,' His brow twitched high, "A hundred times better than how Dev cares for me in my fantasy.'

Advay continued chuckling. His Chandini and her strange fantasies.

"So, you are afraid of people who hurt you?'

"I don't fear people who hurt me.' She finally said in a quiet voice, "I fear people who abandon me. I fear loneliness.'

Their gaze locked, both of them thinking about the inevitable.

"I know this is only meant to be for a few months,' She broke the awkward silence, "I won't say you are abandoning me. You gave me a choice to decide if I wanted this life.'

She looked him straight in the eye, "and I decided I wanted it. I wanted whatever I could get with you. This life is my choice.'

Advay nodded with a sigh. It had been her choice. Although this was not the life he had originally intended to offer her. But earning her submission was mandatory now. Perhaps she was comfortable with handling pain. But could she handle his dominant side? Could she handle his need to control and meddle with every aspect of her life? That still remained to be seen. But right now, they had come a long way and he was proud of her for that.

Brushing her hand into the grooves of the paddle again, she looked at him.

"Will you surely get me another one of these?'

"I will,' He said, "I didn't liked this one. The leather is not pliable. I'll get you one that won't hurt that much yet will leave a decent mark.'

The smile that lit her face tugged deep at his heart. He sighed. How had he lived all these without her smile lighting up his dark heart? She was truly his Chandini, the cool soothing moonlight to soothe his burning dark heart.

"Have you used this on anyone?'

"No,' He said, "I ordered a new set just for you... everything is new,' He stopped for a moment, "Everything. Except my whip. That whip is my signature whip. I take great pride in it. It was a gift to me from the man who taught me all this... From my master.'

She nodded with a giggle. Whoever would want to train themselves into all these things? Except her crazy weird husband of course.

"Why that giggle?'

"You are a weirdo.'

"Sorry,' A smile twitched up the corner of his mouth, despite him trying to keep a stern face, "is that what you think of your Master, my little pet?'

She nodded with a giggle.

"You seem to want to give me reasons to punish you, don't you pet?'

She continued giggling and nodding.

"Time for your punishment then,' He said, wrapping one hand around her waist and pinning her to his body while tickling her with the other hand. Chandini squealed and giggled and kicked in vain, but he kept tickling her in all the places her knew she was ticklish.

"Stop,' She gasped for breath between giggles.

"Weirdo,' He chuckled, now tickling her feet, "this is what you get for disrespecting your weirdo master.'

"Okay...Okay,' She giggled and kicked her feet, "not weirdo...Deviant ...Teek hai Deviant. Is that a better word? You are not a wierdo. You are a deviant.'

Advay held her gaze for a moment and crushed his lips to hers again and kissed her with passion. The one word she had chosen to describe him had a Dev in it. He wondered if her love for him was deeper than his love for her.

"Deviant is perfect,' He smiled, finally breaking the kiss, but let his lips linger over hers.

"Now,' He said, straightening himself, "We need to discuss safewords. Okay.'

She nodded, although clueless to what he was saying.

"Safeword is a word for you to use,' He said in a stern voice. Chandini sat up on his lap. He sounded serious and she didn't want to mess with him when he sounded like that.

"It gives you the power to ask me to stop.' He held her gaze, "Despite the fact that I am your master. The safe word gives you the ultimate power over me. The power to command me to stop.'

"I don't normally give safe words to my Subs, for two reasons,' He continued, "first because I am a responsible master. I am in sync with my Sub's reactions and ensure I never push them beyond what their body can handle. Let's just say I am not a master for no reason.'

She nodded with a sigh. His words made her proud of who he was for a strange reason. She frowned to herself. Was she a weirdo too just like him? Perhaps she too was a deviant. At least she had been as a child.

"The other reason why I don't give safe words is because I like being in control. At all times,' He pressed him lips in a tight line, "Let's just say because I am an asshole.'

She covered his mouth with her hand and shook her head.

"Please don't use that word,' She said, placing a soft kiss on his cheek, "you are a deviant.'

"I am a deviant.' He smiled with a nod.

"But I am willing to give you a safe word,' He sighed heavily, "given what happened last night. I have decided I will let you have a safe word. I will give you the ultimate power in this relationship. The power to command me to stop. The power to say no.'

Their gazes locked and a shiver ran down her spine. It bothered him to let go of his control, she could tell. Yet he was willing to do it for her.

"Why?' She asked, "Why are you giving me that?'

"Because I want you to stay safe from me.'

"I am fine,' She said, "I didn't want you to stop last night. I would have asked you to otherwise.'

"I wouldn't have stopped even if you have cried and begged me to stop.'

A chill ran down her spine again. His words rang in her head.

"You wouldn't have stopped?'

"No,' He said, "Hence why I am giving you a safe word.'

She scanned his eyes while frowning to herself. Nothing made sense to her.

"I will only stop when you use your safe word.'

"I don't understand.' She said, "If you won't stop if I ask you to. How? Iwhat does it?'

"Stop doesn't always mean stop,' He said, "sometimes we say stop to things we don't want to stop.'

"Stop is stop.'

"No, stop is not always stop.'

"It is,' She argued, "When I say stop I mean it.'

"Are you sure?'

"Yes, I am. When people say stop, they mean stop. Stop is stop.'

Advay took a deep breath and smiled wickedly at her. He slid his hands up her legs till his thumb found her bud.

Gasping to herself Chandini clutched on to his shirt. Where had this converstion led to? Why was he touching her now for nor reason? She sighed. Did he ever need a reason to touch her? The effect this man had on her. Her brains had turned to mush again. She moaned softly. But he pushed deeper into her bud.

"No... please stop,' She sighed licking her lips.

"Hmm.'

"Stop... please stop.'

"Are you sure you want me to?'

His hot breath against her ear made her moan softly as she began grinding herself on his thumb.

"Do you want me to stop Chandini.'

"Hmm... mmm,' She shook her head softly.

"Should I stop?'

"No... don't stop please.

He chuckled. But she whimpered as soon as Advay stopped and removed his hand from under her towel.

"Now you see what I mean,' He sucked on his thumb, sending electric shocks through her body, "Stop doesn't always mean stop. Hence why we need a safe word.'

Chandini held his gaze, still reeling under the effects of what he had done to. Advay smiled to himself at the state she was in.

"Quick, let's get this safe word out of the way and I will finish what I started.'

She blushed, lost in her own thoughts.

"Chandini.'

"Hmm.'

"Give me a safeword.'

She scanned his mischievous eyes and her blank brain for inspiration. But nothing came to her.

"Why don't you tell me?' She said, at the end of the day he was the master or so he kept telling her.

"It's your safe word. I can't give it to you,' He said, "you must think of a word that means something to you. It can't be my word as there is a good chance of you forgetting it.'

"Oh.'

"So, think of something that means something special to you.' He continued, "something that you will always remember.'

"It can be anything.'

"Anything, but it has to mean something to you.'

"Name, place, animal, thing?'

"Yes,' He chuckled, still an eight-year-old at heart, "name, place, animal, thing. But one that you will remember. Always. Even in death.'

"Dev.'

Advay felt the wind knocked out of his lungs. Out of all the words in the world she had to settle for this one. Why hadn't he guessed. His eyes pricked with the tears that wanted to break out, but he held them back.

"Sorry,' She said, seeing how he had stiffened in his chair, "Dev is the only name I can never forget. Not even in death.'

Still at a loss for words, he gave her a nod.

"Also, because Dev means safety,' Tears glistened in her eyes, "Dev means an end to all unpleasant things. Dev means happiness.'

His lips had crushed hers even before she finished her sentence. His mouth sucking the air out of her lungs, his tongue stroking into the depths of her mouth, almost wanting to taste the depths her heart.

Finally, pressing his forehead to her and holding her gaze, Advay knew that this bond ran deep, way too deep. Nothing made sense anymore. Her betrayal contradicted her devotion to Dev. He wasn't sure of what he wanted anymore. He was a man of firm unfaltering determination, yet when it came to Chandini, he felt scattered all over the place. Her innocent love for Dev tugged deep at his heart, stabbing him where it hurt the most. Yet the images of his mother burning flashed before his eyes every time he looked her in the eye. His heart wanted to forgive her, yet his mind wasn't willing to accept anything less than her broken wounded heart. This was a mess. He was a mess.

"Dev is your safe word.' He finally found his voice and wrote it down on her file.

Chandini brushed her fingers on the name he had written down. The tears she had been holding on to finally broke out and she broke down in his arms. She had waited all her life for him to return. Yet he hadn't and now there was no hope. Her life was over as she knew it.

"You miss him, don't you?' Advay stroked her hair, struggling to fight back his tears.

Wiping her tears, she straightened herself. She was married to Advay now. It was not right to think of Dev. But her love for Dev was that of a child, and it was pure and divine, unlike her feelings for Advay.

"Are you upset with me?' She finally asked.

Advay shook his head softly, still at a loss for words. Chandini had always surprised him and now was no different.

"Right,' He cleared his throat, "in the future, if anything gets too much to handle. You use De...I mean your safe word.'

"And you will stop.'

"I will.'

"What if you don't.'

"I will,' His voice was emphatic, "That's a promise. A master's promise.'

She nodded.

"But I also promise that you won't ever have to use it.'

She nodded with a smile. She trusted him not to hurt her beyond what she could take. He hadn't the previous night either. She would try never use her safe word. She would never let Dev get between them.

"What is your safe word?' She asked.

"What?'

"Your safe word,' She asked innocently, "What is your safe word?'

"I am the master. I don't need one.'

"But just for fun, if you had to choose one what would it be?'

"Hmm,' He pondered briefly and smiled, "Butterfly.'

Tears stung her eyes.

"Not just any butterfly.' He nuzzled against her lips, "A beautiful golden butterfly.'

"Why?'

"A reminder that I had it fluttering on the palm of my hand, but lost it due to my stupidity.'

You didn't lose it, it died. She thought to herself, leaning into the cave of his arms.