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July 4, 2016They say things get better with time however it wasn't the first time i realised that they actually don't.If anything they will get worse when don't get tackled properly.I was just realizing this once again.Its been two days since that blasted email came.The thought of giving it to the police floated around my mind more than once but solving the matter on my own weighed with curiosity won in the end, though i was convinced that it would cause more bad than good but as professor in law class said You should never trust anyone until they give you a reason,not even Police ,sometimes they just want to close the case not necessarily solve it.
There are about three stages of reacting to something unpleasant or just pure horrendous.First ,denial,i refused to believe in the email determined to prove it as joke or prank someone played on me.Second ,neglect ,i didn't even bother to look at that thing again trying to convince myself that it is nothing but a figment of my imagination, i simply refused to acknowledge its presence.
Third and last being acceptance.Coming in terms with it and then devoting time in introspection.As much as i tried to follow what the sender was trying to say ,the mocking tone that the mail contained was disturbed my mind upto an certain octave.
Someone who knew Sam better than me, this particular line was stuck in my head and as much as i want ,i coundn't get over with it.The only person who knew Sam.better than me was Suman, even better than their parents,given the fact She was his twin.The facts were contradicting with what the mail said.If the accident was planned then how Suman got caught up in it ,infact she was the sole survivor of the car accident they've been.Though the blur details of the accident slightly raised my suspicion,nobody actually knows what happened in the accident ,apart from.Suman and off course Sam.
This was really messing up with my mental nerves,sleep was not even in my eye sight.Zipping up my hoodie I left my room for first time in the given two days of being absolutely devoid of any possible human contact.
Strolling around the area provided me much needed fresh air that somehow made me feel a bit light headed or more cleared off.Taking a different yet familiar route I decided to walk through the park nearby,it was one of many spots that were threaded in my memories with Sam. And Sumo too.I couldn't prevent the sigh that escaped my mouth thinking about her.How much is she involved in this mess.
An unusual sight made my head turn back into the direction of park.Suman,she was sitting on the steps that were a substitute for benches,her creamy skin shinned thinly under the very little sunlight,blue playing hide and seek with her black hair.It caught me a bit off guard not because I was enchanted by her beauty or enamoured by her eyes,trust me it wasn't the reason.But for the fact that Suman Tiwari was never a Morning Person, she had a reputation of being atleast twice a week late to school.Yet she was here sitting all by herself,awake at barely 6 AM.
Deciding to act on my earlier suspicions for her ,I stepped in her direction taking rather slow strides ,buying more time to form a logical question for my suspicions.It wasn't until I was barely four steps away from her ,noticing a bottle ,liquor bottle to be more specifically caged in her hand as if she was trying to suffocate it.I guess she never abandoned her drinking habit after that incident.
"Rough night?"
I question in a somewhat smooth tone,not disturbing the environment.All of the questions i formed for her were just being wasted considering the fact that she is barely holding herself up.
"I thought we decided to not to talk"
As always her voice held nothing, nothing at all,just plain empty bland.Drunk Suman is a dangerous combination.She gets extra meany, sarcastic and a bit more expressive.And that's the dangerous thing.
"I was just you.I never agreed with you"
I cooly replied though it was bit of lie.She titled her head upwards where I was standing,her gaze pinned me,her eyes unfocused ,hued with red.A light brownish line at her neck that was exposed due to her tilting action ,peeked at me.How did she got that scar.
"Liar"
Although she was accusing me yet I could hear a hint of smile in it.She moved a bit creating a small space beside her neither inviting me to sot with her nor pushing me away leaving that decision upto me.There was a time when every guy in our school had a crush on her atleast once in a lifetime,she used to be easy to get along despite her usual brash personality.Using that opportunity to converse with her I hurriedly grabbed that space to sit down.
"Why are you hell bent on destroying your life?"
I questioned not being able to control the sharpness entering my tone.She was already bring out my old temperamental self.
"Don't think I haven't heard about your college adventures"
A bitter laugh escaped her mouth as I mentioned about her college
"Pushkar told you.Right?"
She spoke ,never looking at me to clear her suspicion,she was already sure of it and it was definitely true too.I could the confliction in her grey rimmed orbs that looked more like two colors fighting for the dominance with black in lead.She was thinking too hard or rather making a decision as she spoke next.
"I have a long list of regrets and the worst thing is I can't even do anything about it"
The helplessness crossed her features was so surprising ,I have never seen her helpless not even when she was tired of her mother.She absolutely despised being helpless.I couldn't think of any reply to her statement not that I was expecting it.
"What about you?"
It took me a moment to register her words,I wasn't certainly expecting her to question my well being.
"What about me? Everything is going smooth"
I stated with nonchalance that she smoothly caught on.Her eyes gazed upon me intensely ,for a moment i could actually see them blazing with fire.
"Sure.That's why you hardly sleep.Why are you trying to be so calm about everything? You weren't like this before"
Her words hit home too closely.The bitterness in them was unbearable for me.Was she still blaming me?.Somehow I couldn't fight the fact that her words were true.I merely looked away from her scrutinizing gaze not being able to face her accusations.
"What happened to us?"
She barely murmered ,averting her eyes toward the sun to take a peak of the orange hues that were adorning the sky.Her question was clearly indicated to our relationship or whatever it was.
"You tell me because honestly I don't know"
This question was hanging between us for two long years with neither of us having a clue about the answer.Whatever we had was never clear there were always blurred lines between but we certainly had something.We were fine and maybe content too but after Sam's death everything went downhill.I waited for to her to answer but no luck.
"Don't you regret ,not being able to save him"
She whispered into thin air as I relaxed ,watching the sun.Maybe I heard her wrong or it was just my imagination but the glint in her eyes told me otherwise.
The doubt that had been floating in my mind seems to be confirming.She knew too much than she was letting out.She was involved in this as much as I am or maybe more.As I though about it struck me hard like steel.The mail was addressed two years ago ,a day after our highschool graduation.How could I overlooked it.
I cautiously sneaked a glance towards her only to see her smiling cynically at me.
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