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5 Tips to deal with a criticizing 'Mother-in-law'!
Kuch Rang Pyaar Ke Aise Bhi gives us the perfect tips for dealing with a husband who is a 'Momma's Boy' and the other woman - your 'MIL'!
Sunday, November 20, 2016 | 7:30:36 PM IST (+05:30 GMT)
83 Comments | By Shachi Tapiawala Rathod
Are you a perturbed wife dealing with a man who is suffering from M.B.S. (Momma's Boy Syndrome)?
Well, kids are raised with the notion that their mothers are the perfect angels and that is where the daughter-in-laws fail to explain them that their mother is also capable of disturbing the relationship you share with your husband!
She may not be 'bad' or may not think evil of their daughter-in-laws but her constant interference reflects her influence, be it positive or negative.
And having to compete with another woman for gaining the affection of your husband is not easy to accept. You understand the challenges of having a man who puts his mother first, while you or your family take the backseat. And it is very disturbing to have no affection or attention coming your way while there you are, doing things in the best interest of your husband and his family.
Sony TV's Kuch Rang Pyaar Ke Aise Hi sets a perfect example of an over possessive mother-in-law, Ishwari who never leaves a chance to over-do her responsibilities and this has a heavy effect on Dev and Sonakshi's relationship.
India-Forums.com gives a few tips to the doting daughter-in-laws on how to deal with a mother-in-law and more particularly, a 'momma's boy'!
Don't make 'Her' problems 'Yours'
Your husband may be a 'momma's boy' but let it not affect you. Mother-in-laws try to get into constant competition with you and often provoke you of how you cannot take care of your husband or manage household like she does but let it not affect you. Remember, not your monkey... not your circus!
Her constant picking on you only reflects her insecurities and has nothing to do with your capabilities. Hence, never let it affect your self worth. You are much more than the kitchen politics, honey! She has been good at playing mind games and has experienced her share of challenges when she was a daughter-in-law'. Hence, just let go and let her do what she wants.
An example of this event is visibly shown in Kuch Rang Pyaar Ke...where Sonakshi is constantly being judged for her 'ideal Bahu skills' and even tagged as incapable by her mother in law, Ishwari.
Be Empathetic towards your husband
Give your husband some breathing space. Your mother-in-law might always be pressurizing him for a lot of things too which you might be unaware about. It is always the poor husband/son who suffers the major brunt of this age-old DIL VS MIL war! Make sure you don't start nagging after he comes back from a hard day at work. It's not his fault and you know it.
Don't bring up a topic unless it is very important and he will definitely give you a hear and might take some actions to sort you out too since you have never cribbed. Sonakshi always talks about positive things with Dev. She never cribs about how his mother does not care for her at all unless important and when she does, both Dev and Sonakshi mutually discuss of how things should be solved. Just like how Sonakshi did not make a big deal about her 'dream' swing being shifted to the garden area in the house.
Get it straight- Your Mother-in-law is your husband's mother, not yours. Don't even expect her to be one...
Pop that bubble that you are living in! Don't compare her to your own mother. It's not even fair. Rather keep your expectations low and start building up the relation first before keeping any expectations. And don't expect her to treat you in the same manner, she treats her own kids. Give it some time. The key to this relationship is respect. Too early to expect love here.
The perfect example here would be how Sonakshi is never bothered with Ishwari not understanding her as far as Dev does not misjudge her.
It's their world and you have to fit in.. but that does not mean you can't change it!
As bitter as it may sound, the fact remains its their world and you are an outsider. Time and again you will be reminded of this fact that "this is how our family functions" and "we don't do it this way"... All your norms, habits and practices that you have developed over the years, will be put to challenge. Be patient. The key is to adapt. But that does not mean you could not change a rule or two.
Accept what you can with an open heart and raise an opinion wherever required. Back it up logically, just the way Sonakshi convinces Ishwari that Dev needs to change his habits and stop being so dependent on his mother.
Start your own life
Your parents probably didn't raise you so well to watch you sulk over the shape of your not-so-round chapatis! Your life is not limited to cooking and kitchen politics. Keep yourself busy by taking up a job and get independent. Do what makes you happy and be surrounded by people who appreciate your work. It will help you balance out your life and prioritize things.
Both Sonakshi and Ishwari's lives got much easier with Sonakshi's decision of taking up a job.
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