FF: Shades Of Love last part pg 91 dt 28.12.15 - Page 60

Shade 28

I smiled as I downloaded all the pictures that were sent to me by supriya. They were her honeymoon pictures. Yes she finally got married to the guy she wanted to and that was not me but Ravi Gupta. I was glad that she stood up for herself and now look she was so happy with him.
Typing a quick mail that all was well here and I hoped that she had a blissful married life and yes of course not to forget that I would surely show these pictures to nakusha, I turned off my laptop.

Moving back in my chair I rested my head behind and exhaled deeply. Ever since my alliance had been fixed with supriya, I didn't realise that I had been carrying a huge burden on myself. The weight of which I realised when the burden of it was lifted off me. Supriya had no idea how relieved I was after knowing that she was interested in someone else. Not that I was waiting to find faults in her, she was as good for me as I was for her. There was nothing more than friendship between us. And from my side it was just a hope that after marriage this friendship would move to another level. That was it. Nothing more nothing else. Of course I would have given this relationship my cent per cent but practically speaking I was going ahead with very basic expectations.

So when baba called that early morning meeting and announced that he would speak to ravi's parents, I wasn't heartbroken. Neither Supriya's rejection wounded my ego because we were never each others choice. For me it was simply a huge relief. Thankfully she broke her silence before the wedding and saved so many lives from ruining. At the end of the day everyone associated was relaxed and happy except for one, AS.

She was the only one who was against Supriya's decision. She didn't support the marriage whole heartedly. Though along with baba she did Supriya's kanyadan and participated in all the wedding rituals but she was hurt, she was deeply hurt. She hadn't expected this from supriya, though I was her son but Supriya always got her love, attention and share of expectations so that day, Supriya's revelation hit AS really hard. She had fixed me with Supriya with the assumption that Supriya would support her decision but that didn't happen, her plan backfired and that stunned AS.

Instead of Supriya had I failed to live up to her expectations, had I refused to marry, probably she would have been slightly less hurt. I still remember how reluctantly she had given her consent and at the time of departure when Supriya had gone up to her to meet her, she didn't embrace her warmly. She had been cold and slightly distant to Supriya. Also there were some papers that baba wanted AS to hand over to Supriya maybe some property papers, I didn't know but even at that point of time her behaviour had been quite hostile toward her. And that not just surprised and hurt me but Supriya too.

For years Supriya had been the apple of her eye and in one moment the equation between them changed so drastically? And why? Because for once she went against AS's decision. According to AS, Supriya had let her down, she had embarrassed her before the people of PV. Really, what people thought or what could remotely harm her political image mattered more than Supriya's happiness..my happiness! AS failed to see or perhaps didn't wish to see that if Supriya who loved someone else had married me then nobody would have been happy.

It was sad extremely sad to see how AS's thoughts and decisions revolved only around herself.
Undoubtedly she was a very able political leader because even this situation which had gone against her, she had managed to turn it in her favor by announcing before the public that even though Supriya was an orphan yet she had raised her like her own daughter and if Supriya didn't wish to marry her son, she was okay with it.

It seriously amazed me to hear her use the word orphan for Supriya and here I thought that she was her daughter whereas I felt like an outsider all my life . In a split second from a daughter, Supriya had turned into an orphan for her. I shook my head, at times my mother really baffled me.

Picking up the laptop I decided to head home. Nakusha must be eager to have a look at these pictures. However I couldn't stop myself from thinking about her behavior lately. She seemed distracted and way too silent by her standards. This wasn't something that I had expected from her especially now when she had a new and free life. I thought she would be delighted but she wasn't. In fact after the announcement of my wedding she had appeared disturbed. I wasn't imagining, I was quite sure. On the engagement day when the ring had fallen from my hand and she'd came to give it back, she seemed lost. She'd failed to look excited or overjoyed for me or supriya. Was she surprised by this sudden development or was she unhappy about the whole thing? Even on the haldi day that remark of hers that I hadn't waited enough before agreeing for the marriage had been bitter. She hadn't sound happy at all. Did it mean that supriya getting married to me bothered her?
Maybe yes.

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The room was tidy, the bed was made and the floor had been mopped. Yet I was here and often found myself here because I missed Tayi. It was her room and being here made me feel that she was still around. She was my only friend, my companion, my confidant. And my family. She didn't judge me instead she accepted me the way I was. Unlike Sahab she didn't wish to change me or my surroundings but still managed to made me feel important and worthy of her friendship. What she meant to me I could never express it in words and after she left I realised how much I was attached to her.
Like any other girl one day she too had to get married and go away, I knew that but it still hurt. She had gone quite far away. She was no longer in PV as her husband resided in Delhi. Tayi never wanted to settle in PV, she wanted to travel around, explore the world, she had big dreams and she was clearly not cut out for PV. Good she had found love and hopefully her life partner would fulfill all her dreams.

How ironic, when Tayi was getting married to Sahab I was disturbed seeing her unhappy and now when Tayi had married the guy she loved and was happy, I was still upset. Could I never be happy for myself and for the people around me?

I chewed on my bottom lip as my mind went back to the night when Tayi had disclosed that she was interested in someone else. I was flabbergasted and to make it worse bade Sahab had heard all that. I had no clue what would happen thereafter. Tayi had left me stunned. And the next morning it was announced that Tayi would not marry Sahab but some Ravi. The announcement brought relief to both Tayi and Sahab( somewhere even I was relieved, I didn't know why?) however it did hurt me that such a big thing Tayi had not shared with me, she was sad I could see that and I had even questioned her but still she didn't confide in me.

I pouted, not fair Tayi. Was love more important than friendship? Probably.
But when her wedding rituals completed and she came to meet me before leaving, all my anger and hurt melted like a candle. When she hugged me I instantly felt a huge sense of loss within me. I was so broken then.
Blinking my eyelids I blocked my tears and gazed at the picture of Tayi kept on her bedside table. Thanks to Sahab we did manage to stay in touch through phone calls but nothing could replace her.

Suddenly a nagging thought once again came into my mind. What if on that day Tayi and Sahab gotten married, Tayi would have not left me, she would have stayed here...then...what would have happened? Would I have been happier? Would things have remained the same between me Tayi and Sahab? God, for days I had been searching for these answers but never got them and it irked me. Pushing those troubling questions aside, I left the room to find Sahab. On the last phone call Tayi had said that she would be soon sending more pictures.
I poked inside sahab's room, it was empty. Had he still not returned? Descending the stairs all of a sudden my feet froze along with my eyes. And my heart sank as I forgot to breathe. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
What were these people doing with aayi and AS?

thanks for reading

Rose