Astha, lost again. She was left alone yet again. But this time it was her decision. It's not one that she did voluntarily. But the situation and the circumstances required her to do so. She thought she was doing him a favour. But she wasn't sure anymore after seeing him. She had no doubt about his love for her. But he didn't believe her. Instead He opted to believe what a piece of paper showed him. She refused to forgive him. She wanted him to believe her without a doubt. It was simple for her. Either he believes her or not. He shouldn't even think of what the evidence showed him. It's her word against the rest. If he loved her and trust her then he should believe her regardless of what any other darn thing suggested. I would trust him beyond anything. Why can't he? That was her argument. But she knew the damage has been caused already. She's lost him forever. They can never be the same again. He betrayed her trust.
But then why can't she hate him. Stop missing him. Stop thinking about him. Can't get the image of his lost and disappointed face out of her mind. Why does she feel as if her love for him is growing more each day. Days were slowly crawling by. She waited for him to turn at her door step with a warrant in hand to arrest her.
Constantly feeling fatigue and nausea didn't help either. She missed him holding her head and soothing her back as she puked. Helping her to wash up afterwards and then carrying her to bed. She missed him with every single tick in the clock. Most of the times she would just sit in her room listen to his favourite songs by Nickelback and U2 and look at his pictures in her phone. That's all that she had of him. To remember him by. But she knew the memories will keep her alive. She felt more love and happiness in the past three weeks she spent with him than she could've hoped in a lifetime without him. He showed her what unconditional love and care is. Showed her true companionship. He just loved her. He didn't have to. But he did anyway. And even now he says he loves me and even if I'm guilty he's ready to stand by me. Then why won't I let him? Because he doesn't believe me. Without trust love becomes obsolete. Trust is the base of any repationship. She would go on thinking without end.
One would think that it gets easier to let go and start over. She's done it more than once. But it doesn't get any less heartbreaking. She loves him with all her heart and soul. She missed him. Missed his presence. His scent his lovemaking and his laughter. Watching him sleep, eat and do push-ups. How was she to get over her one true love and go on with her life? That is if she's allowed to live. Her future seemed uncertain. She never allowed herself to be forget her predicament. She has become a realist.
Filo was telling Astha about her Daughter who recently informed her that she was pregnant with her first grandchild. She was going on and on about her how she was almost 8 weeks pregnant and missed out all the signs such as nausea, mood swings, loss of appetite and fatigue. Astha was having her breakfast and alarm bells started to go off in her head. Dear lord! I'm having all those symptoms. No! No! It can't be. We used protection all the time. Except the first time. Please dear mother...don't let be so. I assured him I was safe. He'll think I lied to him. I trapped him. Pleaser dear Lord protect me. She lost her appetite, what ever little she had. She felt as if her head was spinning and that she had been hit by a wrecking ball.
She went to her room and googled about early pregnancy. The more she read the more she was convinced. This should be the happiest day if she's actually pregnant. But this was the worst possible time and news. She couldn't go to a Doctor, next possible thing was to do a home pregnancy test and according to the information they were 99% of the time accurate. She couldn't wait any longer. She grabbed her keys and a scarf and her sunglasses. Once in the car she covered her head and part of her face. Her face was barely visible.
Back home even though it said to do the test in the morning to get the best results, there was no way she could wait for that many hours. Besides she had bought three pregnancy kits. Just incase. She said a prayer. She wasn't sure if she was praying for the test to be negative or positive. One line or two lines. What does it mean if she's pregnant what does it mean to her? Can she walk away from him then just like that. After few minutes two red lines appeared. She just clutched it tightly close to her Heart and sank to the floor. I'm pregnant. I've been for the past many days. I drank vine, we made love, I haven't been eating properly, sleeping properly. What kind of mother am I? Thinking She instinctively touched her tummy. She was crying. She wasn't sure if she was crying because she was sad or happy? What does it mean to him? To them? Should I tell him? He has a right to know. It's his baby as much as mine.
She wished and prayed the situations were different. Oh! How happy he would've been or may be not. He would accuse her of lying to him. But she had seen him with Sandhya. And even though they never talked about kids of their own, she knew in her Heart that he loved kids and he would be an amazing Dad. This shouldve been the happiest day of their life, yet here she is siting alone in a bathroom floor not sure if she should be happy about it or dread it, should she tell the father or not. Why does God always makes things so difficult for me. Even when he's giving me it feels as is he's taking away from me. Please dear Lord God! Pray for me to have this baby with or without him being part of it. If he doesn't want to be part of the process then she'd be more than happy to take the responsibility all on her. May be this is her calling. All this happened for this to happen now.
It had been four days since the she had left him and they had that ugly confrontation. He was struggling to forget her and hate her . But he couldn't. It had the totally opposite effect. He loved her more and more with each passing moment. But he was extremely angry at her for spiteful words and her attitude towards him. She acted as if he didn't mean anything to her. As if she was already over him. He saw she had called him more than five times. But he was too bitter and angry to speak to her. He didn't have anything to say to her. It was over between them. If she didn't want her then he certainly didn't need her. He survived all these years being on his own. He can get by the next bit too.
Next day morning she did try the other one as adviced. And the same result. Two red lines. She knew without a doubt that she was pregnant with his baby. She calculated the time gap, and she was roughly 4 weeks pregnant. She tried to call him one last time. She wanted to tell him. It was his right and she felt as if she didn't belong to her alone anymore. The little life growing inside of her belonged to both of them. She felt as if she had been given wings. She wanted to fly to him and tell him to his face. See his reaction. Her heart ached for him. Now she was determined to take care of her self, take care of their baby. In spite of the morning sickness she had a proper breakfast after many days. Had a glass of milk as well which she has always refused to. Filo was pleasantly surprised. She had told Filo that she was going to be at her parents when she left with Shlok. So when she retuned they didn't have any suspicion nor asked any questions. Filo and the rest of the staff was happy to see glimpses of their mistresses former self.
It was around three in the evening. She was as usual sitting in her bed listing to his music when she heard a commotion outside. And she was getting out of the bed the bed room door flung open. It was him. Her Shlok, the father of her unborn baby. She ran towards him. Before she could reach up to him. He said "Mrs. Almeida, we have a warrant for your arrest. I'll wait outside. She reached for his hand. "Shlok, I called so many times ...but you didn't answer" said.
He turned back while shrugging her hand off.
"What for? All is said and done between us, Mrs. Almeida" he said without a care.
"Not quiet, I have to tell you one very important development" she said looking him in the eye.
"I really don't care, but if you feel so...I'm all ears. Do share before I die of excitement" he mocked her.
"I'm not alone anymore" she pleaded with her eyes hoping he'd understand.
"Congratulations! But unfortunately I'm not into threesomes. Tell me have you been sleeping with him while you were with me?" Well that confirms things doesn't it. She's worst than all the rest. Others never claimed to love and always be his. No wonder Jack decided to slip in to the cold water. He didn't feel any pain. He was numbed out. He was lucky. Me not so. Get your head out of the clouds Romeo. She's gonna give you the poison herself.
"You sick ..." She didn't get to finish he cut in..."save the swearing for later. You'll need it"
But he couldn't help but notice there was something different about out her. She looked calm and reassured. Totally the opposite of what he was expecting her to be. She looked him in the eye. He could see the determination in her eyes.
"Well for your sake I hope you used protection. Prison is not a place you want to be pregnant"
"That's none of your concerns. I have someone to call my own. I'll mange just fine. In fact I couldn't be happier" she retorted with equal venom.
"I guess I was the one taken for a ride. The sex wasn't half as bad though" he said wanting to hurt her.
"I'm glad that I was of some service to you. I have something better to look forward to and it's all thanks to you" she said not wanting to give him the last word.
"You're dead to me" he said his parting words.
He waited for her to come down. She said her goodbyes to Filo and the rest of the staff. They were all crying. But not a single tear was shed by Astha. She walked out of the house without a blink. Not sure if she'd return to this house again. But one thing was certain she was not gonna be the same naive, juvenile easily broken young girl that walked in five years ago. She was dead. Just like Shlok said. She was dead to her as well. This was Astha Almeida mother to be. And she intended to face What ever adversity that awaited her and protect her unborn baby by any means.
She was being arrested by the man of her dreams and father of her unborn child and he had no idea what she meant to her. Could life get any cruel than this.
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