NEW ASHLOK FICTION : GUILTY Chapter 29page 140 - Page 44

He couldn't get it out of his head, she still loves him. Of course she does, she was married to him. Not everybody else is like you...go Through life without love and relationships. Not everybody is selfsufficient. That there are not. You got that right. But they didn't share the same room. May be he was sick. But the autopsy didn't reveal any such details. I know she feels for me. What are you going on and on about. Didn't you hear what she said. Why are you fretting over this one girl when you have a line waiting for you. Because they are not her. That's why. She wants me just the way I want her. But she's so damn wrapped up in this farce of a marriage. Don't you forget She kissed me. It was not the other way round. How can one forget even if wanted to. This is exactly the reason why I never allowed my self to feel. Well it's too late for that. He was angry with her for making him feel like a cheat himself as if he was having having an affair with a married woman, for making him feel. Making him realise he's got a heart, a beating and able one at that. And angry at him for his own lack of self control. That had always been his strength. F***! I let my guard down and end up knee deep in shit. He kept stealing glances at her. But she kept looking out the window. Her arms hugging her.

He pulled up near the gate and a guard came up and looked at him saw her. Ran back and oped it for them. He parked under the huge Portico.

Turned towards her and what he saw did more than just scratch his heart. She was sleeping so peacefully as if without a care in the world. But he knew better. She looked so serene he wanted to pull her towards him. She's been through so much so soon. More than one could even begin to fathom. And it's not over. He knew it's gonna get even tougher and brutal for her with the investigation into her personal life. He wanted to take her away from all this. If only she'd let him. Looking at her he felt at peace. He was happy. Hell I'd even tolerate pansy singing and learn to love your cows as much as you love them if that's what I have to do to be with you. He kept staring at her. The Blow from the AC was making her curls dance on her cheeks. He could see her lips slightly parted he wanted to kiss her once more. But he knew waking her up means she'd get out of the car and out of his life. He just kept looking at her sleeping.

She opened her eyes. And she was in his car but parked. He was sleeping leaning on to the door frame. She tried to slowly get out of the car. But when she tried to open the door he was startled out of his slumber. He was reaching for his gun. She tuned back at him. He realised where or rather he remembered where and who he is with.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" She asked accusingly

"Didn't you tell me in no uncertain terms not to touch you?" he was quick to retort

"I'm still not hearing impaired" she was back with hers

"Well you seemed not more than a snake would be" he wished he could've patted

himself

"I respond to human frequency not ultrasonic. Or have you forgotten my name?" She said.

"How can I forget...but ...I promise Next time to bring a cow bell, that should get you up and about" he was even proud of his comeback lines.

"That's cheap even by your standards. You should've quit when you were ahead" she was clearly hurt.

Got out of the car and disappeared into the darkness without even a thank you or a second glance.

His victory didn't seem so pleasurable all of a sudden. All he could remember was the glisten on her eyes. But he refused to let her affect him. He screeched out from there. Called one of his girls whom he knows is always ready and waiting. Another first for him. He never calls for them. They always find him.

He knocked on the door. She was ready and waiting for him. She's taken the trouble to order Whisky and minus most of her clothes.

He entered and she was blabbering soemthing...he Went straight to the liquor. But he was getting frustrated with the pesky cap. She offered to help him and that infuriated him even more. He just threw the bottle and luckily it didn't land on the floor it landed on the single couch that occupied one comer of the room. Nothing is going his way. He just grabbed at her. And vented his frustration on her. She thought it to be his desire for her. Asked him to slow down, we have the whole night. She was trying to get him out of his clothes. He was busy showing his desires for her, according to her.

"Looks like Someones not ready still!" She said out of the blue.

"Do you need to take something" she was going on.

"what did you say? " He didn't realise it. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to realise the one that has never let him down betrayed him for the first time. Can't I do anything right today. He couldn't get away from there fast enough. He was making a haste getaway after he offered to pay for the room but she profusely refused to take the money. She was trying to say something to him. But he wasn't hearing. Like her, a snake. She just saw her lips moving. Said a lame apology and out of the room and driving away as fast he was legally allowed to.

He was grateful to her for not creating a big deal out of it. He got away way too easy. She's a good girl. He thought. Why don't you ask them all to tie a rakhi on you next year. Oh! Get off your high horse. But he knew tongues will start to wag. But he couldn't careless. Women love to gossip and his impotence would keep them talking for a very long time. He was known to them by his second name, Rohan. He now wished he had gone with his gut feeling and headed straight to his penthouse. Who was he trying to punish? Her, Himself or Both? That moment he realised he can never be with another. How can she wield so much power over me? What does she mean to me? He was lost in his thoughts driving aimlessly and finally when he saw a familiar road sign he realised where he's headed. Almeidas'place. I think it's time you get a navigator Romeo. Then maybe you'd be able to get to your house without humiliating yourself further. Don't you think you've had enough for one day. Get home and get some sleep. Well I would if I had one. What do you call that 5000 sq feet of luxury you go to everyday? It's a house. Not a home.

She rushed to her room. It was almost 10.30 It meant she had been sleeping in his car for almost 3 hours. Why didn't he wake her up. Was it really because she asked him not to touch her? She was looking at her reflection. Who are you? What is your purpose in this world? Why was I willed to be born? When so many don't. Never see the light of day. Why was I given this life, this chance? She didn't have the answers to any of these questions. But for the first time In her life she wanted to find out. She was not wanted as a daughter nor a sister. Friend, may be to some. But it's not as they'd die or are lost without her. Wife? She was for a while. But that didn't make any difference to her husband. He lived his life they way he wanted. Regardless of her being in it. Her becoming his wife. So she's not needed by anybody? Even if she was to die tomorrow nobody would miss her. Maybe Filo, Samuel and Mary would miss me. But even they after few days would get on their lives and wouldn't have the time to miss or think of me even. She was a living dead in this world.

"I'm already there" "I don't care now that I've found you" his words echoed in her ears. What did he mean. She felt a kindred spirit in him. Why? Because he kissed you? May be. No! But I felt something. I felt his pain. Constantin, Christian...they were his allies. His cover up. But what is he hiding from? His eyes where like mirrors to his soul. You can cover up all the mental bruises with expensive and exquisite things. Put a cloak around you. But not your soul. You can't apply anything to your soul. She knew better than anybody. Not all the riches in the world can mend a broken soul. Only another living breathing soul can. She saw the same broken soul in him. Is he her echo?

Then she noticed a reddened spot on her neck just below the jawline what looked like a bite mark. When did this happen. Did he? Then how come it didn't pain? Could it be something else. But I didn't get struck by anything. She gently touched the spot. It pained a bit. She closed her eyes as if to retrace her moments. And suddenly she opened her eyes. She remembered. She closed her eyes again wanting to relive that moment in his car. She was lost in him. His desire made her loose herself. She remembered how she felt. Even though She had congested all her feelings, the way she felt, the sensations deep within her soul. Never to be felt or revisited. Out of sheer shame and fear. She felt ashamed of her behaviour, you're not a hormonal teenager but widower whom just over 24 hours ago buried you're dead husband. Stop behaving like that. Don't make fool out yourself. she has never acted so boldly even with James. She felt disgust, she feared what if anybody saw them together, what would they think of her. I'd be called a ungrateful bitch. Characterless wh**e. But the truth of the matter remained she couldn't just banish them as mere frivolous thoughts. She remembered a quote...

The kiss is the passionate desire of one soul to cling to another. At the break of each and every kiss the soul plants an eternal essence of that person deep within the memory of your heart. And you possess a tiny part of that persons soul forever.

Not a tiny part but his entire soul within in her fragmented heart. How is that possible? Am I reading more to this than I should? But then why does it feel so right and wrong at the same time?

she used to wonder If a single kiss can hold such power over oneself. She used to laugh thinking it only happens not in reality but on paper and with ink.

She was sure as the sun rising every day from the east that even if it did she'd never experience anything remotely close to it. She had kissed James many times. But never had she felt a spec of emotion compared to what she felt when he was kissing her. She had never kissed James like that. Ever. Is it just a physical attraction? She didn't have all the answers yet. Was she willing to find out? No. Maybe. No. It's a no.

What does he feel for me? Nothing probably? Maybe pity, disgust? So what I feel for him does not matter. Even if he feels anything for me, nothing can ever come out of it. He's better off without me anyday. I survived without him so far. Why would I need him now?

No amount of resistance was going to be sufficient to keep him from entering her soul. He's her soul vigilante. Threatening to impose his law. She has no choice. What will be her punishment? Live the rest of her life without ever acting upon her feelings for him. Deny a chance of love and happiness with him, forfeit her right to be his?

There's nothing to think over. If all goes according to plan, I'd end up in jail and life goes on. As if I never existed. They'll even forget my name and I'll be referred to by a number.