Moments passed and they were still crying. randhir was caressing her shoulder iterating "it's okay"..all the time, even when he too was crying bitterly, suddenly sanyukta raised her head to face him,
"it is not randhir! This is not fair! He don't deserve this pain! He don't" she cried, grabbing his collar. the sight of sanyukta, crying was more hurting for randhir than the fact that niharika mam died. Of course he too was crying, but then, he was no more bothered about his own tears and his own pain, cause it's sanyukta, she occupied his first priority then, she entered in his heart crossing all the boundries he had drawn restricting himself! Then he was no more self, no more alone,
"sanyukta, look at me," he cupped her face wiping her tears with his thumb fingers "please stop crying, please! That's destiny and we can do nothing now" his voice too was quivering, for a moment they both felt strange, staring into eachother's eyes, they felt difficult to avert their gazes, seconds later sanyukta Gently shoved his hands and leaned back wrapping her hands round his arm and embracing it, she silently rested her head on his shoulders. he said nothing, she too silently closed her eyes as she felt randhir kissing her forehead, she felt loved, she felt content, that was something that she might never feel with sameer!!
She took a deep breathe and a few tear drops trickled down her cheeks, in no time she dozed off and so as randhir. He silently wrapped the blanket round them, and dozed off leaning his head against hers.
minutes later randhir woke up with a jerk, he looked around and found her sleeping peacefully resting on his shoulder holding his hand tight. He just don't want to ruin the moment, he wanted the time to stop running, he so wanted to live this moment in every day of his life, he so wanted to wake up everyday watching her smiling at him...
"sanyu" he placed his palm on her cheek, caressing it with his thumb finger, he didn't mean to wake her up, but she did.
"uh.!" She woke up groggily, and randhir instantly backed his hand. She raised her brows staring at him, he noticed her eyes swollen,
"kuch nehi, shall we continue? or do you want to stop it here?" he asked
"i wanted to know what happened to him" she mumbled making a face.
"hmm...but please don't cry sanyukta" he said opening the book, she said nothing, cause she was busy wondering at his behavior that night. On the other hand randhir expected her to release his hand after she was back in her senses but to his surprise she didn't! However, they continued to read, silently wondering at each other's behavior.
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5th June 2002.:
Days rolled and i couldn't find any specific reason for my existence, After niharika, i really had no one to count on, nothing to relay on.!! It's been 2 weeks that i had been at vartika's place and then it was becoming complicated for her.! Her sasuma, matlab hamara sasuma wants to know everything keenly about my long stay at their place and the story behind my injuries. she started pestering vartika and i truly hated to see her suffer for my sake.!!
On the other hand my wounded heart was still paining and was trying hard to accept the truth that niharika was no more...The only 3 women whom i like most and loved the most are mamma, di, and niha... weeks ago niha left me, mamma! I was so reluctant to go to my father's place... Because his own happiness and a commerce degree was more than me for him,, i was sure i could never find any place for my self there!!! and di! She was the only one for me, with me in all my good times and bad times, and my presence was troubling her then, so i didn't let myself to stay there anymore, i had to move, i had to go, Go to some where else, some where, where i could find a place for myself and my memories of her. Might be to the world where i could live with niharika, or might be i had to go to her, i think.! I had no other option, i had to kill my self, before the guilt of niharika's death and loneliness kills me..! I had decided...
6th June 2002.:
It's been a month after that fateful night and then i was managing to walk without help of crutches, not totally though, what ever, niharika's departure had created an never ending emptiness in my heart and it tend to grow with every passing second, that i couldn't recuperate from the guilty feeling of being responsible for accident that night, yes! i could have controlled my rage... but what was the use of thinking about it then, after losing the most valuable in my life?. day by day it turned really hard to survive for me... and when i found my existence to be pointless, then it's my time, it was 11 pm and i was lying on my bed apologizing to the people whom ever i had hurt in 23 years of my life, and thanking the people who ever loved me, in my heart itself, and niha, i would apologize and thank her directly,.. I hoped.
I felt the warm tears forming streaks down my face as i rose on my elbow to reach for the knife on the table beside my bed... I was happy with my decision, even though it might not be as painful as niha's but i was also going to have a painful death.finally,I shut my eyes tightly as i let the knife Run over my wrist smoothly, cutting the skin... In no time blood started to ooze out of my wrist, i felt so relieved...so light, i felt my soul escaping my body, lightening it, the pain in my heart began to abate..
"Just a couple of hours vardhaan.. every thing will be fine" i said to myself, smiling... That's all i could remember before i began to pass out... I closed my eyes as i leaned back, i heard a sudden rustling sound of the door and a female voice screaming out my name... Every thing was dreamy. I was mumbling something out in drowsiness trying to open my eyes, but i failed, i passed out, smiling.
NEXT MORNING.:
i felt very weak as i woke up next morning, i could still feel my chest raising and falling in sign of respiration.. "What the hell! Didn't it happened yesterday? I am alive! How's it possible" i sat on the bed cross legged and saw vartika sitting on the floor, resting her head on the bed and crying bitterly, i raised my hand to look at it and it was bandaged... I felt So bad on my side...
"vartika.." my voice trailed off, she raised her head, her eyes were blood shut, i guess she might have cried for the whole night. She was staring at me with tearful eyes, i just couldn't face her and lowered my gaze
"di..woh.." i muttered but before i could speak something, i was awarded a tight slap across my face,
"how dare you vardhaan! Niharika is right, you are a coward, you are timid," she was crying, screaming at me... I said nothing, my eyes too welled up! Well i deserved her ire, rather say agony...
"am sorry vartika" i cried.
"promise me vardhaan! Come what may! never do such stupid things!" She hugged me
"i promise di" we cried in her embrace till tears refused to flow.
Days were passing like that, i was still at vartika's place. She hardly left me alone. But all the time niharika's memories kept on haunting me, our first meeting, the orphanage, village tour, our kiss, our confrontations, that accident!
Days were okay! But nights? Nights turned the most worst and dreadful nightmares, i used to climb to terrace and cry like a maniac, wailing and yelping for her in the sheer darkness, i turned insane in appearance. the long grown beard and mustache, fully grown messy hair, i didn't even have any account of when did i ate completely, and slept at least for a hour, and the days i took bath even! I used to smile suddenly, thinking of her, and the next minute i used to cry bitterly remembering that she was no more..!
22nd June 2002.:
It was 12 in the night that i was trying hard to sleep clutching her photograph in my hands and fighting back my tears, i was rolling, shifting in the bed till i heard creaking sound of the door,.. It's vartika! She silently came to my bed and sat there. I feigned sleep, because i don't want to burst out in front of her and make her worry about me!
"Vardhaan" she placed her palm on my shoulders. I said nothing! "go back!," her voice trembled. "go back to FITE" she said "it's your home! You have her memories there! She's alive in FITE, even now! You'll be happy there vardhaan. trust me!" she broke down. She cried for a while and stood up, i thought she was leaving but she gently opened my fists and took out the crumbled photograph of niharika! and she walked towards the cupboard, i was scared that she might threw it away, i opened my eyes to have a peep and caught the glance of her opening the cupboard and taking the photo frame out in which there was a photograph of vartika and i when we were kids,!
She took out the photograph and placed back it in the rack, she softened niharika's picture in her hands and placed it in the frame, my eyes welled up at her act.. I was sure if it was not vartika, i would have died the next moment niharika left me! I saw her walking back towards me and i closed my eyes! She placed the frame beside the bed and leaned forward planting a kiss on my forehead. My eyes showered, she caressed my hair and backed to leave, but i clutched her hands
"vardhaan?!" she was astonished
"i love you di di" i said as tears made streaks down my face..
"i love you more vardhaan, bahut raat ho gaya, ab so jao" she said with very low voice,kissing my hand and placing it on the bed, she rolled the blanket over me and left the room wishing me good night! That night i had slept for a whole of 2 good hours peacefully without the help of sedatives for the first time in the month...
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"I wish i could have a sister like her" randhir said wiping off his tears, sanyukta said nothing, she was still resting her head on his shoulder, clutching his arm tightly, they were no more enemies,,, but not friends even!! Might be more than that!!
"god is ruthless na! randhir... Vardhan sir don't deserve this" she cried, of course, they were crying profusely for the past half en hour and randhir's shirt was drenched almost with her tears and also his'
"Shh..! Calm down! It's okay! It's okay sanyukta... It's destiny" he gently rubbed her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her, she buried her face into his chest and she cried, they cried, moments passed like that till they consoled each other and resumed back,
"i hope he recuperated soon" sanyukta said!
"i hope too! Now stop crying please! It's hurting me" randhir pleaded almost
"what happened next?" she asked, wiping tears off her face...
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