FF-Benaam khwaayishein-FINAL CHAPTER-PAGE#78 - Page 43

Sorry was bit tied up few days will do it this weekend 😉

How are u??

Thanks for the update..😃

Ashuthosh entered the public parking lot, his car rolling over the loose gravel, stopping the engine and letting down the window...he inhaled the air, a strong mixture of coffee and chocolate wafted through his nostril giving him a sudden urge to follow the trail, with the weather still hot and unpredictable, he got down with his coats off and rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, he locked the car and slipped the key into his pockets.

He stood for a minute, looking at the crowd and then at clear-starry sky but all the while thinking again and again if he has done right thing by coming here and after a minute or so, he made up his mind, he will go inside the restaurant, meet Anjie , have dinner with them and later talk to Nidhi and when he accomplished this small but necessary task, he will return to his car and drive back to his lonely abode and never ever see her , it hurt so much and even the thought of it gave jitters to him, like a giant knot of barbed wire, impossible to unravel without causing pain

With all these thoughts running in his head, all the voices of his past trapped inside him , he stepped ahead, walking and opening the large French glass doors to enter the restaurant and remembering, Nidhi mentioning that dining is on top floor, he climbed the stairs, his hand on the banister, a serious knot beginning in his stomach but ignoring it, hiding it but suddenly gripped by same old misery, almost scared by the force and depth of these tumble emotions churning in his mind , he swallowed the pain , forced it deeper and when he looked up, a huge man in turban and rich black tuxedo welcomed him and opened the door for him ...

His gaze absently swept across the interior of the restaurant, at the beautiful ambience, the multi colored walls where posters of singers and of old bands left hanging, and he observed at one side of the room, there is ceiling to floor glass windows, the windows are arched at the top and he had vague picture of whole place when diffused light of sunshine spread across, casting its glorious light all over the room ...But looking outside, now, he could see only darkness and nothing at all ...

He sighed, His eyes wandering around -scrutinizing the place in bits and pieces until it stopped and landed where she is standing with her back to him and as if she felt him near her, she turned back ...her eyes momentarily showed no sign or gesture but when recognition followed, she looked straight into his face and smiled at him ...

Taking the cue, he walked up to her; she has on black dress which flowed till her knees with its soft folds along its deep neckline. He could see the bones of her clavicle and a small chain around her neck and her hair, pulled up, pinned back at the nape of her neck, but leaving few curls of her hair spilling over her shoulder blades.

At that moment, in one word, if he could describe her, he could have said "beautiful" but he did not, he cannot say those words to her, not now, nor ever ...! He wished his head will stop thinking about these things and learn to think rationally, he wished he will learn to be objective and not get entangled in this emotional psycho babbling.

His frustration found no bound and approaching him "Hello Ashuthosh..." She said, she called for him, her voice cracked slightly on the name as if telling his name overwhelmed her ...

He nodded his head, smiled at her weakly and shook her hand formally like friend do in public, the skin of her fingers cool under his firm grip and he looked at her, her eyes the same, fluid dark like shadowed water but he noticed dark shadows below her eyes, he wondered briefly what is it bothering her so much and then it just scattered and his eyes focused "Hi Nidhi..." he said "I hope I am not late and where is Anjie ...?" he looked around

"They must be on their way; they will be here anytime..." She said and it seemed she smiled again and glanced at the waiter who was waiting behind him "The table is already booked, we can sit until they join us" She said, suggested and gestured him towards small table across the room.

He nodded his head and followed her through, she dressed in simple way but something in her way of carrying herself sharpened her glamorous look , his breathing tight, his heart missing beats and he could see other men looking up at her as she passed through, leaving him in streak of jealousy bursting through his bubbling veins...

He pulled the chair for her and gestured her sit and when she sat, he moved across and sat facing her. She seemed uneasy and restless "this place is strange ..." he said, starting a conversation

She nodded her head "this was a pub before...Later they changed it to a resto"

"Is it ...?"

"Yes, I heard they had great collection of music , still do and people come here just to listen to those old classics" she said

"Well, it explains ..." He said, this time with a smile, his eyes taking in the surrounding and then at the posters of old band histories and great legends of music industry, just then the muted silence of the place replaced with music, the notes flowed up, they spoke of rising and they felt themselves rising itself ...It is sunburst of sound, breaking out of hiding and spreading open the wings "Do you still listen to music?" she asked suddenly, her fingers tracing the chain around her neck and he know what she is asking its true the intent is larger and deeper

In response he nodded his head and looked into her eyes "All the time..." he said, this time not hiding anything but revealing some of the truth.

For a moment, she looked startled and then he observed the change, her face pale, sad and tired "Do you remember this song ..." She asked finally and behind him, he recognized the song, the lyrics and the music entering his brain, flooding memories upon him, in heaps and with a weight of thousand pounds, a faint echo of music spoke of the time they lost and time they had together, its song filled with nostalgia that he could see the memories floating above him, drawing them both once again inside the warmth of those lost moments...

"Of course ..." He said.

Before going out, she took a shower, toweled off , moisturized and dressed herself in jeans and simple top ...nothing fancy, nothing glamorous but a simple attire for the afternoon " this will do?!" she told herself, after looking at her reflection...

The light edged of the curtains and stepping towards the window, she pushed aside the shades, and as expected she found him outside...His back pressing over the side of the car and when he caught her near the window, he waved ...

Getting the cue, she walked into a front room that runs the width of the house with one bedroom over the corner where her nana is taking his afternoon nap and for a moment she stood , just outside her nana's room , she felt confused or scared , for what she is unaware of ...but pushing aside her fear , she walked out towards bright sunshine , over the parked car where he stood .

Later getting inside the car, the slamming of door and the roar of engine ...she felt herself moving, rolling down the window, the wind whiplashed her...giving Goosebumps of excitement over her skin! Her hair which she pulled in a tight knot, loosened and she let it fall over her back allowing it to sway with the wind and the faint scent of her conditioner and his perfume surrounded them, something like jasmine or mint or may be mixture of some exotic smell wafted through them...! Sliding to the side and edging her hand over the window bar, she looked out, up at the powdery blue sky and then at the deserted roads -moving trees and houses. she admitted soon it will be evening and then the roads will fill up, people will wander out, bunch of college kids will go out for movie or to eat pasta..There will be crowd then but this time, this afternoon when no care to come out, is for them ...just for them, she thought about it and smiled ...

With a sudden break , the car lurched to stop, turning back to face him...she waited for him to say something but instead watched him open the door, reluctantly though but still he got out and shutting the door with exaggerated care , "I will come soon, just stay here ok?" he said and she sat pondering over his statement ,watching him run across the road, towards the shop which sell toys and chocolates, she know this shop, she has not gone inside but she know by the look with children come out of that shop-some smiling but many with trembling lips , hunched down shoulders, bowed down face ... wailing and crying hysterically pointing their fingers at some exotic toy which they want but cannot , she glanced up to find him coming back .

Startling her at once "shall we go?" Ashuthosh asked, the vertical lines on his forehead were pronounced, he looked worried but her eyes glancing at his hands -towards hands full of bags and from the lines and edges she could make out what it is ...

Tossing the shopping bag in the backseat , he stared at her for a moment and she who was sick of the strung feeling , pulled those bags from backseat " what is this?" she asked

"Toys!" he said, not looking at her and she felt, he is avoiding her eyes "for whom?"

For a second, he looked hesitant "for kids ..."

"Who kids?"

Instead of answering her question straight away, she watched him start the car and later with a quick glance at her" do you like kids?" he asked , giving her a belief that the question asked either to distract her or to divert the path of conversation...But why? A question lingered and even before she could voice it out "you don't like kids?" he asked

"Who don't like kids ..." she said "Don't you?"

"Of course, I like kids, I love them" He said and smiled "in fact, I have this dream, you know"

"Dream?"

"A house near sea, big and large like a mansion and my beautiful wife and houseful of our babies- at least half a dozen kids" he said and winked at her, the intent was clear and straight to the point

"Half a dozen! really?" She hiccupped, a straight notch to her brain and her face crimson red when she realized she said it aloud and in response he laughed "Godd! he is so shameless and ...and..."

"And what?" Her mind asked she shrugged her shoulder, gulped down, inhaling large suck of breath; she looked away "what do you think about it?" He asked slowly, his hands clutching the steering but his eyes not leaving her

"about what...?" she asked as if she is clueless what he is asking even though she guessed his intentions...!

"About the dream...?"

"Oh the dream ..." She said making a face as if she is least interested in his dream even though her mind already started imagining the future, of this exotic dream which he confessed, of her and Ashuthosh and their half dozen babies.

She smiled without her knowledge and Ashuthosh was quick to capture it " yes..." he said startling her all over again , she blushed realizing that he caught her smiling but still composing herself "Well, I pity your wife" She said and he laughed ...!

It is later as they rode for some distance, passing through small houses and half opened shops and outside, the day beautiful and blue, the sun high over the sky but still it was warm inside the car. It is not longer they drived, she saw him stop the car just outside a large gate which had a name plate "Shantiniketan orphanage", she read it "why here?' she half asked and he saw the ready smile vanish out of her face ... A sense of revulsion, she repulsed ...her body stiffened and the ghostly pale look returned on her face... Looking at him nervously; her face chastened and subdued, her lips dry and her breathing shallow. She hesitated and next to her ...he shifted, moving his hand over her shoulder, he felt her stiffen "I know there are bad memories..." he said, he cajoled, murmuring softly but she shook herself and looked away ...away from him and from the place which she dread the most "And we are here to erase those memories" he said, not leaving her ...his voice carried warmth and a promise that everything will be fine and he extended his hand..His finger touching hers and he felt her coming back to him ...clutching his hand ...tightly, a nervous gesture, he guessed it; he felt her plight and waited for the moment to pass and when it passed

With great reluctance, she stepped out, she took long breath and looked at the orphanage and then at him ...he slipped his hand in hers and smiled at her reassuringly, holding on to him, she stepped inside, passing through main entrance, they entered a main hall, large and spacious where a table is placed and upon it a birthday cake is placed ...

Somewhere from inside, from the closed doors, a man came forward to greet them, hands slipped and she saw Ashuthosh walk away from her, she wanted to stop him but she could not, even before she could ...he left her and walked away towards the man, hands greetings and talks which sounded irrelevant, she watched them laugh at something she could not get it right ... a fragment of memory scattered, she felt the pieces below her feet but same time she felt it around her neck suffocating her and when she went to pick it up...she observed the landscape is different , a different place but the emotion is same...the grief is same and the rotting fear is same ...Everything is different yet it is all same, she wanted to shout but instead She sighed , she ached and her mad wandering eyes at once looking at the world around, at the neatly maintained dining area and whitewashed walls and around the table where bunch of kiddies stood, their tiny heads bobbing up and down and glancing at her and then at the cake and next to them an old woman stood holding a baby against her shoulder , the baby who is wrapped in a blanket and from the distance she could see the tiny face and its spiky black hair, the old woman who held the baby stood jouncing in her step trying to get the baby fall asleep but in an instant ...she saw the baby bobs its head out slowly only to bury its face in the softness of the woman's neck , drawing an instant smile on her face, like she cannot help but to smile... there was something fragile and delicate in that emotion, something soft and beautiful in that moment ...like finding glimpse of smile in between sorrows!

She was so immersed in that moment that she did not recognize him coming back to her, "Come..." He whispered, startling her ...Nudging her, he took her hand and walked her down, towards those kids and near the baby wrapped in woolen blanket, in his hand he carried a lighter and when he bent forward to light the candles ...the old fear disappeared and somehow she felt better! ...The glowing sprinkles from the lighted candles illuminated on their face and in front of them and behind them there was laughter and happiness followed by chorus of well-wishes.

"Happy birthday..." he whispered just as She puffed out the candles, she cut the cake and The first of piece of cake she fed him and next she knelt down in front of those kiddies, who ate greedily as she fed them piece by piece, wiping the cream from the comer of their lips, like a mother who feed her kiddies...she treated them!

A murmur from Ashuthosh, a pause and then another string of words and she glanced up at him. He gave her plastic bag carrying toys and box of chocolates ...She picked those toys, randomly, a board of chess, a pouch of ludo, balloon racer, water gun wide array of toys, colorful and bright and she extended to place in those tiny hands and gazed at happiness on their faces,...for a moment she felt like a genie , giving out wonderful gifts , fulfilling wishes , spreading happiness to those who had none, she never knew the happiness of giving but she felt it now ...she had seen the ugliness of losing but at that moment she felt the beauty of giving something, her hands moving, patting their head affectionately but inside there is pain but there is kind of healing, the equivalent of sigh released and she gazed up, her eyes searching for Ashuthosh in the crowd of happiness and when she found him, saw him near her ...Her heart filled with such joy and peace and she wished, they too, these little kiddies too find someone ...someone with whom they feel they belong and this sense of abandonment never haunt them ...never ever!.

She wished...!

As afternoon ended and evening drew in "Shall we go ...?" he asked and she nodded her head reluctant first but eventually she found herself come out and Soon they were sitting in his car, bidding goodbyes to those kiddies who followed her till the door and watched her leave.

"I want to come back here..." She said later, her expression one of those which suggested she is serious about it "You can go anytime you feel like!" he said

"But will they allow me inside without any reason..." she asked bit hesitant this time and in response he shook his head "You can go with a reason, a good one...!" he said

A frown between her brows already forming "Like what?" she asked, "you can teach them, I am sure they will be happy if you volunteer to teach those children, give little bit tuition ...you know what I mean" he said, suggested ...and she nodded her head, rolled her head back over the seat, her lips pressing together, the open eyes thinking, the fabulous eye lashes and she gazed at him "that's a good reason" she smiled and outside she saw the sky, beautiful red and weather slightly chilly, the pale stars sliding to their place informing them about the crawling Night , Still, It was a wonderful moment and sweet not yet darkened world but a beautiful light of evening sky glowing over them ...He, who was driving, stopped as soon they reached their destination ...His hand patting the pockets of jeans, putting his hand inside the pocket of it, he tried to search something and for a moment she wondered what is he searching and when he found it ...he withdrew it out.

He held the object for a second...Hesitantly and then turning to face her, seizing her arm, he placed the object into her palm "it's for you ..." he said

"What is it?" She asked

"Open it ..." he said, this time with a grin ... Her hands which were un-wrapping the gift fastened with each fold and the smile which lighted her face , Broadened when inside the wrapper she found Small Square shaped velvet box, with quick snap, she opened the lid of the box and inside she found a pair of pearl earring, like snow drop, like fresh water droplets hanging below the diamond drop earring ...

"That's Beautiful, just so ...beautiful!" she said, she cooed, she laughed ...her eyes twinkled and his heart ached with joy... with her eyes not moving away, still gazing at those beautiful earring and then as if something stuck her ..She looked at him, her head snapped up "it must have cost you a fortune" she said, she shook her head ...hesitatingly, feeling less sure of accepting this gift, "Already you have given me enough Ashuthosh" she wanted to say but he stopped, he must have gauged her unspoken words ...he held her hands, stopping her "Never ever question a gift... I bought it for you because I wanted to give you this ..." he said, his tone serious and his hand already stopping her from giving it back to him." This is so unfair..." She said and she pouted and in response when he just laughed ...she agreed, she had to and he just asked "up for some music..."

"Who is not?" she smiled at him

And soon they slipped in their comfortable car seats and Ashuthosh played his wide variety of song collection in his music system ...The songs she knew, the songs she never knew existed, the songs which touched her at times, their face vibrant with happiness and their expression dizzy and dreamy...

And as they listened to music, they ate pakoras fresh out of packed out paper bags and drank coke which he brought just in case they get thirsty , as evening ended and night drew in and when all songs ended in his collections ...she tuned to him " Let's go back, nana must be waiting for us..." She said

He hesitated, waited and as if he made up his mind "One last song" he said, he smiled yet she saw his fingers trembled, his face reddened anxiously and the silence which shifted, as if his world rocked, a music played, a song came out of darkness into the light

Well she was just seventeen
And you know what I mean
And the way she looked
Was way beyond compare

So how could I dance with another
Ooo, when I saw her standing there?.

A song written and sung by lenon when he was way too young, a song which she wished for someone, someday to sing for her and as it dawned , she looked at him and even in that shadowy evening light she saw him smiling and a delight spreaded itself over her face, her breath tight and shallow and her tummy lurching with excitement, his eyes lit by strange happiness and her face reflecting the same emotion, the song said everything he wanted to say, everything she felt for him, leaving her for a moment startled not only because of his move but also with the rush of it reached her , it sounded so brave and open, followed by flicker of understanding and the minute shifted in expression when she understood what he is telling her, her cheeks suddenly turned the color of evening sky and she could feel him watching her and sensed herself as he might see her , she is , she felt that second , womanly , even possibly beautiful!

And in response he whispered "I mean those words..."

__________________________________________________________________

"Look who we have here..." A voice reached him, the past shattered in unrecognizable shards, shreds and splinters, distorted and with a sense as if he too is swept away along with his past, he searched for his mind -his lost heart but all he found, felt is a thick fog smothering around everything he touched, looked and smelled and then it disappeared, something lurched out of the blur into sharp focus ...first he saw her, her eyes and the shadowy dark "Ashuthosh.." she called and he looked up , away from her towards where Anjie stood " I never thought I will meet you " Anjie smiled , and at the moment her happiness sounded more important than his aching pain

He stumbled out of his seat, dizzy in his head and he must have slipped "careful ..." he heard the words first and then reaching hands , to hold him and never let him fall "I am fine..." he said, he smiled weakly as If it's no big deal to slip and fall ...Everyone slip , everyone fall and he too slipped his footsteps somewhere where he should not had slipped but he slipped and he felt he is still falling , like there is no end...

Shaking his head "Hi Anjie" He said and behind her he saw a man standing "This is my husband, Ranganath" Anjie introduced and the man named Ranganath shook his hand and smiled "Hello sir" he said and after the formal introduction, he slumped on a chair next to anjie's husband and ahead of them, Nidhi sat along with Anjie, taking the cue, a waiter came to their table, handing them each a thick binding menu, his fingers tracing over the coffee colored menu pages..Absently, uninterested!

The cuisines purely continental and slightly Italian, the dishes and name of it sounded so Greek so closing it off; frustrated and angry...he stared at Nidhi.

Gauging his frustration, she ordered for both of them, grilled chicken salad, penne pasta in white sauces for Ashuthosh, Mexican chicken steak for her and for each a glass of coke...

"I heard their desserts are good ...Let's try later" Anjie suggested, "No" a chorus came from both of them.

"Well..." Anjie said, she must have felt the tension between them, she did not force further but later once when the waiter came back with ordered items "So where were you Ashuthosh" Anjie probed , asked a question which Nidhi seldom not asked , may be asked but not in that tone with which her friend is asking now...slightly accusing but very much revealing that she is here to get her answers and instantly Nidhi wished , her outspoken friend don't say something which might push Ashuthosh even further away from her ...her head already started aching and she heard him cough and with a quick sip "I was in London..." he said.

"All these years?"

He shrugged slightly but stayed silent " No..."

" No?..." Anjie asked not wishing to let go...

"I got this chance to work for UNICEF...I was in India for about 5 yr and I worked in rural hospital where medical conditions are very poor" he said and fragment memory forced inside his mind , of those early days where there was no Nidhi but only his hurt, his maddening rage , a sense of betrayal, a memory of long days and even longer nights, of days and months and years to follow but still to feel the intensity not ebbing out but all other emotions , including his love for her , slipped somewhere down , totally vanished under the weight of his blind pride...How he wish now , he could have mended his way and ran to her and stopped her from going away from him, he just needed to go to her , he is sure she must have taken him back , without any questions , any doubts ...!

He is so sure of it ...!

He sighed, pushing aside his half eaten plate "tell me about you Anjie..." he asked like friends ask to another friend when they meet after ages...In response Anjie smiled "I am sure Nidhi must have told you everything about me by now..." She said

"Yes she said but not everything ...I heard you have little girl now, how old is she?" he asked genuinely interested.

Next to him ranganath who was eating silently "She is 3 ..." Said, in his proud papa-voice making Ashuthosh turn to his side and smile "And where you both met, Nidhi has not told me your love story!" Ashuthosh asked being bit mischievous not leaving a chance to pull Anjie's leg.

"I thought you have changed by now ...but Nidhi is right, you are still the same" Anjie said giggling, blushing slightly, in response he just laughed , his eyes peeking sideways to look at her , to find her bit morose , dull and distant ...

When she felt him watching her, she shuffled in her seat and got up and picking the bag in her hand "I will be just back ..." she said, she steadied herself "Shall I come along with you " anjie asked and when she shook her head " Come back soon..." anjie called over her retrieving back , her eyes worried and anxious darting from Nidhi to Ashuthosh-whose expression reflecting the same...But neither of them voiced their worries and minutes passed or so they thought and when she could not take it any longer "I am glad you were there for her ..." Anjie said, spilling her words

Not knowing what she is referring to, he just nodded his head "I am also glad you were there for Arush too." She said and this time he looked up, the tone and the sadness in her voice revealing something but not everything "What is it ...?" he asked finally, a question which he could never ask Nidhi, a question which eaten his brain out but left him empty without answers, Anjie looked hesitant at first but reluctantly though "I was just worried for her and Arush ...Even we were so far away and with everything going on in her life"

The words jumbled but the end gave him an incline to what she is referring to , he felt his hand slip away from the spoon and with each word he felt his beat fastened " is something happened? If so what is it" he thought and he wished everyone stop talking in riddles and give him the answer

As if she understood his words "I am talking about their divorce ... Rohan filed for it few months back and it's through now ..." Anjie said and stopped...

The blood left his head, his face, his shoulder and pooled somewhere in his chest , his hands trembled " Oh.." he said , just the words but only to feel blur in his head and all other thoughts like pieces of strings whose other end lost in haze , he tried to pull it and the thread emerged from the fog , a memory clinging to it of Nidhi telling him Rohan does not stay with them , of her taking care of Arush alone , of not finding any of Rohan's pictures in her house , of the brief phone conversation he witnessed , each of it giving a different meaning, a different truth but each truth asking only one question " why you hid this from me Nidhi , did I become such a stranger that you can't even share with me ...Am I "the truth hurts and the reality saddened him but even in the chaos of his thoughts , something picked up, like a sudden word, it was wrong but honest , It's sharp yet it was intense, like he got the key to mend his mistakes, like he found the path in between hazy maze, like he got 2^nd chance.

It was his self muted sigh...his sigh of relief!

- To be continued

It was quiet in the car, quiet and wonderful only with strange sense of happiness lingering and nothing else!

For a second, she shifted in her seat and looked him in the face; his eyes steady and warm on her face, still smiling gently and his hand extending until he touched her hand , finger laced, palm kissing making her draw sharp intake of breath, a gasp and she felt her face go hot ...but the smile getting bigger with each passing second, bigger than the size of sky and glowing moon! She must have sat like that for second or minutes, she is not sure but all she is aware is that she is there and he is there with her and nothing else matters...

"Nothing else" she said, she admitted ...

With a sudden break to her thoughts, the car stopped "We are home..." he said and she looked past him, out at darkening night and as she got down her gaze shifted consciously over her nana's house, the slight glow of light from inside suggested that her nana is still up, sitting, waiting for them to come back home...

"Do you think nana know about us?" she asked, suddenly stopping, bravely putting all her worries in one fine line and in response he just frowned, inching closer, so close that she could hear his beating heart and the warmth of his breath just over her face "Does it bother you?" he asked, he whispered and she looked up at his face, into his eyes

Her heart turned over "Yes ..." she could barely say, barely whisper "It scares me ..." she admitted but he did not speak , in turn he twisted his head below to see her , his face searching her and when he found her " you want him to know?" he asked

"Not now, not so soon ..." She said and he laughed...the sound of his laugher burning inside her and she felt something change, something new happens and his finger which first capped her hand but slowly she is aware of his hand over her face, Stroking strands of her hair and his scent, the same smell that blew her away , slightly lemony , fresh , oh - so male ,she closed her eyes, filled with sudden desire to touch him , cuddle into him but unaware of all the havoc ignited in her or maybe he was way too aware "then when?" he asked , he teased, his hands skimming over her jaw line, tracing down, touching, delicate shapes of her breasts, she must have moaned, she must have shivered that she felt him hold her " Till when?" he said ,he asked once again and his hands by now slipped down and wrapped around her waist and with a quick pull , he pulled her close so close that her eyes darted open and they gazed at him " till you are ready" she said, she smiled ...!

"I am ready now ..." he said and with hint of mischievous smile, he leaned forward over her ear "always ready..." he whispered in her ear and then on her hair, he kissed ...Two kisses.

She counted , she smiled and she felt his hands cupping her face, her heart jolted with this abrupt movement ,tiny butterfly fluttering its wings leaving her in longing to be touched by him , most of the time , all the time and as if he gauged her unspoken words or it must be the image of her smile , the slight twinkle in her eyes made him stop and looking down to face her , he stepped close so that his face was just over her, his breath fell on her neck when he sighed and she waited , waited only hear from him " beautiful .." he said , referring to her , referring to everything around her , she smiled and instinctively, she found her body responding to him, like she is coming alive with each beating of her heart , with each of her deepened breaths and her knees weakening , her core becoming soft , melting pool of desire and he leaned and kissed her , one hand on one cheek and other hand balled up her hair, Her knees failing, she fell forward only to be held by him and her arms wrapping around his neck, he held her waist and neither of them aware of what they are doing or why they are doing? Its as if they were driven by a mad desire and a longing which is suddenly resurfaced,

Not giving a damn that its public place , no one else is anywhere near them and bending his head down, he caught her at the corner of her mouth , the kiss was dry and soft. Making them break apart within second but only to find themselves in each other's embrace in next second

His mouth hot and urgent and he could feel her giving, drawing him in her, not so tentatively but urgently, his hand around her, pulling her towards him, into him so that her face is against his shoulder and Inside his coat, each touch was new and exhilarating as he deepened his kiss, finding the inside of her mouth and she felt lost, light headed, as if she is spinning with happiness, and he who is equally lost and heady , intoxicated with longing ,Murmuring her name , those endearing words which he never uttered , he said it again and again until that's all he could say ...The fluttering deep inside them burst out and she moaned faintly in pleasure and happiness he is inflicting in her heart and soul

Oh , god , she never loved anyone so much, she could never love ...She thought when he drew back but still holding her , tightly clutching her like treasure he found and never wish to lose , his face flushed and her mouth reddened , her hair loosened at one side and his heart still pounding in his chest , his finger tracing her swollen lips and her eyes shining " Mark my words , one day I will marry you " he said kissing her head...the words amazed her , it sounded so magical and out of the world that she just laughed and then something happened, something changed which she did not wish to see or feel ...

It's his body first went rigid and her face ghostly pale, head snapped up and ahead of them a shadow loomed, it rose like blackness in the sky and in the stillness of the air, the voice came , a whisper like shadow of shout " what is going on here ?" it asked , only to find them jerk apart and later to find out that it is the voice which left them wretched and heartbroken and eventually throwed them away from each other, it was the voice more crueler than the thundering silence remained between them for over a decade , it was the voice more harsher than the tight slap across his face ...burning the skin of his cheek , reddening his eyes and making his head bow down in shame and so much hurt!

A splash of water but still the pictures floated above her, the images pressed there, those once she abandoned and later which she picked circled around her in orbit and circles, now drawing her whole universe around it, around those memories, which is most certainly absurd and haunting!

Another splash of water and they disappeared but only to hover around her past , though all those memories now started sounding like a snatch of moment from someone else's life, some other life time...She lived and died !

She sighed, waddling inside tiny rickety room and her hands stretched, she rinsed her hands under the tap and looked at her reflection in mirror, her face subdued, there were shadows below her eyes and there were tears too ...

She wiped them away and put the tissue in bin and edged over the corner of bathroom, in the dark room, she leaned over side wall with her head in her hands ...

She stood and the words rotated in her mind "where were you Ashuthosh" Anjie had asked, probed, opening some old wounds, some distant memories of darker days and even darker nights which ached , huffed inside her , making her squirm in her chair, drawing tears to her eyes , immediately , so fully and wholly breaking her heart...he had broke her so ruthlessly!

Is it the song? or is the memory of the night or is the coldness in his demeanor , his closed face, the ruthless attitude to leave someone back ...What is it ? She is not sure now but all she felt that moment, all she could see that moment that she truly lost him , even then , even now ...!

He was never hers ...Never!

She said aloud just to hear how it sounds; only to hope it will reach till her heart and she will accept this reality eventually ...the ruthless fate to love someone wholly-totally and lose them

After standing for whole minute or so, she is not sure for how long ...But when the moment came, to face the reality ...she grabbed her bag , pulled the door knob and ventured out , out where whole world looked crowded and so exhausting.

Making her way through dizzy music and clustering talks, she reached them ...reached him, on the furthest sofa, the one beyond the white one, he was sitting with them, with Anjie and Ranganath, in his white colored work shirt, sleeves folded and his face with stubble poking out, his hair ebony mess on his head...but his eyes, on her, like not ready to leave.

He smiled...The same old smile, the same old Ashuthosh!

Giving her belief that something changed-something drastic, something which she is not able to put her fingers on... she felt it in his smile and the shine in his eyes, a hope!

"If we are done, shall we go ...?' she asked instead, uncertainly, hesitatingly, unsteadily, not ready to face something bigger and drastic at the moment

Everyone nodded and got up. Outside the air so hot that it made her dizzy and she fumbled to open the door and when she could open, she got inside immediately without looking back , abandoning all hope , without another glance , so ruthless , so like him ...

she drove towards her home, passing through shops seemed to be closed, some half opened -ready to be closed, the surrounding in pitch dark and she picked her way carefully over the pavement, trying hard not slip and at the same time she wondered why her heart is beating so very hard, really punching at her ribs and then she knew ...

She shut the car door, walked up the front path where he stood; He in his over coat, his fist pushed into the pockets of his coat, punching his hands in jacket as if he is nervous about something...but his eyes looking at her, piercing through her "We need to talk" he said, stopped short, digging his hands in the depth of his coat, he waited and next to her she moved and opened the door for them, letting him inside!

Once inside, she waddled inside to find the switch and upon finding, she switched it on, the darkness receding and the sudden glow of electricity pricked her eyes and looking around, The house cramped with Arush's toys and color pencils strewn over the floor, she bent down to retrieve it only to find him next to her "Here, let me keep it somewhere..." he said, grabbing the whole bunch of toys and color pencils from her hands and glancing around searching for a place to keep the things safely , after finding , he placed it over the table and from behind, she moved , she sat silently over the couch , her hands folded over her lap ..., unsure of what is coming next , what he is going to say ...she felt herself trembling!

"Where is Arush?" he asked instead, his hands on hips, his eyes searching

"Gone to Anjie's for night stay, her parents came from Lucknow..." She said and he, who was tired of standing, sat facing her and between them there stood a small table, of glass and wooden legs over it there were stacks of news paper ...he picked one by one, his hands flipping through the pages absently, least interested and she, waited, waited for him to say something, anything which made him drive all the way till here, till her home and then in the silence that ensued , she saw him look up , hesitantly though but still , he looked first at her, stared straight at her for a second and then he looked around "Why you hid this from me?" he asked , his tone not accusing but soft and he glanced back, his gaze not leaving her, searching her ...she flinched , her mouth dry , she licked her top lip nervously , perhaps there was something she not understood correctly "what?" she croaked , clueless of what he is asking her or maybe she understood but still...

"About you and Rohan..." He said, stopped and she felt the room spin for a second, vaguely drunk and the room swirling unpleasantly behind her closed her eye lids and then the words came to her and the question which he asked rotated around her " I couldn't" she said , she averted her eyes , unable to face him! "You couldn't ...?" he asked

" How could I ...?" She asked

" I am your friend ..." he said , he reminded her ...

"You were once ..." she corrected him, her words hurt and he bowed down his head low, so low until the back of his neck ached "from when I became stranger..." He asked, he made an impatient sound, a disappointed groan and she thought, he looked old suddenly, demolished and tired "You should be knowing it ..." She said, rather bluntly spilling all her anger and her pent up disappointments and he sighed, he ached, he shook his head " I don't understand ..."

"There were times you made it clear; we are strangers and nothing else ..." She said, her chest squeezed and her eyes filled up, wholly, fully, seeing this he squirmed troubled and confused by her tears, unsure of this sudden outburst -her sadness is one thing which he cannot stand...

And sometime in those lost minutes "Does it upset you?" he asked quietly but she sat not moving , not giving an answer , overwhelmed to give an answer and he asked again Do you regret it Nidhi?" referring to her failed marriage ...The question must have taken her offgurad, she stared at him, looked away and when the silence got heavier "of course" She said, she looked hard at him, agreeing something which she herself not sure of and as soon as the words reached him, he felt something break, a hope which was dangling , which is still lurking inside him , suddenly lost and swept away along with her answer and in response He sighed ...he stood up and walked away, near the closed out window from where the shadow of moon light sliced inside

And when she spoke again, her voice was so low that he is not sure he heard her correctly "I regret it for Arush, He don't deserve any of this..." she said amending her line, ever slowly as if she is searching for words as she went along "And you?" he asked, he waited, poised for the conclusion of the sentence...

"There are 2 truths ..." She said leaning forward, more precisely crouching so that he cannot see her, so that the sadness etched on her face go unnoticed "he could never love me..." She said but her voice betrayed once again and she looked up, her eyes filled with tears but there is relief too of telling something she so wanted to tell "and?" he asked, stepping ahead

"I could never love him ..." She said, said it all ...giving out everything , the small truth but the huge impact of it of all...his breath caught and he closed his eyes , aching sharply with the loss of her, his eyes filled as if he's d been stung "I thought you moved on, forgotten me" he said

"That could be you but ...I couldn't...!" She said

" Never ..." he corrected her...

" Never?" She asked and she looked at him, her eyes fixed on his face for a long time , as if she is trying to read him, trying to find him " Never.." he said, said it all , giving out everything , the small truth which changed all ...

And in the silence that followed he felt himself move, or may it was she who moved first, he is not sure but in the end he found himself in her, arms slipped around her, taking her close to him, folding her into him, she came willingly as if she too, was anticipating for this moment for days, for months may be years ...He is not sure but when she looked at him with question on her face, she opened her mouth to say something but he stopped, he kissed her-hungrily -desperately, bending his head down and she moaned just by the touch of his lips. Her mouth open, welcoming, he could feel her giving, loosening along her spine and his lips sliding down from her lips, brushing along her jaw line and down over her neck, along the curve of her nape..The softness and coldness of his lips over her warm skin and his hands moving upward, with a quick pull, he let her hair fall over the length of her back, smelling her hair and she likewise was jolted by the scent of his skin, the smell and feel of him near her snapped open thousands of memories and a taste of happiness which they abandoned long back barged into them...

She shivered just by the touch of it, she trembled with the suddenness of it and she moaned his name "Ashuthosh...", A Fluttering in her tummy, a gasp and soft moan, the pleasure was incredible that she moved deeply, half sobbing, reaching for him, his hands travelling tucking her hair behind her eras , he looked at her "Ashuthosh..." she sobbed-she said his name again as if that's all left in her, as if only he exist and nothing else and he kissed the side of her face, licking her tears - the warmth of her breath on his neck triggered a longing he is unaware of, he was suddenly drunk on her, intoxicated with desire, and with a maddening lust. His hands sliding down drawing her into him, moving at the back of her waist so that she came to him, she leapt, wildly, uncontrollably off the ground, flinging her arms around his neck, pushing herself into him and he kissed her hard on the lips, swayed with her weight, he lost his own balance and she laid down on floor at first, over the carpet, her arms outstretched, her head slightly turned to his side but he stopped, suddenly aware of what it was they were doing and looking at her in the dim light , to see if there is alarm there , she returned his gaze steadily but still momentarily stalled , he stood for a minute giving his mind to take over , to measure , to gauge , to differentiate between right and wrong and when the moment passed ..

He bent down, on his knees, he kissed her and "Nidhi..." he whispered and to her it felt, he came back to her ...Finally!

Thank you for reading

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Next chapter on Wednesday 😃

I think that is not needed -at least not right now😉, Arush already expressed his wish in-front of Nidhi and when time comes ...I will make them talk 😉

Updated dear 😃

Hello Bawa bro 😃

Chapter is updated , hope you like it ...I will give next chapter on Wednesday , will you be able to read it??

And yes , surely ..I will visit your post made for Tupu, thanks 😃