FF : Ascent Chapter 4 page 38 on March 31st - Page 22

Anjali Singh Raizada climbed the stairs to her room with her head held high and she was brimming over with bountiful happiness. She had finally succeeded in it and couldn't help but wander back in time, from the moment she had talked him into it.

She knew her brother like the palm of her hands. Very well aware, seeking his consent over his second marriage proposal would be harder than chasing a rainbow. She had to twist his arms when he had refused his family's decision out of hand. She knew she was being obstinate and pushy, persuading him to marry for a second time. It wasn't her decision to take,never hers. On the other hand, of what she could grasp, she induced her brother loved his late wife to the point of self-destruction. She wasn't just going to sit there, simply convincing herself that things are going to get better like she'd been compelling herself to believe over the years and let it all fall apart. She had been silent long enough, wiring her hands all those years while she silently watched her brother fight it out for them.

The way situations played out in their lives was way out of his control, way out of everyone's control; pondering over them of what could be and what could have been is to fritter away our today. No amount of admonishment and retaliation could undo things around us. She didn't want him to wait for an absolution that would never come his way. Ordeals and tribulations are part of our lives; one should learn to overcome the hardship if confronted with pointless, hopeless situations and never let the moments in our past get the better of us in the coming days. And Wallowing in the seas of self-pity has never been favorable in the long run.

She didn't let herself down though her brother was disheartened and piling rocks on his natural emotional state. She knew if she would succumb to the blues too, he won't be able to see through this one. And he will feel a world of pain when he sees that the people he cares for the most are unhappy because of something to do with him. The very logic she had used against him to get his approval over his second marriage.

She watched in fascination how this whole marriage proposal talks had kept him at bay. Every time they had been to seek a girl's hand for him, he was at his wits end and made quick, smart decisions in a flash. His actions more prudent of behavior and intriguing; Proposals rejected with a mere blink of eyes. Few stunts he had pulled on them right under her nose to reject proposals; riling her up, pushing her to the brink. For yet again he would've had managed to keep her in this never ending loop of hampering every possible chance she would have laid out for his new beginning. Her patience clocking out, disappointment seeped through her but she did not rush it, what mattered was she had her chance again. To give him that much needed push of starting life all over again, beyond the broken pieces. It was inevitable she would succeed, for a simple reason; her brother- A good man.

She knew the path to someone's broken heart whose spirit of living shattered beyond belief is to talk to them, about the things they treasure and cherish the most. For, it's those memories we seek solace in when we are down and out, reminding ourselves of how it's not the end, how it's only going to get better. It wasn't going to be easy for him to put an end to years of emotional set back; invading his space is only gone make it worse. She did not want to tug at his heart strings by talking about his dead wife. They have never done that; never have talked about the dead. Dreading it might hurt the others person's sentiments, state of mind and most significantly how it might punch a hole in the other person's enormous effort to let go and forge ahead in life. Although it became tougher and tougher after the death of their parents to pretend like it never transpired. As days passed on, the pain kind of flattened and blended together with those small assuring smiles exchanged between them to put across to the other that everything is going to be alright in due course. His eyes held this new found rage to succeed in life after they lost their parents. He rose like a phoenix from the ashes and threw himself at whatever work he could persuade in that course of time. He slowly climbed the ladder of success and started his own company by the sweat of his brow and the strength of his back. However with Khushi's death he shunned everyone out of his life. He looked truly defeated the day he lost his wife. He stood amidst families and friends who cried on another's shoulder and wept inconsolably for their loss, trying to come to terms with the reality. Anguish mixed with rage was clearly evident on his face as he stood there staring at her mortal remains. As soon as the last rituals were completed, he moved away from everyone and stood aside in a corner and kept staring at the smoldering pyre, deep in thought till the flames of the pyre burning her mortal remains were reduced to ashes. She had seen the fright in his eyes as he lit the pyre, the unsettling tremors of ending up alone seen on his face and who else could be familiar with it better than her. How just the very thought of having to end up alone not by choice can shake the very core of our reasons to live.

When she had learnt the truth about her ex-husband and the reason for her brother's untimely wedding to Khushi, it made her blood run cold. Utterly disappointed and disgusted by her brother's gesture towards a woman. She had noticed how apologetic and helplessness her brother appeared in the following days. She couldn't wrap her head around as to what prompted him to act in such a way. It frustrated and confused her as to why would he be so cruel to the women he fell in love with. And then the realization dawned upon her, a stillness passed through her after deciphering his actions, once she knew the truth. She made him think, he haven't done enough for her. Though she could never get to digest this action of his, deep down she felt a tinge of happiness blooming. Amidst the chaos,the betrayal and all other happenings in her life, here was this person who had gone out of his way to make sure she was happy even if it meant he was ruining his chances of a happily-ever-after with the woman he loved. And he thought he hasn't done enough for her. How would she make him understand he was the only person who had been there for her regardless of the situations she was loaded against and it was she who hasn't done enough. He had stood by her when she was deserted as a bride by her first love, abandoned as a daughter on a most promising and anticipated day of her life. All she ever dreamt of came down crumbling. Her dreams had shattered like shreds of broken glass in a flash whilst she stood helpless; choking on her breath not knowing what had hit her and watched it all fall apart. He lost just as much as her on the appalling day. The pampered kid of the house, the mama's boy, he was broken beyond endurance yet he put his own misery behind him and embraced her and continued to shoulder her to the very second. There have been times, when she had been self-centric, a hindrance to his happiness, a trample in his path, specifically when she was being played on by her ex-husband. It wasn't that her brother was selfless; he was just another regular guy. It's just that he had learnt to value her happiness above his, above all and she was grateful to him till her dying breath.

From the day they have been looking out for a girl for him, she had an alarming disquieting feeling in the pit of her stomach, as she would contemplate over all the possible outcomes of this decision. She kept her eyes peeled for her brother, for any kind of signal that would put an end to the restlessness that seems to have engulfed her from the very instant the notion of second marriage passed through her mind. Days slipped, she took a backseat and discerned the changes; how stronger and determined were the light in his eyes to fight back against all the odds and see through things. Perhaps her brother realized all is not lost. And at that very second, she knew it was something she can continue to fight back against with a hope. She played her cards close to her chest and her small conversation with him seems to have paved the way for her. Three days back, she sat on a plush sofa beside him, scrutinizing his reactions towards the girl in front of him and what she witnessed was enough to elicit a loud gasp from her and her family. His eyes got a little watchful, this has never happened, never. Her brother, who always drew a blank look in situations like this, fixed his eyes with the girl's. He looked shocked at first, few minutes later his face pinched in concentration and later glowed in delight as she waited with bated breath for his answer. The flicker of hope that had passed through his eyes put her at ease for she knew his answer.

We often credit our past for the person that we are today. But does it always come down to the good and the bad confrontation life bequeaths on us, which changes the person that we are. Well, certainly not. At least that's what she thought. For her, it all narrows down to the defining moment's life presents us with. Those moment of impacts that helps us in finding who we are, when pushed to the edge. Those decisive instances which gave an insight to the person that she was and rendered her speechless of the person she was capable of being And it's for those formidable moments she had lived through that was influential in shaping up her, as she got on with her life and defines the person that she is today, to the very moment.

At times, when we have our backs against the wall, we either choose to show the courage of our heart, rise to the situation and face it with our head held high or be a coward, running away from living through another prominent confrontation in our lives and its outcome. Only to wake up every day with a lump in our throat, our mind's reverberating forever over the squandered opportunity to turn things around in our stride, the guilt bruising our heart eternally.

She was a coward. At times, when she felt crushed or vanquished in life, she preferred to be left on her own after going through an upheaval instance or she assumed so. She ran as fast as her feet could take her to a seclude place from the prying eyes of her beloved ones and yearned for her solitude not because she needed her seclusion within the four walls of her room or to sulk her heart's content over the turn of events that led to her distressing state but to hold back from her family members. A constant modicum of fear kept echoing in her head if her family would judge her for the weak person that she is, petrified her most. She craved to be known as a stronger person by her family, just like everyone of us. The pain blooming within her, ripping every smidgen of her beliefs and will powers till it swatted her defeated soul to the ground. She recalled all those happenings of how she had succumbed to the overpowering impediments in her life and winced in abhorrence. On the contrary, she watched mystified at the courage and fortitude her brother exhibited even when the circumstances were encumbered against him. After her familiarity with life she ascertained few things; we let our own insecurities get us, where we misinterpret the helplessness of our dear ones as their sympathy towards us. She gradually came to accept in due course of time; she wasn't a coward, if she had lived through those difficult phases. We as a human are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for and often erase from our mind that we have the power to live. Sometimes we fail to notice how bad the implications are when we continue to measure our possession in terms of what others have, how it's the beginning of our end.

Being cognizant of how it works in the long run, she knew her brother would come around. He would eventually learn to move on because like every one of us he was on his quest for that small measure of peace. She couldn't comprehend if it was her own way of paying him back for all the things he has done for her or trying to ease out on her burden of guilt. But what she was certain about, At times giving ourselves a second chance is the best thing one could do.