Originally posted by: No2Pencil
Okay... I have twisted thoughts on this matter, and not many will find it rational; maybe you like it or not, I don't know but try it, it might help - who knows.
I think more you'll resist this feeling, more it'll persist. Rather than running away every time you see her, acknowledge that you're attracted. Your problem is you somewhere feel guilty about having those feelings; however, there is nothing wrong with being attracted to anyone; at that age, we get infatuated with teachers, celebrities, or anyone that makes us feel comfortable - it is just a pure blissful feeling, but deep down inside we all know that path is a dead end and there is no destination to it and in this, you're left with the journey itself - so rather than making it hard, why don't you enjoy it and feel them - cherish her traits and be happy for who she is- talking with her will help you, be friends with her instead of being away. It's very similar to the process when you're grieving. You're sad and have too many emotions inside, but you try to resist those feelings, but once you cry, you feel better. It's a psychological-based answer I am trying to give to you. Hopefully, it helps. Keep on updating us.
Thank you for replying. I also considered this in the beginning but did not act on it. The main reasoning I gave myself was that I may creep her out if I talk to her out of nowhere. We all know girls and boys talking and being friends is still kind of a taboo in India especially in the rural parts of the country, where she is from.
Even if I rule that part out, I think I myself don't have the confidence to talk to girls. The last time I talked to a girl that was not my mother or my cousin was before lockdown. I had a few friends too at that time. After covid everything changed, I have zero friends and extreme social anxiety now (I plan to fix this in college), add to that my introverted personality. Also I can't work on it right now because I wanna fully focus on my studies right now so that I can get a decent college, this maid situation has already messed up my studies really badly, I don't want to make it worse.
I just don't understand how this silly teenage stuff got escalated to such heights, the weird part is that my brain completely understand how silly and illogical this situation is but I guess my heart just doesn't understand this. I still get anxiety attacks whenever I hear anything related to her even when she's not around and God forbid if I'm in the house while she is also there, my senses stop functioning and I feel like disappearing from the house right there and then. Her mere presence makes me nervous. I think this is because of the social anxiety. As you said, I should try to enjoy this rather than being guilty about the feeling, but I am just not able to do so because of all this.
I think it's not infatuation anymore, it's more like a trauma. I don't want this person anymore around me because she is the reason I get so uncomfortable and numb. The worst part is that it's not her fault. She just comes, does her job and leaves. The problem is with me, that is why I hate myself for it, I just can't find a way out.
If you (or anyone else) have any other advice, please do give. It's really comforting to talk to someone about this.
Edited by Advicethrowaway - 1 years ago
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