My head spinned as I saw the sight infront of my eyes. Him. The person I have hated my entire life. In a pool of blood with a slit wrist. His eyes, closed. His face, lifeless. Not able to understand my emotions, I fell to the ground. My eyes were not leaving his sight. I watched him without a blink. I was numb.
"Kabir.. I said almost in an inaudible voice, gently shaking him.
"Kabirrr... " I shouted a little louder this time. I was panicking.
"Someone call the goddamn ambulance!!! I shouted on my staff.
"Kabir, open your eyes! Aankhein kholo! Nothing will happen to you! Kabir.. Kabir " I gently tapped his face. I could see Aanchal standing by the door. She was crying. We rushed him to the hospital immediately. That's all i could remember.
*****************
"You know what Kabir? I really don't care if you live or die. You are not that important to me. Infact, all my life I have wished that you die i had once told him. I haven't meant it, I swear. I said it because i wanted to hurt him. I got up and walked towards the operation theatre. Looking through the small glass window, i saw him clenched in wires all over. My eyes were dry. I hadn't shed a single tear but i was dying inside.
I came out of my reverie when a nurse called my name.
"Sir, we found this in the patient's pocket the nurse said, handing me an envelope which had "BADE written on it. I took it from her with shivering hands.
I slowly opened the envelope, not knowing what to expect.
"Dear bade
It was a letter Kabir had written to me. Probably just before taking this extreme step. I settled down on the floor besides his room. My hands were still shivering. Somehow I found the courage to read the letter further.
Dear Bade
I am sorry. I am sorry for everything that I did. I am sorry for everything that my mother did to yours. I wish i could change everything, but i can't. I know you hate me and I deserve all of it.
I should be punished for the sins i have committed. Isliye jaa raha hoon main, Bade. Hamesha ke liye. I cannot take the hatred in your eyes for me anymore. Main jaanta hoon shayad tujhe fark bhi padta mere hone yaa na hone se but I don't want to trouble you anymore. I know how much you love Aanchal and i don't want to come between the two of you anymore. Tu mujhe hurt karne ke liye Aanchal ko hurt karta hai and you end up getting hurt yourself. Teri aankhon me ye dard sehen nahi kar sakta main, isliye jaa raha hoon.
It took time but i have finally realised that i'm the real culprit. I have destroyed three lives. You, me and Aanchal. I know the damage is done and i can't undo it but maybe i can make your and Aanchal's life a little better! I know i've been the worst a brother could ever be but i have always loved you with all my heart.
His words were piercing my heart. Each word inflicting his pain. Tears made their way from my eyes finally. My vision was blurred. I cleared my eyes and continued further.
When I got to know about Mom first, i swear i wanted to tell you everything. But I got scared that you'll get hurt. I never knew that you knew already. That you hated us already. I could never explain that I just wanted to protect you. But I'm glad that Mom's crime came to light and she got her punishment. And trust me, when she'll know about me, she'll be in the worst condition and this already makes me so happy. Are you happy, Bade? At least your brother could do something to make you happy.
No Kabir. Seeing you like this does not make me happy. I wanted to see you in pain, but now it hurts.
Sarika Raichand. She had killed my mother. I had seen it all. All these years, i had kept quiet so that can avenge my mother's death. I had blamed Kabir for it too. Maybe because he was Sarika's son. Aanchal helped me get her into prison. And then i married Aanchal. So that i can hurt Kabir. I knew Kabir really loved her. But this guy was so unpredictable. He was happy for us. And then i started hurting Aanchal too. Maybe that would give him the pain he deserved. Did he really deserve all that?, i question myself today.
Bade, ek sawaal pooch sakta hoon?
I nodded unknowingly.
Kya tu ro raha hai?
A pool of fresh tears made their way through my eyes. Kabir knew me too well.
Bohot pyaar karta haina tu mujhse?
I smiled.
Main jaanta hoon iss nafrat ke peeche bohot saara pyar chhupa hai bade. But then anger and hatred always have a upper hand over love.
Was I blinded by the hatred i had for his mother? What was his fault?
I just wish that i'm your brother in the next births too. So i can make up for everything i did. I promise i will be the best brother ever. Unlike this time. I promise i'll make you love me. And I promise i will not love the girl you love.
I chuckled in between my tears.
I know my sorries won't reduce the pain you've gone through in your life but please forgive me. Please. I could not live with this burden and i don't want to die with one.
No. I won't let you die. I won't let anything happen to you.
Take care of Dad and Aanchal and my fidget spinners. And most importantly take care of yourself. Ab apne bade ka khyal rakhne ke liye uska chhota nahi hoga.
- Kabir
I was crying uncontrollably. He has been crying too while writing out this letter. I could see his tears on the paper. I caressed the paper lightly as if i was trying to wipe away his tears.
The doctor called out my name and i came out of my thoughts.
"Mr. Raichand, i'm very sorry to say but we could not save your brother he said.
I laughed. On my cruel destiny. I realised Kabir's worth in my life when he was no more. I fell to the ground with a thud.
I was not Kabir who left the world today. It was Kabir's brother who had died.
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