Chapter 9

Part 9

Khushi had been unprepared for his aggressive onslaught and physical proximity. It was like going back in time to those moments where there was just the two of them.

Everything felt the same. The heady feel of him, the perfect fit of their bodies, the intense gaze-everything----

But reality, made its way through her fuzzy mind as her eyes lingered on the hands holding her, hands which had caressed her and had moved on to do the same to Lavanya?

Revulsion at herself rather than anger at him, made Khushi push him away from her with all her might,

As he staggered back, muttering 'What th***' Khushi charged back at him.

'You are asking me if I am married? You? When you are already married to another woman why are you asking me this? And where is your wedding band? Come to think of it, are you lying to me?" she asked him angrily.

Arnav's shoulder slumped as he turned away.

'I was not the one who chose to get married first Khushi, it was you. It did not matter to you that I gave you all I had, the only thing which mattered to you was commitment. You did not want to give our relationship a chance' he said bitterly.

Khushi stood mutely unable to speak a word.

'You did not want to wait. You did not want to give me the time to understand my emotions and enter into a commitment. You wanted it all and wanted it too soon,' he continued to accuse her.

Again he was met with her silence.

Infuriated with her stoic silence, he moved back to her and shook her, 'Why? What was lacking in our relationship Khushi? Where did I fail? Did we not get over our rough patches and genuinely find happiness with each other?

Have you forgotten those blissful times we shared?

Has NK made you forget it all?' he asked in an anguished voice.

Khushi tried to stem the tears pricking at her eyes, not wanting to let him see her weakness, she turned her back to him.

She was yanked back to face him again, as his eyes raged with fury.

'I said answer me. 7 years I have burnt in the hell of betrayal. Answer me dammit, how did you find it in your heart to dump me and choose NK when we were so much in love?' he asked.

Perhaps it was the stress or the lack of food and sleep for nearly 14 hrs, Khushi felt herself growing dizzy. As she swayed forward, when Arnav caught her in his arms.

Alarmed, he tried bringing her to consciousness, by rubbing her hands and sprinkling water.

'Wake up baby. It's ok. I am sorry for shouting at you. Please wake up,' he pleaded. But she did not regain consciousness. Arnav dialed the hotel lobby, asking for help.

It was a while after the doctor left. Arnav sat on the bed beside a sleeping Khushi.

Exhaustion, stress and lack of sleep had been the doctor's diagnosis.

'Let her sleep and give her some food. Nothing to worry about. I have given her some shots. Take care of her, old man,' he said, patting his shoulder as he left.

As she slept like a child, he felt strangely at peace watching her.

If things had gone right, he could have watched her sleep everyday of his life. He would have been the one sleeping beside her.

He would have woken up beside her everyday.

He would have listened to her endless chatter.

He would have kissed her senseless.

He would have touched her rightfully----

The way he had in those glorious 6 months leading up to the end of their college ---

The pain in his heart felt unbearable as his memories turned back those golden moments with her

The impasse in their relationship had continued, with Khushi maintaining a safe distance and Arnav trying his best to be happy seeing Lavanya.

But he had been restless.

He simply did not feel anything for La.

His heart felt empty.

He could not laugh with her.

Or share himself the way he did with Khushi.

Even when he was with La, his thoughts strayed to Khushi.

It took him a while to figure out, that he was only interested in Khushi.

Was it a crush? Was it possessiveness? Was it love? He did not know and could not be sure. He did not believe in the concept of love.

Yet he wanted her back in her life. But what about her? Did she want the same?

She was always with NK, much to his anger.

What the hell did she see in an older, divorced guy?

They may have been friends, but he did not trust NK. He had warned her many times about it, but she had always brushed it off saying 'NK won't harm a fly'.

Perhaps it was her friendship with NK or his own growing realization of some special feelings for Khushi, either ways Arnav decided enough was enough.

He had to take charge of the situation and change it to the way he wanted it.

So, he told La one fine day,

'You and I are good friends. All these months of dating were nice La. But my heart is not in it and you have always known it. Let's stop this now. I am not able to go on,' he had said honestly.

La had seemed to accept it quietly, much to his surprise.

When Arnav Singh Raizada decided to go for the kill, there was no stopping him.

He chased Khushi with a single minded determination.

He had come straight to the point

'I want to start seeing you Khushi,' he had said one day when they were alone in the class.

Khushi had got the drift of what he was saying. She had been deliriously happy one minute. But the very next minute she knew what But she was not going to give in to it. Not after all that he had put her through, knowingly or unknowingly. And of course there was La.

So, she joked, 'You see me everyday,' and moved away.

He yanked her by the arm and pulled her close, 'I meant seeing you as in dating you,' he urged.

'You already have La,' she had resisted.

'But it's you I want,' he had insisted.

'You can't keep changing your mind and expect people to give in. People have a heart. They get hurt. La must be hurt due to your decision. I can never add to it,' she said.

'Please Khushi. Don't do this. It is not as if I swore undying love and devotion to her. Heck, I am not even promising that to you. I just want to spend time with you and only you,' he had pleaded.

But Khushi had been stubborn, 'No. I won't let it happen. You are not even interested in me. We are just friends. I am not even your type. You only want a change and you think I am that change. Go back to La, Arnav. Don't break her heart,' she had said.

Even today, when he sat back and thought what made his love for Khushi, stand the test of time, it was not her beauty or charm or the fact that she was his best friend, which came to his mind. It was the beauty of her as a person. Her ability to put others before her. Her ability to always tell him what was right from wrong. Her high morals, which never let her do things for temporary gain, group acceptance or popularity.

Even at a tender age, she had always been able to stick to the 'right' thing if she believed in it.

She had decided dating him was wrong for La and wrong for them.

And despite many attempts to break through her reserve he had not been able to succeed till that day on his mother's death anniversary---

He had been sitting alone in his favorite hideout, which was a small corner, hidden behind the bushes in a park beside the college.

He had come there almost at mid day. He had skipped lunch.

His heart felt heavy.

Flashes of his mother's loving face came into his mind.

'I got this awesome T shirt just for you. I know you are too high on fashion, but I hope you wear this, she had said giving him a ghastly green colored T shirt, which Arnav hadn't wanted to be caught dead wearing.

Yet he had humored her.

'I made aloo puri. And I want my raja beta to finish it all,' she would say heaping his plate with 12 puris at one shot. He would eat till he was ready to puke.

'You are too thin. I think you should have more milk,' she would say everyday and keep a huge glass of milk on his table and watch over him till he drank. He till now wondered how he looked thin to his mother, when he had been tall and well built for hi age.

She had been his world and he had been hers till the day his world crashed around him when she died in a car accident.

He remembered holding on to her, refusing to light the pyre, constantly telling her, 'I was a good boy ma. Why did you leave me then?"

After that, life did not make sense. His nani had been around for some time, till she too passed away when he was 16. He had never been close to his father. And his numerous affairs and second marriage took him away from him even further.

He lost track of time, as he went down the memory lane, thinking of the most loving person in his life, his guardian angel-his mother.

It must have been 7.30 in the evening when Khushi found him.

'Are you mad Arnav. I have been looking for you from the afternoon. You did not even have lunch. You did not inform anyone where you were. I have gone mad with worry,' she charged at him.

He had been quiet, unlike his usual boisterous self. His head was downcast. She had been unable to see his face due to the dim light.

Kneeling down, she took his face in his hands and whispered, 'What's wrong baby?'

Her soft question, acted as an ignition to his grief. He wrapped his arms round her and whispered

'She left me Khushi. She left me alone all those years ago on this day. My beautiful, angelic Ma. She went to heaven and left me in hell. She left me alone to face this world, loveless.

Dad doesn't even know which year of college I am in. And there is no one else I can call my own. Just imagine Khushi, a year from now, if I were to die, who is there to really miss me or remember me after I am gone?' he asked looking into her eyes,

She had hugged him then and cried for him and punched him on his chest as she repeated 'Don't you ever say that Raizada. Don't you dare talk of dying.'

And then she rained kisses on his face and finally kissed his lips and murmured 'I don't know if anyone else will miss or remember you. But I don't have to do either. Because my every heartbeat is for you. My every thought is for you. There is no me without you. Because I love you more than I love myself Arnav---I don't have a life if you are not in it-------'