Chapter 2

"I am sorry baby, i never told your father that you existed. He never got the opportunity of grieving. I know I am wrong but first leaving your dad I became miserable. Then losing your grand parents crumpled my world. Then one day I came to know that i had a life inside me. And I started to see the world differently. I had you when everything else was taken away from me. And then one night those cramps..."

The door closed with a bang. It was he again. And this time seeing him all enraged I dropped all the papers on the floor in shock and froze. No...no this cant happen to me. He cant see the papers now. Damn it he should not know about it ever.

Like a predator he walked towards me and all i could do was to stand in the same spot and look at him. The nerve at the base of my neck vibrated with each step that he took. My heart squeezed to take the life out of it. And the pain that i had felt while losing my baby came back haunting me. I wanted to reach down and take the papers but i couldn't. And he did that for me.

Just like in the movies i saw his every action in slow motion. He came near me without breaking eye contact then he bent to pick up the papers. I know he has read the name because i could see him stiffen and grip the papers firmly. He just looked at me once and then started to read the entire report. I could see his eyes slowly moving on the papers and with every line his breathing was becoming ragged.

"Arnav!"

"Shhh", he gestured stop with his hand.

And then he crumpled. Crumpled on the floor like a baby. Holding the paper against his chest as if he was holding his lifeless baby. I have heard that men's don't cry and i always wondered why. But today seeing this strong independent man cry his heart out in front of me broke me into pieces. His every drop of tear pierced my heart.

He covered his face with the paper and wiped. And all I could do was to stand and look at the broken man in front of me.

"My baby!" he cried. "Our baby, Khushi!. I...I was a father. Why? Why didnt you tell me? You hated me so much, Smiley! that you hid the biggest fact of my life. Of our lives?"

"I am sorry Arnav", I joined him on the floor while debating how to console him.

Then he did what i never expected him to do. He hugged me. Hugged me so tightly and I melted in his arms soaking his t-shirt with my tears.

We sat like that for how long i dont know silently communicating with each other. "How did it happen?", he asked stroking my back gently.

"After I left you I left the city and came to stay with my parents. They had a abusive relationship. I have seen my father beating my mother every night after he came back from drunk and sleeping with other women. Sometimes...", his grip tighten against my shoulder that it almost cut off the blood.

"Did he, did he hurt you ever Khushi?"

"He loved me. He loved me way too much Arnav. But when he was drunk, sometimes unconsciously he hit me because i came in the middle of them to save mamma. But he never meant to hurt me".

"Oh Baby, I am so sorry", he kissed her on the temple and hugged her as if his life dependent on it.

"Whatever it is he was my father and abusive or not he took care of my mother and me. Provided us with money and food. I told my mother about you. Initially she scolded me a lot for leaving you like this and then coming back here without giving you any explanation. But she understood that being brought up in this condition that to in an abusive family i was scared. I was just 18 and didnt understand that not all men were same. I feared. What if even you become like this?"

"Are you crazy Smiley? I have never hurt an Ant in my life and you thought i would hit you? I loved you crazy woman".

"I loved you too. I loved you so much. My decision has been wrong".

"Then why didnt you come back?"

"My parents had an accident and after after three days they died. My entire world fell apart".

"Damn it baby", he cradled me along with him.

Lavanya and her parents gave me shelter then. Once again i changed the city. i had no other relatives. Because of my father's abusive nature nobody kept in touch with us. Lavanya is my school friend and since childhood we used to stay together. There are times when i used to crash at her place. Her parents knew about the whole thing because they saw bruises on me. After school Lavanya's father had a transfer so they left the city and now stay here.

"Once i was out of that depressing phase I started to normalize my regular routine. I was searching for colleges her when one day i came to know that i am pregnant with your child. That was the happiest day of my life".

"Why didnt you contact me then? Dont you think i had the right to know?"

I looked down. He definitely has a valid point. But then how could I.

"Tell me Khushi. Please dont hide anything today". He pleaded.

"I was afraid. What if you refused to believe me? What if you have said that this child is not yours? I would not be able to take it then after the series of incidents that had happened to me".

He jerked me away from him holding my shoulders. "You think i wouldn't have believed you? Khushi how could I have denied the intimacy?"

I blushed. "Mother at 18 is hard and you were also very young and it was a huge responsibility".

"Bullshit Khushi. I already love my baby even though i know she is not with us", my heart squeezed a bit more hearing about his emotions about the baby who is not even born.

"How do you know its a she?"

He smiled, "With you i can only have a baby girl. Just live you".

I crashed myself against his chest and cried holding him and apologizing to him.

"Shhh! Its okey sweetheart. Please stop crying".

"Then one night I started cramping. It was unusual. Unable to understand what to do I woke Lavanya. She was not aware of my pregnancy then. Her parents were out of town. She took me to the bathroom and then... and then... all remember was blood everywhere".

"Jeses! And all these you had to face alone? Khushi!"

"I was rushed to hospital, My doctor was out of town. The doctor in change immediately admitted under her and then she gave me the saddest news of my life. 'You have lost your baby', she said shocking Lavanya. And it was my entire fault. If i told her parents then they would have made sure that i took care of the baby and myself. But then baby without marriage, i didnt know how they would have taken it".

"After this my life changed entirely. I had no interest in anything except writing books. I didnt complete my college and went under severe depression. I still have anxiety attacks and I still dont know how to deal with it. I let it pain me. I let it consume me. Thats how I have become Arnav".

He stood up releasing his hold on me and then lifted me in his arms. I rested my head on his shoulders and closed my eyes. Finally I felt light. Finally all my burdens were gone. Finally he knows the entire truth. Now I can die happily.

Soft mattress hit my back when I realized he had carried me on the bed. I opened my eyes to see him. His eyes were still red but they looked determined.

He opened his shirt and unbuckled his belt. Then he came near me and kissed my lips softly. He kept on drugging me with his kisses and then finally covered both of us with my quilt. The burning sensation consumed us both and we relieved our first night yet again. Our lovemaking was more of an emotional bonding. I napped in his warm cocoon feeling secured and complete.

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